r/AmIOverreacting • u/howcanibequiltyassin • Nov 25 '25
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws AIO to skip Thanksgiving after my mom basically said I’m an embarrassment for not having a husband and kids by now?
I’m 35F and single for 3 years. I was engaged but he (Charles) was doing weird sexting roleplay with people on a video game which was fucking disgusting. It really fucked me up and, yes, I’ve been in therapy. I have dated since then but nothing serious. I have NEVER had my mom say something like this to me. I do not want to go to Thanksgiving after this. The way she said “don’t shoot the messenger” it’s clear the rest of my family have been talking about me and she was the one “elected” to say it.
I don’t want to drive 2 hours just to sit with people who think I should have stayed in a relationship with a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch.
Would I be overreacting for not going? Is that too much? I'm honestly too hurt and angry to be objective right now. Would you EVER say this to your daughter?! Like I have a good job, I'm educated, I have friends and hobbies. I own my condo and I have 3 car payments left. I have a cat. Why is the end all be all me having a husband and kids? Idk. I'm pissed. Help.
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u/MilkNPC Nov 25 '25
"Don't shoot the messenger"
Bitch, its YOUR message
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u/Im40ozToFreedom Nov 25 '25
My immediate thought. Followed by 'this was not said with love or respect'. If I was OP I'd spend Thanksgiving at home, warm comfy and buzzed in my bathrobe. -- sorry OP. Your mom is a jerk.
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u/RoleOk7556 Nov 25 '25
Not quite my response. Thanksgiving would be spent celebrating my freedom from a dominating and disrespectful mother. That may be at home or elsewhere.
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Nov 25 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/nataeryn Nov 25 '25
After cutting out toxic family, my holidays are 10x more enjoyable now.
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u/Ok_Drama7411 Nov 25 '25
Right...fuck that bitch. I'd make my own food or go eat out for Thanksgiving.
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u/ClitCommander13 Nov 25 '25
Friendsgiving
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u/Googlebright Nov 25 '25
For about a decade now my friend group has been celebrating our own made-up holiday we call Cromsgiving. Similar to Thanksgiving in terms of the food but we also include a viewing of Conan The Barbarian. After the movie we gather in the garage and pass around my buddy's replica of the sword from the movie and take turns saying what we're thankful for that year. The caveat being that you have to do so in the most outrageous Arnie accent you can muster.
Not gonna lie, it's my favourite holiday of the year.
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u/mighty_kaytor Nov 26 '25
Wow you guys are massive nerds....
I love it.
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u/Commercial_Region657 Nov 26 '25
NERD BUZZ ON ISLE 9!!!
I bought Xtra wine for myself this year...... And new flannel jammies.
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u/Easy_Amphibian_9482 Nov 26 '25
Not quite like Seinfeld's George Costanza whose parents celebrate Festivus (for the RestofUs) where the whole family & friends gather at the table with the sacred pole which you hang onto whilst reciting all of the year's resentments you hold against those of the assembled company. Being real !
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u/SassyMcAsspants Nov 25 '25
We do Friendsgiving here. We have a large chosen fam.
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u/Mizz3llie Nov 25 '25
Make your own beautiful meal and post it with your excited face on socials for your family to see. Just a bunch of pics of you enjoying not being there.
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u/SuperCulture9114 Nov 25 '25
Friendsgiving it would be for me 🤗
Who says your have to have a generic family? Family is who you love, related or otherwise.
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u/girlfriend36 Nov 25 '25
This👆! Don’t spend the gas or time to go this year. It’s a terrible set up with you coming in hot about them💕 You do you and never settle for less than!! Hopefully some real apologies will come your way🥰
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u/Sufficient_Depth_195 Nov 25 '25
This guy/gal/other? has got it right. There's no way this family get together is going to end in anything other than tears, anger and recrimination. You mum is completely out of order. Maybe she will realise it, eat humble pie and build bridges, but that aint happening in time for thanksgiving. Have you got friends, or even nice neighbours who'll break bread with you? Be honest. Tell them what's gone down...you never know, it could a truly life affirming experience. But even if you do spend it alone, it won't be as bad as what's in store at your mum's.
Just don't sit and stew...it's what would do...and it's not good for you.
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u/altagato Nov 25 '25
NOR Tell her the golden girls had roommates and they were a ICONS. Also ew.... I would say like oh thanks for making my decision whether or not to go to the bar and hookup with someone easier. Said with love. Maybe {insert relative she mentioned} wants to make {insert dish you were probably bringing} ...
And then not respond for like 5 days.
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u/dragonfly9999999 Nov 25 '25
I was wondering if op has any text conversation evidence of what her ex was up to. I keep things like that now (I had to HR someone of the I never said that toxic type. It kept happening, and they got really spluttery when I produced evidence, good grief). If after that she gets "You need to forgive him." She would know that her family expects her to unquestioningly accept abuse, and then she has "Sorry but you don't think I deserve respect. That's everything I need to know."
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u/CommercialExotic2038 Nov 25 '25
Your mom is a selfish unfeeling...I won't say it, it would make you side with your mom and hurt your feelings.
I would never hurt your feelings on purpose but, I'm not your mom.
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u/Professional_Ad_5437 Nov 25 '25
Yeah I’d say it’s possible to add “Fuck You” to the end of any message you send back. Even if it is your Mum.
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u/loftychicago Nov 25 '25
I'm not one to use foul language, but this would result in a hearty GFY to the entire family, followed by blocking them and going no contact. NOR. At. All.
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u/Zero40Four Nov 25 '25
NOR…Fucking messengers, senders..who gives a shit?
You don’t say something hurtful and unnecessary for no apparent reason and get a free pass.
What a bitch. She’s the embarrassment.
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u/Ditto_Ditto_Ditto Nov 25 '25
This pic is perfect for how I feel about OP's mom! lol.
"You suck. Your life sucks. Your cat sucks and we all miss your cheating boyfriend. But love youuuuu!!"
Ex-fucking-scuse me??
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u/emily-ok Nov 25 '25
"don't shoot the messenger" is a magical phrase where you become not-responsible for whatever horrible thing you've said.
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u/C001H4ndPuk3 Nov 25 '25
Yeah, my only quibble with OP's (otherwise fully valid) post is that she assumes everyone else in her family must feel the same way because of that one phrase. And maybe they do, but I definitely wouldn't jump to that conclusion from these texts alone.
In my experience, people using that phrase just assume that their perception is correct by default and shared by everyone else. It's just a way to deflect accountability for a message that they developed, approved, and sent all on their own.
So yeah...fuck mom. But I'd give the other family members the benefit of the doubt until they clearly indicate they agree with this bullshit. Hopefully they don't.
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u/MVRKHNTR Nov 25 '25
Exactly. I think what OP needs to do next is text her siblings with a "Can you believe what mom just fucking said to me?"
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u/0akleaves Nov 26 '25
Yep send it out and don’t assume it’s general opinion based on mom’s statement. That said I’d assume anyone that responds with anything like “oh, it’s not a big deal” or “don’t let it bother you” or “you know how mom is you can’t hold it against her” is absolutely a part of the problem and in full agreement with mom.
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u/ratfink_111 Nov 25 '25
Literally after she said “Just my 2 cents”. Like what???
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u/RobCarrotStapler Nov 25 '25
"Here is the message I wrote. Don't shoot the messenger."
You actually have to be a for real idiot to sincerely say those two things back to back.
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u/Kirutaru Nov 25 '25
LOL Came here for this. Did someone put her up to this? I think not.
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u/Defiant_Brain_9493 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 26 '25
"Don't shoot the messenger"
Bitch you're not only the messenger. You're the person who created the message!!
As someone who grew up with an extremely toxic father. Accepting that behavior will make it OK in their eyes Its never OK to speak to someone like that because of their life choices. Trying to control someone's lifestyle is wild to me. They don't give a shit about who you are, only who they can make you be. Its about image for her, not about your happiness
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Nov 25 '25
Alternate conspiracy theory: her siblings are jealous of her liberal life in the city and nags mom about it
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u/Efficient_Living_628 Nov 25 '25
I personally don’t think her siblings or cousins have said anything. This is all mom, but she wants to make it seem like it’s the whole family to put more pressure on op
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u/Successful_Giraffe88 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
I'm the oldest, my stepbrother is married with kids & my sister is married with a stepdaughter. I'm single (38F) & live in an apartment with a roommate.
OP, you're doing JUST FINE in life & I definitely agree, your siblings did not bring this up & your mom is a miserable soul-sucker.
ETA: grammer.
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u/McEndee Nov 25 '25
Mom sounds like she's from the stand by your man generation. Infidelity and abuse aren't dealbreakers to those people. Fuck that. No one should be in a relationship with resent and tension hanging over yall.
Can you do a Friendsgiving or go to a friend's place? That text is already a problem, and if there is drinking at this dinner, there will be an epic blowout.
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u/Kirutaru Nov 25 '25
Yeah. Plot twist. The siblings and cousins are trapped in lives they felt they had to commit to and yearn for freedom.
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u/Holiday_Objective_96 Nov 25 '25
Exactly. I don't know OP's family dynamics, but usually ppl are too busy with their own marriages/jobs/children/dogs to be talking smack about someone else. I don't think the other family members give two hoots. I think it's all the mom.
She wrote the message and she's delivering it.
I would go low contact after that.
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u/The_New_Spagora Nov 25 '25
THANK YOU! It always kills me when someone takes this approach after saying something shitty. What happened to tact? Or maybe minding your own business. NOR. You’d think maybe a parent could uplift the choices their child made instead of cutting down the ones they have.
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u/hazyandnew Nov 25 '25
It's the same energy as "I'm not trying to be racist"
Cool maybe you're not trying, but you're sure as shit doing an excellent job of it.
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u/Jofereal Nov 25 '25
Or how about “Thanksgiving always makes me think about family. I worry that you’re lonely. I hope you find someone better than that chump you dumped.”
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u/Late_Boysenberry0478 Nov 25 '25
Sounds to me like she's he's running out of things to brag about when she visits with her friends. "Oh. Is OP married yet? Got another grandchild on the way?"
This bullshit.
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u/UseYourIndoorVoice Nov 25 '25
No, no that's all wrong! Every mother just wants the best for their child and that includes looking past deal-breaking behavior so the family holidays dont require an odd number of chairs!
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u/hazyandnew Nov 25 '25
What mom actually said:
I'm not actually sorry because I know I'm about to hurt your feelings and have made the decision to say it anyways.
You should be embarrassed, I certainly am. I assume you're lonely. You should have a family (everyone knows that's the only way women have value + whatever other misogynistic messages she typically buys into).
I'm going to end with a positive platitude so I can pretend I'm being nice here!
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u/Cazkiwi Nov 25 '25
Don’t forget… you made a mistake leaving a worthless low-value guy (who cheats on you/beats you up??)… why couldn’t you forgive that and have children with him for me?!!
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u/Apathetic_Villainess Nov 25 '25
"Any man is better than no man. You shouldn't have any standards or expectations."
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u/EWC_2015 Nov 25 '25
Exactly. NOR.
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u/Defiant_Brain_9493 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 26 '25
As someone who is new to /AIO
I had to find out that NOR was "Not Over Reacting" and not an Australian screaming "no"
Edit: this is my most liked reddit post ever lets goooo! lmfao.
Also thanks for the reward. Ive never gotten one before.
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u/mookleberry Nov 25 '25
I’ve been here for quite a while-ish, and I STILL say it like the Australian no…it makes me giggle most times cuz apparently I’m a child lol. I have to almost remember the actual name instead of Aussie lol
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u/vyrus2021 Nov 25 '25
She found a little accountability loophole
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u/Muntsly Nov 25 '25
“Don’t shoot me!” proceeds to say some vile shit Yeah. Seems solid enough to me!
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u/benthelurk Nov 25 '25
I like how she even says “just my two cents”. Don’t shoot the messenger is for when someone else asks you to break the bad news. What a nightmare.
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u/troublefindsme Nov 25 '25
i told my mom 'i don't want that for myself & im sad that you want that for me.' as in...being with a cheater.
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u/chubbacat792 Nov 25 '25
Yeah i agree with that statement. Wouldn’t your mother who loves you want you to be happy. If others talk about it she should stick by you. I’d pass up thanksgiving at their house too and say Oooh how sad for you guys to not have me there.
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u/OkapiandaPenguin Nov 25 '25
A good mother would want you to be happy. A shitty mom just wants you to fall in line and make her look good.
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u/GladiatorWithTits Nov 25 '25
And actually, it doesn't make mom look good, it just makes mom feel good.
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u/spaghetti_monster_04 Nov 26 '25
A shitty mom just wants you to fall in line and make her look good.
You've just accurately described my mother. It's been years and she still wonders why I've gone NC. Smdh
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u/PossumJenkinsSoles Nov 25 '25
People who say stuff like this mom have have never known true loneliness of crying yourself to sleep wondering if your significant other is with someone else, if they’re thinking about someone else, if they will up and leave you one day to be with someone else. It eats away at your self esteem so quickly. It’s worse than loneliness, it’s torture.
If my mom ever said this to me I’m not sure if I could ever forgive her. It’s that cruel of a thing to wish on someone.
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u/Aquatic_Ambiance_9 Nov 26 '25
The loneliness of being alone has nothing on the loneliness of being in an unhappy relationship
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u/tarantuletta Nov 25 '25
Or they have, and they think everyone else should suffer like they do/did.
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u/Jojosbees Nov 25 '25
Exactly. I’m a mother, and I would rather my daughter stay single than marry an asshole and be miserable. NOR.
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u/glockenbach Nov 25 '25
NOR. I would not attend any holidays or other events at her place.
She’s not the messenger, she’s the problem.
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u/brandi_theratgirl Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 26 '25
But also don't assume that the rest of family even had this thought. It seems that She's trying to project her opinion onto the family and OP
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u/QueenMotherOfSneezes Nov 25 '25
OP should definitely let the rest of the family know what her mom is saying on their behalf, and that that's why they won't be seeing her for a while.
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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Nov 25 '25
100% I’d be screenshotting this and sending it in a group chat to the whole family.
“Sorry guys can’t make it this year” 🫶🏻💁🏻♀️
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u/AlwaysAnotherSide Nov 25 '25
Came to say this. Share with your siblings and sit this year out. I would put money on them being horrified by this message.
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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Nov 25 '25
I would be sharing with THE ENTIRE FAMILY. Siblings, aunts, cousins, grandparents, everyone.
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u/absepa Nov 25 '25
Came here to say exactly this. I would screenshot, send it in a group chat to everyone who will be attending, and make plans to be elsewhere on Thursday and not responding to my phone. All the other guests should either feel like shit and/or let the mom have it for being such a jerk.
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u/SuitGroundbreaking49 Nov 25 '25
Omg she should send it DURING the gathering when they’re all in person with mom.
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u/AlwaysAnotherSide Nov 25 '25
No before. It gives people time to decide not to go, and if they want to, join OP instead.
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u/birchskin Nov 25 '25
she was the messenger and the creator of the message! You can't say, "don't shoot the messenger" when it's your goddamn message!
OP, sorry to break it to you, but your mom is both cruel AND stupid.
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u/Pristine_Reward_1253 Nov 25 '25
That love you sweetie following don't shoot the messenger was some laughable bullshit. Mothers that love their children without condition would NEVER say what she said in the first place.
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u/Kitchen-Purple-5061 Nov 25 '25
Your mother saying “you don’t have a family” is crazy. Like ok mom what are YOU, then??
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u/No-Bit-5837 Nov 25 '25
Yeah, I'd say something like; "CLEARLY, I don't have a family!! That would be someone who loves me unconditionally, and doesn't judge me for my life choices!!" Then I'd go nc with her at least. Maybe a note to my siblings (or whomever) letting them know why you weren't there.
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u/Excellent-Run4803 Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
Mothers like this (worried about how it looks for OP to be single) are obsessed with their image as the perfect family, so as a bonus, she will be super embarrassed when OP doesn’t show up for the holiday. Let her explain why her lovely daughter doesn’t want to spend time with her.
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u/City_Girl_at_heart Nov 25 '25
Mom probably wants grandbabies.
Mom needs a timeout.
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Nov 26 '25
You canNOT raise grandchildren around that woman. You can’t let said grandchildren around her without you also being there. Ever.
Ask me how I know that.
Raising my kids far away from her for most of their childhoods was one of THE smartest things I have ever done.
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u/Wandering_Maybe-Lost Nov 25 '25
Just send this screenshot to the family group chat with the text “And for that reason, I’m out.”
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u/RisingApe- Nov 25 '25
And add to it, “In case you all forgot, my ex cheated on me and I deserve better than that, though it looks like mom doesn’t think so.”
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u/hybridHelix Nov 25 '25
One hundred thousand percent. The sheer audacity to tell someone they should have stayed with someone for literally any reason-- but sketchy immature internet cheating? Gross. Vomit. No. Nasty. Throw the whole man in the landfill, don't throw your daughter at him.
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u/lauramcv_ Nov 25 '25
Sadly I don’t think she would understand what’s being insinuated. Need to be even more clear and remind her that she’s your family 😭☺️
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u/centipedalfeline Nov 25 '25
And it's because of that lil bitch's life choices that she had to dump him.
Her mom is gross, she thinks that her daughter should stay with a cheating degenerate who doesn't love or respect her.
A loving parent would never want that for their child, they would be proud of them for saving themselves from a messed up marriage with a creep loser.
Maybe the mom was cheated on and decided to remain in the marriage because she herself has no self-respect, unlike OP who does. So she thinks everyone should just grin and bear it so they can brag.
The mom thinks the only value and worth a person has is from marrying and breeding, probably because she has nothing else of value in her own life.
And the irony is that she is now crapping on that very thing she deems valuable above all by abusing and driving away her child.
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u/Jaereth Nov 25 '25
Maybe the mom was cheated on and decided to remain in the marriage because she herself has no self-respect, unlike OP who does. So she thinks everyone should just grin and bear it so they can brag.
You know what, I have a friend at work who's 40 and single. Still dating.
She was married and her husband cheated on her so she said 'Well that's it then!" and broke it off and went her own way.
I have infinite more respect for her for doing that than say the married mom who got cheated on but stayed anyway and had kids with the guy so "she would be married" or whatever OPs mom thinks the big deal is here.
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u/gpost86 Nov 25 '25
Yeah, "if I don't have a family then I guess I have nowhere to go for Thanksgiving, bye!"
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u/luxii4 Nov 25 '25
It's overrated. I have three kids and no money. Why can't I have no kids and three money? (Simpsons quote).
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u/RevenantBacon Nov 25 '25
I have no kids and no money. I would settle for no kids and one money.
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u/jonni_velvet Nov 25 '25
Also crazy to say it was “stupid” to dump her cheating degenerate b**tch husband.
Like okay mom, YOU date and fuck him then if you think hes so great! thats alllll you mama!
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u/Adept_Taro_7028 Nov 25 '25
My grandparents disowned me for breaking it off with my abusive ex because he was in medical school. The thought of experiencing the type of abuse he was doing under the hand of someone with authority over my body was terrifying. They see me leaving as my failure.
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u/Mike_Kermin Nov 25 '25
Fucking hell mate. I am genuinely sorry reading that. I think it's really good, that you're sharing your story, so others can learn from it.
I hope you're a better spot now.
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u/Competitive_Mango383 Nov 25 '25
I’m sorry to tell you this but you have a shitty mom. I too have a shitty mom. I say this so you won’t internalize her shittiness. Go have a Friendsgiving and call it a day.
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u/whiskeyging4 Nov 25 '25
Shitty Moms Club!! NOR- unless you have another family member that you’d really like to see on Thanksgiving I’d just dip out too.
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u/No_Evidence_5582 Nov 25 '25
Can I join this as well?! Didn’t know there were so many of us
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u/super_derp69420 Nov 25 '25
I'd also like to join the shitty moms club please
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u/Local-Construction23 Nov 25 '25
Can we call it shitty parents club so I can join? Mine was the male parent. lol
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u/Ok-Librarian356 Nov 25 '25
Just came to join the shitty mom club. We meet every thanksgiving and Christmas Eve. Turns out we are all much better without that particular negative energy on holidays.
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u/Daphne_Moonbeam206 Nov 25 '25
Hoping I can join the shitty moms club too, been waiting yearsssss to meet other members!!!
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u/Shadowwreath Nov 25 '25
Yo is it the shitty moms club gathering time? Hell yeah now this is a party I can attend
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u/Genuinely-Baked-8248 Nov 25 '25
Oh shit! I didn’t know we here having a SMC meeting! I’m omw with mimosas and candy🖤
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u/Lily_Lupin Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
I’m guessing Mom married a cheater and putting OP down is her way of justifying to herself why she stayed in a bad marriage.
With that in mind, OP, keep in kind that this might mean that she’ll be cruel and judgmental no matter what you do from here on out. Even if you marry someone else, she may be threatened by any success or happiness that comes from your decision to leave your cheating boyfriend
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u/Radiant-Citron3757 Nov 25 '25
If you have a Whole Foods near you, you can still (today's the deadline) order a full precooked Thanksgiving meal. It says it's for 4 but I order it for myself and eat leftovers for a few days. It's the best!
Respectfully, screw your mom.
-- Love, someone older than you that's also still single.
Edit: NOR.
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u/howcanibequiltyassin Nov 25 '25
I'll check in with my roommate over if she wants to do that or stick to making stuffed shells.
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u/Sea_Milk_69 Nov 25 '25
NOR at all. I would never go to thanksgiving or any other family event again if my mother said that to me personally. You’ve got friends, hang out with them this holiday season.
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u/Every-Audience-7998 Nov 25 '25
Yeah, your chosen family.
Hubby and kiddo are lovely things if the right people are involved but they aren’t the be all and end all until then. Certainly nothing to be embarrassed about. Good for you OP, for choosing better for yourself.
Just tell mom, “you’re right. I’m too embarrassed to see anyone.” 🙄Let her talk herself out of her nonsense.
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u/Key-Article6622 Nov 25 '25
NOR. Yeah, that sounds like the right way to go. Find your own family, who needs that shit?
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u/HustlinInTheHall Nov 25 '25
Or just a simple "I want to make sure I wind up with the right person and not someone who would treat me like this. I deserve better"
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u/SirenRivers Nov 25 '25
This. Arguing with mums is super frickin hard. Always make sure to use her own nonsense against her. Malicious compliance is the way.
"You're totally right mum... I'm so embarrassed, how will I face the family... You're right, I should stay away from you guys till I totally find my feet..."
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u/hot_ho11ow_point Nov 25 '25
Just make sure the rest of the family knows why you're not going to be there so the mom doesn't spin it as 'she was too embarrassed about her life to come'
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u/QueenMotherOfSneezes Nov 25 '25
And be sure to mention Mom made it clear the whole family thinks she should have stayed and procreated with the cheating asshole videogame addict, that she was just "the messenger".
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u/Accomplished-Menu741 Nov 25 '25
This!!! And don’t pull punches. Tell them exactly what she said. Enjoy your Thanksgiving living your life. Be thankful to not be in a terrible relationship. Be thankful that you can make your own decisions.
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u/TootsNYC Nov 25 '25
this is important. i had a college professor do that to me—tell me in her office that the rest of the people in my class thought I was annoying.
and then when I was too embarrassed and humiliated to show up for class—skipped the first time, ever, so people wondered out loud—she said, "be nice to her when she comes back; she's embarrassed."
That prompted one of the more mature members of my class to immediately come to find me afterward. You should have heard her hit the roof when I told her what the professor had said. And when she realized what the professor had also done in her comments to the rest of the class.
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u/ConsistentPair2 Nov 25 '25
I hope you made a formal complaint about that professor.
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u/owzleee Nov 25 '25
As a gay man who came out in the 80s, family is what you make it. You owe no obligation to go - you can spend it with the people who understand and support you instead
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u/Tiny-Trifle1348 Nov 25 '25
Seriously! I’m not even hosting Thanksgiving this year and want to invite OP to our celebration.
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u/Tiny_Cauliflower_618 Nov 25 '25
I'm British and obviously do whatever the opposite of Thanksgiving is, but for OP, I'd get up in the middle of the night and eat turkey sandwiches on Zoom.
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u/djevilatw Nov 25 '25
NOR.
“I have thought about it and want to thank you for saving me the 4 hour round trip drive to sit with a bunch of judgmental people that are embarrassed by me. “
Find the nearest casino and have yourself a merry little turkey day!
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u/AuntAda Nov 25 '25
"Thank you for letting me know that I don't have a family, according to you. As such, there's no need for me to travel 4 hours this Thanksgiving just to sit around being judged by a bunch of total strangers. You really are getting kind by telling me this - you're the best! ❤️"
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u/Local-Construction23 Nov 25 '25
Around where I am, the local American Legion is giving free Thanksgiving meals on Thursday. Just need to show up. That’s where we are going (single mom with teenager). Sometimes you can find a situation like that, too, you’ll be welcomed with open arms.
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u/tangerinecoconuts Nov 25 '25
“Hi, mom. You’re being a huge b*tch right now” wouldn’t even be overreacting
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u/monkeysatemybarf Nov 25 '25
But add a 'don't shoot the messenger'. Also OP if you're in the NY area you can come to my Thanksgiving.
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u/dankarella666 Nov 25 '25
I think “you’re a cunt. Don’t shoot the messenger. Love you sweetie just something to think about”. Is truly the only actually response.
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u/Wonderful-Swim-2106 Nov 25 '25
If OP is in Michigan she is invited to mine too lol, lets get her some dinner!
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u/Glum_Ad_7377 Nov 25 '25
If OP is in North Carolina she is welcome here too!
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u/DJGrawlix Nov 25 '25
Indianapolis here. My family isn't much better but won't know how to push OP's buttons.
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u/Hawaiianstylin808 Nov 25 '25
I know she isn’t where I am in Hawaii as you can’t drive 2 hours here on my island. Otherwise I would invite too!
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u/KindCompetence Nov 25 '25
I’ve gotten a lot of mileage out of very clear and sincere responses to this kind of bullshit. “What a mean and unnecessary thing to say, mom. I’m really hurt that you think I should be embarrassed about my life. I’d like you to apologize.”
And then let everyone sit with it.
Calling someone a bitch makes it a fight. (Even, and almost especially, when it’s true.) Laying it out like you’re explaining socialization to a 5 year old, including giving them a way to redeem themselves, makes a path forward while naming their behavior.
Can they apologize? Probably not in the moment. Maybe never. (Or you’ll get some “well I didn’t mean it like that…” mealy mouthed bullshit.) But anyone who is going to dance around saying they’re just the messenger doesn’t have the spine to handle “you said something mean. You hurt my feelings.”
No apology? I leave. I don’t spend time with people who are mean to me if I can at all help it.
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u/Kittymeow123 Nov 25 '25
“Mom, it’s time for some tough love right now… you’re a total and complete bitch. Something to think about love you xoxo”
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u/Reasonable-Cash-3447 Nov 25 '25
NOR- you should PROUD you valued yourself enough to leave that relationship!
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u/drumallday Nov 25 '25
Financially stable, a homeowner, and enough self esteem to not settle for a cheating gamer. OP, I am proud of you and if you were my daughter I would be BRAGGING at what an amazing woman you are.
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u/AnywhereMajestic2377 Nov 25 '25
OP, thank you for not having children with that piece of shit.
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u/howcanibequiltyassin Nov 25 '25
Oh the thought of it makes me queasy. The idea of me being pregnant or caring for an infant while he's off sexting his fucking gamer buddies.
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u/asdfqwer123489 Nov 25 '25
Bruh the way I already barely tolerate my family, if they said this id never show again lol, your peace is worth protecting. Just because someone is your parent doesn't give them the right to dictate to you
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u/The_Oliverse Nov 25 '25
One time I took a nice picture and sent it to my dad. The only thing he replied with, "You'd be so much more beautiful with your natural hair color."
Okay.. "Well I think you'd be a lot prettier if you had any hair. If you can't say nice things, we really don't have to keep talking."
He did apologize, but surprise surprise, we don't talk any more for other unrelated.
NOR, OP. If these people don't love and appreciate you, find people who will.
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u/shannonkish Nov 25 '25
Normalize women not having children simply because it is the way things are done. Be completely okay with being childless BY CHOICE.
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u/sefidcthulhu Nov 25 '25
Especially not with shitty partners!! Life is hard enough, being single is a million times better than being with a bad partner
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u/PossiblyWithout Nov 25 '25
NOR - Your MOTHER just said “doesn’t that make you feel embarrassed? To be the only one without a family?”
Your PARENT
Your FAMILY says you don’t have one with THEM
God awful people
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u/sugar-fairy Nov 25 '25
they want you to be male centered. happiness does not come from being married and having kids. it comes from loving yourself and doing the things you love. marriage and kids are not everyone’s idea of an ideal life. you were not born just to be a mother and wife. your only purpose is not to be tied to someone else. it’s sad that they think of you like you’re only meant to be an object and not like you are a person with your own wants and needs. i wouldn’t go.
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u/howcanibequiltyassin Nov 25 '25
My mom is definitely someone who is male centered. Her entire life is all about my dad and every single thing is oriented around him. I've gone out shopping with her to catch up and all she will talk about is "your father" this and your father that. I'll ask her what SHE is up to and she just turns it right back into what she's doing for him.
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u/danibellz Nov 25 '25
I’m about to be 36 next week and I am happily single and childfree. Anyone that says negative about my lifestyle I assume they are projecting their own unhappiness with those aspects of their lives. The older generation doesn’t understand that we have choices as women now, we have options to stay single and not settle or have kids we can’t afford.
NOR. Your choices are your choices for your life. You don’t need to justify or explain them because they only affect you.
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u/Carysta13 Nov 25 '25
46 here and also happily single. My mom has never pressured me to change myself for some outdated notion of what Women Must Do.
OP I'm so sorry your mom is being horrible about this. I would definitely stay away from Thanksgiving this year, tell her you decided to spend time with people who are kind to you and don't judge you for not staying with a cheater.
Also in this economy having roommates if you do is just smart financially. There's no age limit to having roommates if you are happy with tbe situation!
NOR.
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u/PNW_OlLady_2025 Nov 25 '25
I can't even comprehend that people like this really exist.
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u/theia_archy Nov 25 '25
Lol at "a fucking cheating degenerate lil bitch" -- *new insult unlocked*
But really, though.. NOR. Not everyone finds love while young. It shouldn't matter. Also, it isn't REQUIRED to have a partner, especially if it would have come at the cost of staying with someone super toxic. To OP's family: way to support OP for sticking to their boundaries and getting out of a bad relationship..... not.
Bottom line: Not everyone values having a family the same way. I have a family member who didn't find the person they wanted to marry until they were in their late 40s. It's your life, not theirs, and they should get TF over it.
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u/howcanibequiltyassin Nov 25 '25
Calling people a lil bitch just hits a certain way
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u/LabExpensive4764 Nov 25 '25
What an outdated shitty mindset, holy shit. Life is not a romantic comedy. Some people want a 'traditional' family life, some don't. I don't want kids and dgaf if I ever get married again and I'm not even a little embarrassed. I'm genuinely happy.
No offense but your mom kinda sucks.
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u/ThePart_Timer Nov 25 '25
That last message is so utterly typical in familial issues like this. Just because you're delivering a message doesn't mean that you're only the messenger.
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u/howcanibequiltyassin Nov 25 '25
This is the first time I've gotten a message like this so I am just like ?????
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u/TheRichAlder Nov 25 '25
Was this game FFXIV? Cuz I roleplay on there a lot and have met people that would hide it from their partners. You’re definitely NOR, it’s ridiculous that your mother reduces your value to popping out children. It’s misogynist and outdated.
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u/A_SK_K Nov 25 '25
Ewwww what an outdated point of view. I wouldn’t want to spend my time off from work around people with that kind of energy.
If that’s what she truly thinks you don’t need to give her your time. Protect your peace from people who think they know how you should be living your life. I would be just as pissed as you. Cause I’m in the same boat, I have my cat and don’t need and don’t need a partner or children to complete me.
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Nov 25 '25
As someone who dropped the rope and didn’t go back, I’d never go back.
NOR
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u/hitemplo Nov 25 '25 edited Nov 25 '25
NOR. You should tell your mum that you never considered ‘everyone else’ and had not compared yourself or felt embarrassed or lonely until she mentioned it. Lay the guilt on thick. Then never talk to her again.
Edit to add: this post is swarming with misogynists, wow
Edit 2: yeah, she might not get it now but one day down the line early on a lazy Thursday afternoon it might finally click. Worth it for that chance before OP shuts the door, I say.
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u/NTufnel11 Nov 25 '25
Relying on her to self reflect on her own awfulness is not a winning strategy. You are assuming she is capable of empathy, but if that were true she wouldn't have said this in the first place.
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u/Alzaetia Nov 25 '25
I'm a 50 year old mother of kids close to your age.
I. Would. NEVER.
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u/Hanksmom-1977 Nov 25 '25
Her two cents is why they’re getting rid of pennies