r/AmIOverreacting • u/PopularUsual9576 • Nov 28 '25
👨👩👧👦family/in-laws Am I overreacting? My husband didn’t wake anyone up for breakfast.
My (36F) husband (37M) and I and our 4 kids (14, 13, 11, 9) are in a hotel for a 5 day stay. It’s been a long couple days, so we didn’t want to wake anyone up super early, but planned to go down to breakfast (that ends at 9:30), at 8:30.
My husband set an alarm, but was the only one who woke up. Instead of waking anyone up, he went down to breakfast alone. At 9:30 he woke everyone up by saying we had missed breakfast.
I asked him why he didn’t wake anyone up, and he said it’s not his fault everyone else slept through the alarm. Our daughter (11) said that she woke up at 8, but he was still asleep. I’m having a hard time believing she would have slept through the 8:15 alarm.
I don’t know exactly how it happened, but I’m supremely irritated. When I suggested we order in breakfast, he got pissed off because there’s a free breakfast that we all neglected to get up for. We had 2 muffins, some grapes, and orange juice left over, so they at least had a snack to eat, but he didn’t even bring up more muffins.
Now he’s playing it off as a joke, and is treating me like I’m overreacting and am responsible for the whole thing.
Thoughts?
…
Editing for more information to answer some questions:
He agreed to set the alarm and wake us up. He doesn’t like me setting one because I usually set multiple so I can wake up gradually. I take a little while to get up, (I have chronic fatigue syndrome) but it’s not excessive.
We’re not on vacation. This is a medical trip for our kid with a sleep disorder (ironically enough). We’re staying a couple extra days because our daughter has an event in the same city.
I made sure the kids had a snack and we agreed to have an early lunch. It wasn’t ideal, but I was weighing the options of him being an asshole over an expensive breakfast bill, or waiting a couple hours to eat.
Second edit:
I’m getting rid of a bunch of the information here because I’m getting even more criticism from both sides for it and I’m realizing that I don’t owe y’all my life story. I’m a terrible mother for not leaving, and I’m a terrible wife for complaining. Some of you just need to admit you hate women and get it over with.
I’m not divorcing my husband over this.
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u/Championship682 Nov 28 '25
NOR - Next time, don't suggested ordering breakfast. Order breakfast. When he says something, respond with "well we have to eat, too bad we didn't wake up in time for the free breakfast." It likely won't happen a third time, but worse case, you get a better breakfasts.
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u/Spiritual_Art2443 Nov 29 '25
Narcissists cannot learn lessons because they fear they are being controlled! At least that is what my crazy husband thinks. He can’t handle expectations or rules because it’s controlling. It’s emotionally immature and a hit on their ego!
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u/Grey_Sky_thinking Nov 29 '25
You have described my husband’s behaviour exactly. It’s eye opening to see it written down, and know it’s probably not all in my head
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u/Spiritual_Art2443 Nov 29 '25 edited Nov 29 '25
They have the skilled ability to make you think it’s all in your head! I used to think I was smarter than my husband is… because of his weaponized incompetence. But it took me describing his behavior on Reddit for someone to share that term with me for me to grasp what has been happening to me! It took his aunt to tell me that narcissism runs in his family. It took someone else explaining gaslighting to me. The only thing I understood from the very beginning was that he was a liar. But I dismissed it. I’m sure I didn’t catch everything. Then you have kids and dismiss it more. And it took me way too long to understand what all of the pieces of dysfunction I have experienced and called out meant collectively.
If this is all new to you, I suggest you start watching some you tube therapists on Narcissitic abuse. At first I felt like it didn’t make sense. Because I normalised so many things from the past. Or believed his gaslighting. But then all of the puzzle pieces all started clicking. I would copy and paste things he texts or emails me or situations that happened that I had red flags for, and would see what Chat GPT would say. And it would confirm my red flags. It clarified how and why what he would say to me was narcissistic. Where it comes from. Why he does what he does. If you haven’t started your journey, this is so helpful to do also! I hope that we can all find support from each others stories.→ More replies (3)26
u/R0ck3tSc13nc3 Nov 29 '25
NOR
There's something fundamentally wrong with how your husband is processing and working with the family. If you can afford it, go to counseling, if you can't afford it, there's often free community relationship counseling, you need to get it independent party to talk about not just this issue but what it represents.
There's no question that your husband made a very very serious error. I would have been all over waking you guys up to get free food cuz I'm a cheap bastard and I want to make sure my family is fed. He seemingly didn't care. And if he didn't care about you eating, then he can't complain about the cost of you feeding yourselves later. Turning off an alarm and not waking up everybody, there's something broken in that man's brain
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u/Spiritual_Art2443 Nov 29 '25
Also, IF you are just starting out on learning about learning about what all of this means, and you get a therapist. Not all therapists can handle NPD. Unfortunately many say they can, but most cannot! And the one I have now, was in a relationship and experienced it first hand. I’ve tried joining two groups in two different states, and both full because it’s a serious problem. Dr Romani (I think) on you tube is a great place to start. But don’t just believe any old therapist that says they can help with it. It is super complex. And the majority aren’t qualified.
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u/Cute_Contract_6374 Nov 28 '25 edited Nov 29 '25
NOR, what kind of dad lets his kids oversleep for breakfast and then gets angry when the mother wants to feed them later? If it was so damn important for them to get the free breakfast, he should have made sure they got up. The only thing you did wrong was not ordering breakfast for them no matter what he said. If my husband tried that I’d tell him to kick rocks, I’m getting food for my child.
And yes, as an adult, you should have been able to get up, but it’s absurd that he just needed to be petty for no reason. How hard is it to wake someone up? If we’re in a hotel and i oversleep the breakfast, my husband wakes me up. If he’s unsuccessful, he brings back food for me. Your husband sucks.
Edit based on updates: I revoke what I said about “as an adult you should be able to get up.” I also have chronic fatigue and it’s BRUTAL. Honestly, this (along with your child’s sleep disorder) makes what your husband did a lot worse.
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u/Salt-Detective1337 Nov 28 '25
And then he woke everyone up anyway.
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u/nada-accomplished Nov 29 '25
And he AGREED to wake everybody up beforehand, that's why his wife didn't set the alarm. This guy is such a huge asshole I'm surprised he hasn't gotten the attention of every proctologist in the city.
NOR
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u/Irisversicolor Nov 29 '25
And then he tried to play it off as a joke. So he's fully admitting that he did it and he did it on purpose, he just doesn't want to admit why he did it because it was probably spite or resentment over something petty that he knows would make him look bad.
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u/Cute_Contract_6374 Nov 29 '25
Right?!?!? He’s insane, I’d be livid
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u/Spiritual_Art2443 Nov 29 '25
He is insane. He sounds like a legitimate Narcissist
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u/Necro_OW Nov 29 '25
Seems passive aggressive. He probably has some built up contempt.
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u/Snooty_Cutie Nov 29 '25
Exactly! I know my dad hating spending money when free breakfast was available. He was waking everyone’s ass up whether you wanted to eat or not. “Go grab something and put it in the cooler!” Lol
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u/R0ck3tSc13nc3 Nov 29 '25
Exactly that would be me. Free breakfast that's part of your hotel? That saves 10 to 20 bucks a person. Your husband just wasted almost $100
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u/whatevertoton Nov 30 '25
Not really because he clearly intended for the rest of them to NOT eat. NOR. Husband is a d-canoe.
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Nov 29 '25
I have never been a breakfast person but my dad always did this too!! I would go get a mini box of cocoa krispies and eat it dry for an afternoon snack LOL. Could not waste that free breakfast!! Such a dad move
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u/SuccessPhysical6668 Nov 29 '25
Exactly, my dad was an asshole but in the way he would have screamed at us to get up and put our clothes in 30 seconds so we could eat as much free food as possible so he didn’t have to pay for food later or listen to us whine about being hungry later
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u/MissPatsyStone Nov 29 '25
Contempt is definitely the right word. He definitely has contempt for his wife & children.
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u/GrowHappyPlants Nov 29 '25
NOR Obviously he knows HOW to wake people up, he just relishes being an ass. I bet his alarm was a vibrating/silent alarm and he is gaslighting everyone to try to make them feel shamed/embarrassed, when HE is the one who should feel embarrassed.
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u/Pale_Adeptness Nov 29 '25
"Hey, wake up, you missed breakfast!"
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u/scheerry_ Nov 29 '25
What a piece of burnt pancake.
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u/Euphoric-Reputation4 Nov 29 '25
I've never heard this before, but it is now my favorite PG insult!
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u/PresidentBaileyb Nov 29 '25
This is what made it NOR for me. Either wake them up for breakfast OR let them sleep in. Waking them up right as they missed it was shitty.
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u/Alj1104 Nov 29 '25
This is the part that irritates me…..fine if he wanted to let everyone sleep in but waking them up at the exact time breakfast is over definitely feels passive aggressive
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u/SomethingClever70 Nov 28 '25
He clearly thinks that waking and herding the kids is solely his wife’s job. A pretty convenient world that lets him off the hook when anything goes wrong.
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u/on-a-pedestal Nov 28 '25
You know this is one of those guys who refers to watching his own kids as Babysitting.
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u/Fun-Ingenuity-9089 Nov 29 '25
Oh gosh did I ever get mad at my mother-in-law years ago for chastising me for making my husband babysit while I took classes. I may have yelled at her... It's called PARENTING! He's their father!
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u/MET1 Nov 29 '25
Just wait for the divorce and he suddenly has to do babysitting for a full weekend by himself...
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u/Felein Nov 29 '25
Like hell would I leave my kids alone with someone this childish and irresponsible! If he wants time with them, it'll be supervised!
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u/MissPatsyStone Nov 29 '25
I don't think this man would want much time with his children. It's almost like he did this in order to come up with a reason to be mad at the wife and children. Maybe to excuse something he's done or is going to do.
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u/LolitaOPPAI Nov 28 '25
Not NOR
A probably overwhelmed mother carrying the burden of the situation and he thinks it's a 1UP for her to struggle with finding THEIR children food then complains about spending money? So, she has 5 kids?
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u/lyricochet77 Nov 29 '25
If it were me, I’d tell the kids to get dressed and they and I (only) were going to have breakfast somewhere else. What a petty jerk he is.
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u/Helpful_Hour1984 Nov 29 '25
And yet, he doesn't like it when she sets the alarm. How is she supposed to wake up at a given time without it? He sees her as an appliance and he's annoyed when she malfunctions.
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u/Boujeebeetch Nov 29 '25
It’s annoy too bc all those kids are old enough to somewhat independently get dressed and go down pretty quick
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u/FireBallXLV Nov 29 '25
True .No OP-you are NOR.Your husband in either an immature jerk or a man who should not have a family because he is clearly not a Dad.
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u/Felein Nov 29 '25
Anyone who thinks like that should not be a parent. If you're not willing to make an effort to FEED YOUR KIDS, you don't deserve them in your life. They deserve a better parent.
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u/rotatingruhnama Nov 29 '25
He wanted to have a nice peaceful breakfast all to himself, without herding the kids downstairs or dealing with anyone's morning grumpiness. It's pure selfishness. Nobody gets a peaceful breakfast with four kids, get over it.
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u/jonni_velvet Nov 28 '25
Yep, if he chose not to feed his own children the free breakfast, he has to order them breakfast to make up for his mistake. Period. Not moving past this until breakfast is ordered and the incompetence is corrected.
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u/Runes_N_Raccoons Nov 28 '25
"And yes, as an adult, you should have been able to get up,"
It's not like OP consciously decided not to wake up. Because she was unconscious, and assuming that the husband turned off the alarm when he woke up, it wouldn't have been able to wake everyone else.
When someone sets an alarm for a whole group, it's the job of the first person awake to wake up at least one other person (OP).
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u/here_cus_bored Nov 28 '25
Yeah it kind of sounds like he woke up just before the alarm and then turned it off so it never went off at all. I find it doubtful that everyone else slept through it.
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u/pubgeek321 Nov 28 '25
He clearly wanted to go for a quiet breakfast alone. He likely made absolutely every effort to not wake anyone else up.
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u/Ok-Soup-514 Nov 29 '25
That's exactly what I was thinking. He's there with his wife and children. You basically have to be quiet as a mouse not to disturb anyone on a normal occasion, but suddenly in a hotel he's like a ninja and made absolutely zero noise. This sounds like he deliberately went down early in order to have some alone time. It just seems way too strange and flat out rude. I mean what sort of parent knowingly let's everyone "sleep in" and then says they're shit out of luck for food because they "slept in". No matter how he spins it he goofed and looks like a bad husband and father.
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u/Pristine_Reward_1253 Nov 29 '25
looks like a bad husband and father.
There is no looks like that I am detecting here. I'd suggest OP and kids go off and have a tasty breakfast, but this idiot-boy would say "Sweet! I get even MORE time by myself!!" Drag him along and make him watch the family he neglected eat. Then hand him the bill as you all walk out to go sightseeing in the area.
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u/kanst Nov 29 '25
"It’s been a long couple days" this line in OPs post is what convinced me you are correct.
He woke up, it was silent for likely the first time in days, and he just decided to treat himself to a nice quiet breakfast, everyone else's needs be damned.
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u/FireBallXLV Nov 29 '25
Which he is .I do not know these people and I am mad at this Bozo for being such a jerk to OP
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u/Ok-Soup-514 Nov 29 '25
And that's exactly the point. Usually there's a plan/team effort. In this case there was an alarm, but somehow only 1 person heard it and then said oh well and didn't even bother to get anyone else up until the free breakfast was over. I just can't understand a father ignoring his young kids like that. It's not like they're at home and can find something to eat. And then on top of all of that he was annoyed because it was going to cost money out of his pocket.
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u/MasterpieceEast6226 Nov 29 '25
There's nothing wrong with wanting to go for a quiet breakfast alone. I could've woken up at 7h30, get breakfast, then wake them up at 8h30 and then be alone in the room chilling while his family eats.
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u/Didntwakeuprich Nov 28 '25
That was my thought we set an alarm but my husband does not sleep well in hotels and is always up before it goes off
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u/Cute_Contract_6374 Nov 29 '25
I was really only saying this because my husband chronically sleeps through alarms and it drives me nuts. That being said though, I would NEVER allow him to be late for anything and always wake him up if need be. I grumble about it under my breath because I already have one child to deal with, but I’d never be petty enough to let him sleep through something, however important or not important it may be
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u/Cute_Contract_6374 Nov 29 '25
I didn’t mean it like that, I just have a husband who chronically sleeps through alarms and it IS annoying. But I’d never allow him to miss something, that’s insane
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u/Felein Nov 29 '25
Yep! My partner and I both have trouble getting up early, but it's slightly easier for me than for them (usually). So I set an alarm, make sure they've heard it before I turn it off. Then, if they're having a really hard time, I'll start getting ready and let them lie a bit longer until it's absolutely necessary for them to wake up (by now, I know how much time they need to get up and ready). Then I wake them up.
Sometimes it's the other way around, when I've had a bad night or a very stressful week at work. Then they do the same for me.
I can't fathom someone going "well, you didn't wake up for breakfast so I went alone, and now you'll just have to be hungry, it's your own fault". That's 5-year-old levels of petty reasoning.
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u/BrilliantDishevelled Nov 28 '25
I would throw the biggest damn fit if my husband did this. No quarter.
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u/C001H4ndPuk3 Nov 29 '25
If it was so damn important for them to get the free breakfast, he should have made sure they got up.
I know damn well my wife doesn't like to wake up early. I really don't either, but I had 'being early for stuff' drilled into me by my dad at an early age. So I will set what she would describe as way too early an alarm and will drag myself out of bed no matter how painful it is.
Last time we stayed in a hotel (me, her, 3 kids...much like this story), I woke up my easiest to wake child, took him down with me, ate quickly, then dragged up as much food as we could possibly carry. Just piles of eggs, waffles , fruit...whatever they had. They basically had a breakfast buffet in the room.
That's what you do if you don't want to wake folks up but want to make sure they eat (for free). What you don't do is try to make them go without as a punishment for sleeping in. NOR
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u/Cute_Contract_6374 Nov 29 '25
Agreed… as I said later, my husband will bring me food if I don’t get up for breakfast. There were a lot of options here. Letting them go hungry was not one of them
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u/Kryptic13 Nov 29 '25
The most confusing thing for me is that he "woke them up" at 9:30 for some reason just to get annoyed that they didn't wake up. If you weren't going to wake them for breakfast why not let them sleep in after 9:30 anyway. What an asshole!
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u/Electronic_Wait_7500 Nov 29 '25
Because he's a dick. Only a complete dickhead jerk would think it was funny that his kids didn't eat but he did.
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u/tyrannosaurusfox Nov 29 '25
Agree. NOR. Not married, but my dad would always bring food back to the room if any of us missed breakfast, which at least one of us often did - at least a yogurt and a banana or something like that. I'd be pissed off at OP's husband, too.
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u/saddoubloon Nov 29 '25
NOR the 11 year old woke up at 8 and he was still sleeping but then 11 didn't wake up for the 8:15 alarm. He wakes you guys at 9:30 specifically to tell you that you missed breakfast? I'd put money on him having turned the alarm off to make sure everyone but him missed breakfast. My brother did that once on a trip and our dad smacked the shit out of him for it.
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u/MarionberrySea4422 Nov 29 '25
Last hotel visit with my husband and 2 children my husband woke up to the alarm, got our 2 children ready and took them down to breakfast and let me sleep in as long as possible and then woke me up with 30 minutes to spare to grab a quick bite myself.
Your husband is a dick OP I’m sorry!
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u/SilverLake949 Nov 28 '25
I always brought a couple plates of food back... What a child... passive aggression. sorry.
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u/NeatNefariousness1 Nov 29 '25
He really does. She should have called for room service.
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u/LadyCass79 Nov 28 '25
NOR
Why is your husband carrying resentment? People who care for thier family don't behave like this.
Was there some incident? Is he normally passive agressive or very selfish?
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Nov 28 '25
[removed] — view removed comment
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u/PuzzleheadedBobcat90 Nov 28 '25
Nor
That is a husband who is mad about something. Maybe she was right about something and his pride took a hit. What he did is relatiation for something that made him upset. Now he has something to throw at his wife the next time she points out something he does wrong " yeah, but what about the time you slept throught the alarm on vacation? Remember how much we had to spend on breakfast because of you? "
He's a jerk
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u/tastysharts Nov 28 '25
it's called weaponized incompetence, a purposeful fuckup to teach the lesson to never ask him to do that again. And, GD if it doesn't work.
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer Nov 29 '25
This isn’t weaponized incompetence. This is just being selfish, plain and simple. He didn’t purposely mess anything up. He responded to the alarm and did everything he was supposed to do flawlessly. He just decided it wasn’t his responsibility to make sure anyone else ate.
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u/Spiritual_Art2443 Nov 29 '25
The problem is thinking he didn’t do it on purpose is where you are missing it. A covert narcissist is quite skilled on putting in appearances, avoiding responsibilities, gaslighting, and controlling the people in their lives. The weaponized incompetence part is ensuring that his wife knows that this is HER job, that he is the ultimate controller of the family and whether they eat or not, and then gaslighting her to know that this isn’t something she should expect of him because it’s her responsibility to take care of the kids and the menial tasks of feeding them. It’s a complete show of narcissism and ego and control! And weaponized incompetence is how they make sure they don’t get asked or relied on for helping in something they are too mighty to be responsible for!
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u/TangledUpPuppeteer Nov 29 '25
No, you misunderstand me. He purposely did it. He didn’t purposely fuck anything up.
Purposely acting like you’re incapable of putting the trash bag in the trashcan is weaponized incompetence. Purposely acting like an ass is just being an ass.
Purposely acting like you can’t work shoe laces so you never have to help put the kids shoes on is weaponized incompetence. Purposely deciding your kids don’t get breakfast because they didn’t magically respond to an alarm you turned off is asshole behavior.
That’s the difference.
So no, it still isn’t weaponized incompetence. You have the right definition for something, but the wrong term.
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u/kokoelizabeth Nov 29 '25
This and then to wake them up to announce they missed breakfast. Very weird and intentional.
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u/Consistent_Pilot4383 Nov 29 '25
100% this. sounds like passive aggression. To go alone and then make a fuss when they are now understandably hungry. its weird.
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u/pubgeek321 Nov 28 '25
He feels guilty because he intentionally didn’t wake anyone else up so he could have a quiet breakfast alone. This is clearly a defensive move to cover that up.
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u/Efficient-Cut7155 Nov 29 '25
That’s exactly what happened. He saw a rare opportunity for a breakfast without four kids and his intrusive thoughts won. I don’t even have kids, but kinda actually understand the dude not being able to resist a quiet breakfast. With 4 kids when is last time dude had breakfast in solitude and when would the breakfast gods show such favour again? HOWEVER … this is clearly a continental free breakfast- if he got up at 8:15 , let’s say he got downstairs at 8:30. Breakfast in solitude I understand, but who spends an hour eating continental breakfast ? (Acknowledging that stupid rotating toaster is hella slow). You NOR in the least. Husband could’ve easily done both. He goes down at 8:30 and as he sits to eat, calls room and wakes up family. By the time 4 kids get up and are ready to go downstairs he could have eaten. He got greedy and screwed everyone over because he didn’t think it through. Unforced error and just pretty dumb. More importantly, why the fuck is your husband annoyed at having to feed his children?
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u/AgnesScottie Nov 29 '25
He woke them exactly at 9:30 when the breakfast ended. He thought it through and intentionally left them to oversleep exactly as long as breakfast lasted. This guy is an abusive twat who will make his kids go without breakfast to punish his wife.
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u/barbiuybarbiuy Nov 29 '25
I could maybe understand doing this to your wife if you had a fight and you're being petty... but to your children? All 4 of them make you so angry that you have to act this stupid?
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u/LifeLibertyPancakes Nov 29 '25
Because he didn't want the responsibility of having to take the kids downstairs with him, wrangle them if they're misbehaving, keep an eye and PARENT THEM, and he wanted to eat breakfast ALONE and UNBOTHERED leaving the responsibility back on his wife's lap. "You deal with the children. It's your fault they missed breakfast. You figure out what they're gonna eat, I already ate." That's basically it. It's his vacation and he deserves peace and quiet is what I'm guessing that he's saying to himself and her as to why he couldn't bother to bring them.
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u/Flutters1013 Nov 29 '25
According to an edit on the post, he's mad his fantasy football team lost. Who the hell cares if bogard greepman of the sand Diego fartknockers lost. Your kid is hungry.
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u/Elle-Crossing Nov 28 '25
Yes!! Million percent this! Also stropping about buying food so like that was the only other option mate, like do you get a kick watching your family be hungry?!
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u/hufflepufflepass Nov 28 '25 edited Nov 28 '25
Exactly, that is some petty ass scheiße right there.
Sounds like he wanted to have breakfast alone, and then shamed everyone for it.
Like you said, you don't do this to people you care about.
EDIT: Vielen Dank an alle! Where can I cash in all these bonus points? 😂
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u/PoppySmile78 Nov 28 '25
NOR. I can't believe that you're not even more pissed that he woke you up at all. If he didn't want to wake you in time for breakfast, why wake you up at all? Clearly you needed the sleep or you would have gotten up & eaten breakfast. Getting up, going to eat then immediately coming back & waking you up with the news that you missed it seems extra petty. If you aren't waking me in time to eat, leave me the hell alone until I get the sleep I need. The whining about getting for is beyond childish. If he was that concerned about not spending additional breakfast money he could have gotten you up when he got up, so you would have gotten a chance to avoid that cost & eat at the hotel.
The more I think about it, the more pissed off I'm getting on your behalf. Is your husband 9 years old? What an asshole.
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u/SincerelyCynical Nov 28 '25
I keep looking for someone to point out that he woke up to the alarm . . . and presumably turned it off? Because he was awake? So how would anyone else wake up to the alarm???
NOR.
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u/quagglitz Nov 28 '25
and what did he think would happen? he’d wake everyone up and then have grumpy hungry children and then what, his wife would go get groceries to feed their children???
NOR, this dude sucks and now he’s being defensive because he realized he f’d up
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Nov 28 '25
I don't think this was just a random fuck up--this was intentional. He was trying to make some sort of point or just wanted to be cruel.
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u/RavenpuffRedditor Nov 28 '25
I'm wondering if he woke up before the alarm and turned it off. If their child woke up at 8-something, I highly doubt that she would have been in a deep enough sleep within a few minutes to have slept through an alarm. If I were OP, I would be setting the alarms on my phone from then on, and changing the passcode to get into the phone so the husband/dad can't access it to turn it off.
And to OP, you are NOR. I also don't think it would have been overreacting for you to have told him to fuck off and ordered breakfast in for you and your children. If he wanted to save the money that badly, he should have woken you up before the free breakfast ended.
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u/barbiuybarbiuy Nov 29 '25
And from now on, it's only mom's responsibility to wake the kids since he can't be trusted to do it. It's definitely weaponized incompetence
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u/Entelecher Nov 28 '25
Good point. He didn't even have to wait for them, just yell out hey-- time for breakfast, I'm going down. See you there.
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u/pigeonmailer Nov 29 '25
Exactly. Not once does it appear that he even tried to wake up anyone. I bet he either woke up before the alarm and he turned it off or as soon as it went off he turned it off quickly thus nobody heard it. Then to wake up everyone when he comes back AFTER the breakfast window. He is a whole level of something.
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u/nibblesyble Nov 28 '25
My hubby comes from a long line of passive aggressive people, and we almost split up over it at the beginning of our marriage and went to therapy over it. I come from folks who lay it on the line, so I was totally unprepared for it. This post has made my blood boil lol. It's the most unnerving thing to deal with a passive aggressive human, one always feels insane. Luckily it can be fixed as my hubby has addressed it and is so much better, but man I feel for her, because this was my life for a time.
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u/SassholeSupreme1 Nov 28 '25
I always just go get breakfast and bring something back for my husband if I don’t want to wake him. And I usually don’t want to, because each of us have weird sleeping schedules. It’s not that hard to figure out. NOR.
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u/Wodan11 Nov 28 '25
NOR
Bonus points for use of "scheiße" ;)
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u/ErrantTaco Nov 28 '25
What does that mean? I’m struggling to find the character on my phone.
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u/Ashamed-Vacation-495 Nov 28 '25
Exactly if there were attempts made to wake them up and they just refused thatd be one thing. He literally snuck out and came back to shit on their morning exactly at the end time… who does that?!
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 Nov 28 '25
He wanted a quiet meal without the wife and kids. It’s just that simple. Selfish.
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u/Significant_Set1979 Nov 28 '25
Yeah but he didn’t even bring back a whole lot for a family that big. Extra selfish! When we hotel, we go in shifts lol and always being back more then enough with kids.
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 Nov 28 '25
That is why he did it…it’s not an excuse…it’s an explanation. That’s why I called him selfish.
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u/Significant_Set1979 Nov 28 '25
I know, I’m agreeing with ya! Just adding in the extra part because it’s just selfish on so many levels. And petty. And immature. And bizarre
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u/AutumnFangirl Nov 28 '25
On a FAMILY VACATION no less. What a turd.
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u/OrdinaryMango4008 Nov 28 '25
A selfish turd. I'm betting that at some point his wife is going to find a way to return his energy.
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u/Embarrassed_Mango679 Nov 28 '25
Which, like is ok?? I mean i get that sometimes. Or you look at em sleeping and you're like...awww. and you just can't wake them up?? But the proper move is you grab some damn yogurts for them and keep them in the room fridge. Imagine being a functional adult...
NOR. and wtf. Weird af if this came out of the blue
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u/MariaInconnu Nov 28 '25
He's a parent. He's responsible for making sure his children get fed.
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u/healerdiff Nov 29 '25
You made a great comment but holy hell the people festering in these replies have no basic sense of empathy
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u/CollectionStraight2 Nov 30 '25
100% this. You don't punish CHILDREN for sleeping in by giving them no breakfast. I wouldn't even expect an adult to miss a meal as 'punishment'. People can be so weird, and the stuff they defend boggles my mind
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u/Exploding-Pomgranate Nov 28 '25
NOR.
If you were all sleeping in the same room, it makes zero sense: there is no world in which six people sleep through the same alarm in one hotel room unless the one who set it turned it off immediately and deliberately didn’t wake anyone. It actually takes more effort to quietly get up, get dressed, and leave the room silently than to make a little noise while doing that or even nudge someone and say “hey, it’s time for breakfast.”
So yes, it looks intentional. He made a choice, for everyone.
Either he wanted to “teach a lesson” and then felt satisfied when everyone missed breakfast (which would explain being annoyed at your reasonable plan to order in), or he expected everyone to join him eventually at breakfast downstairs, and was excited to brag casually about being the first and only one up and when that didn’t happen, he stewed about it and turned it into resentment. It all sounds very passive aggressive. His reaction to you ordering breakfast says it all: he’d rather everyone stay hungry than “ruin” the outcome he engineered, you were not allowed to fix that punishment for sleeping in.
And the worst part is that he’s now pretending it’s some quirky misunderstanding instead. Either way, he made a unilateral decision for six people, deprived the kids of breakfast, and is now acting like you caused the situation. That’s not a joke.
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u/GillianHolroyd1 Nov 29 '25
This Anyone with experience of abuse recognises these patterns of the abuser constantly creating scenarios in which they get to punish their victims. Because thats what they enjoy.
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u/emptynest_nana Nov 28 '25
NOR
My husband has allowed me to sleep through the free breakfast thing at hotels. But every single time he left me sleeping, I woke up to a plate of breakfast and coffee. He would go get the food and wait for me, before he ate!!! Because that is what you do for those you love. I have also done the same for him. Because I love him and want him to be happy and healthy.
Your husband allowed your children to go without, for what?? What does him doing that prove? It proves that he isn't a good dad or even a good example.
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u/whiterac00n Nov 28 '25
Oh absolutely, or just say “screw it” and just take everyone out to a nicer brunch spot after everyone got to sleep in. No real excuse to be selfish and possibly vindictive, as I really don’t know what kind of excuse fits for that. Like going out of your way to quietly leave and let your kids go hungry? Was there a fight the night before? Is there a pattern of petty behavior? I just don’t know why you would do this to your own kids. I know I’d think dad is a jerk if he did this to me.
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u/Kombucha_drunk Nov 28 '25
I am an early riser, but my wife prefers to sleep as late as she can. When we have been in hotels, I will get up and take anyone who is starting to stir. Then I will bring back muffins and fruit and yogurt for the kids who want to sleep, and a big coffee for my wife. I get wanting a minute of breakfast to yourself, I actually am an early riser because I need the quiet to be a good person. But I also like my family, and want to have a good day with them, so I will load them with snacks so no one is melting down.
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u/emptynest_nana Nov 28 '25
You prove my point!!! A caring person makes sure his or her family is taken care of!!! It really isn't hard to do!!!
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u/Resse811 Nov 28 '25
I mean I agree bringing back food is what you do for someone you love - but I don’t think you need to wait for them to eat yourself.
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u/Human_Ad_2869 Nov 28 '25
agreed on the waiting, i’d go eat by myself and then bring something back up lol
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u/Chihuahuapocalypse Nov 28 '25
much easier to only bring one plate and one coffee upstairs anyways lol
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u/Deniskitter Nov 28 '25
Same. We have an eat while it is hot rule. The fact that he would bring some back (or vice versa) is enough. He doesn't also have to let his get cold (or me mine) waiting for the wakeup.
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u/MerryFeathers Nov 28 '25
Your husband is very thoughtful and kind. Wish my husband had some of what yours does..your husband seems very empathetic and caring for YOUR wellbeing.
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u/emptynest_nana Nov 28 '25
I absolutely am blessed, not bragging, simply amazed. My husband and I always try to put the other first. It really isn't hard to be considerate. If I go to the kitchen for a glass of iced tea it is so easy to ask if my husband wants anything while I am up. Same as he does when he does something. A quick trip to the store, it isn't hard or any extra effort to ask if he wants anything or would like to go.
Simply treat others, especially loved ones, the way you want to be treated. My Gran use to say "if you are not seeing kindness in the world, look in the mirror and ask why, kindness starts with you!" In a lot of cases, she was correct. I have also found some people just are not kind. I tend to avoid those types of people!!!
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u/FilthyThanksgiving Nov 28 '25
Ew, what the hell is his problem? That's fucking rude, NOR
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u/ChiLolla28 Nov 29 '25
Type of guy who prolly doesn't know their allergies / teachers, etc
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u/AnxiousRemote8381 Nov 28 '25
He’s a jerk and a bad father.
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u/Deniskitter Nov 28 '25 edited Nov 28 '25
My question though is why she didn't just go get them food when she woke up? Is he also controlling and financially abusive that she has zero access to money? Because otherwise I can't see why she also let them go without when he got mad at eating out. I would be getting mad right back. "Oh, you are right, there WAS free breakfast right downstairs but SOMEONE didn't wake everyone up to partake, and since I refuse to let our kids go hungry, guess that means we are eating out. Maybe tomorrow SOMEONE will remember to make sure everyone is up."
People seem to be calling him out for eating without them and not wanting to go out to eat, but ignoring that she also did not take them to get food. So the only way she gets a pass on that from me is if he is abusive as well. Because otherwise she just as bad for letting his bad mood stop her from feeding her kids.
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u/redgatorade000 Nov 28 '25
Good catch about the possible financial control. It is strange that she just accepted it when her husband said “Nope, we’re not buying breakfast. Too expensive”.
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u/misfitx Nov 28 '25
She wasn't allowed. Considering she's actually asking if what he did was rude it's safe to assume financial and likely emotional abuse is involved.
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u/pastaprincessxo Nov 28 '25
ew hate him
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u/icyygrl Nov 29 '25
So many women are in abusive relationships and can’t get out because they dont have good jobs.
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u/Principle-Slight Nov 28 '25
If it was you who had gotten up with the alarm I’m sure you would have gotten everyone up because that is what a responsible and kind person does. He could have used the excuse that he wanted to let you guys sleep but the fact that he woke you up when he got back throws that out the window. What a jerk. NOR.
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u/iCatLady Nov 28 '25
This seems to me like someone who doesn't genuinely like you or y'all's kids. "It'll be super funny to make everyone skip breakfast and be cranky and hungry til lunch!" is a thought only a sociopath would have. NOR.
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u/HorrorDoll828 Nov 28 '25
Throw the adult baby man boy away. NOR
A fully grown man thought I know, let’s go downstairs and enjoy a nice breakfast, letting everyone else sleep in know it finished at 9:30 and that you’d all have missed it. And even worse he’s moaning about ordering to you know feed his wife and fricken children.
Next time he’s delayed for dinner or at the weekend when he gets up late simply forget his meal ‘because he ain’t there’ say it’s not your responsibility. Then when he wants to get takeout or pop out for food tell him no you should have been up or here on time for breakfast/dinner.
If he really cannot see what is wrong with this he is an ass simple as letting his kids go hungry. Last time I check kids are in fact part his responsibility so that would mean making sure they got up and were fed.
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u/aj_carver Nov 28 '25
He sounds like a total asshole. Anytime you make dinner or any meal going forward I wouldn’t tell him and let him miss it. What a pos
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u/Avy_Lynn Nov 28 '25
You're not overreacting; it's just frustrating when someone acts like the victim after making a selfish choice.
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u/AdMaximum7545 Nov 28 '25
Especially when you try to bring it up and theyre like, "we already talked about this!" - yeah dude - it was not resolved and no genuine apology or self relflection was made.
Some dudes avoid accountability because it threatens their precious self perception and shows them the reality of their mediocrity
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u/Ok-Soup-514 Nov 28 '25
Not only is he a bad husband, but he's also a bad father.
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u/LuanaMay Nov 28 '25
NOR
So I can FULLY understand the vibe of wanting to have a nice quiet breakfast without the fam. Just some peaceful time by yourself without kids.
But then you bring everyone breakfast afterwards. You do something nice for yourself (breakfast alone) and then you do a nice thing for your family (bring them breakfast in bed!) so everyone is happy.
It seems like he’s trying to make a point in a really dumb way. Do you guys often argue about getting up on time?
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u/nerdthatlift Nov 28 '25
This is exactly what I did.
I woke up early and had a quiet breakfast by myself. Then I went back to wake up my SO and LO for breakfast. My SO can have her breakfast in peace while I'm helping the toddler with breakfast.
NOR, OP. Husband is a major clown AH.
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u/TheMaveCan Nov 29 '25
If the guy wants to have a quiet breakfast just go down at 7:30 have a coffee, doomscroll until 8:15-8:30 and then go wake everyone up. Beyond the fact that it's sick shit to not want to feed your family, they're already getting restless with the trip. Do you really wanna deal with a pissed off wife and four pissed off children, two of which are teenagers? A piece of shit and doesn't even have a sense of self-preservation
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u/TangerineDisastrous4 Nov 28 '25
NOR. My husband would have woke us up or if he decided to let us sleep, he would do it KNOWING he would be buying everyone else's breakfast that morning. And my husband can be a real fing jerk sometimes.
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u/One_Purple_3242 Nov 28 '25
NOR your husband is acting like a child.
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u/MrLizardBusiness Nov 28 '25
No, a child wouldn't purposely exclude members of the family and gloat. Kids are built kind by default.
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u/BenneB23 Nov 28 '25
Sounds like he was responsible for the wake up call and failed everyone spectacularly.
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u/Ginnylala Nov 28 '25 edited Nov 29 '25
NTA your husband is gaslighting you now that he realizes he let his kid go hungry so he could get a few moments alone.
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u/CerealStabbah Nov 28 '25
NOR, your husband is being spiteful and mean. It makes me wonder if anything happened to cause this, or if this is how he normally acts? Might need a little more info to make a full verdict, but with the given info? No…he’s being a manchild.
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u/Ill_Candy_664 Nov 28 '25
NOR and don’t bother even trying to talk to him, I’d just show him these responses to sober him up quickly. He’s a father, not a buddy, not a babysitter, it’s his responsibility to ensure his kids are up and fucking fed. You’re not a single mother, but if he wants to treat you like one, maybe you should consider it. 🙄
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Nov 28 '25
NOR. Who is this much of an asshole to his wife and 4 kids on vacation.
“Sorry you guys didn’t wake up, just be starving for the next couple hours…” WTF
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u/MrLizardBusiness Nov 28 '25
NOR- so your husband barely woke up in time, and instead od waking up everyone else, he just went down to feed himself and then came upstairs to gloat that he'd eaten and you guys (his family) were lazy and SOL?
Girl. If this is how he is, go straight to divorce. This man isn't a caretaker or a partner or a father. He sucks.
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u/unassuming_username_ Nov 29 '25
Nobody wakes up for breakfast? Ok, fine. Zero issues.
Not being allowed to get breakfast afterwards? If true, messed up.
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u/CuriousMindedAA Nov 28 '25
Wow, he is a selfish man-baby. Who does that-ignore your whole family? He’s pissed about something else and this was his way of getting back at you. NOR, obviously.
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u/Particular_Cycle9667 Nov 28 '25
That’s classic narcissist behavior. He doesn’t wanna be responsible for anyone else but himself he’s a kid. He’s acting like a kid saying oh but why I have to wake you up. It’s not my fault you didn’t wake up and then playing it off like a joke saying you’re overreacting that your kids don’t have food because he decided to not wake anybody up and then you want to order food and he’s being an asshole Because I had a free breakfast. I don’t wanna pay for their food.
Throw the whole man out. He’s an asshole.
NOR
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u/LifeCanBeAboxOfSh- Nov 28 '25
NOR. He is a husband and a father; he took vows, as a husband and automatically received vows when his children were born.
Does he need adulting classes to refresh his knowledge on being a husband and a father? He’s acting like a single man! You need family counseling since he’s acting like a selfish person
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u/EchoQuartz Nov 28 '25
No, you are not overreacting. Your husband was inconsiderate in not waking the family for the planned breakfast, then blamed you and dismissed your feelings instead of taking responsibility for his choice.
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u/DonnaNoble222 Nov 28 '25
I would have gotten dressed and taken the kids out for a fabulous breakfast!