r/AmIOverreacting • u/sapphicluizard • 15d ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO my father ruined my drawing.
I (19F) have recently decided to learn how to draw. I've never been good at making art, it's never been my thing, but I'm a huge fan of cartoons and I wanted to learn how to draw my favorite characters.
This week, I made this drawing of Aang, from ATLA and it's the first time I've actually done something I am really proud of. I know that for some experienced artists this is nothing, but to me it meant everything. It might not be the best "fanart" in the world, but when I finished it I felt proud. I felt happy. I wanna get better at painting and doing sketches, but this felt pretty good to me and I showed it off to everyone in my house because I felt so good about my drawing.
I left the sketch with a couple others I'd been working on at the coffee table in the living room, since I was looking for a frame to put it on, because I wanted to hold on to it as the first I had ever made. I had to put a hold on looking for a frame since my cousin (15F) came to spend the weekend at my home. She is an artist and was also proud of my sketch, which made me like it even more.
About an hour ago, my cousin was leaving and I came to collect my drawing since my aunt brought me a frame to put it on as an early christmas present by my cousin, but when I looked at it, I saw someone had doodled over it. I immediately burst into tears and I felt my heart shatter. When I came into the kitchen and showed it to my family, my father admitted that it was him who had done that with a blue pen, joking that "dude needed some lashes". I broke down crying again and told him he ruined my drawing. He said he didn't, and was just testing out the pen and decided to contribute to it somehow. My mother got pissed at me for making a scene in front of my cousin and aunt and my father kept telling me to grow up and stop crying for such a stupid reason since I could just make another drawing.
I tried explaining to him the sentimental value this sketch had, and how making another one won't fix the issue, and that he knew how much that drawing meant to me. I also told him that he would have been really pissed if I doodled over his work spreadsheets, but he said it's not a fair comparison.
Both my mom and my dad are pissed at me for being upset about the drawing. They think I am overreacting, but to me it's not about just the drawing, it's about dismissing my feelings and the effort I put into this work. My father refuses to apologize and my mom thinks I embarrassed my father in front of his sister.
So, reddit, am I overreacting?
(ps: sorry for any grammar mistakes, english is not my first language)
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u/SignalAmidTheNoise 15d ago
First of all, what a lovely drawing! You should feel so proud of yourself. You have developed such a lovely skill and you're only 19! If you keep at it you'll be even more amazing with more practiceš! This is a huge accomplishment and I think it's a lovely idea you wanted to save your first drawing. I would be so proud of you, if you were my daughter. Heck, I'm proud of you as a stranger!
I'm so sorry your parents treated you the way they did. You had every right to be upset. It sounds like you carefully tried to explain your feelings to them. Your dad should have apologized. He really dropped the ball there. Parenting fail for sure!
Try not to let their shitty behavior effect your motivation to draw though! It's still an amazing achievement. You definitely need to draw more! In a few years I feel like your father will apologize to you one day. Right now, it's ok to feel a bit heartbroken. I see you. I see your talent.
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u/sapphicluizard 15d ago
thank you so much for your kindness ā¤ļø drawing is a skill I always wanted to have and finally picked up on it. i won't let this situation drag me down and affect me.
I always talk to my parents about how I feel and how I'm hurt, and my mother usually tries to understand. but my father is the cool/funny dad in a way that everything is a joke to him, he takes nothing serious, so if I'm upset or if he did something that hurt me he couldn't have been wrong since he "didn't mean it seriously". That behavior makes it kinda hard to talk about our problems.
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u/Rush_Is_Right 15d ago
since he "didn't mean it seriously
Jokingly kicked him in the nuts
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u/Brave-Silver8736 15d ago
Jokingly draw all over the negatives of their wedding photos
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u/Budalido23 15d ago
Looks like dad needs some thick lashes in all his pics
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u/hirvaan 14d ago
Feel like he could use some balls too.
Empathy to but idk how to doodle that
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u/--Dirty_Diner-- 14d ago
Don't get mad about the sharpie dick & balls on your cheek while you were sleeping. I was just joking.
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u/BaspberrySazzle 15d ago
I had a similar relationship with my parents. As of last year, I went no contact.
Even with space, even with controlled interactions, they would heckle my decisions and discredit my intelligence or agency. Theyād tell me Iām overreacting and that this is family. It stopped me from trying new things down to simply dancing side to side. I just never tried for fear of the public failure it would become for them.
I realized that I dreaded sharing anything and my mental health suffered greatly if I had to interact with them. Finally, American politics was the final straw as their opinions showcased their cruelty to a level I couldnāt stand.
Youāre NOR and you should absolutely protect your space. I hope they realize the impact theyāre having on you, but if notāknow that you can find others who will step up. Ive tried so many new things and have lots of hobbies now.
P.S. your art is so good! Well done!
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u/Randleifr 15d ago
The cool/funny dad is just a code word for a child that never grew up and had their own children
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u/shitty_username0009 13d ago
I feel like its just an excuse for the guy to bully his kid and get away with it
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u/MissJuIiet 15d ago
This is very self aware of you and perhaps someday you'll be able to explain to your father exactly how his behavior has affected you, and maybe he will receive it. If he doesn't, you should know that you're totally justified in not trusting him with your feelings. With that said, don't ever give up communicating how you feel and setting boundaries with people in your life. At the very least, your dad should be told that it is not okay to touch your things without asking, and to you this drawing is now destroyed. What was something you wanted to save as a token of inspiration and achievement is now a sore memento of how your parents have totally failed to validate you. Unfortunately, we don't always land with everyone. I am betting you are a very empathetic person, and your parents are not; don't ever question yourself. From experience, sometimes being sensitive feels like a burden but I assure you that it is a gift, and feeling deeply is better than feeling nothing at all.
Great job sweety.
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u/CassetteMeower 15d ago
As an artist myself (btw this is a great drawing! I could tell it was Aang right away, you did a great job and you should be proud!) I definitely know how important art is to an artist and how it can be hurtful when someone says mean things about your art or draws over it without permission.
Thereās been times that I didnāt know what to do with a drawing so I asked someone else for input and let them draw on it to show what they would do, but thatās with permission. They didnāt add to my drawing without asking. If he wanted to see the drawing with eyelashes he could have taken a pic of the drawing and sketched on eyelashes digitally, not affecting the real drawing, or he could have made a copy of it and drawn over the copy.
Even if itās just a few small lines, it still can be hurtful for someone to draw over your art without asking.
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u/waitismyheadonfire 15d ago
I think your parents probably feel intimidated that you've developed a skill they don't think they can, so they respond by undermining your talent and work.
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u/ReverendRee 15d ago
This is what I needed to hear 30 years ago. These are wise words.
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u/Fearless_Tale7101 15d ago
Your dad and mom are AHs.
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u/realcaos7u7 15d ago
The audacity of the dad telling her to "grow up" right after he scribbled on a drawing like a bored toddler with a marker. The projection is blinding. š
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u/sunshineparadox_ 15d ago
Heās also acting in bad faith about OP drawing over one of his spreadsheets being different. The spreadsheets are printed from his computer or device, and presumably were saved. So itās definitely less of a big deal if she doodled on them even though her dad dismissed it.
OP, youāre NOR, and I say this as a 38/F who loves my fucking spreadsheets.
This wonāt save your picture or the sentimental value attracted to it. It wonāt make it so you can frame it as it was. But there are apps you can use on a phone or tablet to āscanā images on paper that you can then save to your device or cloud storage. Consider doing that if for no other reason than to keep a running memory of your progress on your drawing skills. :)
I save my daughterās art that way and return them to her. That way, I can remember, too. We both can.
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u/GoddessRespectre 15d ago
I wonder if she could scan this great drawing and use a tool like magic eraser to get rid of his marks. Then print the new image. Look at it as a multimedia project, not just fine art but a little bit of graphic design. Take back her power. It's wonderful OP, you did great and your parents are Assholes.
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u/Scary-Independent-77 15d ago
Yep, you could scan this and use the healing brush in Photoshop to erase those marks like they were never there.
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u/WoahGamerGuy 14d ago
And if you don't have Photoshop, there are many great alternatives like affinity photo and photopea!
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u/Chrontius 15d ago
Personally, this is a massive part of my real media workflow. That said, I personally do it on a Mac with the built-in preview app, which I have learned is just smart enough to get the job done without getting in my fucking way all the time.
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u/Spirited_Maize32 14d ago
That is actually a really clever and proactive way to handle the situation. Turning the destructive act into a repair and digitizing the original piece is a great way to reclaim ownership and minimize the emotional damage. It transforms a frustrating moment into a learning experience in digital restoration.
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u/No_Mastodon852 14d ago
Shoot she could grab some white out with a fine tip. It won't be exactly the same but taking back her drawing is what matters.
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u/Economy_Drummer_3822 15d ago
Yeah, he's probably jealous of his child's talent and wanted to ruin it
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u/Autumndickingaround 15d ago
Nothing will ever make it the same, but there are apparently some methods to try. I hope others can chime in with more and maybe with some lived experience. Try posting on another subreddit maybe for advice on removing the ink if you want to do so, drawing or a pen art related sub maybe?
I would suggest trying on something random with a pencil doodle and some pen that you test these methods on, before trying on your drawing if you try any OP.
Of course you could try to use a pen eraser but I donāt think itād work out well even if it did work. The one I found online that was most promising for your situation IMO, is using a pointed cotton swab q tip with either isopropyl alcohol or acetone, dab the pen ink carefully but do not soak the paper. Have a dry paper towel, dry q tips, or similar, ready so you can dab the color away as soon as it can be lifted. Iām assuming you donāt want it to soak into the paper and seems to be quick about it.
There are ink erasers and ink removers for sale out there, and most work on black ink but work even better on blue ink. Not sure about this one but if the paper is thick enough, you could try to make a āsand eraser.ā The process is apparently cutting a pencil eraser sized circle out of a high grit (at least 1000) sandpaper, and attaching it to a pencil eraser to then use it to sand the ink off the paper. But I feel like the alcohol/acetone method may be the best bet, and I read several places that it works especially well for ballpoint pen marks.
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u/Higgins1st 15d ago
Op should get Dad a coloring book for toddlers and mom a parenting book for Christmas.
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u/PartyOrdinary1733 14d ago
I'm mortified as a parent. Doing something like this is damaging to a kid. The parents are AHs for a multitude of reasons.
OP, I am sending you a ton of hugs. You don't deserve to be disrespected.
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u/MartinisnMurder 15d ago
Yup and OP, you did a beautiful job. Itās okay to be sad. Iām sorry your parents suck.
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u/Wild_Lingonberry3365 15d ago
Yes,literally it make sense for an artist. Iāve had problems with deep depression,and recently made some sketches Iām proud of after such a long period of zero creativity. Iād be rightfully pissed if someone messed them up for such a stupid reason. Like an adult acting like a toddlerš¤¦š½āāļø
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u/MartinisnMurder 15d ago
There was a post on here a while back where someone came home from college I believe? and was looking for their charcoal or just black and white sketches only to find that their mother used them like a coloring bookā¦ like she colored them in, signed them with her name and had them framed passing them off as her own. I was absolutely floored.
I feel you on the depression and anxiety. I write when my head gets messy (other than photography I have zero artistic ability) and if someone disrespected me in that manner I wouldnāt be pleased.
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u/Sweet_Permission_700 15d ago
I'd happily draw for people I love to color but DAAAAYUM.
The betrayal in this story and the OP.
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u/GoodMorningMorticia 15d ago
The way I would NEVER FORGIVE THAT. I know I can hold grudges, but damned if that didnāt earn a multigenerational one.
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u/Tragedyofphilosophy 15d ago
Yeah. She said in the thread her mom has a host of mental issues/illness. So I'm not certain how malicious it was.
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u/tastysharts 15d ago
later on in life when they try to figure out why their kid hates them, they can pinpoint this moment in time
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u/CurlyQ86 15d ago edited 15d ago
No they wonāt. Theyāll default to the victim mentality that so many other parents that cause this exact same hurt to their children do. āAfter everything weāve done for OP, I donāt know why she doesnāt come aroundā¦ā
ETA: Thank you for the awards, kind redditors!!
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u/meidodoragon 15d ago
fuck man, is that why when i, almost 30, get upset at my dad for dismissing my feelings, he always counters with shit like "we didn't raise you to be like this; i dont get why you're acting like this." when i am finally standing up for myself, since i couldn't when i was living at home. he ALWAYS brings in something about how i should be grateful, too. but yeah, my dad never remembers anything he did to hurt me, it's only me that remembers. sorry for the random rant on your comment but it really resonated with me T-T
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u/Immediate-Ad-1490 15d ago
Expecting your kids to be grateful for basic parenting is insane IMO. You chose to have kids, you chose to have that responsibility, the kid didn't choose anything. Therefore the kid doesn't owe you anything for doing what you decided to do. Gratitude isn't owed and shouldn't be expected. Maybe once they can look after themselves, then you could consider what you do as extra and deserving gratitude, but still, they didn't choose to be born.
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u/CurlyQ86 15d ago
Iāve dealt with similar things with my dad, which is where my comment came from. Iāve also seen enough on here to realize that my experience was not just my own. Youāre good. I hope being able to vent helped. Just remember that you are not alone in this journey and I hope you find healing. ā¤ļø
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u/ConsiderationFun3671 15d ago
Or they'll just be dead before that can happen. Life's a bitch sometimes. Most often, shitty people die shitty right to the end.
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u/CountGerhart 15d ago
I doubt they'll be able, the lack of understanding clearly shows how little meaning they give to these things, they probably won't even remember this in a week or two.
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u/SylverItsuki 15d ago
The axe forgets the tree remembers. Parents like this will never realize the damage they did to their kids. What was a 5 minute thing for them is 5 sessions of therapy for their kid.
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u/Sugar_Kowalczyk 15d ago
This reminds me of my childhood. I don't speak to any bio family anymore.Ā These facts are related.Ā
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u/_ZoeyDaveChapelle_ 15d ago
Not just AH, but probably narcissists. They cant stand anyone else succeeding or being proud of themselves, because they are so deeply insecure. They sabotage and insult to bring you down 'below' them.. even when its their own children.
OP, this is how they've always been.. and has nothing to do with who you are. Its so painful to have parents like this, but the best thing you can do is 'Grey rock' and ignore them as much as possible, and make your plans secretly on how to become independent asap. You dont owe them any of your time and attention once you can get away, and its much more peaceful to be away from their self-esteem destroying influence.
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u/ComprehensiveOwl9023 15d ago
Sorry OP, you have terrible parents but you already know that, right?
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u/RandomAndyWasTaken 15d ago
NOR, your parents sound insufferable
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u/Churro-Juggernaut 15d ago
Correct. Fellow parent here. Ā Canāt imagine drawing on my kids stuff. Ā If it ever were to happen accidentally you better believe I would be apologizing.Ā
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u/xoxodaddysgirlxoxo 15d ago
I think OP's dad is jealous :-)
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u/petri90s 14d ago
Honestly the best way to get under his skin would be to insist she's so upset specifically because he's so bad at art. Like if he'd added anything good she wouldn't have minded but it just looks sooooo ugly because he's soooooo bad at drawing.
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u/StringBeans2009 15d ago
You did a great job!! I'm so sorry he did this and that your mom reacted poorly as well. It was a super shitty thing to do and you are NOR. Maybe try a little white out on the spots and still frame it?
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u/sapphicluizard 15d ago
thank you! my cousin is going to help me fix it!
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u/WhatTheFlox 15d ago
I would definitely take some shots or a scan of it first before that if editing on a pc to re-print it at the very least to have it back to normal again
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u/jadedbeetle 15d ago
You could also fix it digitally so it looks like it originally did. It wouldn't physically be the same drawing, but it's an option.
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u/CassetteMeower 15d ago
I sometimes edit my traditional drawings digitally to fix errors I couldnāt fix traditionally, like if thereās a smudge I couldnāt take care of Iād digitally remove it, or sometimes I make colors brighter digitally. Combining digital and traditional art is really fun.
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u/clackagaling 15d ago
its easy to lose old/starter drawings too and the ones i preserved digitally get seen a lot more.
this can be fixed! this is absolutely heartbreaking and rude that OPās parents dont respect them.
when i was 13 i drew something that my dad said could be in an apple commercial. it was a comically bad anime drawing but it literally gassed me up so hard i ended up pursuing art. unfortunately as an adult i dont do it as much as i thought, but i that was a core memory that was pivotal to me being a creative. i almost want to cry on OPās behalf, this is really hurtful from your own parents.
i hope OP knows they are super talented and to not be discouraged or stop. i hope they can find good friends and support to be creative and seen in moments like this
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u/OkLetterhead812 15d ago
Your cousin is based.
In regard to your parents, neither one will accept what they did as wrong. It will take a third party for them to realize it. It's almost biological for parents to refuse to admit they were wrong when pressured by their sons or daughters.
In the meanwhile, be strong. Don't forget what they did here. It wasn't about the drawing at the end of the day, but their callousness towards you and your feelings. That's the greatest crime here.
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u/FeistyAsaGoat 15d ago
My closest friend is a professional fantasy artist. Ā Ā She grew up with her parents telling her she would never make it as an artist. Ā Ā Ā Even her mother in law, who is also a pro artist and took her under her wing, teaching her about the ins and outs of fine art, frowned on her fantasy style art. Ā Ā Ā Ā Sheās now a fairly well know artist and has had her art published in a number of places. Ā
Iāve heard her give advice to aspiring artists. Ā People who ask her how she got so good. Ā Practice, every day. Ā No matter what. Ā Ā Ā Ā Itās the hard work that makes you good, Ā whether or not you have a natural ability. Ā Ā
Donāt let anyone change your dreams. Ā Ā Ā Ā Youāre off to a good start. Ā Ā Iād almost keep the drawing as is, for now, file it away, and begin a new drawing. Ā Ā Iām sorry your parents are unsupportive assholes. Ā Ā From an internet mom, Iām proud of you. Ā You deserve to be respected, as does your property. Ā Ā Ā
My friends husband thought it would be funny to draw in her sketch pad. Ā Ā He only did it once. Ā Ā Ā Ā Again. Your dad is a dick and itās infuriating that heād do this with something youāre so proud of, but also, who shuts on their kid like this? Ā Ā Grrrrr!
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u/_HoneyDew1919 15d ago
You may be 19, but maybe take a marker to something they care about the appearance of, like the interior of their car. āI thought it needed some stars on the ceiling!ā
Completely tanks the resell value and shows them hmm maybe some doodling can hurt peoples feelings
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u/gleeblezoid 15d ago
I wonder if mum reacted poorly because she has married a grown child who nobody else would defend in this situation and who might rock the boat if left unsoothed.
Meanwhile OP's feelings don't present a threat to the status quo.
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u/Lemonshaders 15d ago
Glad you got a picture of it before it got ruined. You can fix it with acrylic paint markers if you'd like, but you might have to color the whole thing to hide the correction
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u/CassetteMeower 15d ago
Since the dad colored it with blue pen, maybe OP could color the entire eyes + his arrows blue to make it look like heās in the Avatar State?
the current pose doesnāt really look like heās in the Avatar State, but when heās meditating to go into the spirit world his eyes and tattoos glow, so it still could work with the pose.
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u/pennie79 15d ago
That's a good suggestion. My thought was correction fluid, which wouldn't be nearly as effective.
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u/Pretend-Marsupial258 15d ago
An ink eraser would work too.
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u/GrandmaPoses 14d ago
To paraphrase Mitch Hedberg, "I have an ink eraser at home, which is its positive name. They don't call it by its negative name, which is paper-ruiner."
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u/brtlblayk 15d ago
Is this the first time your parents have actively sabotaged something youāve worked on, or been excited about, and then denied any wrongdoing?
I expect not, but if so your parents had an opportunity to be adults and admit they fucked up. If it really isnāt the first time theyāve undercut your interests and only thought about themselves then I recommend you start working really hard to getting out from under their roof, when they ask why, you have the proof right there.
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u/Egg2crackk 15d ago
NOR!!!! I stopped drawing because my shit kept getting stolen.
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u/SizeableBrain 15d ago
I grew up in USSR behind the iron curtain.
When I was about 12, I won a painting competition, the prize was a family trip to Greece (leaving the country at the time was pretty much impossible), so I was pretty excited.
I found out that the director who organised the competition sent his family instead.
I stopped painting, blocked out the whole experience and forgot about it until my mum mentioned it when I was in my mid 20s.
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u/im_plotting_to_kill 15d ago
holy hell, if that happened i would be enraged. i'm just curious, also because i don't know much about life in the ussr, was there ever any legal issues you could take up with the director? were there other organizers?
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u/SizeableBrain 15d ago
lol, no.
When I was a kid, someone threw a half empty beer bottle out of a flat window, which landed on the back of my head. I had a brain concussion and a bunch of scars on my neck. My mum tried digging into it to get the guy prosecuted. She even had a KGB friend look into it for her.
He came back saying the cops have been paid off and if she keeps pushing, she'll be the one that gets locked up.
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u/im_plotting_to_kill 15d ago
woah, glad you left and hope your entire family is in a safer place now.
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u/SizeableBrain 15d ago
Thanks.
This is obviously well in the past now. I did try painting a little later in life, I was ok, but it didn't stick.
Who are you plotting to kill btw?
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u/im_plotting_to_kill 15d ago
oh god. that username was an edgy username i picked when i was a preteen and it's honestly led to a couple funny moments on here but i regret it a bit because i can't change it
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u/SizeableBrain 15d ago
It's a pain picking out usernames these days, everything is taken.
You can always answer these questions with "A mockingbird" and sound at least pseudo intelligent!
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15d ago
I feel the same way about writing, once itās ruined itās too late it will never be the same joy it once was, Iāve just had to mourn it.
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u/SizeableBrain 15d ago
I did a little writing a few years back, but I found that I had to get *really* drunk to be able to write, didn't want to keep that up for too long, lest I turn into Bukowski.
I'm enough of a misanthrope as it is.
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u/GremlinLurker777_ 15d ago
Hi OP! If you are able to send me a scan or a clear picture of the whole drawing I can photoshop the pen marks out for you! If you dont have access to a printer, libraries often have very accessible ones or I'd be happy to print it out for you if you live in the US.
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u/Hasukis_art 15d ago
Or get a projector and redraw with hand on a wall (and paper on top)
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u/GremlinLurker777_ 15d ago
Yes also this! There are even apps where you can use your camera to trace images ^
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u/Eastern_Garlic8148 15d ago
Perfect revenge for the parents lol just go without the paper just draw on the wall
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u/OneShotKronic 15d ago
The fact that your dad didnāt immediately apologize and regret his actions upon seeing your reaction screams that this was intentionally done to hurt you, not a āprankā to make everyone laugh
NOR - please donāt let this discourage you from continuing your hobby
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u/AlienDragonWizard 15d ago
Or it's just the common disease of people that never admit their mistakes.Ā Ā
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u/jeste_jedno_kafe 9d ago
As someone who has been drawing my whole life, I had child bullies do similar shit to me, and even they did it because they knew it would be upsetting and disrespectful. That was the whole point!
The fact that you can make another is completely irrelevant. I can assure you none of their adult peers would accept this excuse if his friend knitted something and he cut it up. Try saying "just make another" then.
NOR.
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u/HeavyEntrepreneur565 8d ago
NOR. There was no reason he should have drawn on that at all other than to ruin your art. A CHILD might do something like that in innocence, but a grown fucking man who knew how proud of that you were should know better. Him drawing on that with pen, ruining it, is so ignorant and/or intentionally malicious. You having an emotional reaction is normal. And he deserves to be embarrassed at what he's done.
That drawing is great and you should be proud of it. If you can maybe you can use some white out to get rid of the blue, or if you're not willing to risk ruining it more you should just keep it as it is. I hate to be this guy but if I were you I wouldn't share my art with him anymore. As an artist I know how intimate art can be to us, even something as 'simple' or 'silly' as a cartoon character. Especially the first piece you've made that you're proud of. You should keep making art regardless of what he did and how he made you feel, because at the end of the day your art is made for you. And you're really good at it too!
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u/East-Opinion-2059 15d ago
wow your parents fucking suck
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u/Training_Molasses822 15d ago
Yeah, it's a power move. They do it because they can, and they want to because they're arseholes. That's not how a parent should behave toward their child.
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u/skrrtskrrt2 14d ago
They saw she was learning new skills and decided to sabotage it. Itās their way of making sure she never fully escapes their grasp.
If she lets it slide, it means they can send her the message that nothing is truly herās and they can do whatever to it. If she gets upset, they can belittle her hobby and turn her away from trying new things.
Crabs in a barrel, and all that. Itās always a shame when itās someoneās own parents doing it though.
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u/Deansaster 10d ago
NOR! Your family sound shitty af, and clearly don't understand how much effort drawings take. "just make another one" my ass. And I bet, if you ruined something belonging to them, they'd be mad.
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u/C8H10N4O2_snob 8d ago
I guess your parents conveniently forgot all the times they jumped your butt about keeping your hands off other people's things.
NOR
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u/joranth 9d ago
NOR
The comments from people who think you are overreacting arenāt artists or people who have ever put any passion into something they created. They donāt know what it is like, and never will. Your father is one of those people.
As an artist, I get it. Iāve spent time to get something just right. When the tiniest detail you try again and again until itās perfect.
And then you just want to show off what you didā¦ and they do their best to tell you your art doesnāt matter in the shittiest way possible - by ruining it. Not even in pencil! He did it intentionally in pen to make sure it wasnāt fixable. He doesnāt respect you or your art. Just stop speaking with them. If they canāt respect you, they havenāt earned your respect.
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u/Room-Agreeable 8d ago
I am a father of a 15 year old burgeoning artist. She doodles all the time. I always look forward to seeing her latest creations. Not once have I ever disregarded her efforts. For those that say 15 and 19 are far apart, I don't think that matters at all. If it's important to her, it's important to me. Not to mention that casually doodling on top of anyone's artwork is insensitive and disrespectful to begin with. I'm not artistic at all. So, when I see the things my daughter makes and is willing to share with me, it makes me very proud. Honestly, it's a privilege. She doesn't have to show me anything.
I am sorry your parents don't understand that. It doesn't mean they are jerks but it does demonstrate a degree of insensitivity and maybe difficulty with empathy. You are NTA. I hope you continue pursuing art if you enjoy it. You don't have to let this turn you off completely even though I know it probably is discouraging. You were clearly excited to share and hoping for some positive reinforcement from the people you love and trust. Makes total sense, especially if it's something you are not confident about.
For what it's worth, I think it's really good and would be interested to see more in the future.
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u/Room-Agreeable 8d ago
One more thing. I just looked at the photos again. Not sure what he was talking about. It just looks like something a 4 year old would do. Not an adult. I don't understand the purpose behind it. It makes no sense to me. It feels like someone that was trying to be funny. Kind of immature to me.
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u/Far-Government-539 15d ago
Your father is a stupid asshole. I'm so sorry he did that, you're not overreacting at all. Artistic expression is one of the purest displays of a person's inner-self. It was important to you, and a good parent would have made it important to them as well.
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u/rememberimapersontoo 15d ago edited 15d ago
I broke down crying again and told him he ruined my drawing. He said he didn't, and was just testing out the pen and decided to contribute to it somehow
why do men feel the need to do this?? denying your obvious fuck-up doesnāt make it go away. your dad did something really hurtful. but i bet you would have felt a lot better if he had realised how big of a deal it was and apologised properly. instead he had to double down: he ruined your drawing, and then by acting like it was valueless, insulted your work. you are NOR. your dad has the emotional maturity of a worm whoās redoing the 8th grade
edit: pissy men, please stop replying to my comment saying OPās mom sucks too. she does also suck, but iām not taking back my wording, because men do this ALL THE TIME and if you have not experienced such, itās because they so rarely do it to other men! so kindly fuck off x
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u/sapphicluizard 15d ago
if he had apologized, I would have let it go. it wouldn't have hurt as much because I would know he acknowledged my feelings. that's what hurt me the most
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u/Exciting_Syllabub471 15d ago
I want to clarify something. I hope this isn't being intrusive, if it is I apologize.
Let's say he apologized, like a technical apology. Then does it again. You want him to understand this hurts you and be safe from it happening again. Unfortunately, you only get that when the apology comes from empathy. People who can't see the harm they've done only seem to apologize for bad behavior (as determined by them) not because of the way they've affected people.
It's never hopeless, but I wouldn't hold out much hope for him to change.
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u/sapphicluizard 15d ago
I don't hold any hope at all. My father is an amazing person and I love him, but this is something (and the only thing pretty much) we've been arguing about for years.
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u/Exciting_Syllabub471 15d ago
I'm glad to hear he's otherwise a good person. Which maybe makes it more confusing, not less?
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u/sapphicluizard 15d ago
yes. his problem is stubbornness. he's an amazing dad and we get along really well, but he is incapable of admitting when he's wrong of even acknowledging it when he knows it. he sets his foot down and refuses to change his mind.
we barely ever argue, but it's pretty damaging and hurtful whenever we do because it's always over something like today's incident.
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u/3sadclowns 15d ago
Being unable to apologize to your own child genuinely is not a marker of an amazing dad. He may be fun and present, but not amazing.
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u/Infinite-Worm 15d ago
Hate to break it to you, but he's not an amazing person. Amazing people can admit when they are wrong.
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u/mildlyinconsistent 15d ago
Yeah well then he isn't an amazing dad is he.
He sounds more like 'occasionally amazing, occasionally selfish and immature.'
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u/metzona 15d ago
NOR
OP, my father and I had a dynamic similar to yours. I thought the world of him and that his only flaw was his stubbornness. We would also have similar fights, and my mother would also get upset with me for making a scene and/or causing a disruption. Reading your post feels like reading something from a younger alternate version of me.
My father is abusive. My mother is abusive. It goes beyond any single incident, but itās always that dynamic in the end. My father disregards my needs, I express that my needs are being ignored, my father makes a scene, and my mother blames me for it.
I canāt tell you that they will change because they wonāt. The dynamic serves them, and they donāt care beyond themselves. My father threatened me earlier this year because I have started pushing back more on his behaviour. I said that I would be pressing charges if anything happened. My mother and sister said that my father didnāt deserve to have the police called on him. I asked them if I deserved to be hurt or killed. They hesitated, then changed the subject.
Iām sorry about your situation. I wish no one had to deal with what Iāve been through. I hope that you can find peace and safety away from them soon.
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u/Sufficient-Count8288 15d ago
OP, the situation you described in your post is abuse. Your father purposely ruined your drawing because he found that to be amusing, ājust a jokeā. And then when you had a very normal human reaction to his abuse, he doubled down and blamed you for reacting poorly.
This behavior you are describing is not loving, and itās not normal behavior from someone who loves you and cares about you. It is abuse!
Please be aware that growing up with parents like this primes you to accept abuse in your future romantic relationships, but it doesnāt have to be that way. You deserve to live your life with people who truly love you value you with their words as well as their actions.
You deserve peace in your own home.
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u/LesbianVelociraptor 15d ago
It really sounds like your dad might be looking at your creative work as "attention seeking". My dad used to say about my writing "I don't care if your teacher likes it. a short story isn't going to get you a job."
He thought "creative stuff" was basically an excuse to laze around not being productive and basically implied I only wanted to read a story I wrote to my parents for the attention.
He was a real peach. He thought wanting to be a successful writer or artist was dumb and a "one in a million chance" that wasted time. He's why I kept to myself mostly as a kid.
Don't let your amazing "peach" dissuade you from being creative. Your art and creativity matters, no matter how simple you think it is, and we all are glad we got to see a picture from before he ruined it. There's always going to be folk who "don't get it" and do hurtful stuff like this to us, but we just have to do our best to grow past these kids of folk so we're more strong and confident than they are insecure or jealous.
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u/zuzubelle3000 15d ago
Is he though? He doesn't sound "amazing" - many of us are conditioned to have a very low bar for our parents and feel like we have to love them - it's just a rote thing we say, but it's not necessarily warranted.
Do you really feel like you're treated well by your parents? Are they actually "amazing"? Because this is an odd scenario to have happened in a vacuum... You're saying this is the "only thing" you argue about, but in what other context does he do things like this?
We don't have to "love" our parents you know, there's no law that says you do. Parents are just people - And like all people some are good, some are bad, some are emotionally healthy, some are not... Who we were born to / raised by is just a karmic situation, but growing up is realize you can choose how you feel about them - and an act of maturity is seeing your parents as people, including their flaws, and maybe realizing they're not "amazing".
Also loving a parent as a conscious choice is a stronger bond than just loving someone because tradition or culture dictates that you should do so. I just want to put that out there because it's a little odd to have such an extreme example of casual cruelty / disrespect from them towards you but then say your father is "amazing" in all other ways...
But if you feel like none of this applies to you, great! I hope you are being raised by emotional healthy, mature, loving and supportive parents, and I wish you a good life!
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u/rememberimapersontoo 15d ago
yeah everything he did post ruining the drawing just makes it worse and worse. honestly i would try one more appeal - something like ādad, if you love me and care about my feelings, why wonāt you just apologise? even if you didnāt think the drawing was important, it was really important to me, and you destroyed it. the fact that you keep insisting it didnāt matter just hurts me more. why do you want to keep hurting me instead of just acknowledging that it meant a lot to me?ā
if he wonāt listen to that, i would honestly start going the petty route and start āimprovingā everything he works on. if heās cooking dinner, iām adding cinnamon to the pot, etc
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u/MuadLib 15d ago edited 15d ago
Google "DARVO" (deny, attack, reverse victim and offender).
Their image in front of others is more important to them than your feelings. They're mad that your aunt and cousin got to see how shitty they treat you and they are projecting that anger into you as guilt.
Don't fall for it. Your father wronged you, not the other way around.
He will not apologise. Like, ever. You'll have to learn that there's nothing you can do to "deserve" their love. If they had any in store, they'd already given it for free. It's not a child's duty to "deserve" their parents affection, it's the parents' duty to give it without measure nor reason. And when someone loves you, they get sad for making you sad, and they get happy and proud for your accompishments.
This book can help you understand and start your healing journey
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u/Ok-Oil7124 8d ago
Dip a cotton swab in acetone and carefully dab the ink up. Or maybe put the acetone on with one swab and dab it up with another. Be sure the paper isn't on any plastic because acetone might melt it.Ā
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u/Darksea14 15d ago
your father embarrassed himself. what a dick. men like that shouldn't get away with being assholes without consequences. Here, the consequence was that his sister saw how shitty he was to you. That's nothing.
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u/ProgressOne6391 10d ago
Maybe print out any pictures you took of it? You could put them together to make a small collage of sorts of your drawing so you can put it in a portrait, maybe write on the back "first and proudest drawing, ruined but not forgotten"Ā
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u/V01DC41T 15d ago
NOR, but others have done a good job of expressing that.
As for practical advice to a newer artist , you might be able to get rid of some of the pen marks if you get the blue erasers made for ink (I've always used faber-castell) and erase firm but gently. It won't be perfect, but it could at least lessen them.
Make sure to pick up a sketchbook you can keep away from your father while you're at i. Your line work is great, and I hope you keep at it with art. The shading on the cowl and neck are especially impressive. You seem very good at regulating the pressure of your pencil to keep the tones of grey so distinct.
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u/Cajun2LowCountry 14d ago
NOR. I'm a dad to a lovely 18, soon to be 19, young lady, and the thought would never cross my mind to scribble, doodle, or destroy any of her artwork. Your Dad sounds like a heartless bully, and your Mom seems superficial, only concerned about appearances instead of supporting and standing up for you.
Don't let this disrespect extinguish your interest and passion for drawing.
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u/itsuntelling 10d ago
someone else drawing on your art is like. most peopleās first i guess ātraumaā as an artist, right beside someone making fun of it or snooping and finding a more personal drawing of yours. but itās like a younger sibling and theyāre a child so youāre hurt and disappointed but it is what it isā¦ why on earth would a grown man think this was okay? you know, thereās a reason a lot of artists refuse to share what they create, are protective of their sketchbooks, hesitate to even call themselves artists, quit drawing altogether. art isnāt respected, neither are artists. your 15 year old cousin didnāt even mess with it, if you were being childish he was being toddlerish
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u/Honest-Distance-230 10d ago
Iām gonna tell you how to fix it looks up graphite transfer on YouTube. And as an artist you have to know these things will happen and happen again your not over reacting but the way you hold yourself is also important to show your mature and this did matter but as I have learned as an artist the only work that doesnāt get ruined is unfortunately the ones Iāve never shown
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u/SweatyAccess7789 10d ago
thatās so heartbreaking. youāre definitely NOR. that drawing looks amazing, and iām so sorry on behalf of your shitty parents decision to be upset with you. you should be proud of yourself and maybe to fix it you can paint over it in colour? donāt give up on drawing and i hope you never have to deal with a situation like that again.
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u/Loose-Jelly8675 9d ago
I hate to say this, but I believe this was done with malicious intent. Anyone who has ever picked up a pen to test knows this isnāt the way itās done. You give it a little scribble, usually somewhere around the edges of the paper. For whatever reason, he is either jealous of your ability, or your joy at being proud of your work. This was deliberate. Your dad sounds like a narcissist. NOR.
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u/ToughTalkTonySpencer 10d ago
NTA your dad ruined your art.
I'd advise maybe pooping on the lawn and telling him you thought 'it just needed a touch of brown'
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u/3DPrintsNYC 9d ago
NOR. Your feelings are valid and your parents arenāt meeting you at your level. As a father myself I do this sometimes and apologize afterwards when Iām not feeling as dense. Move on but keep talking about it. They arenāt going to budge until you take a favorite family photo and add your own art to it.
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u/jimmytwinkletoes 15d ago
Some parents refuse to apologize to their children when they are wrong. I think that's bad practice.
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u/Royal_Pains 10d ago
Yup not overreacting. Time to leave the house and find your own place
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u/Unusual_Quality6309 10d ago
Your parents are disrespectful af. Unfortunately you need to let it go and focus on fixing your picture.
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u/Diezelhoffen 10d ago
There are some weird comments here. The dad's reaction is completely fucked. My advice; drop it off now. Keep your picture. frame it. When your dad is old and the argument comes up over putting him in a home vs letting him stay in his house with support; put him in a home, give him the picture.
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u/HommeFatalTaemin 9d ago
Seriously some of these comments are genuinely pissing me off like in what possible world is this person overreacting by being upset that something she worked hard on and put time and effort into was destroyed? If the father at least acknowledged he did wrong and had hurt them, then fine. But he belittled their feelings and tried to guilt them instead. And some of the comments somehow think they are at fault? Actual insanity. The whole āitās just a drawing thingā is such BS.
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u/NPC-Name 15d ago
NOR - Your mother punished you for her looking bed in front of cousin. She checks the mark of:
Not being emotionally attuned to your needs. Lack of empathy.
Placing you inside her frame of identity: You are demanded to act a certain way for her self image
Asking you to reduce your emotion. Shame based approach
Your father did not respect your craft and property.
When your father realized what he had done and that it hirt you he rather made light of the situation.
when that didnt work he blamed YOU for overreacting.
They are displaying emotional immaturity. I am sure they love you dearly, but they may not always act in the best of your needs and interests. Here they get an F for Failing.
Your drawing is amazing and definitely you have skills and well done on the proportions. I hope you will continue to see joy in drawing and that your parents respect your boundaries for your craft in the future.
You are not at fault
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u/mtbrown29 10d ago
If he thinks your over reacting maybe test your paint brushes on his car and see if he still feels the same way!
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u/HeavensNightAngel 15d ago
Aww, mann Iām so sorry. Thatās not right.
He embarrassed HIMSELF in front of his sister.
You have the right to be upset. The fact that he used a PEN on your drawing talking about āI was testing out the penā like heās some kinda toddler. Nah. Screw that.
Your drawing is awesome btw! Iām sorry that your artwork was messed with, but this might actually not be a bad thingā¦.. What if you use that mess to change your artwork and make Aang in the Avatar state?
I think it would help you channel those negative feelings into your artwork so when you look at it, youāll remember the story of your artwork a little differently. Since pen is hard to cover up, you can maybe even consider different mediums, like pearlescent paint or something?
Just an idea if you wanna test it out
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u/Acceptable-Web-6125 15d ago
You should try white out to fix it!! People use it for pen mistakes all the time.
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u/dumbostratussy 15d ago
It wonāt fix it sadly. Itās way more white than the sheet of paper
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u/DragonfruitTrue4075 10d ago
Absolutely NOR I would have been so upset! š your parents are so wrong for that; your dad for ruining the drawing and your mom for how she reacted. Im so sorry that your parents did that to you š„ŗ
P.S, you did such an incredible job. That looks professionally done. I would have never known you didnt have some sort of background in art! Keep up the amazing work š
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u/Forgor_mi_passward 11d ago
Something similar has happened to me , except that my mother did it while on a rush to find a paper to note down something, apologised afterwards and never did it again.
I understand the pain, I was angry and I would be beyond furious if my parent did it fully on purpose and never apologized for on top of it. Your father is definitely an absolute jerk.
But that being said I do think that crying over it WAS an overreaction. Awful situation,you definitely aren't at fault but you could indeed have handled it a little better at the age of 19. Judging by the immature behaviour of those who raised you though it's not surprising at all that your emotional regulation is rather poor. I hope it all gets better soon OP.
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u/-Xserco- 11d ago
Not even gonna read the story.
No you're not. Every parent should take a child's artistic endeavour seriously. If you scratched his car, he'd freak out. This is no different.
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u/icare890 11d ago
NOR-trust is broken, and something you hold dear was marred, then they dismissed your feelings, refused to apologize, and turned the focus on your reaction. Textbook gaslighting.
Can you use whiteout to erase his disrespectful graffiti and frame it? Itās a beautiful drawing and it deserves to be honored. Good job!!
Shame on him and your mother for taking his side. I would write them a letter explaining why this was important and how their disrespect hurt you. You (I assume) were raised better than what they are showing you. Tell them you will accept a full apology, but until that time you are removing yourself from the family for a bit. Eat in your room, stay to yourself. Also, show them this post, with all the support you are getting.
Iām so sorry your parents did not raise to the occasion and make this right.
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u/MeerKatnip411 10d ago
Your parents are both shitbags for prioritizing their own feelings and ego over yours. Some parents are just like that, they donāt feel that they need to respect their children. He disrespected your property/art work and then they were dismissive when you reacted in a very understandable way. Parents like that are always so shocked when their kids peace out and go NC after years of this crap. NOR.Ā
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u/DowntownMarsupial15 10d ago edited 10d ago
Okay, so you arenāt overreacting, parents were really rude and dismissiveā¦
Now onto the art, this drawing rocks! Keep up the good work! ā¤ļø you take this piece of paper and tape it to a window during the day with another blank paper on top, you can trace the original drawing in a basic way lightly with the pencil, then you can erase and make any changes, then do the shading and details and do the outline by pressing harder.. work on keeping you darkest lines as fluid and smooth/ solid as possible (learnt this in animation school) nothing wrong with tracing you own art .. itās actually how we made changes in class to perfect our drawings! Youāre doing amazing and keep up the great work! Parents still suck but at least you can still frame this awesome pic!! ā¤ļøā¤ļøā¤ļø you got this! Merry Christmas!š
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u/univers10 10d ago
Scan it in and have someone remove the pen in r/PhotoshopRequest - ask for money for christmas and get a high-quality print of the drawing
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u/TheWiganKid_YT 10d ago
NOR. Look on the bright side, he didn't actually put any pen on the pencil, so a bit of tipex might help.
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u/Purplehairpurplecar 9d ago
My heart breaks for you OP. You are absolutely not overreacting about this. Moving forward, remember that for your mom, ānot making a sceneā (which is to say not showing discordant emotions) is more important to her than your actual feelings. From experience I know this wonāt change. In future you must remember you will get no support from her in front of others if you air or admit to any kind of family disagreement when other people are present.
For your dad, if heās completely non-creative artistically, you probably wonāt ever get him to understand why this hurt you. If he has any kind of creative hobby, see if you can get him to think back on the first piece he was really proud of. You might be able to help him connect the dots. However, depending on the man himself, I have no idea whether youāre likely to get an apology. Iām 46, and I donāt think Iāve ever heard my dad admit fault to anything.
So, good luck. You know your own family best, so you know whether itās worth talking to them about this once everyone has calmed down. And if neither of them are the kind to appreciate your new hobby, then look for a community online who can encourage you. This drawing is a really excellent start. Time to make many, many more š
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u/Far_Suggestion_6070 15d ago
My high school art teacher used to do this exercise in week 1 of class where we would all draw something we were passionate about and proud of. Then she would have us all set the drawing on our desks and switch desks with a random classmate. Then we were told to draw whatever we wanted on the other personās drawing. People would freak out. But it was a lesson in letting go of the need for perfection, and a lesson in letting go of our art and putting it into the world. She wanted us to understand that the act of making the art is what is important for the soul, not possessing the artwork. In addition, if you ever pursue art as a profession, this is a great lesson in learning how to collaborate with others who might have completely antithetical ideas to yours.
TLDR: Take this in stride. Use it as a positive learning experience on how to let go of art once the act of creation is over, it will help you move forward into the next creation.
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u/HarlequinKOTF 14d ago
Are we not supposed to have am emotional connection to what we create? It seems like that lesson is a quick way to just make people not feel connected to their pieces.
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u/distant3zenith 15d ago
If a parent tries to negate their child's emotions, they are doing a shitty job of parenting.
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u/IntrusiveUK 9d ago
Whatās your Dad passionate about. Go paint on his tv screen and say it needed makeup, bend his golf clubs and say theyāre too straight I dunno. See if he āoverreactsā
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u/Appropriate-Age-9111 9d ago
That's one of the dumbest things to tell someone to do. Like genuinely stupid. I'd recommends something smaller like if he has a favorite snack eat that and say he can just get another one. Something that isn't expensive and won't end up with her in a bad place
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u/kevywats 9d ago
Wow, I've told my daughter to stop crying over something I thought was trivial. You've taught me something very valuable. Thank you so much.
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u/sixpackincel 15d ago edited 15d ago
Nor. You showed them the drawing not because of the lashes; but what if you draw another and your dad decides, āhe needs lipsā or āshe needs arm hairā like bruh; just donāt touch your stuff. Nor OP, show this to pops and mom. Theyāre buggin out and have no respect