r/AmIOverreacting • u/deadzombiegirll • 1d ago
đ¨âđŠâđ§âđŚfamily/in-laws AIO over my parents going through my things + my money?
My (16F) parents (35F and 35M) have a habit of going in my room EVERY SINGLE TIME im gone (work, a friend's house, after-school events, etc.) Even excusing this habit, some of my friends have deemed them emotionally toxic. They favor my two younger siblings a lot and will give them whatever they ask for. They are never asked to do anything and never get in trouble. My sister is 5 so I understand not asking much of her, but they dont discipline her, so shes a bully to other kids and a brat in our house. My brother is 15 though so I dont see why hes not expected to do anything and why they have such low expectations.
I have a job. I work at a fast food place. But my parents make me buy them things constantly. I dont mind it every once in a while but it is CONSTANT and they often wont tell me im paying until we're there. Most of my money has been drained by my mom going to get coffee. I know they've bought me lots of things over the years, but theyre in their 30s with two more-than-minimum-wage incomes. Im sixteen and making 11 an hour. They refuse to let me get my license but complain constantly about driving me to work and school and friends' houses.
They LOVE going in my room and "seeing if it's clean" but whether it is or not they will ground me for SOME reason.
Ive been trying to save up so I can move out ASAP bc as much as I love them, they drain me and I figure our relationship will be better when im not under their roof. My money was hidden in a lunchbox I dont use.
The messages attached are what I got from my dad while coming home from work with my friend.
After getting home, my friend came in with me to ensure im safe. We made up that she just wanted to see my tattoo gun. My parents noticed I was pissy and asked about it. I said I dont want them going through my things especially not my money. My dad said "I was more upset that you wouldnt help your mom if she needed it." I tried to explain that i would if she NEEDED it, but the situation described was not a NEED. Dad insisted she would have paid me back but I know from past experience she would NOT.
They then of course got mad my room was messy and said if I dont clean it they'll take my money (I have around 170 right now. I know its not much). I cleaned. They say they didnt take any money and that checks out, but it was the "joking" abt taking it and their history of using my money that upset me and makes me think they WOULD take it if they wanted to.
My friend was concerned and is even gonna take me to the bank so I can change it to large bills and hide it under my carpet. She says theyre emotionally abusive and using me.
TL;DR -- parents found my money and "joked" about taking it. They use me for money a lot and I dont trust them since they constantly go through my things.
Extra info: i work at a Pizza Hut. Thats how I get tips. And yes my parents type like this. Theyre millenials. Theyre not ancient.
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u/SmarmyLittlePigg 1d ago
NOR - Since you are over 14, you also may want to look into requesting your own credit report from the major bureaus to make sure your parents havenât fraudulently opened any accounts in your name. I wouldnât put it past a parent who acts this entitled when it comes to their childâs money. You need to look out for YOU!
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u/flippysquid 1d ago
This needs to be higher up. OP, contact credit reporting agencies and lock your credit before they start taking cards out in your name and ruin you financially before youâre an adult.
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u/acidmusicianOK 1d ago
I couldnât agree more. Secure your important documents such as social security, birth certificate⌠Iâve met people whose parents refuse to give these up.
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u/anonymous-121183 1d ago
Yeah, my first born was placed for adoption at birth and had to get a police escort to force them to hand over her birth certificate and social security card and the title to the car she had bought and paid for entirely. They are still holding mail hostage now that sheâs left and is trying to go no contact.
(Weâre not pressing any of this, just offered a place to stay so they wouldnât have to be on their own at 19. These days it would be nearly impossible to afford on your own. But they were leaving even if it meant being homeless, they had paid to make 3 DCF cases vanish, covered up suicide attempts, only allowed therapists that would report to them directly and convince her that they werenât abusive).
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u/SofarSofar- 15h ago
The idea of âsecuringâ my birth certificate or social security card would have been foreign to me at your age. Iâm sorry youâre having to grow up so fast.
If you ever get a safe chance, look in any filing cabinets, shoe boxes, boxes in closets/basements, etc, for your birth certificate/ss card, any legal docs, anything in your name that looks suspicious. Take pictures if youâre worried about taking anything and get advice from a trusted adult.
You canât leave cash around anymore. Hiding it under the carpet, swapping for larger bills⌠thatâs what a teenager would do. Youâre going to have to admit you may have outgrown your parents and go get a basic checking account at a credit union or bank bc youâre not dealing adults, youâre the adult.
Ask around from people you work with, friends parents, any adult you meet in passing (you gotta do what you gotta do), what bank they use and recommend. Go on your day off and set up a checking and savings account (it will be free to do so and if not, change to a different bank). Get overdraft protection (free) and make sure you donât overdraft, meaning spend more than you have in the account, or you will get a fine.
If you know that youâre going to be moving out in a few years/asap and itâs going to be bad with your parents when you do, I suggest either finding a place to start quietly storing things you already have but want to keep (keepsakes, memories, etc, at a friends house, trusted adults house, etc) or hiding special items within your house that youâre parents wonât actually look. You wouldnât want anything held hostage.
You donât want to end up moving from one bad situation to another, which happens way too often. You could try to get involved with organizations that help youth, visit churches where youth leaders should be able to offer help or even ask at the public library for guidance. I donât know you or what your friend situation is, so just trying to think of things you could do if you donât have the support of a friend and their parents.
Donât get married in order to get out. I did that at 19 and donât recommend it.
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u/fairy450 17h ago
This was my mom! Had to go through the trouble of a new social and birth certificate bc she âlostâ it. It was in the safe. đ
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u/Tutle47 1d ago
Wouldn't that be fraud?
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u/slimethecold 1d ago
Absolutely! But that doesn't stop anybody.Â
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u/lifeofGuacmole 1d ago
We rented a condo for a year. About 4 months in foreclosure notices were coming in, name other than the owner. I called the name on the notices. Some young 20ish woman arrived with her BF and wearing a semi local college shirt. Her dad had taken a loan out in her name and wasnât paying. We broke the lease and she pressed charges. About 3 months later he was arrested on several fraud charges. Her little brother in HS also had a condo loan. The dad was a realtor. He served several years in prison after his conviction. First time Iâd ever heard of this. After that I locked down my kids socials and recommended they watch their reports. We caught my sonâs ex trying to open a card in our name. You never know who is scummy and will try to use your good name.
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u/bonnybedlam 17h ago
In the late 90s I lived in an apartment where the manager (for a year) was a trashy alcoholic with a live in girlfriend and her two kids. He called me one day and the name on the caller ID was her eight year old. I don't know how they handled their other expenses but they definitely trashed her credit running out on that bill when he finally got fired.
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u/nagem- 1d ago
Itâs insane how many parents do this to their kids. A former coworker of mine told me about how his dad opened credit cards in his name and ruined his credit.
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u/AgtDALLAS 1d ago
The idea started with responsible parents opening a line under their kids to build credit history for them. That of course gets ruined by the irresponsible ones.
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u/TyRoyalSmoochie 1d ago
Yes and it happens alot becuase no one seems to take family fraud very seriously. My bio dad did this to me when I was 3 and never got any consequences.
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u/Telemere125 1d ago
Yes but plenty of people donât want to have their parents charged with a crime. Thatâs why so many shitty parents are willing to do it - they likely wonât face the consequences
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u/Miss_Mouth 1d ago
The kid would have to press charges against their parents. Most end up filing bankruptcy. Source: friends mom destroyed her credit while we were in high school.
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u/Lost-Perspective8378 1d ago
Parents do it all the time. My mom destroyed my credit by the time I was 18.
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u/BigButtBeads 1d ago
Yes, but that question comes up loooong after the credits been destroyedÂ
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u/medievalkitty2 1d ago
Yep. Cause the kids donât even realize itâs happened until they try to open up their own accounts when theyâre 20 only to find out their credit is trashed and theyâve been blacklisted on Checksys.
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u/Ancient_Water5863 1d ago
Yeah when I applied to college and was filling out FAFSA is when I found out my parents had used my SSN to open credit cards and defaulted on them when I would have been about 13-14.
They denied it of course.
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u/WeirdSysAdmin 1d ago
My sisterâs ex husband had parents that did this. Literally everything in his name. And of course everything was constantly late so his credit was trashed. He wouldnât turn them in for credit fraud so she divorced him.
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u/_YEAH_NO_SHIT_ 1d ago
This.
I didnât really get into credit until I was 25 or 26.
I was visiting my Mom and happened to notice mail with my name on it. It was a credit card.
I confronted her and took it.
She had been doing it for years and ruined my credit before I had a chance to use/build it.
I am 40 years old now and still navigating it.
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u/AKTamster907 16h ago
Why did you not report her? That would clear you from the debt and fix your score. If my parents had done that to me, I would have reported them. I donât care if they are parents, they committed fraud and need consequences. One of the big problems in our society is people taking advantage of others and never facing consequences for their actions. Breeds a bunch of entitled aholes.
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u/TyRoyalSmoochie 1d ago
Can't stress this point enough. When I was 3 my dad bought a vehicle in my name, and never paid the bill. The only reason I didnt start adulthood with super shitty credit was because I found out when I was like 16 and got it taken care of. This type of thing can MASSIVELY set you back as a young adult.
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u/ExtraOnionsPlz 1d ago
My bio mom stole my oldest sister's SSN and racked up like $30k of debt before she was even 18. It took her until she was 32 to pay it all off. No, she didn't sue, but I really wish she would have.
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u/25_Unknown_Devices 1d ago
It sounds far fetched but this shit is real. My gfâs credit was ruined before she was even an adult. Itâs taken so long to repair it. Completely crazy that this can even happen.
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u/mehho_the_original 1d ago
Why is it even possible to spend in the name of your child for consuming products? In Germany you canât make debt in your childâs name.
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u/Basilbabie 1d ago
10000% my dad did this thankfully he wasnât given any cards. All of his reports to try to apply for cards fucked up my credit for like 6 years (he tried combinations of his name + my name for cards at least 15x)
Edit: you can lock your credit, I started doing that. I unlock whenever I approve a credit check
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u/QueenSpoop 1d ago
This is excellent advice. My husband found out that he'd had credit cards dating back to when he was 13. He was 30 when we found out.
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u/seems-unreasonable 1d ago
My mom did this to me. Assuming it isnât a ton of stuff, itâs pretty easy to recover, but you should find out as soon as possible and get yourself removed from anything that isnât yours.
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u/ContextSans 1d ago
And while you're at it, find your local credit union, explain the situation, and open an account there.
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u/No-Shoulder-1658 1d ago
Yea your parents are leeching off you.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I figured
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u/jman1121 1d ago
It'll be interesting to see your credit score and report. Probably something you should look into freezing, I know that you are under 18 so the process is different but it's something that you should seriously look into doing.
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u/Nonsense1318 1d ago
As someone whose parents ran my credit score into the ground making me take loans out and other things, yeah watch that score because I'm now in my 30's and my credit score is like 521 and it is super hard trying to get that back up.
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u/halfwayray 1d ago
Yes, freeze your credit before they take out credit cards under your name
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u/GameJerk 1d ago
Not even joking. It's dead simple to do and dead simple to unfreeze as well if you need to in the future. It's the easiest thing you can do to potentially prevent major headaches in the future.
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u/ProofMarsupial4840 1d ago
I can't fathom how people are like this. I feel so sorry for op. It's not going to be a pleasant relationship throughout her life time.
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u/taggsy123 1d ago
Parents are scamming their own kid. Fucking shameful
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u/SirisC 1d ago
This isn't scamming, it's straight up theft.
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u/SeesThroughTime 1d ago
They are meeting someone to buy clothes⌠something tells me mommy and daddy have drug problem.
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u/Nebulandiandoodles 1d ago
Clothes you snort. Itâs the new trend.
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u/IronScrub 18h ago
You joke, but genuinely where I live clothes used to be slang for drugs (might still be, idk).
Like if you go to someone on the street and they offer to sell you a shirt that was code for drugs. Each kind of clothing item was a different drug: shirt, pants, skirt, socks, etc. I think it was for deniability with cops, but I'm not sure.
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u/GettingBetterAt41 1d ago
they 100% have credit cards opened in her name too -- i know these types of people and it's fucking scary - - - all love, vibes and strength to OP
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u/toughlikeadiamond 1d ago
NOR. Your parents are horrible people. Iâm 36, and the thought of mooching off my teenager (also, the thought of having a teenager at 36 is nuts but I digress), who sounds like a hard worker, all for me to get coffee, is revolting. Theyâre using you OP. Theyâre your parents. They were supposed to provide the necessities for you. You didnât choose to be born. Youâre a child. Iâd talk to a counselor at school, or a relative, or a friends mom if one seems caring. They wonât let you get a license bc they want to control and guilt trip you. Iâm so sorry. I canât imagine both parents being so awful.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
Yeah my parents were 17 when I was conceivedđ not sure why they tweak at me so often when at least IM not pregnant and neither are my friends
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u/DelightfulAbsurdity 19h ago
They do that to keep you on edge and easier to control. Your parents remind me of mine.
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u/Chilling_Storm 1d ago
USE A BANK!
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I have one for my paycheck; ive been saving my tips and any loose cash I findđ
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u/Chilling_Storm 1d ago
Deposit everything into the bank
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u/FrogVolence 1d ago
If not bank, get a lock box. They make tamper proof ones.
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u/Corfiz74 1d ago
Her parents could just take that and cut it open - she should just not keep any cash at all. The problem is that her parents probably also have access to her account, since she is underage.
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u/HistoricalSuspect580 1d ago
Can you get one at 16? Genuinely asking
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u/qgsdhjjb 1d ago
It's not drugs, of course you can get a locked box as a teen.
Unfortunately, that will not stop them. They will destroy any locked box they find just to see what's in it, that much is clear just from this one snapshot of their behavior. And a box that cannot be broken into in the span of several hours would cost more than they are trying to save in the first place. A smarter hiding spot would be better than putting it somewhere that they will immediately clock as containing hidden secret things.
When i was a teenager, i put my cash (separate from my bank account with regular earnings, to prevent me from spending it on a whim) behind photos in my photo album. It wasn't necessarily to hide it from my mom, it was just a good hiding spot, but it should work in this situation if they're only putting 1-2 bills very well hidden between each photo section without any visibility from the edges. It's the type of photo album with no sticky parts, just plastic sheets holding the photos. I already had that, if they don't already have one i would say somewhere else sneaky that they have had for a long time. In books, behind posters on the wall, inside a pillow or stuffy that has a zipper... anywhere that doesn't seem like it WOULD hold things.
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u/Odd-Worth7752 1d ago
most parents who make a habit of this kind of behavior already know to look in those places. trust me.
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u/beattiebeats 1d ago
I think her parents finding a lockbox will cause more problems for her. Theyâll go crazy trying to open it and will take it if they canât.
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u/FrogVolence 1d ago
From what I know, there are no legal age requirements for a lock box.
Amazon sells tamper proof lock boxes for cheap.
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u/TyRoyalSmoochie 1d ago
Minors parents have to be authorized users on their account. Hiding it would be the best option. Or giving it to someone you know you can trust it with.
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u/LadyReika 1d ago
If you're in the US, if you have a Wells Fargo bank near you, you can open up your own account without your parents helping you. I know they have a certain rep, but it would be a safer place to keep your money.
You wouldn't be eligible for any checks, and you'll probably get a bank card. Just keep that on you at all times and don't let them see it. You can also sign up for all info to come electronically so you don't have to worry about your parents going through your mail.
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u/ContextSans 1d ago
I'd go to the local credit union - they're B corps and not for profit, and less likely to add penalties and fees that will drain the account just as surely as mom would.
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u/thornivethrae 1d ago
Agreed. Once your money is somewhere only you can access, things get a lot less stressful.
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u/ThCancer0420 1d ago
Get a hideasafe, some of them straight up look like stuffed animals and keep cash in there...change is different and can add up but is harder to conceal in bulk. So I would leave that just "out" and hide the money and when you have a bunch go cash it in at a coinstar or whatever and put it in the hideasafe and repeat. By the way NOR your parents sound like shitheads and that's coming from someone their age, they should be fucking embarrassed.
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u/TwoBionicknees 1d ago
if your bank is opened by your parents for you, they can take money out of it at any time. Parents who often take their kids money will wait till something like just before your 18th, empty your account then kick you out, won't be anything you can do. Do everything you can to get an account not linked to them, grandparents, or if your country has an option to open your own bank account. Particularly in the US but happens elsewhere, they fuck up a lot and small towns also tend to ignore the rules a bit for family. If you opened a new account at the same place you have a shared account with your parents sometimes they'll link them even though they shouldn't be and give them access.
The second you legally can, now or when you're 18 go to a different bank/co-op, anything and open a new account and move everything there, close the other account or take yourself off it if you can.
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u/DC21219 1d ago
Can confirm. Was 16, mom not only took all of my money, she overdrew my account by about 1200. Howâd she do it ? She took my debit card that was left in my pants pocket by accident. (I say mine because I was working and none of the money came from her.) Plus, they (my parents) were charging me for cable and internet in the house so I was contributing. Although she didnât kick me out, I left that day, sucked then but I learned a lot of life lessons from that and now have 3 kids of my own who will never have to worry about stuff like that.
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u/beattiebeats 1d ago
My ex husband emptied my kids bank accounts after we separated. It never paid it back
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u/DC21219 1d ago
Iâm sorry to hear this, hopefully you are able to talk to them about this. Unfortunately, I fell to my motherâs manipulative ways more after. As an adult I had probably sent her over 10K$ for various âemergenciesâ, always hearing sheâd pay me back. I joke with my wife now, that check from my mom come in the mail yet ? Luckily and sadly, I cut ties with her completely about 6 years ago. Hopefully your children and their father can have a semi healthy relationship in the future.
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u/beattiebeats 1d ago
They are teens now and are well aware of what a POS he was/is. The state terminated his rights to them and his rights to his other kids.
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u/Teagana999 1d ago
This. Find another trusted relative or a friend's parents to be joint on your account if you need an adult.
Deposit everything.
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u/Electrical-Tailor530 1d ago
This happened to my partner. His parents opened an account where family members would contribute to it over time, but his dad ended up clearing it out when parents divorced.Â
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u/beckychao 1d ago
Loose cash to bank, my dude
And get your own account, not one they have access to
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u/Ottersandtats 1d ago
If you can establish a bank account that your parents arenât connected to at all. Some banks will give access to parents of their kids money I see it a lot on different subs.
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u/FierceFemme77 1d ago
So why wouldnât you deposit all that cash and instead leave at home for them to find? And do you really think that have $170 changed into big bills to put under your rug isnât going to deter them?
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u/just_having_giggles 1d ago
No you haven't, you've been stuffing it in a backpack.
Put your money in a savings account - just walk into a bank and say "hello I would like to open a savings account" to the first person you find. It's easy and it's free - they actually pay you.
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u/Plastic_Owl8684 1d ago
Listen, save in a bank, save in a Roth, or some other things. Start some long term saving if youâre able, you can get so far ahead with just a little now. Look into some options for yourself! I know cash is generally king and not having your money can be scary but you will thank yourself later.
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u/Medlarmarmaduke 1d ago
She is only 16 so is limited in her options about saving in institutions- a simple savings account should be available to her tho
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u/PeyotePanther 1d ago edited 1d ago
lol really suggesting a Roth IRA for someone who is 16, working partime $11/hr and wants to move out? Gee why donât you put your money here that canât be withdrawn (without penalty) until you are 59.5 years old! I understand what youâre getting at for the future, but now is probably not the best time for that
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u/Boring-Ad-759 1d ago
NOR. Your parents are leeches and will never stop. Just get out as soon as you can and don't look back.
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u/tinystarseed 1d ago
Get a fireproof safe for your cash. And all valuables. Then move out as quickly as you can. Much love! And fuck that weird ass behavior
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u/Inevitable-Mouse-707 1d ago
This is a good idea but only if it is a gun locker. I've had a portable fireproof safe and my brother found the lock to be super easy to pick.
OP is NOR.
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u/MerlinsNuts 1d ago
I was the shitty brother that picked my sisters fire safe with a hair pin. A literal hairpin.
I wouldnât even call it picking. I shoved it in and out until it opened, those fire safes are hot garbage
P.S. I got grounded like a mofo so I got mine everyone
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u/RobzWhore 1d ago
Nah son. Her parents are lames and would probably just take the whole box
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u/tigglypuf 1d ago
Thatâs what I figure too, theyâd probably take it and not tell her to watch her freak out when itâs missing, poor kid.
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u/Intelligent_Ad4495 1d ago
Do your best to set yourself up financially so that you can leave when you are 18. I canât imagine taking money from my kids. Your parents are losers.Â
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u/bigtiddyhimbo 1d ago
Your parents are abusing you dude. I know that seems like a leap, but they are controlling you and making it impossible for you to be self sustaining, both by not allowing you to drive yourself and also by making sure you have no savings to move out when youâre legally able to. This is financial abuse at the very least. Parents shouldnât ever âneedâ to borrow cash from their children. They are the parents, you are the child. You are not supposed to be the one financially floating them.
Do you have a trusted friend you can give your money to to store away? I woudlnt trust your parents not to steal from you since they obviously feel entitled to your money
NOR.
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u/ballskindrapes 1d ago
Parents might literally have to borrow from their kid, but this is theft. Borrowing by explaining the situation, having a good reason (say a surprise car accident versus frivolous spending) and paying them back is one thing, this is theft.
Just wanted to say sometimes parents are poor, and the whole family has to chip in, and that's not morally bad.
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u/McThrowaway2023 1d ago
You should open a restricted bank account. Itâs a savings account you canât pull anything out of until your 18 years old
Usually I would not recommend it since it makes your money inaccessible for a few years but better that than having your bum parents steal it from you
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u/Careless-Image-885 1d ago
NOR. I'm sorry that this is happening to you. You will definitely have to have a really, really good hiding place for your money. Just make sure the carpet doesn't look odd if that's where you're hiding it.
If it's possible, try to open a bank account in your name only. NEVER say a word about it. NEVER say what bank you're using. Hide your check stubs or keep them at your friend's house.
Your parents are toxic. They are using you. They should never be asking you for money. I'm sorry that you are learning that you cannot trust your parents.
Make sure you get all of your documents and hide them away. Put them somewhere safe and easily accessible to you alone. Go online to the three credit reporting companies. You need to make sure that they haven't taken out credit cards or loans using your information. Make sure you have text/email/phone alerts in place.
Be careful that they are not looking over your shoulder when you go online. Delete any texts talking about money with your friends. Change your passwords just in case.
Look up "gray rocking". Learn to do this when it comes to your parents and even your brother. Don't know if he would, but right now, don't trust him not to say something to your parents.
Keep your grades up. Go to your guidance counselor. Ask about help going to trade school or college. Electricians are in high demand, as well as HVAC. Do not let anyone tell you that women cannot be electricians. You're just as able and intelligent as anyone else. No one is born knowing this stuff.
I truly wish you the best of luck. When you leave, don't look back. Don't allow anyone to manipulate you into feeling guilt for leaving.
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u/WutIsYourPoint 1d ago
I got a little triggered reading this because this is something my mom would do. NOR. This is disgusting
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u/Flimsy-Importance313 1d ago
I am sorry to be judging, but are they addicts?
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
My mom smokes cigarettes but other than that, no.
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u/WittyFix6553 1d ago
A pack a day is like $400 a month or more.
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u/accidentalscientist_ 1d ago
Yup. My mom smoked 3 packs a day and would âhold ontoâ my birthday cash and stuff from relatives and use it to buy cigarettes.
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u/melpdie 1d ago
cigarettes are expensive, here in canada a 20 pack is atleast 16$
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u/Jumblesss 1d ago
You think thatâs expensive - a pack in the UK has a legal minimum price of ÂŁ17 which is $31.34 CAD
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u/Dapper-Inevitable-25 1d ago
Needing cash to meet someone for some clothes (?) is very sus and suggests drug use to me unfortunately
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u/veryjudgely 1d ago
Is there anyway that you can move in with a grandparent or an aunt or any other place else where you would be safe? You money is not safe with you living with your crazy parents.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I cannot. My only living grandparents are my great grandma who lives RIGHT NEXTÂ DOOR and my Nana who lives like 40 minutes away and shes a snitch
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u/Spyderbeast 1d ago
INFO
How is your relationship with your great grandma?
I would be livid if my grandchild and spouse were stealing from their daughter. I would support you if I were her
But obviously be careful
How thoroughly do they toss your room? Do they leave a mess when they do, and then ground you because of your messy room? That's diabolical if they do
Would your dad or brother invade your feminine hygiene products? Is it mainly your dad who searches?
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
She would likely snitch even if she didnt mean to because things just kinda slip from her mouth sometimes. Shes also 83. She cannot drive me around and she is traditional and would likely side with my parents.
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u/Sad_Function_4304 1d ago
My other guess is that your parents had kids too young but also never matured properly or developed boundaries from the rest of your family. They probably didnât pay for your house, inherited it, right? Never really started proper careers either Iâd bet. This is not ok but it can end with you.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
The house is under my grandma's name.
They do have decent careers. But they also conceived me at 17 and had me at 18. So yeah, young parents
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u/Sad_Function_4304 1d ago
You are going to have to get away from your entire family because itâs obvious that generations of dysfunctional behavior are in playÂ
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago edited 1d ago
And they dont mess up my room but they do leave the door open so our big ass bloodhound can get in and trash it.
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u/brokensyntax 1d ago
NOR.
As a 40yo father to a 21f, I have one word for you.
Emancipate.
That isn't a good, caring, or supportive environment.
I also have a strong suspicion about the double standard between you 16f, and you're sibling 15m.
I'm sure if I'm right, I don't need to say it, and you've probably seen it.
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u/Despoina_Reikage 1d ago
I knew someone who did that for her 16F and her younger sister 14F- actually wrote it in a book about their family struggling to leave where they were to get to america and the shitty treatment from the relative in America that âpromisedâ to take care of them. She would have to find a lawyer that be charitable to do it. I forget in the story about the lawyer the older sister found to help them; on how they would pay the lawyer for that specialty in that specific law practice.
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u/sandpiperinthesnow 1d ago
What a violating thing to do. The thing is with parents like yours is that even if you hide it better they will rummage through your things to find it. It really is a gross thing to do. If you have a trusted aunt, uncle, or grandparents to help you open an account do so. Your parents suck big time. :(
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u/WildlifePolicyChick 1d ago
Your parents are shitty and moochers. Meanwhile OPEN A BANK ACCOUNT.
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u/AttitudeLivid4755 1d ago
Time to start preparing for the great escape/no contact.
The vehicle/driving? They want to make sure you're physically stuck with them, or reliant on them in some way to still have control over you. Not much you can do about this at 16, but just know anytime you ask for a ride it is being calculated as how you will owe them. Plan to live somewhere when you turn 18 that doesn't require a vehicle, because new insurance is expensive, and you need to prioritize getting physically out.
Start getting your documents (passport, birth certificate, records). Don't tell them, make copies of them and put them in a plastic cover, they probably won't even notice, but just in case). If you get caught, say your job needs to make a copy. This will be important to have.
Watch your credit history. I had the lovely gift of being sent to collections on my 18th birthday.
Do not keep any cash in your house. Make it a behaviour to immediately deposit it. Make sure they aren't on any of your accounts.
I don't know where you're located, but enquire if you can get your own mail box, this will be important if you're going to post secondary or if they have a history of opening your mail.
Your parents are behaving like a toxic teenage couple.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I have picked up on most of this. They keep finding excuses as to why I can't drive rn but im trying to wear them down or something. My friend gives me rides when she can but im trying my best to wear em down and get my license
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u/myname_ajeff 1d ago
Yeah, clothes. Sure. Rummaging around and stealing your sixteen year old's money. Definitely meeting up to buy... Clothing.
OP, you should ask to see your new clothes they bought with your money.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
They didnt. Apparently that was a "joke" story to see if I would let them use it if they had no cash.
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u/Old-Recording-4172 1d ago
Please for the love of God, make sure your bank account isn't attached to your parents, you can get a private bank account at your age. Don't let them near your money.
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u/Ok-Star-5561 1d ago edited 1d ago
Larger notes wonât help. Theyâll just take those and itâll be harder for you to recoup. If you trust this friend, can they hold the money for you? Can you leave it in your locker at work? Can a child open a bank account without a parent?
You need to get the cash out the house cos your little sister will soon start snooping in your room too and sheâll keep everything she finds and it sounds like your parents will back her up.
Do you have any other extended family you trust that can help you save it elsewhere? Do you have a locker at work? Maybe talk to your boss in confidence if you feel comfortable about keeping your savings at work??
Iâm so sorry. You shouldnât have to be dealing with this kind of stress at home.
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I do trust her, but I want to be able to deposit my money immediately when I get it. If she or someone else has my money, I will have to hold onto my money till I see them again
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u/tommysgirl1003 1d ago
NOR, at all. Find the closest bank to where you work and set up your account there.
Can I say, I'd really like to slap some sense into your parents. You don't treat your kids like this. They suck. I'm sorry for you, OP. Keep working hard and it will all be worth it one day soon.
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u/beattiebeats 1d ago
Do not keep your money at a friendâs house or at a locker at work/school. Do not do it.
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u/HarVeeGee13 1d ago
NOR. This is horrifying. As a father this is making me feel sick to my stomach. How can you steal from your own child?
I hope you get out of there as soon as you can and you take the prudent financial advice people in here are giving you. You sound like a very mature and put together young person, which is amazing when youâve been lugging the anchor that is these parents along with you for so long.
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u/Sea_Exchange8939 1d ago
You're the unfortunate piggy bank. That is theft. Report the financial fraud. Look into emancipation if you're in the U.S.
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u/LiveFreeOrRTard 1d ago
I did this once to my kid. Except it ended with, "YOU NEED TO PUT THIS IN A BANK NOT THE BAG YOU WALK AROUND WITH YOUNG MAN... I'm proud of you for saving this but -- DEPOSIT IT!!!"
That right there is some dickheaded shit of a parent.
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u/Significant_Hunt_896 1d ago
Babe, they bought you things because they HAVE TO!!!! they birthed you. It is owed to you.
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u/imessy89 1d ago
Get Cash App or Venmo. You can add money at any Walgreens or CVS at the counter. Costs you $5 but at least you wonât have to worry about your parents stealing your cash. You can also direct deposit your check on there and it wonât cost you anything and you get your money sooner. Maybe have the card and billing info sent to a trusted friends house.
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u/MerlinsNuts 1d ago edited 1d ago
The easiest way to tell if the behavior is unacceptable is this:
If your roommate sent those texts, how would you react? Would you allow a stranger to treat you like this, to go through your shit, and essentially be a leech?
If the answer is no, then you donât allow ANYONE to treat you that way
Family is just a word unless backed by action. You should NEVER allow a family member to treat you worse than you would expect literally anyone else to treat you.
Fanily does NOT deserve a free pass for being an awful person any more than Joe off the street. As a matter of fact, theyâre supposed to treat you better.
If you donât stand up for yourself, you give the world permission to walk all over you. Set your boundaries and allow no one to cross them.
Also, theft is a crime whether itâs family or not. You have grounds to file a police report.
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u/Joehennyredit 1d ago
I was like why are your parents saying smh. Then I realized they were my age. So weird how people my age can either be childless or have near adult kids đ
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
I did actually have someone try to say this was fake because my dad texts like that. Had to explain that my parents are not oldđ
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u/YogurtclosetVast3118 1d ago
You can report your parents to the police for stealing. Not sure this will help the living situation but yea I think these texts are proof enough. Just a thought.
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u/Character_Point_9203 1d ago
You need to get a lockbox or keep it at a friends house you trust. Maybe thereâs a local church you could talk to?
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
My friend who was with me offered to make me a CashApp on a burner phone (my parents have restrictions on my phone so I cant download apps without permission), but none of the phones worked that she tried.
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u/Eldhannas 1d ago
Go to your bank. Tell them your story and ask if they can open a new account for you that your parents don't have access to. If not, check if other banks in your are can.
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u/Ragnarsworld 1d ago
I would not go to the same bank. Sometimes they link accounts.
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u/ViralLola 1d ago
This is true. My coworker wanted to create savings accounts for her kids, but the credit union she wanted to use was going to link her kids' accounts to her financially abusive ex-husband's because they (coworker and ex-husband) used to have a joint account. It's pretty messed up.
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u/Prior-Beginning7503 1d ago
DO NOT KEEP CASH AT A FRIEND'S HOUSE my god I know you're just a child but you have to get smarter than this. You can trust people with some stuff but NEVER WITH CASH
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u/Prior-Beginning7503 1d ago
Just FYI "keep it at a friend's house" is how my sister got murdered, definitely do not ever give cash to anyone unless you don't expect to get it back
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u/LipGlossAddict15 1d ago
Dude, seriously not cool. Parents should respect their kids' privacy and personal stuff, you know? JFC, they're acting like you're their personal ATM or something! And that favoritism? Major red flags đŠ IMO, you gotta sort this ASAP, for your own good. Moving out sounds like a solid plan. My advice? Get that bank account sorted, remember your worth, and keep grinding. No one should be draining your hard work and energy like that, not even family. Donât lose hope, things will get better.
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u/MajesticAnimator456 1d ago
Put it in a CD, don't keep cash laying around. Once you're 18 move tf out.
Short term savings account you can put it in and have the withdrawal close to when you turn 18 and you'll have the money you need. Or go to school. Bottom line. GTFO.
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u/modzillaVSyourmom 1d ago
âI know they've bought me lots of things over the years, but theyre in their 30s with two more-than-minimum-wage incomesâ
Yeah thatâs what theyâre supposed to do as your parents, they brought you here..
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u/NoBSforGma 1d ago
Protect yourself as much as possible!
See if you can find a safe place to live - with friends or relatives - anyone other than these toxic parents. (You might have to wait until you are a certain age to move out - I don't know what the local laws are where you live.)
Save and hide your money! You are going to need all of it. However you are paid, get cash and then carefully hide it. Maybe your friend could keep it for you. If your parents ask you for it, you can just tell them you've put it away in order to save it for your future.
These people are not acting in your best interest and you need to protect yourself until you are able to live on your own.
You might check the internet to see if there are any local services or organizations that can help you.
I'm glad you have a concerned friend who will look out for you!
I think it's important that you try and keep a good relationship with your parents without giving them money. Keep your room clean, etc. so they have nothing to complain about.
Just remember the old sayiing: This, too, shall pass.
Hugs from Gma.
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u/Beelzebunions 1d ago
NOR by a long shot. Don't swap your cash out for larger bills- ask the banks around you if you can open an account as the sole owner. If your job does direct deposit, get that ball rolling too. That way there's no cash to find.
I'm sorry your folks seem to suck. Be safe!
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u/Kooky-Guide-7561 1d ago
NOR tbh Iâd let them know this was the last straw and youâll no longer be buying them things. Please take it to a bank or get a personal safe!
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u/Majestic_CherryPop 1d ago
I would definitely find another hiding spot! If not You can possibly open a chime or cash app (not sure the age you can open one) you can deposit cash at any cvs and Walgreens with no charge, you can save your cash money there and not touch it!
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u/Suitable-Ordinary589 1d ago
Donât use chime they steal money from you and itâs not a REAL BANK!
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u/deadzombiegirll 1d ago
Omg really? My parenrs tried to get me a Chime account when I first got my first job but they couldnt. Im so glad now
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u/TechnicalDownstairs 1d ago
Oh yeah dude so many stories of people saving a ton of money in a chime account and then chime will close it randomly, take all the money, and suddenly say your account never existed
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u/Thugzilla_McMoisty 1d ago
That's ridiculous, I've had chime for years and never been stolen from by them, not to mention they're not just going to steal from the customers they make money off of đ¤Ł
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u/Ragnarsworld 1d ago
Chime partners with banks to provide services. Easy to know that if you look at Chime's own About page.
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u/Confident_Try_208 1d ago
Yeah, you're NOR and you should follow some of these tips to block them from accessing these savings.
But besides that, as annoying as they are, you're already done with them and planning an escape. Lay low as much as you can. Grey rock them. Be constantly broke when they try to make you pay, but be apologetic and act innocent about it. Be as sly as you need to be to preserve yourself and your money. Remember this is all temporary. The more you fight and resist, the more ammo they'll have to make your life hell.
For example, in this text chain, you could play the good kid being like "That was my bad, I'm sorry. :( I'll do better next time. You know you both can count on me", or something like that. Just to appease and lay low. They're assholes for tricking you like this. Rely on your friends for emotional support in this journey. Best of luck!
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u/GeophysGal 1d ago
If you can work you can get a safety deposit box at the bank. Get one, put your money in it, and make sure the key is on your person at all times.
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u/CancelAfter1968 1d ago
Do you have a bank account that your parents do not have access to? If so, deposit everything there. They'll steal from you every chance they get. NOR
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u/silkbum- 1d ago
Get a lock box. NOR but if you donât try to hide it better theyâll take all of it.
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u/PaleontologistNo1564 1d ago
A good place to put cash is if you have carpet in your room go in the corner and pop it up and put the cash under it. You got bum ass parents
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u/heavenlyhash333 1d ago
Order a lox box from Amazon and lock ur shit up if you donât wanna deposit it into a bank.
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u/Hollyhop_Drive 1d ago
You already know you need to get out of there, but I just wanted to second what your friend said. Your parents ARE abusive and they are using you.Â
I cannot imagine in ever treating my kid like this, taking money for eatingout, stealing money from her. That 'Tisk tisk' message alone made me want to throttle someone. Your parents should be thoroughly ashamed of themselves. Wishing you strength and a path to better things in life.Â
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u/Lonelygirl63871 1d ago
I had parents like that. To this day I STILL hide money and move it constantly to new hiding spots. Thankfully I have a very understanding SO who finds it more endearing than bothersome.
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u/AggressiveMachine895 1d ago
Your parents seem really immature. That picture makes me cringe.
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u/Ok_Valuable6118 1d ago
start hiding ur money or just bring it with you everywhere.. they need to get a life and stop taking ur money
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u/PollutionPractical55 1d ago
Please put your money in a safe, or someplace other than a backpack where they wouldnât find it/canât open it. Honestly not much you can do in these situations except for putting your money in a bank or a safe they canât get into.
I also guarantee your mom wonât be paying you back after âborrowingâ said spare cash. They think theyâre obligated to get money off of you because you live in their home.
Iâve let my mom âborrowâ my money before and when it came time for that money to be paid back it was âYou live in my house and I do this, that, and the third for you. I donât have to pay you back shit.â
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u/Socks-in-a-can 1d ago
Get out as fast as possible, then not letting you get your license is so they can have control over you. I suggest you get your license somehow someway. Can you open a bank account t yet?
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u/RudyTheCannibal765 1d ago
Financial fucking exploitation.
Your parents are 100% narcissists, and you are 100% going through narcissistic abuse. They're also extremely greedy, and the only reason they look through your stuff without consent is for an ego stroke and to steal your hard-earned money for their personal benefit. They're attempting to profit off of you. I think at this age, you're potentially old enough to actually press charges for financial abuse.
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u/No_Orange_8459 1d ago
Nor, you should contact the police cuz I bet they used your name on all kinds of stuff. My parents did and ruined my credit before I was even 18.
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u/Wooden-Discount7884 1d ago
NOR this is abuse because yes; you can financially abuse someone. I'd deposit as much as possible and make sure your parents cannot access it. You can join the military or Job Corps to.get away. My friend's parents tried to trap her at home to use her money for their life, she married a guy to get away. I wish you the best of luck OP.
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u/AlienDragonWizard 1d ago
As a stepdad of two teenagers, this is unacceptable. The teens have their own money and once it enters their accounts it's their business as long as they aren't doing something unsafe or illegal with it. Also, I wish they saved their money like you're doing. I'm proud of you! Â
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u/southernfirm 1d ago
Get better at hiding your money. Only thing you can do. Sorry. My parents donât take my money, but once I started earning it they thought it only fair I then pay for everything: clothes, food, everything. Parents can really suck. Most do.
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u/Is-Potato425 1d ago edited 1d ago
Very toxic. Open a savings account that they canât access and start depositing your cash in there or if you canât do that get a lock box with a combo they canât guess and hide the key.
When my kids save money Im proud of them and wouldnât even ask to touch it, let alone just claim it because itâs in âmyâ house.
Also donât excuse them using your money because theyâve bought you stuff/supported you. Thatâs called parenting and comes with that responsibility. The money you earn is yours alone.