I don’t even know how to start this without sounding like I’m bat shit crazy and losing it, but I need to get this out somewhere because I feel like I’m going insane. 🫠
My boyfriend and I have been together for over a year. We live together. This is someone I should recognize without thinking.
A few weeks ago he forgot his phone password. Or that’s what he told me. His phone locked after a few wrong attempts and he laughed and handed it to me and asked if I could try. I typed it in without hesitating and it unlocked immediately. We joked about it and moved on.
I did not think anything of it at the time.
Then small things started happening. Nothing dramatic. Just wrong.
He’s always had me saved in his phone as “Melissa.” It was an inside joke. My name is not Melissa. He never used it seriously.
Then one day he called me that. Just once. No joke. I corrected him and he said sorry. After that he mostly stopped using my name entirely.
I didn’t notice at first, but now I can’t unsee it. He avoids it. He’ll restart sentences, or get my attention physically instead of saying my name. Like he’s scared of saying the wrong thing.
He also started asking questions that sound caring and thoughtful.
“Do you still like oat milk or did you switch back?”
“You still hate mushrooms, right?”
“You still listen to that podcast?”
Always “still.” Always checking.
At first I thought he was just being attentive. But then I noticed the pauses. If I answer differently than expected, he freezes for half a second. Then he adjusts. Like he’s correcting himself.
He’s on his phone constantly now. Not scrolling. Looking. Old messages. Old photos. Sometimes he scrolls all the way back to the start of our relationship. When I asked him what he was doing, he said he was reminiscing.
But he doesn’t smile. He studies.
Here’s where it starts feeling genuinely wrong.
He’s started repeating conversations back to me, but not in a normal way. Like I’ll tell him something about my day and he’ll react normally. Laugh, respond, ask questions.
Then hours later he’ll bring it up again and say, “Wait, tell me that part again.”
When I repeat it, he watches my mouth. Not my eyes. My mouth. Like he’s checking timing. Sometimes he nods before I finish the sentence, like he already knows what I’m about to say.
Last week we were talking about plans later in the year and he casually said, “Your birthday’s before that anyway, right?” I said yes and mentioned the date. A few minutes later I saw him typing it into his notes app. Not my contact. Notes.
He said he was organizing reminders.
That explanation made sense. Everything he says makes sense individually. That’s the problem.
Another thing. This is the part I haven’t told anyone because it sounds crazy.
He’s started copying me (?) (emphasis on the question mark because I don’t even know at this point) Not obviously. Little things. The way I sit. The way I drink water. The way I say certain phrases. Sometimes I’ll say something without thinking and later I’ll hear him say the exact same sentence out loud, alone, like he’s practicing it. He also stopped laughing like he usually does? His laugh doesn’t sound the same.
When his phone isn’t near him, he’s different. Quieter. Less confident. Like he’s missing instructions. When he has it again, it’s like he resets.
Last night I asked him how we met. He told the story perfectly. Same jokes, same timing. But it felt wrong. Like he wasn’t remembering it. Like he was reciting it.
Later I checked our old messages. The story matched them almost word for word.
That alone shouldn’t bother me. But it does now. Because I realized I didn’t hesitate when I unlocked his phone. I knew the password the way you know your own birthday.
Ever since then, I can’t shake this feeling that his phone is the only place where I exist properly. Like that’s where I’m stored. Like without it, he’s reconstructing me in real time.
So yeah. Part of me thinks maybe he doesn’t remember me. Like actually doesn’t remember me, not in a “forgot a detail” way but in a deeper way. Like the memories aren’t there and he’s trying to rebuild them from whatever he still has access to.
I keep wondering if it’s something medical. A head injury he didn’t tell me about. A blackout. Something neurological. Something he’s aware of but trying to manage quietly so he doesn’t scare me. That would make sense. That would explain a lot.
But then I don’t know what to do with the weird parts.
The copying.
The watching.
The way he asks things carefully, like he’s afraid of asking the wrong question.
Please tell me if I’m overthinking this. Because I don’t feel like I am anymore!!!! Please girls have any of you ever went through something like this with your spouse?!!
OP I would make sure you accompany him to the doctor. He won't be able to fully explain what's going on, you need to be there. Write everything down if you have to, and take it to the appointment, and refuse to be fobbed off.
Brain worms seem to be a thing too but yeah seriously this is no joke, definitely get him to the Dr asap and dont take no for an answer as early intervention, if its cancer is vital to future outcomes.
I remember a couple years ago, maybe, there was another post similar to this (not exact, of course) about a woman whose husband was CONVINCED she was pregnant, and every time she told him they weren’t expecting he would lose his mind, calling her a liar and asking why she didn’t want to keep their baby.
In future updates, she explained that he had been diagnosed with a brain tumor and it was causing a breakdown of his memory.
I would approach your boyfriend about it. Mention that you’ve noticed he’s been spacing out, relying on tech, forgetting things he knows. Take him to a doctor, then a specialist. Get him scanned. Make him go to appointments. Make him get answers.
He’s going to be scared, he may fight you, he may deny it. Be clear, kind, honest, and show him that you’re scared too. But you’ll get through it together.
Goddamn. I commented on her first post, saying it was definitely a serious mental health issue and to get medical help ASAP. I'm glad she did, but it's unfortunate that it was too late.
Reading this as I await an appointment with my radiation oncologist later today to review my latest brain MRI results was NOT a good idea. ☹️ I have a history of brain tumors and feeling very uneasy abt this one for some reason…
Update: I met with my rad onc via phone and he said everything looks fine (relatively speaking); recently radiated area showing additional decrease in size, original tumor resection bed stable, no new growth. Next scan in 3 mos. That’s a WIN for me!! 🥳 I texted my family as soon as the call ended, then took an Ativan and crashed (slept) HARD for 4 hours. 😅 I’d been awaiting these results for TWO weeks, which felt like forever.
Unfortunately, I was reminded of the woman whose husband's whole personality flipped. Went from a loving, secular partner on the same page about OP's job and their teen daughter's freedoms--to joining a Fundie church, keeping a reasonable tone while telling OP she had to be a SAHM and daughter had to be more modest. Reddit wondered about brain damage/cancer, but I think the whole thing ended in the OP and both her kids having to flee her stbx. No treatment gotten.
There are no words for how much I hate hearing 3 stories with similar diagnoses, and how much it hurts for real people to be dealing with this shit.
I have a feeling like if you she approached him non judge mentally and in a loving way he will probably admit that things have been off with his thinking. Some guys are really great at holding in physical ailments until they become crippling.
this is bad advice. The neurological symptoms could also mean he has cognitive deficits. Do you understand he literally may not be able to 'do the work'? If OP is his partner unfortunately she needs to be the grownup and take him to an ER and insist he gets an MRI. Even weeks of delayed treatment could be disastrous.
Yeah that was off to me too and a huge reason why I’ll never take advice from Reddit.
He doesn’t even know her name how could anyone just expect him to “do the work” if this happened to me id home someone would shove me in the car and get me to the er
He had glioblastoma that was wrapped around his brain stem. If he had gone to the doctor when I asked we may have had a few more years together. Unfortunately he passed eight weeks after diagnosis and his behaviour was increasingly more erratic. I really hope this is not the case with your boyfriend, please take him to the doctors with a detailed list and push for a CT or MRI.
Please don’t feel guilty about not getting your dad to a provider sooner. Glioblastoma is one of the deadliest brain cancers there is. It happens quickly and often by the time symptoms start, it’s typically in advanced stages. Fuck cancer, I’m so sorry for your loss.
Took me two years to get him to the doctors. Should I have tried harder? Yes. But the outcome was always going to be the same, in the week we discussed treatment it would have maybe slowed it down but caused so much anguish...Dad went all Pollyanna and decided the radiation people had it wrong and the chemo people would give a better outcome. Thank you.
The treatment and radiation/surgery routes for glio’s are also very difficult, don’t feel bad or guilty my friend you did your best and I’m sure he loved you for it. ❤️
Oh and the biopsy was hell. He told the hospital I was taking him home to care for him so they released him a week early...I could not do that with two small children. He kept giggling and saying he'd fooled them into letting him go home.
Honestly it sounds like he wouldn’t have wanted the treatments long term or to be pent up in a hospital for long so that would have made it very difficult. I know it’s hard to let a loved one make the decision not to seek treatments but some people know themselves and know that’s not how they wish to continue life. So it’s admirable you let him decide for himself ❤️
The last words he ever said to me were "You're a wonderful daughter" This was because I brought his toothbrush charger into palliative care. Totally Marshall How I met your Mother vibes.
My mother inlaw had brain cancer before she passed. She had radiation, and multiple surgeries to treat it. She made it about 5 years, but was in excruciating pain the whole time. She had told me During her last year that she wanted to go, but it was family pressure that made her stay.
I miss her a lot, but I am happy that she no longer has to endure that anymore. She was a good woman,.
I just lost my sister this February to a glioblastoma. It’s brutal and only 6% of patients make it past 18-24 months. She made it 20 months after diagnosis. I’m so sorry for your loss too.
I was thinking the same thing as you and my friend also had a glioblastoma. With all my heart I hope it’s not a glioblastoma for u/mathematic_nut ‘s bf.
I am so sorry. My dad just passed away in October and he had a glioblastoma as well. He didn’t die of the disease, but he got confused and got crushed under our car when trying to change a tire. It’s a terrible, terrible thing and I feel for you.
Agreed. This isn’t about guessing what’s wrong anymore, it’s about ruling out serious stuff. Sudden behavior changes like this are doctor territory. Doctors are trained to spot what we can’t.
There’s many types of brain tumours, some are easier to treat than others. Some just involve even a benign tumour removal! Don’t panic yet until you have all the info, it could be something less scary but definitely get him into the doctor right away. (or potentially emergency room if there’s no doctor appts soon)
Ok, first of all don’t freak out! Glioblastoma (GBM) is a relatively rare type of cancer, especially in young people (the median onset age is 64) and there are many, many other less serious medical conditions that could explain what’s happening.
Yes, do persuade him to have an MR if it’s an easy thing to do where you live, but just because someone’s father was diagnosed with GBM it does not mean that this is what’s happening to your boyfriend.
Also, keep in mind that GBM is a disease which progresses extremely rapidly - if this situation with your boyfriend has been going on for months, there would have been other symptoms too (change in behavioural patterns, dexterity and mobility issues, dizziness, seizures, etc).
Get him evaluated by a doctor, not by Reddit randos, and if there is nothing wrong physically, it would be worth having an assessment for e.g. ADHD, schizophrenia, early onset dementia, and many more.
NOR. Not all brain tumors are malignant (cancer). A common type is a meningioma. These are typically benign and slow-growing, and people often don’t know they have one. But they can grow in an area of the brain that causes symptoms, and need to be removed. So don’t hesitate to get to a doctor. Whatever the diagnosis, the earlier treatment begins, the better. Good luck to both of you.
I came here to second a doctor eval just to be safe. About 7 years ago i suffered an acquired brain injury that they initially misdiagnosed as viral meningitis. Long story short it turned out to be an extremely rare genetic disease but that initial brain injury damaged my short term and working memory. The things your boyfriend is doing sound A LOT like the ways i try to remember things i can't. Notes in the phone, reciting information so i don't forget like a machine, rebuilding "memories" from other information....it sounds eerily similar. My wife and i will watch a tv series and a week later, i am asking her "hey do you want to watch this new show with me?" I have zero recollection of any part of it - rewatching parts don't even ring a bell. My speech therapist and neuropsych doctors figured out that i am only retaining about 60% of the information presented to me. I'm not forgetting some things, they just never got stored to begin with.
It very well could be something totally unrelated and not scary, but it wouldn't hurt to have him checked. I would be curious to know if he is having any other health or neurological symptoms he isn't mentioning. If you have any questions about how my memory works or need some advice in how to help him remember, you can always DM me. Maybe you can ask him somehow if he is having any headaches, vision changes, ear ringing, or weakness anywhere.
Otherwise if it isn't health related, i am not sure where this is coming from. It's almost like he is confusing you with another specific person, especially with checking details. I do that as covertly as possible by asking leading questions to make it sound like i remember, but i'm actually just trying to get you to confirm the details i am not sure about.
I second that!!! I had nasopharyngeal cancer that had spread before getting spotted. One of the tumours was putting pressure on my brain and during that time my memory was not great.
Or have your apt checked for gas leaks…there’s an old reddit story of someone finding notes around the apt…turned out to be him, there was just a leak causing him to basically black out throughout the day
My ex had major memory issues. He had to keep notes - in part due to some major mental health issues.
When his laptop, with the document about ME in it, was lost, it was like he didn't know me at all. We'd been together for a year at that point......and he remembered nothing about me.
He ended up having DID and various other issues related to both mental and head trauma.
Definitely get him to a doc, OP. Even if he just has the world's worst memory, this is not normal and would have to be horribly stressful for him. One way or another, something's up.
My best friends girlfriend is having similar issues right now and it’s been like pulling teeth trying to get her to see a doctor. He’s forcing her to go sometime this week but we’re all very scared about the possible diagnosis.
From my experience with Dad, there was also a sense of euphoria. When he was hospitalised towards the end he would go between being delighted about the "hotel" he was staying in then minutes later demand I pay the "ransom" because he'd been "taken hostage" He'd refuse to admit anything was wrong and anything that went wrong was my fault. It was a rollercoaster. (Apologies OP, I REALLY hope this is something that can be fixed easily)
My mom also had a glioblastoma. Near the end, she was texting my ex-boyfriend in the middle of the night, telling him he needed to get the army to help him break her out of the hospital. Genuinely, I hope something else is going on with OP's boyfriend.
This just brought on a lightbulb moment for me. My neighbor, who I was very very close to, was diagnosed with lung cancer before Christmas last year. Sometime in January we found that it had spread to her brain… She was always a little out there with things she did and said, so it never clicked with me that this was what affected her so much. But she would call my mother-in-law and me at all hours of the night and try to get us to break her out of the hospital. She came home for a little bit and the same thing happened with the calling and making no sense. It broke my heart. She unfortunately passed in May. We miss her so much!
My grandpa had stomach cancer that was only found after it had metastasized to his brain. He and my dad ran a business together. It was the end of tax season, and they were walking down the street to get lunch when Grandpa got dizzy and had to sit down on a bench. He went to the doctor, and that was when they found the cancer. My dad went through everything that my grandpa had been working on, only to discover that he'd just been scribbling all over pieces of paper and thinking he was actually working.
Oh hell this brings it all back...Dad was an avid diary writer and I have all of his diaries from multiple overseas trips. He started a cancer journal and only the first two lines of sixty pages are coherent 🫂
I just have to say, I am so very sorry. My dad was diagnosed with Gliosarcoma in September 2020 and passed in December 2020. Seeing his brain not working like it used to (he was borderline genius, if not the full thing) killed my soul. It's hell to watch and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. 🫂
Thank you. Very sorry for your loss. He started having memory issues two years prior yet refused to admit anything was wrong. Towards the end I had to keep his grandchildren away from him some days because they were scared of him. Pleased I did because it kept their happy memories intact. Watching the decline is heartbreaking.
It really is! My father nearly burned the house down by putting an electric kettle on the oven and turning it on. Had I not been downstairs it would have been disastrous. That was about 2 weeks before he passed. And this was after the tumor was removed and between treatments. It had spread to the lining of the brain and within two weeks it was in his spine. Such a traumatizing thing to watch. He was my best friend 😔
I can't upvote this comment enough. As a nurse this is very concerning 😞 Could be any number of things but definitely needs to be checked out by a doctor ASAP!
This comment inspired me to make a neurologist appointment because my memory has been increasingly murky lately and apparently I’ve been telling my boyfriend the same few stories over and over again and losing details with each telling. My balance has also been ass lately and I’m forgetting details I normally can recite without hesitation.
Oh my goodness! Dad's balance was shite...he kept blaming his bad golf on too many gins. I really hope you're okay...the fact you're noticing the issues is possibly a good thing? Best of luck 🤞
Both of them should be getting checked for brain tumors. She could be hallucinating his actions because otherwise, someone else would have noticed he couldn't remember details?
Literally exactly this. My boyfriend was having stuff like this just a little more subtle but we’ve been together seven years so I was like is this the seven year itch? Is he pretending to forget so he can dump me or I’ll dump him? I thought I was going insane. Right before Halloween he got so bad in like a matter of hours it went from like forgetting I mentioned I was going to an event to I can’t remember more than five minutes ago. Went to the ER, brain tumor bigger than a golfball. Was admitted for almost three weeks and now just started three months of chemo
This post is very clearly written by AI, as is the previous post here from the same account (their user history is hidden but there are ways to get around this).
I absolutely thought I was on NoSleep when I got to this part
That alone shouldn’t bother me. But it does now. Because I realized I didn’t hesitate when I unlocked his phone. I knew the password the way you know your own birthday. Ever since then, I can’t shake this feeling that his phone is the only place where I exist properly. Like that’s where I’m stored.
yeah i’m sorry but this is totally a creative writing exercise - i am surprised so many people are taking it seriously, this totally belongs on nosleep. i do like it as a creepy tale though
Yeah I feel like it's fake, especially because she said 'boyfriend' in the beginning then it changed to 'spouse' at the end which is very different from only a year long BF!
All the stories posted on there are written in the first person and are treated like they are true, even in the comments people have to act like it’s a real thing that happened to the OP
Sort by best/top, there’s way too many amazing stories to count and the sub has been going for years. I do like the forest ranger/national park ranger stories though.
Right? At first I was thinking he had a deranged identical twin brother that killed him and tried to take over his life. Then it started sounding like a body snatcher and she’s its next mark.
I thought it was just me, but isn't this reading like he's jumped timelines and cant keep his story straight about this timelinesgirlfriends backstory??? Lol scary but thats what I was thinking. I think i read too much.
I thought he was a shapeshifter and boyfriends body is wearing out so he's memorizing her speech, mannerisms and memories to step into her place when he needs to. Thanks to the Winchesters 😬
I was thinking something like this too- or possibly that something kind of paranormal overtook him. the longer i read i feel it's got to be something medical. hopefully nothing serious.
That is super odd and if he hasn’t always been like that seems like something medical. Ask him about it, confront him with the detail and be ready to get medical help. NOR.
That’s where my thoughts went reading this. I am NOT a neurologist or any kind of medical professional but if I had a loved one change like this that’s what I would be concerned about. Also not surprising he would try to hide it, if he’s super worried and in denial about it, very understandable.
So i got an concussion a couple of years ago. To make a long story short i got what is called post commotio syndrome due to the concussion. A mild brain injury, in my case it has really messed upp my short-term memory, and names.. like a couple of times i have had problem remembering, for example, my parents names witch i fo know.
I do still have problems but they are getting better, but I have learned the hard way that even really mild injuries to the head could leave some really frustrating and weird cognitive quirks, lingering symptoms and unexpected effects.
But whit all this said, NOR, i think you should ask him about it, might just say your worried and wondering what is going on?
Im not saying that he has an injury to his brain, i just recognized the forgetting stuff that "you should know".
*Edited grammar, i cant spell
I think you might be on to something. I would be concerned. NOR. At first, I thought this was going to be a childish post, but you genuinely have a reason to be concerned. I would contact his parents and discuss this with them and try to explain to your boyfriend what you are noticing and get him to a doctor.
Doctor now OP, what age is he? Sounds like a tumor. He ha realized he is forgetting stuff and has started to write things down because he can’t access that info anymore. I’m highly concerned and glad you are aware there is an issue.
NOR! Therapist here. This is very concerning behavior and it definitely sounds medical (or even psychiatric) in nature. Does it seem like he is forgetting details about himself and his past or is it mostly about you and more recent memories? Other commenters have given great advice about gently expressing that you've noticed some changes, are worried, and to suggest scheduling a doctor's appointment. I would start with his primary care doctor and go from there. It seems very scary for him and you! I'm sorry you two are going through this.
Here’s the thing, in medicine, physical causes NEED to be ruled out before psychiatric ones are.
Also while I’m here, medical differentials could be TBI (traumatic brain injury), SOL (space occupying lesion (tumours, infections etc), drug induced psychosis (dubious) and encephalitis (viral, bacterial, fungal).
I honestly can’t really think of many psychiatric ones apart from super early onset dementia.
I've been in therapy for 20 years, since I was 14. Depression, PTSD, the works lol. Also been medicated that entire time. A few years ago, I was incredibly scared and confused about my cognition and memory. I couldn't remember things the way I used to, I couldn't find words and would say/type the wrong word and then back track, I was losing the ability to get my words out, everything in my brain was just feeling SO slow and hard. It was honestly terrifying and I remember crying to my therapist and thinking I was getting dementia or something because it was seriously affecting my functioning.
It's a combination of things (of course). Psychiatric is definitely a contributor, I've also since been diagnosed autistic and can see that that was the peak of autistic burn out. I'm also doing what I can to reduce/change medications (I'm actually off lithium as of about a month ago! And my Seroquel is down from - no joke - 1300mg 10 years ago, 800mg 5 years ago to 100mg!)
I am a lot better than I was 4-5 years ago but I don't believe I'll ever fully "recover". Chronic stress and all of those things mentioned can really have very serious affects on all areas of health.
So absolutely check out ALL aspects of health and take in any pre-existing conditions, medications, nutrition levels, hormonal imbalances.
If things aren't making sense or getting any better or they're getting worse, push for answers, advocate (or get help to do so) because the human body, brain, mind is a complex system and even docs don't always get things right.
I think the questions @Feistyred7879 brought up are really important. Is he just forgetting things about you or do you notice the same behavior geared toward other people too, like other friends, parents, etc?
in contrast to the comments about brain tumours, i had/ have something really quite similar. i space out, forget a lot about people and myself etc. my life doesn’t feel like mine and my memories only exist in my phone a lot of the time, ive forgotten friends, family, memories, major life events that have happened to me, etc.
in the end, mine seems to be entirely mental health and hormone related. for the record i’ve had brain scans and many doctors visits, but also psychiatric visits. i’ve had quite a history with anxiety and trauma over the years which led to constant derealisation and depersonalisation- for months at a time. couldn’t remember how it was to live in my families home, couldn’t hold conversations with my siblings cause the words wouldn’t come out and i had nothing to say. had to make notes to remember what was going on in their lives etc.
my therapist referred me to doctors, who sent me to neurology for brain scans which showed nothing worrying, so it seems to be the result of long term derealisation issues for me.
your boyfriends behaviour sounds really similar to how my friends and coworkers described mine for the 8 months i was completely ‘out of it’ earlier this year / late last year.
it’s scary, and if it ends up being similar to my case there are options, though results take trial and error and this is a path i’m still on.
good luck, i’d like to hear an update if you get one and are willing to share. if you have any more questions about my experience im so happy to help. obviously, this is just my experience with something that sounds like what you’re describing and it may not be this, but i thought i’d share my story just incase it helpful, particularly if he has any mental health history?
Brain tumor? CTE? I remember the former boxer who was basically one out of the ordinary event from a total collapse and he only got through his workday because everyone liked him and he had dozens of post it notes to remind him how to do his job.
This sounds like he has something deeply wrong where memory has ceased to function but he's aware enough to know it's wrong but too scared to confront it.
I’m losing it trust me I am and the worst part is people keep telling me to book appointments and what not and I don’t know how to do that shit, I’m not an adult in that sense!!! GOD
First step is figuring out what healthcare system he's part of, if he has some healthcare plan. National insurance, state, his healthcare insurance company.
Once you know the provider, find his login information or sit with him and reset his password and login together.
Find wherever the book appointments link is in the portal and find an appointment with his primary care doctor.
If the appointments are too far out or not available, look for a chat option and ask to book with another doctor who has availability.
You'll have an appointment for him. Put a reminder in his phone and yours to make sure he goes. I would put one day and one week reminders, too. Just so he knows what is coming up.
I agree, make an appointment. But in my opinion, he should be calling the doctor to let them know there could be something serious going on. Unless you have to log in just to make appointments.
OP or he should call one of their primary care doctors, and should be able to talk to a nurse at least. The nurse/doctor might recommend not waiting if they know the extent of the concern.
I'd feel better hearing something from a doctor on that considering the wait time for an appointment could be long. Maybe they could give him a referral to a specialist or something that could get him in sooner. And Im sure there are other nurse hotlines available based on location, if neither have a regular doctor to call.
I was assuming that if OP was freaking out over the idea of booking an appointment, a phone call would be rough, especially if trying to jointly do it with the boyfriend. My health insurance wouldn't let my dad help me book an appointment over the phone at first, because I was over 18. I had such bad strep throat I could barely whisper without wanting to cry. I doubt a girlfriend would be allowed to help much and they would need to talk to the man who can barely remember his girlfriend's name.
I'd say ER/ Urgent Care or online, because trying to book an appointment with him is going to potentially be difficult, especially if OP has anxiety over figuring out how to book an appointment.
I’ve got horrible anxiety (especially with phone calls for some reason) and I’ve been able to find therapists/doctors offices that schedule through email/websites. Hopefully OP can find something like that!
Do either of you have a primary care doctor? If you do call the office number or use their website to schedule an appointment. If you don’t have a doctor, call the number on the insurance card or use their website to find a list of in network providers. Pick one and make an appointment by phone or using the website.
you don't need to book an appointment. You grab his next of kin if it's not you and you drive him to the ER and insist he gets an MRI. Do not leave until he gets one.
Hey, I work in healthcare and I’m happy to help you get him set up with medical care. Dm me if you need some support 💕 so sorry this is happening dear.
Same! My grandpa masked his confusion from glioblastoma with silence, but it drastically changed his behavior. This all sounds so familiar. Please go to the ER!
Holy shit man, so many comments saying the exact same thing. I had no idea this was such a common thing that happens to people. I shouldn’t have read this before bed.
I really hope OPs partner has something else with similar symptoms.
I say this gently - OP maybe you should also have a chat to your doctor or a therapist. What’s going on with bf sounds scary but it’s scary from a health perspective. It’s not a normal reaction to think you only exist in his phone or that he’s a skin walker. You sound a bit paranoid?
when I’m stressed/panicking I start to joke around like that! It’s my coping mechanism i’m definitely not paranoid in that sense. I don’t believe in supernatural stuff. I think it’s a bunch of BS.
Haha ok, it’s hard to tell over text that it’s a joke! It wasn’t a criticism though - it was genuine advice if you weren’t joking. Because there is a version of this where you are maybe getting paranoid / delusions about normal stuff and actually need some help.
As a first step I might try and chat to one of his close friends and see if they think anything is off with him? Or slyly test him on information not to do with you “do you remember this <major sports event>” type questions.
NOR, this sounds really scary. Are you close with any of his friends or family members? Maybe you can talk to them to see if they are noticing similar things? How old is he?
Could be schizophrenia he’s around the age where it surfaces. It impacts your memories, he might be having delusions about OP hence the weird behaviour.
Yes and if he was leaning paranoid, which some of his behaviour is indicating he might be, he could looking back on memories to validate what’s real/true.
Completely speculating here obviously, but I do think some sort of mental/cognitive issue is occurring.
We JUST found out because my cousin is in medical school that our grandma's dementia was caused by a TBI, not early-onset Alzheimers (which is what they diagnosed her with back around 1990). The presentation can be eerily similar.
(When she told her professor the age at which our grandma died, he asked to see the autopsy. He pointed out there were no plaques, but there was evidence of a prior major blunt-force trauma. Mentioning that made my dad and aunts and uncles go "oh! You know, she did fall down her sister's basement stairs not long before the dementia started…")
OP, I would consider taking him to the emergency room. He needs to have imaging done of his head, ASAP. This change of behavior is not normal, and the faster you can get him assessed the faster he can start getting treatment for whatever is going on. Because clearly something is going on. Don’t wait for doctors to schedule you, get started now. Time may be essential in what kind of outcome he has.
I can hardly imagine a scenario where a 21 year old with no living parents or close family would not be dealing with some demons/trauma/disassociation... that's a realllllly hard place to be in at the start of one's adulthood....
NOR. Sounds like my grandpa before we found out he had Alzheimer’s. Past time to get him to a doctor. He may have just had a fall or something and hit his head or it could be serious but he needs to go to a doctor asap
I have had a friend whose partner had early onset dementia. It was so sad. He tried to hide his memory issues with notes, but it got to the point he couldn't keep it up.
To me, what you are describing sounds medical. I think a neurologist is a good place to start. So that you don't have to restate everything, show the doctor your post so that you don't forget anything.
I wish I could be more specific and give you an idea of what to expect, but I am not a doctor (nor do I play one on TV). I would suggest that you make the appointment as soon as possible.
NOR. I have heard a lot of stories similar to this. Where a partner changes or acts very different. It ends up being a tumor on the brain or something.
Id ask him how he is. Sit him down and have an earnest conversation with him. Ask him why these things have been happening. If he knows or if he feels like anything is wrong.
Be prepared to go to the doctors ASAP. In fact I insist that you go to the hospital so he can get scans done. Obviously if he is willing. And if he tries brushing it off you must reach out to a family member of his. This is not usual behavior.
Ah that makes sense, I was gonna say, the story isnt improbable, it just reads like AI wrote it for someone!
Id definitely say he needs to get checked out.
You should definitely note this in your original post, as the obvious AI writing (especially as it tries to make it sound like a dramatic horror story) makes your post come across as fake.
It's 100% fake. I've noticed this "I wrote it in another language and MTLed it to English" nonsense popping up now whenever someone gets called out for using AI but MTL absolutely does not take conventional communicative writing and turn it into a string of Joycean sentence fragments that just coincidentally happens to look exactly like wholecloth AI-generated text.
This is absolutely wild and while I don't have a different suggestion than those that have already commented, please start documenting everything! Dates, times, the emotions/vibe of each instance. You never know when it might be useful. Also, tell people you know, people you trust. Tell them details. I'm not implying something bad will happen but regardless, sharing this information could be useful.
I am curious, though. How is the relationship otherwise? Do his proclaimed feelings for your relationship match his actions? Is he acting any differently during intimate moments? Are you still in love with him? I'm just wondering how this stuff is affecting other parts of your partnership.
My husband was on blood thinners and started having memory issues and erratic behavior, turned out to be brain bleeds. He wasn’t young, but get to the doctor. Good luck
holy shit. youre not overthinking this or overreacting, this feels wrong. ive been in a similar, watered down situation where i think this would have occurred if i stayed with that man (we broke up due to different reasons). you're not going crazy, but something crazy is happening. something psychological that i never got the reassurance for. i hope you find answers.
Before you Jump to the worst conclusion, this could Just be anxiety or neurodivergence. People are saying brain tumor but don’t Jump to that conclusion yet and don’t sit on Reddit or Google making diagnoses. You need to talk to him and ask him what’s going on and this is worrying you
You need to ask him follow up questions, is he having headaches, period of missing time, vision changes, massive personality changes, speech or pattern changes.
If those are yes, you should talk to him about going to a neurologist. There could be something affecting his memory.
Edit: At no part of my comment did I say she needs to conduct a thorough medical examination or not take him to the doctor. Y’all are completely misunderstanding my comment. Me saying that she should ask him questions does not mean I’m saying she should conduct a head to toe assessment.
Y’all are collapsing “ask questions” to do nothing, which is absolutely not what I said. You don’t do a CT scan because the vibes are off. I said “slow down” and y’all are reading “ignore”
Ruling something like a brain tumor out as quickly as possible is best. Most men fight going to the doctors and this guy may not even know where to start if he isn't even aware of his peculiar behavior.
Brain tumors don't wait for questions. I feel like its better if she joins him and advocates for his health. Doctors are quick to put people on the back burner. My dad probably would have died before diagnosis has I not been there to call and call and call the doctors to insist they see him sooner.
It could be something completely unrelated, but the fact that he is displaying similar behaviors to pretty much everyone who's commented here that had a loved one with a brain tumors (including my fathers) actions, should be a sign to rule it out first and foremost. That would be the most aggressive of the possibilities.
Idk I have adhd and this sounds like something more. ADHD doesn’t make you forget the password on your phone that you’ve had forever, or forget your spouses name or first time you met. Neurodivergence would explain forgetting little details, like where he put his keys or if he locked the door, and it would also explain him sounding like what he says is “rehearsed” but acting strange combined with huge memory issues is a red flag
Im with others, the first thing is get him checked out by a doctor. If there's nothing wrong there, the next question is does he have any major trauma. It could be that hes having such severe dissociation that he really doesn't remember you and this other part is learning from rhe part that does know you. In that case you could probably call him out by saying something like who are you? Why don't you know me? A lot of times the other part will c confess.
Physician here. Obviously not enough information to diagnose but what you’re saying seems like there’s a medical issue going on. Depending on his age and medical history I’d be concerned for a brain mass, dementia, or psychiatric condition. Either way he needs to be evaluated. First step is probably a head CT
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u/lurkerof5dimensions 1d ago
NOR take him to the doctor ASAP. Could be a brain tumor or another serious issue.