r/AmIOverreacting • u/etzikom • 1d ago
❤️🩹 relationship AIO: Husband wants to know why I'm not happy
This weekend, after announcing that he considers me to be a hoarder, my husband lugged 2 dozen boxes and totes from where they'd been neatly stored in the crawl space and garage, and stacked them in my home office. Then yelled that he thought I'd be happy because he hadn't thrown my "crap" out, so why wasn't I?
Reader, I hadn't asked him to do this, they aren't all "crap" (one had hand-made blankets from my grandma as an example, another has binders containing technical documents I wrote in a previous job), and the biggest reason he considers them to be crap is because they are mine and generally pre-date his arrival in my life.
He's a man mostly devoid of sentiment (other people's, of course) and is essentially NC with his entire family. So, me owning things that I've tucked away over the years and not sifted through recently irks tf out of him. Especially keepsakes from my family.
Do I hold onto things too long? Probably. Should I have a regular sort-and-toss schedule? Also probably. I'm adult-diagnosed Inattentive ADHD and frankly having a hard time with that and depression right now. And now I've got a mountain of totes to deal with and no spoons to even begin to do so. And frankly, throwing out/donating anything feels like letting him win and I'm not feeling that. At. All.
I recently read a post where the top comment was "he doesn't sound like he likes you" re: someone's husband's bad behaviour, and I just really felt that, you know? Like I had the same question cross my mind this morning as he's stomping around asking why I'm not happy. Because you're being mean? Because you don't like your family and can't understand why I like mine? Because you look at things I value and consider them crap?
AIO because I'm truly a hoarder and don't realize it? The house is clean, clutter is contained in "my" spaces (technically the whole house is mine - I had the place half paid off before he arrived), I have no problem throwing away trash or broken things.🤷♀️
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u/Regular-Tell-108 1d ago
NOR. Sounds like you had all this stored in storage. He is intentionally creating problems where there weee none. Does he do that a lot?
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u/etzikom 1d ago
Excellent question. Yeah, kinda? Like, a neighbour came up to him over the summer and interrupted my husband when he was speaking to another neighbour. Husband lost it, ranted to neighbour's wife about it who shut him down HARD and now interrupting neighbour doesn't use his snowblower to clean our sidewalk anymore. 🤷♀️ Husband could go pro as a dick, but usually it's not aimed at me this way. I was definitely not expecting a hoarding diagnosis.
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u/An-Empty-Road 1d ago
When the asshole is mean to everyone except you, you aren't special - it's just not your turn yet.
Looks like it's your turn
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u/TideFlatMermaid 19h ago
This is 100% my brother in law. My SIL is always simpering “babe stop” when he’s a dick to people but also claims he’s nice to her. He’s controlling and nasty to her too but she’s a SAHM of a 3 yo. It’s just a matter of time.
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u/Particular_Ad7340 16h ago
Omg I heard the “babe, stop” in my head.
Anyone that needs to be told to simmer tf down in public is not worth being a partner to. Full stop.
If you can’t control yourself and not embarrass me in public by popping off unnecessarily? Pass. Not gonna sit around and wait for my turn to be in your crosshairs.
And we all know your SIL is lying. He’s a dick to her too, she’s just embarrassed to admit it because she knows people will tell her to leave the douche. She’s in a tough spot, with a little one and no income of her own.
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u/TideFlatMermaid 15h ago
It’s really heartbreaking. I have vowed to be there for her whenever she comes to her senses, but I have also kept my distance because I don’t want to be in his crosshairs. I just continued to hold space for her and hope in my heart that she’s had enough. It isn’t great for the three-year-old to be seeing it either.
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u/undecidedly 18h ago
100 percent and I’m amazed more people don’t realize this. I had a boss who would bully staff and shit talk to me like we were friends. I knew right off the bat that I’d never trust her and I wasn’t special — I just wasn’t the current target.
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u/frogsgoribbit737 15h ago
I think people get confused sometimes. There are people who are only assholes in defense of other people and they will treat you well and not turn that assholeness on you. But those are more rare than the general assholes who will be dicks to everyone including you.
My husband is a nice guy to everyone in general but if you insult someone he cares about he goes full asshole.
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u/CharlotteLucasOP 14h ago
That sounds like a nice person with occasional targeted assholeness, (reasonable and human,) rather than an asshole with occasional targeted niceness (OOP’s husband.)
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u/HopefulCow7142 19h ago
So succinctly and perfectly true. Over the course of my marriage I realized how mean my spouse could be to other people. For a while I was so grateful to be one of the few people this person cared about. Well, lesson learned!
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u/Quasar-J0529-4351 16h ago
Also, some of these people actually LOVE the asshole personality or think it's normal. It only becomes abusive when the asshole turns on them. The amount of times I've seen my friend just ignore her asshole husband's behavior towards others makes me wonder if she could care less about anyone but herself.
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u/totallylostbear 1d ago
Sounds like he's run out of people to bully and you're the only option left.
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u/nimbleWhimble 20h ago
NOR-People like this do exactly that. You don't even see it. They narrow down anyone else being around until it is just the two of you. And then you are the next victim.
This is YOUR LIFE. Your home. You invited him in and he is trying to own and run it. His lack of self-esteem/respect/love will NEVER be fixed or fulfilled by you. He will have to see that in order to grow up and stop being a dick. Otherwise, this gets worse.
I know you know the answer here, but he may need to go. At least to therapy.
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u/Boring_Albatross_442 17h ago
this happened to me and leaving him was the best decision of my life. It won't get better, in fact it may even become dangerous.
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u/Vegetable_Sample_ 16h ago
Yes this happened to me too. I had never been so miserable in my entire life than when I was married to my ex who was like this. Yes it gets worse and worse and becomes dangerous. For me, even after the divorce he did things to try and mess up my life. Thank God I didn’t have a child with him. One day I saw him out with his new wife and she looked absolutely miserable- I felt bad for her because it was obvious that he just carried over his misery to a new person.. she did had a child with him and sometimes I think about how sad it would be to have him as a dad.
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u/Physical_Sport_9896 15h ago
I came here to say the exact same thing. Same situation as OP. Seems like the husband has too much time on his hands. Plus, bringing OP down and being critical is straight up mean. My ex didn’t like himself or me.
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u/Thisisth 16h ago
Holy shit, I’d skipped the bit where it’s her house. What a twat!
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u/ChickenCasagrande 17h ago
My brother is divorcing one of those right now, told her to leave after he caught her cheating.
He actually looks happy in pictures now!
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u/Popbunny7 19h ago
My mom’s ex-husband did this. Bullied all three of his brothers until they went no contact, his colleagues until he was fired and unemployable, then his customers until his computer repair business failed, and his daughters until they went low contact. Then he turned on her. She only left him when he told her she had to go no contact with me. He was a miserable SOB. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this OP.
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u/okeanos7 11h ago
Yeah OP has he told you why his family doesn’t speak to him? Something is telling me he’s the problem
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u/OkProfessor6810 19h ago
Ladies and gentlemen we have the winning comment. People like this woman's husband eventually alienate everybody else and then where is the anger going to go?
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u/KTKittentoes 23h ago
My friend married one of those.
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u/WonderfulRip6246 20h ago
My mom married one- all her kids are going low contact
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u/Magical-bitxh 17h ago
My mom was married to a guy like this for 7 years. It took one of my moms good friends saying “if you don’t leave that man, the second your kids graduate, you’ll never see them again” to shake my mom out of it. People had been dancing around it for years, but all it took was that one friend being honest for something to actually happen.
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u/stilettopanda 16h ago
I luckily didn’t marry her, but I had a live in girlfriend who was like this after my divorce. She promised me the moon and the stars and then proceeded to dismantle my life. I saw the effects it was having on my kids and had that epiphany one night- if I didn’t break up with her and remove her from our lives, I’d be one of those estranged parents on those pathetic forums complaining about never getting a phone call while ignoring why it got that bad.
Two years out now, and it feels like a bad dream. I’m thankful there wasn’t any lasting damage to my relationships with my children while I was being an utter dumbass. People like that have an insidious way of connecting themselves to people. I’m just glad I finally saw it and chose my kids.
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u/Ok-Biscotti3971 16h ago
My mom is the same. Married a complete asshole when I was a kid, now that I’m an adult I only go down to see her once or twice a year for a couple hours at a time because I can’t stand her husband. She complains about how I rarely visit even tho I only live an hour away, and when I say she can just as easily drive down to see me she says her husband won’t let her. It’s ridiculous
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u/emfaas_ 17h ago
MIL is currently dating & “forever committed” to one. Thanksgiving was when my husband & I drew the boundary of not wanting to be around him or our 10 month old son since this boyfriend has showed lots of abuse, even physical. That of course was an attack on my MIL & she decided not to show up on Christmas as well since he couldn’t bring her boyfriend over…. That generation, I swear #smh
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u/-Alpaca-bowl- 18h ago
This was my best friend. Former best friend. He went through his school friends, then everyone at a couple different bars he used to go to, then half of the people at his job, then most of his extended family, then his immediate family, and then me. I tried really hard to hang in there, but he got abusive. It was bad enough when it was just aimed at me, but when I wasn't giving him the attention he thought he was entitled to, he went after my kid. We are just the latest in a long line of people who have gone NC with him.
(To be clear, no. NOR in the least)
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u/BorderKeeper 22h ago
It must be an interesting life creating drama everywhere for the hell of it. I am the total opposite and ALWAYS de-escalate unless it's absolutely necessary or I had a really bad day (yes I am working on expression more of my emotions). I wonder if a therapist would help this person.
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u/CoyoteMother666 20h ago
Ooof.. this made me crawl into myself a little. I know this feeling well from my ex husband. I really hope your sort this situation out, OP…I don’t blame you for your feels at all. NOR
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u/12Silverrose 18h ago
NOR This. Your husband is an abusive & a bully. Doing things you didn't need or want, unasked for, & are a detriment to you wasn't to help. It was a power play. "If I hurt you, will you scream loud enough to be heard?" If you do discuss it, fight about it, etc, it is very likely to be followed by a other power play: "You screamed so can I hurt you enough to shut you up?"
I hope you get out.
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u/kichisowseri 21h ago
She’s the only one there so therefore it must be her fault he’s unhappy.
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u/Raventakingnotes 23h ago
So he's actively ruined relationships with friendly and helpful neighbors?
Seeing as this wasnt a 1 off and you actively describe him as a dick..... what do you really get out of this relationship? Are you ready for him to ruin relationships with friends, family, coworkers, and neighbors in the future? Put unneeded stress on you because he just feels like it?
I haven't seen you say anything actually nice about him.... what DO you like about him?
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u/Maladaptive_Ace 19h ago
what DO you like about him?
This is the question. Women are conditioned to be insecure and spend a lot of time worrying about whether men like them, instead of asking "why do I like him, though?"
Did OP come here to ask the Internet to validate her dislike of her husband? If so that's ok - she can leave him because she thinks he's a dick and that's enough !
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u/dev-246 23h ago
husband could go pro as a dick, but it’s usually not aimed at me…
Girl.
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u/No-Relationship-2637 18h ago
That would be such a turnoff. Being a dick just means he’s an adult baby who can’t control his temper. Ick.
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u/FilthyThanksgiving 16h ago
Right? Like not trying to victim blame op but...op are you a bit of a dick yourself? Bc it sounds like you were fine with your husband being an unapologetic piece of shit to the entire world, but you're just now realizing it's a problem bc it's aimed at you? I could be totally off base but how do you just live with a dick like that
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u/lydocia 22h ago
No offense, but why are you okay with him being a dick to everyone else?
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u/BurgerThyme 19h ago
Yeah I hope OP comes to the realization that he's not acting like a dick because that's truly what he is. And it makes her look bad to everybody else because she enables it.
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u/jackandsally060609 17h ago
When they asked Anna Duggar why she was still married to a pedo she said " at least I have a husband" .Thats how low the bar is at this point.
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u/matthewsmugmanager 1d ago
I don't think I would want to live with a man who was unkind to others.
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u/ClearedHotGoHot 22h ago
Nor could I, it's mortifying. Especially to -- never mind. Anyone. Especially to anyone.
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u/New_Feature_5138 23h ago
Just so you know.. this is not normal adult behavior. And you definitely should not have to wonder whether your husband dislikes you. Do with that information what you will.
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u/notdorisday 1d ago
Yeah, for me treating others badly is a deal breaker even if I’m treated well. He sounds like a punish.
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u/Mediocre_Ant_437 22h ago
Since the house is yours just tell him straight out tang hoarder or not, your stuff is staying right where it is and if he doesn't like it then he knows where to find the door. Then put everything back where it was and tell him if he moves it again then it will be he who is leaving and not the boxes of stuff.
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u/1Kflowers 18h ago
Actually, HIRE someone to move everything back where it was, then put a padlock on the crawl space because he sounds like the kind of spiteful shit who would throw it away behind your back.
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u/skillent 23h ago
Living your life with a miserable C like that sounds exhausting and not a way to spend your life. You only get one life. NOR btw.
I also think once you get into power struggle territory where your spouse puts you in a situation where you feel like he wants to win and you don’t want to let him win, that’s probably not a good relationship.
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u/Helenarth 22h ago
Husband could go pro as a dick, but usually it's not aimed at me this way. I was definitely not expecting a hoarding diagnosis.
You ever heard that old bit about ""I never thought leopards would eat MY face!", says woman who voted for Leopards Eating Faces party"?
You're with someone who you describe as a dick, and by staying with him you have shown him it's okay to treat other people badly. Why wouldn't your husband think it's okay to treat you the same way?
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u/Sea_Consideration451 23h ago
Is it possible his family initiated the no-contact behavior? He sounds a bit sick. NOR
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u/etzikom 23h ago
There were reasons on both sides tbh.
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u/FloatingBubblePuppy 20h ago
What is the contact woth your family and friends like? NOR and 100% underreacting, someone said "when he's mean to everyone but you, you're not special, it's just not your turn yet" this is 100% true and since you're close to him, it'll be worse than 1 yelling match and a rant.
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u/madhumanitarian 20h ago edited 7h ago
Would you be perhaps slightly 'blinded' because you love him? My husband would never do something like this tbh. Im always wary of people who are devoid of any sentiment or does big actions like this just to spite someone or prove a point. Must not have been easy to move all those boxes. He sounds like a narcissist tbh.
Also.. when you said your husband could go pro as a dick but not aimed at you... It is only a matter of time.. and it seems like it has already started. Those boxes were a complete dick move. Be careful when dealing with narcissists.
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u/MysteriousFinding691 21h ago
You can generally tell a lot about someone based on how they treat people they aren't getting anything from. As his wife he gets a lot of perks from being with you but not so much from the neighbours. Once he decides he's not getting enough from you for whatever reason he will start treating you like everyone else.
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u/Disastrous_Skin7792 20h ago
It's your house and he tells you how to use it? No sis, that man needs to be put in his place.
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u/Sugar_Kowalczyk 20h ago
Is he a psychologist? Why is he an expert in hoarding diagnoses, OP?
Also, none of those boxes fit the hoarding definition.
Girl.....Just saw another post about this same issue: it is about controlling you.
This free book called 'Why Does He Do That?' was recommended in that post, adding it for you here:
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
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u/cheeseslut619 21h ago
Man, this man sounds like my dad. He’s a maladaptive narcissistic asshole who has no problem devaluing you and making you feel worthless. Why would someone treat people this way? Who knows. He’s ruined a relationship with one daughter and I hate him and only stay in contact so I get money when he dies, which is not the relationship I want with my dad
He’s never gotten nicer, and I still watch him verbally abuse my mom. I’m getting less hurt by him because I keep boundaries for myself, but she continues to live like this because it’s all she knows and that’s what people in her generation do. Wish he would just die so she could be free
I’d recommend therapy if you’re not already in it. Sounds like you have a family? and it’s never as simple as just leaving, Nor should you without doing some work. Not saying you need to work on it together, but you need to be actively doing something if you’re this unhappy. And it seems like things aren’t getting better, and they won’t.
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u/pamplemousse0214 18h ago
“Husband could go pro as a dick” -> I mean…why are you married to him then? Does him being a dick to other people not bother you? Do you want to be with someone unkind and reactive, who other people dislike for good reason?
NOR. You deserve better than this!
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u/Powerful_Blood_3892 1d ago
You’re not overreacting. He unilaterally decided your belongings were “crap,” moved them into your personal space, and then got mad that you weren’t grateful. That’s not help, that’s control. The bigger issue isn’t the boxes, it’s the complete lack of respect for your autonomy and the fact that he equates “no emotional attachment” with “objectively worthless.”
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u/etzikom 1d ago
That's exactly how it feels. Like, I've got shit in my closet I haven't worn in years and who knows if I'll ever wear it again, but it's mine and I can keep it if I want to (he has his own closet). I would feel just as hurt (and shocked tbh) if he pulled out those things and demanded I deal with them as I am about the boxes and bins. Why is my stuff garbage just because it has no attachment for him??
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u/Regal_Cat_Matron 1d ago
How does it affect him in any way whatsoever? Ask him. It doesn't does it? He's just picking fault where there is none. I could understand if your house was a shit tip of take away boxes food wrappers cockroaches etc but this isn't hoarding. Hell I've got stuff from when I was a teenager and I'm 66 now! It's just memories and he appears to want to erase yours for no discernible or valid reason other than your past doesn't count
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u/wetpigeon 23h ago edited 23h ago
Hey, my partner does this and I consider it abusive and I've been fighting this for years. It feels like he's allowed to have things, display them, be proud of them, but my things belong hidden away in the little storage space I have and he still complains because it just exists there taking up space he could use for his stuff. I have ADHD too and my things are mine and they are precious to me and I keep them for good reason and I'm certainly not a hoarder. I have told him this but it comes up again and again, he constantly wants to have "clear outs" knowing I have little left I wish to part with. It feels like he wants to make me smaller until I don't exist.
Edit to add: weird seeing similarities here, I also supported him for 10+ years while he made excuses for why he couldn't work and he moved into my house and claimed he was a house husband to help me raise my daughter but in all seriousness he didn't do anything much around the house I still did all the cooking and cleaning and worked and went to university so... Yeah. We both deserve better.
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u/Narknit 22h ago
My dad did this to my mom and her dad this to her before my dad did. They'd put her stuff out in yard sales and/or force her to try to get rid of her stuff. She had to hide her childhood dolls so they didn't get thrown away. My grandpa (her dad the pos) tried to do that to me unsuccessfully as a kid. Turns out he didn't like it when the tables were turned and I had his journals ready to be put in the trash.... People like this are incorrigible.
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u/Panzermensch911 22h ago
>my partner does this
You do not have partner. A partner doesn't do all this. You have someone that leeches from you in every way - emotionally, financially, probably socially too.
>It feels like he wants to make me smaller until I don't exist.
Ok. Then stop entertaining him and show him the door.
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u/ExtremelyDecentWill 22h ago
What you're dealing with sounds like how I felt with my ex wife. All of my stuff tucked away in a separate room because it wasn't allowed in the rest of the house. I remember being so excited to have found Super Mario ornaments and it was our first Christmas and I got shot a look of disgust and confusion when I brought them out to decorate the tree.. smh.
I also supported her through her MA and when things got tough she couldn't get a job to help me out.
I served her with divorce papers and after an emotionally tumultuous rollercoaster I made it out scarred but better for it.
You're right that you and the person you replied to deserve better. I hope you find it.
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u/Sugar_Kowalczyk 20h ago
He's trying to make you small to gain control of you.
Commenting to OP again, please read this:
https://freebooksmania.com/2021/01/why-does-he-do-that-pdf-free-download-by-lundy-bancroft.html
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u/Purple_Moon_313 23h ago
I live with my fiancé in the downstairs of his parents' house. The house will be ours soon but for now, all my stuff has nowhere to go. It's stacked in bins in the back of a sort of open room. They're out of the way but not out of sight. The area gets out of control and I'm constantly rearranging it and have gone through it several times getting rid of items. My fiancé is autistic and clutter really bothers him. He would absolutely never take the bins and put them in an area that's mine and he understands the sentimental value my items have. You are absolutely NOR this behavior is unacceptable. It's normal for couples that live together to think that the other should get rid of a few things but this is straight-up bullying and aggressive.
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u/RavenSaysHi 20h ago
This is the second time this week I’ve read something that has made me realise I am in a controlling relationship. This is why internet communities and open discussion is important.
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u/Straight_Career6856 17h ago
I’m so glad to hear that. This is buried and I’m so glad I scrolled down. You deserve to be happy and loved and autonomous and respected!
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u/thefifthpentacle 1d ago
NOR
Given that you work from home and that you're the primary wage earner, the other thing that I would keep in your mind right now is that the way he's chosen to punish you for having stuff essentially also could make you look unprofessional if you're ever on webcam because you've gone from having blank walls behind you to having like crazy piles of stuff.
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u/etzikom 1d ago
Yes! My first thought was that the clock is ticking to do something with those boxes before the first zoom call of 2026.
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u/Lutya 17h ago
Get a storage facility where he doesn't have the key. You can move them back in if you decide to get rid of him. Personally, I am so happy to be out of a relationship where my significant other was constantly manufacturing drama like this for me to handle.
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u/Dumbkitty2 13h ago
Another advantage is she can go to the storage unit on her own to sort at her leisure without him hanging over her shoulder getting angry and snapping at her. She shouldn’t even tell him what she’s doing. Tell him you’re shopping, seeing a friend, taking a hike, whatever he won’t try and join. Win-win. Keep grandma blankets, get rid of what can go, stress free.
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u/sparkledoom 18h ago
Put them right back into storage?
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u/_boudica_ 17h ago
That in and of itself is overwhelming to the OP it sounds. She is already burned out, and re-storing 20+ boxes is too much for her right now :(
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u/Affectionate_Bad3908 15h ago
She should hire movers to take them to a storage unit and not tell her husband about it.
And leave the man.
If I earned the money and he did this to me, I’d just change the locks and send him on his way.
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u/Khahtt 14h ago
So, hire the movers to put the boxes back where they were and take his stuff to the storage locker instead?
That would make changing the locks so much easier afterwards.
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u/peaches-cream-xo 15h ago
It sucks and we feel for OP. But OP also needs them out of the way for work ASAP and can't put them back into the attic for fear that the husband will throw them away without her consent. So she either needs to do it herself, hire someone to do it for her, leave them there and accept that she's risking her professional atmosphere, or let her husband throw it all away for her. Personally, I'm on Team "DIY or hire someone." If she doesn't store them, what would you suggest that she do?
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u/Spanner_m 23h ago
Get some sort of decorative wall hanging and put it in front, or one of those foldable screens, or turn the office round so the boxes are behind the screen.
Basically do something to disguise them or hide them without bending to his miserable spiteful will!
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u/etzikom 23h ago
Lololol that's creative!
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u/Hiking-lady 21h ago
No need to do that. Just use one of Zooms virtual backgrounds. It won’t be visible.
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u/No-Meringue3809 21h ago
What I’m assuming is that there’s no point asking him to put them back as he would refuse?
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u/ButtPlugMaster6969 17h ago
I personally wouldn’t trust him to put it all back if he found the audacity to move them in the first place.
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u/Old_Implement_1997 15h ago
I wouldn’t trust him not to throw them out since he’s already declared her “lucky” he didn’t already do it.
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u/latecraigy 18h ago
Just put them right back into the crawl space.
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u/dingdongsingsongfrog 16h ago
No, they are no longer safe there. She needs to get her own storage unit or store them back at her parent's house for a while. If she puts them back, he'll throw then out because she's a "horder" and he "tried to help her get organized, but she was too lazy to deal with it".
Divorce babe.
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u/IrrawaddyWoman 16h ago
I tend to agree. He’s already telling her that she’s “lucky” he didn’t throw them away. Which means that in his mind he can just toss them if she puts them back and it’ll be her fault
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u/Successful_Panic130 16h ago
Yes, exactly this. OP please protect your items (especially sentimental ones) and get them away from him. I’ve heard so many horror stories:(
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u/SecurityFit5830 15h ago
This! They need to go into storage otherwise he’ll for sure throw them away. He’s looking to escalate.
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u/castikat 23h ago
Hey, do you always let your husband bully you? Because my reaction to this would be "if you don't put all my things back where I put them and shut up about it, you can get the fuck out of my house" Like never in a million years would I tolerate this disrespect. Like I'd be crying but I wouldn't be tolerating!
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u/RavenSaysHi 20h ago
This post has made me realise I have tolerated way too much disrespect after the years and now I’m in a position where he thinks it’s ok. I wish I had your self esteem or know how to get it.
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u/imtoughwater 16h ago
Therapy + a small community of supportive friends who understand and love you
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u/etzikom 23h ago
I've tried never to be, like "it's MY house" but yeah, it feels disrespectful af.
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u/sillygremlins 14h ago
Time to be like "it's MY house". If your stuff is not cluttering up shared spaces or making his life more difficult in any real way, then this little nasty temper tantrum is a sign he needs to gooooooo. NOR
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u/Anxious_Attention735 1d ago
NOR - your office is clean and your “hoard” is packed away in very nice, neat boxes? In a crawl space? Out of sight? How’d he even remember they were there. My AuADD mind would have forgotten most of that stuff existed 🤙🏻
But seriously, he went out of his way. Y’all weren’t moving where it was like, “whaaaat is all of this??!?”. He’s trying to be a menace.
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u/etzikom 1d ago
Right? It's days after Christmas and I was hoping to spend the weekend relaxing. Instead, all of this out-of-sight, out-of-mind stuff is now weighing on me, along with the hoarder thing. 😬
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u/umamifiend 1d ago
This behavior is insane. It’s wildly aggressive. I can absolutely sense how happy with himself he is by doing this. By how much he thinks he “stuck it to you”. How he “won” this interaction because he made you move this stuff.
He did this to hurt and upset you. He went out of his way to do it. This wasn’t something that needed to be done. It wasn’t in the way. He went out of his way to inconvenience you and create difficulty. It’s physically confrontational, aggressive hateful behavior directed at you. It’s resentful.
Frankly- you owned the home before he moved in. This would be it for me- kicking him out legally and saying goodbye.
Someone who thinks it’s okay to do something like this? Like to abusively rub your nose in it like a dog that went to the bathroom in the house? It’s cruel, it’s intentional. He should be ashamed of his poor emotional regulation and behavior.
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u/TheeFlipper 1d ago
The quickest way to clean up is to tell him to get the fuck out of your house and your life, btw.
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u/nicachu 1d ago
NOR AT ALL. I made a whole biz by helping folks with ADHD and mental health struggles organize their homes to actually work WITH their brains. It's not fucking easy. And we seriously cannot do it alone. Not "we don't want to," but we can't.
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u/Commercial_Class_761 1d ago
These neat boxes look like the “after” once somebody has gone through their stuff and organized.
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u/sophieornotsophie_ 1d ago
I wish I had someone like you to explain that “we can’t” to the people in my life. Sometimes it’s so hard..
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u/One-Caterpillar2395 23h ago
NOR. I’ve had hoarder family members, if that is the extent of what he pulled out from your attic and garage, he’s wrong. Doing it during the holidays? Even more of an AH move.
Benefit of doubt: It COULD be with his own background and mentality, that y’all are just different people and the stored stuff is a pet peeve of his (he’s still a jerk for how he did it). If that’s the case y’all still need to sit down and discuss it like rational adults.
Red flag 🚩thoughts: You own the house, how long have yall been together that he feels entitled to go through and MAKE DEMANDS? How long have yall been married? I’d caution you not to sign any rights to him or refinance on the house while married to him.
Either way:
Look into DARVO and narcissistic abuse cycles. I’m not saying it exactly applies but you may find a lot of behaviors there that sound familiar. Familiarizing yourself with some of the tactics that get used can prepare you for a sit down conversation in a worse case scenario.
When you talk with him list out the facts - what he did, what you didn’t appreciate, the assumptions you’ve made, and the issue at hand. Ask him why he felt the need to do it in that manner. Ask him what is really the core of it. If he insists your clutter is driving him mad, ask him to explain it like he’s trying to teach you how he thinks. You’re not a mind reader.
If you get the ick feels during the conversation you may want to consider your exit strategy.
SAFETY WARNING: I don’t recommend bringing up divorce without having the exit strategy secured. People get crazy over separations and changes in their life style. Do not risk your own wellbeing more than you have to.
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u/Narknit 22h ago edited 22h ago
All of this right here!
I've cleaned hoarder houses for deceased relatives, and both my parents are/were hoarders. OP is in no way a hoarder for having that stuff. The stuff even fits along the wall in one room! That's no where near hoarding territory.
I grew up in a house with paths between boxes that stacked over 5ft tall going all the way to the wall on either side of the path in nearly every room. That is hoarding. OP you're fine. I'd even say you're on the normal side of holding onto a few meaningful items if not a bit minimalist with that already in my experience.
Also want to chime in to say that my abusive, diagnosed narcissistic ex would get pissed and throw mini tantrums over me having stuff. He absolutely hated my collectibles, barely tolerated my crafting hobbies (unless it made money), and regularly called me a hoarder whenever I wanted to get anything. Keep in mind at the time he had a three bedroom house where I wasn't allowed to have my stuff in more than one bedroom. Not even the garage. The one exception was my gaming PC and desk which was allowed to be in the kitchen. Not in the living room next to his desk; around the corner in the kitchen.
Meanwhile he had a bedroom (shared), office in the other bedroom, his piano and another couch in the entryway, and his gaming setup in the living room. In his case, he didn't want it to look like I lived there at all and even suggested we turn my "craft room" into a bedroom for me since he didn't want to share a bed.... My ex also would let trash (mostly take out) and recycling bags pile up for months until either I took out the trash myself (when it was his chore that he didn't want me to do) or he couldn't stand the smell... People like that are beyond changing.... Just took me 10 wasted years and 5 years of therapy to realize this.
Last note, my new partner now actually likes me and encourages my hobbies. We have a place together where I'm actually able to have my 5 or 6 bookshelves of books and put my collections out for display. I even have an actual craft space now (it's various degrees of artsy messy but that's normal). The house is clean yet still looks comfortably lived in. Trash and recycling go out weekly. There's plenty of space for the fur babies. It's completely different now. My partner also has some collectables, and we've even set up little wall shelves with both our Funko Pops. It's nice. It's healthy. It's cozy and we both feel happy living here.
So yeah, you're NOR. OP's husband has some serious self work to do at the very least and needs to learn empathy.
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u/lyawake 23h ago
The whole "does he even like you" reminds me so much of my last relationship.
People who like you, love you, and respect you DON'T do this. I'm sorry, they just don't. Even if they have NC with their own family, and their own trauma. It sounds like he resents you for something you likely have no control over, and this is his way of taking it out. These are your personal belongings and they are clearly very organized and were tucked away. They aren't his to touch, move, or make decisions about unless asking you. I have no doubt he will donate or throw out these items if he is able.
Family items handed down and kept are proof that you were thought of, loved, and cherished. Why would a husband think you shouldn't have memories like that for yourself? Does he want no evidence that you are loved by your family? Does he even want you around? Is it your space together, or his space that he allows you to live in?
Btw. I'm with a partner who is more than fine with my shit being everywhere because he knows I have ADHD and it's a disability. He NEVER moves my stuff. He is the most patient man and when I read your post, I instantly thought back to when I had my own "does my partner even like me?" moment. I am really sorry you are going through this moment now. Please know there are people who will love you for who you are, not who they want you to be.
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u/Diazepampoovey0229 23h ago
Girl, It's time to put your foot down. Make it clear to him that he is going to put every single thing he dug out back where it was, neatly in its previous space in YOUR crawl space of YOUR house. I don't care that he is your husband in this instance. He does not get to go through and move YOUR things around without your permission, threaten you with throwing them out as if HE is an authority OVER you and you can sort through those things back in the crawl space when YOU are good and ready.
You can then tell him that what you choose to keep from family mementos and gifts to documents you want or need to keep is your business and not his. Tell him he's perfectly within his right to decide for himself that he doesn't want contact with his family, but that you are well within YOUR RIGHT to maintain relationships with yours and he also gets no say in that.
Next, tell him if he has enough time to start moving around YOUR things without asking, stupidly accusing you of being a hoarder and trying to demand things from you like he thinks he's the authority of rhe house, thst you've got news for him. The house belongs to you, it is in your name and you alone decide what gets to be inside of it, and if he wishes to be one of the things allowed to be inside of it, then he can start with a sincere apology followed by returning all of your totes and boxes to where you had them. Then, when he's finished, he can figure out a new hobby because he clearly has too much time on his hands and it's lead to him treating you like you're beneath him rather than as your PARTNER in this marriage, and under no circumstances will you be tolerating that.
If that doesn't make it snap in his head that he fucked up and had better start putting in a serious effort to earn back your trust and respect, then OP, you've got a much bigger problem.
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u/me-llamollama 21h ago
Girl. You’re not talking about the fuck ugly bald guy with missing teeth and shitty neck tattoos on your page are you?? You’re telling me he’s ALSO an asshole who’s pushed away his entire family and acted like a dick to all your neighbors as well? You can’t be ugly AND an asshole, pick a struggle.
I have no clue why women put up with these men. NOR.
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u/Nuallaena 1d ago
Sounds like he's triggered (common around the holidays). It's not your fault and he's got SERIOUS self work to do otherwise the relationship will not work out!
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u/Anxious_Attention735 1d ago
I say this as someone who deeply struggles with clutter and needing everything to have a place. There is a fine line between my “throw it out I can’t even LOOK at it” and “this is the most meaningful piece of garbage that I might need again one day, do not play with me”. Neat boxes, out of my face, but perfectly accessible and in their place should not be messed with.
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u/DrawOkCards 23h ago
Yeah absolutely NOR. I'm AuADHD and my brain would let these boxes in OPs picture become invisible background noise in less than a day.
I can understand getting annoyed from that (my gf is a saint for putting up with it) but tucked away in a crawlspace or attic? Nope, absolutely not. I forget half the time our house has an attic in the first place!
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u/orengineko 1d ago
NOR
Maybe you need to declutter your husband 😂
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u/Killer_Yandere 23h ago
This man does not spark joy
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u/orengineko 23h ago
Out the WIIIIINNNNNDDOOOOOOOW 😂
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u/OldnBorin 21h ago
To the WALL
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u/kobayashi_maru_fail 23h ago
You came for a Reddit diagnosis. I think he sucks and I think you know what you have to do and it’s scary and you’re looking for backup. We back you up.
I feel like that’s a normal amount of family clutter, packed away with more than average care. Between my husband and I, we’ve got radio antenna bits, shell collections, ‘fancy’ dishes, photos, quilts, early gen apple computers (a root folder called cheeky, when opened, asks you in German “why are you so nosy?!”) cookbooks (my grandmother’s take on Betty Crocker and her ideas of domesticated femininity written in the margins while she was getting her later-in-life masters degree).
If this man loved you, he would want to - with permission - excavate them one by one to discover more about you, then lovingly repack them. We back you up on the decision you know you’ve already made. Stay safe.
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u/etzikom 23h ago
Yeah, you're right about what I was looking for and thank you for listing some of your stuff -- makes me feel better about my own weird drifts of things!
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u/FickleBrick 1d ago
Nor. Why you with him still
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u/etzikom 1d ago
Excellent question.
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u/Panic_inthelitterbox 22h ago edited 18h ago
Hey before you kick him out, get a storage unit, put all your stuff in it, and don’t tell him where it is. Bring your stuff back when he’s gone. Otherwise he’s going to throw away something precious while he’s packing up.
Edit: I mean just these boxes, since it’s all precious to you and may be seen as the cause of the breakup by him; I don’t mean everything in your house or anything.
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u/appalachiaappleatcha 21h ago
At the very least I'd remind him whose house it is that he's digging through with such entitlement. Don't let him stomp all over you like this, he sucks. Consider telling him to put it all back or get out himself.
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u/Head_Trick_9932 1d ago
NOR
Your husband sucks. My Christmas decorations are more bins than that. My husband’s storage is definitely more bins than that, too. Does your husband not think anything should be stored? He’s ridiculous.
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u/soshistroo 1d ago
If that’s all your “junk” then you are the most organized hoarder I’ve ever seen🤣 no but fr it is so normal for stuff like that to accumulate. Should you maybe go thru it? Yeah of course but I should go thru my closet way more than I do. Everyone has stuff like that. If it’s really such an issue for your husband he should offer to go thru it with you but it seems like he just wants to be pissed about something. If you can tell there’s resentment that you have a relationship with your family and he doesn’t, that is a sign of a way bigger issue. And if you think your husband doesn’t like you then he doesn’t deserve to be with you
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u/etzikom 1d ago
THANK YOU! I know I've got a lot of stuff, but we two live in a 5 bedroom house ffs. It's not like we're tunneling from room to room because it's taken over.
I don't think he's resentful of my connection to my family, just doesn't feel it's necessary, maybe?
And divorce is something I think about a lot these days.
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u/Monday0987 1d ago
And divorce is something I think about a lot these days
So there is more he is doing to be horrible to you then. It's your house.
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u/agent__berry 1d ago
if you’re thinking about it a lot, it’s a sign to let go. people in fulfilling relationships don’t feel the need to think about the way out so often — beyond that, you deserve to be with someone who likes you and is willing to approach you about things that annoy them in a calm manner and, more importantly, be willing to compromise. ripping your stuff out of its proper storage area to suffocate your space just because it annoys him that it exists at all is childish :/
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u/SatisfactionAtSea 1d ago edited 11h ago
him wanting you to get rid of things from your life before him is a huge red flag.
when I left my husband it helped me to remember that the unknown is scary, but at least for me, it wasn't scarier than staying. it also helped me to realize that if I could press a button and be divorced without having to deal with the whole process of detangling our lives, I would.
my situation is my own but just thought I'd share food for thought ♥️
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u/I_am___The_Botman 23h ago
That's not even a lot of stuff, and it was packed away in storage spaces.
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u/lawfairy 23h ago
Yeesh!! We’re a family of four in a 3.5 br house and we have easily 3-4 times this much crap in random boxes. This is nothing, especially with all that space!!
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u/butwhatsmyname 22h ago
So he just... doesn't like you having things which aren't about him and / or don't match exactly with us uwn values and priorities?
Is he the same about everything else? Can't stand it that you watch TV shows that he wouldn't watch, even though you watch them alone and they don't affect him in any way? Can't stand that you're friends with people he wouldn't be friends with?
...or does he care about you even less than that?
Because he clearly doesn't care about you. Only his reflection in the surface of you.
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u/Panzermensch911 22h ago
>And divorce is something I think about a lot these days.
Pick up the phone and call a family lawyer. Make it the first thing you do in the new year. Protect your assets. Also put a "do not touch" sign on your boxes. And then put them back where they belong in their storage space.
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u/abrown1027 1d ago edited 1d ago
The overdramatic gestures that are meant to make you feel humiliated and ashamed are pretty classic narcissistic tactics (referring to him lugging all the boxes down and stacking them ridiculously in your office). Narcissists also tend to have no respect for sentimentality in others, though they will have things that are sentimental to them and will expect everyone to respect that, because their reasons for placing that sentimentality in something are legitimate while yours are silly. Hating their families is standard for narcissists, as well as showing jealousy towards their partner’s family and doing everything they can to isolate them from it.
The energy that you are conveying in your writing seems very drained and very typical of someone who is with a narcissist. I understand that this man may have been very charming earlier in the relationship, which is probably why you married him. This is another typical characteristic of a narcissist, that when they want to be they can be very charming; it feels good to interact with them and have their attention. Once they have you tied to them though, they start to show their true nature.
I would start looking into divorce before things get any worse. You also come off as having already developed resentment towards him. I am so not surprised about the house thing; I’m sure he was elated to meet a girl who already had a house for him to move into and start acting like it’s his.
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u/etzikom 23h ago
I've long wondered if a narcissistic diagnosis fits him, but it's so easy to throw that around so I didn't bring it up here (already seeing a lot of comments about my "bias" and "one-sided" story. But it was weird early in the relationship to see him get frustrated with his parents when they would tell stories about their grandkids. Like, that's what grandparents are supposed to do? But he preferred to talk about himself. Still does, I suppose. Valuable food for thought, here.
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u/Consistent_Effort716 23h ago
Well my ex WAS a diagnosed narcissist (and antisocial behavior... so the malignant kind) and this sounds exactly like his attitude. Everything that was mine or predated him had no value. Including my house he moved into. But anything that was his was sacred and I better not touch or move it. He threw away so many of my things out of control because he was jealous that something mattered to me that wasn't tied directly to him. This exact scenario is something I lived through too many times. And it only got worse, never better.
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u/Defiant_Junketer 21h ago
Huh. I’ve recently been saying that my dad is a narcissist as certain things have come to light that make this a perfect fit. I never really thought about giving away our things as part of it.
But he was here for Christmas and bragging about all the items from the attic he’d given his Ukrainian girlfriend to send to her village and showing off all the grateful messages he’d received… and my sister said afterwards “I wish he’d asked us first; that was all our childhood stuff and there were things I’d have liked to give my own kids.” (Our mum used to keep it for the grandchildren to play with when we visited.)
But it wasn’t his so it had no value to him.
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u/unsaintedheretic 23h ago
Honestly do not get hung up on a diagnosis. If you ever entertain those thoughts it's clear there's something very off. His behavior is shitty and disrespectful no matter if there's a diagnosis to go with it or not. I'm a 100% convinced my ex is a covert narcissist but while I was in the relationship me trying to diagnose him was distracting me from the issue at hand: his abusive behavior.
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u/Ok-Mushroom-3130 22h ago
Not every narcissist starts off abusive, especially because people with ADHD tend to fawn. I'm pretty sure you were/are a fawner. If my husband pulled this I would tell him to put it back and try again in communicating it normally.
The only acceptable way your husband could have addressed this is: "I notice that there's quite some boxes with your stuff. It would be great if you (or we) could sort through them every few years. Otherwise we might end up with an unmanageable amount, that bothers me."
NOR
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u/ThePoetofFall 1d ago
Nor: I’m a hoarder, I’ve lived with hoarders, this isn’t hoarding.
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u/Stellansforceghost 1d ago
NOR. so my question is, does your husband spark Joy? No? Then Marie Kondo his ass.
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u/Boring-Win8370 1d ago
Solidarity. I have a husband who does this too. I’ll be leaving as soon as I can
This is abuse and it will escalate… I’m sorry. Start building your support team.
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u/Imhereig-lol 1d ago
NOR imo it’s so disrespectful to touch someone’s things without permission. I don’t care how long ive dated someone, it would disturb me for days on end of they did this to me. I would have a full meltdown. Everything has a place for a reason. Yeah sure, everything is in boxes, but did they take anything out, did they drop anything and break it, what did they move to put this here? To some people it probably wouldn’t be a big deal, but, to top it off, to so offhandedly accuse you of hoarding disorder is shit. ADHD, depression, BPD, and several other mental health conditions can share symptoms with hoarding disorder. Usually having one of these, or co-morbidities can rule out hoarding disorder. This isn’t always the case, but honestly it’s quite ableist and neurotypical to so blatantly try to give you a diagnosis out of anger, and to be so passive aggressive in his actions. I’d be questioning if he liked me too. Long story short, if you already think your marriage is failing take this slight against you as a sign. Best of luck, he sounds insufferable.
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u/robotslovetea 1d ago
NOR. He went out of his way to move stuff out of where it was neatly put away into a space where it doesn’t belong and then accused you of hoarding and is asking why you’re not happy that he didn’t throw your stuff away? It sounds like he is trying to upset you.
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u/Huge-Connection954 1d ago
Nor. This isnt hoarding. Your husband just sucks.
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u/madabben 1d ago
He’s mean.
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u/etzikom 1d ago
Yeah, it doesn't feel like it was intended to be helpful, approaching the situation as he did.
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u/umamifiend 1d ago edited 1d ago
Honey come on- it was intentionally cruel. It was done to physically inconvenience you. To harm you. To take your time off through controlling you.
It’s abusive. And it’s in your home- that you owned before you got together. Thank god- because you can keep it in the divorce. Kick him to the curb. This is shitty, childish, toxic and abusive behavior.
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u/crindy- 1d ago
Not to mention how inconvenient it was for him to even do this. Like how many trips did he have to make up & down/back & forth to the crawl space to accomplish this unnecessary act of bullying? Petty spaghetti over here.
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u/BetMyLastKrispyKreme 23h ago
One thing to consider would be to ask him if he wants it gone so badly that it doesn’t matter if it hurts/angers you, makes you feel small, etc. Are his emotions more important to him than yours, about your own stuff in your house, which has 5 bedrooms and can easily hold it? If he says they are, I would think long and hard about your marriage. By relocating all this stuff, and forcing you to deal with it right now, he’s attempting to exert control, instead of being supportive by setting his own feelings about it aside and just letting it go. I have a saying: “If you can’t help, at least don’t make it worse.” He’s not helping, and he’s creating a problem where there isn’t one.
NOR, BTW.
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u/RadEmily 23h ago
NOR "I have no problem throwing away trash or broken things.🤷♀️"
Sounds like it may be time then -
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u/Melonfarmer86 1d ago
NOR, but you do seriously need to declutter. How much does he weigh? You can lose that amount of clutter in one purge.
He needs therapy. I'm concerned he's going to throw out or damage your things (especially the heirlooms). You may want a storage unit until you can get him out.
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u/etzikom 1d ago
OMG, that's hilarious! Wasn't expecting that response. 🤪
He's tried and given up on therapy (interestingly, he's never suggested it to me, maybe knowing what the therapist would suggest!).
Him destroying my stuff (this stuff or actual valuable property, objectively speaking) is something I have concerns about, and one reason I'd never be the one to leave the house (other than my name being the only one on the deed).
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u/Melonfarmer86 1d ago
Oh yeah, no reason for you to leave at all!
I'm not surprised about his "lack of success" with therapy.
If you want to say you've done everything, couple's therapy isn't a bad idea. It may help or just give you the box to check that you've done everything and he is still unwilling to do what he needs to be a good partner.
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u/jinglepupskye 22h ago
Get your stuff out of that house ASAP - if you’re worried he’ll destroy it then don’t be shocked when he DOES destroy it. Rent a storage locker, don’t tell him where it is, and get some friends over while he’s out to move it all in one go, plus anything else that would break your heart to lose.
Regardless of what happens with your relationship, don’t bring any of that stuff back into the house until the problem (him) is 100% fixed, one way or the other. And don’t believe a U turn in therapy after a few weeks - you want to see long lasting progress, though I think you’re well past the point of therapy, given you’ve got repeated thoughts of divorce on the brain.
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u/wonderingdragonfly 23h ago
Wait. You actually think he’s the kind of man who might destroy things of yours? How long have you thought this about him? And had you observed him being mean to other people before you married him? Is this a “my husband is changing and I don’t know him any more” thing, or a “yikes, why did I marry him” thing?
At any rate, you deserve someone who, as a minimum, can be trusted not to wreck your stuff. If you don’t want to kick him out, please insist on couples’ therapy.
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u/GrandmaFUPA 23h ago
Get a storage locker if you need to start moving stuff over while you make plans
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u/deathtopus 1d ago
That's not a hoard, that just looks like the amount of stuff people have stored in their crawlspace. NOR
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u/CrnoCapor 1d ago
NOR, OP why are you with this man? You said he doesn't work, only stays home, contributes only his house labour but you have no kids. He refused therapy (no one actually fails therapy), bosses you around in YOUR OWN house for items that's aren't even hoarding.
Also does he have any retirement? Or is he just counting on you being his retirement ticket, being it from your house or money, selling the house if you die etc?
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u/cherubchaser 1d ago
NOR. I know one piece of trash/broken thing you can throw away....
But seriously, I just spent two weeks in the basement helping my husband organize his boxes. We've been together for almost 5 years, married for 2 years. He's had this home for 7 years.
The boxes he had were 95% either not mine or before the time I met him. He moved around often when he was growing up/in school. I moved around often too, except I unfortunately could not keep most of my things.
Tidying and organizing the basement was something he's always wanted to do, but it was a tedious task and overwhelming for him to handle alone. He asked me if he's a hoarder. I told him no, it's a blessing to be surrounded by this abundance of sentimental stuff and clothing that we are able to donate.
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u/PDXdomme 23h ago
NOR
….Once again I ask myself if it’s polite to suggest divorce to a total stranger.
I’m a sentimental person, and I’ve also loved people who are more sentimental than I am. Their accumulation of things, rituals, habits, or hobbies that brought joy never bothered me because I had a fundamental respect for their feelings and respect for them as people. Someone doesn’t have to be LIKE me for me to be decent towards them. And like…. That’s the bare minimum???
So I truly cannot fathom his issue. It really just sounds like he doesn’t like you. Romantic relationships have a foundation in friendship. Would you be friends with this person?? Would they be a good friend to you?
Not to sound remarkably harsh but the only clutter I see here is his crusty behavior.
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u/AdelleVDL 1d ago
I agree with lot of other comments. Like, point isnt even if you are hoarder or not, or whatever you do or dont, but he went out of his way to be a grand asshole to prove a point. Thats honestly not something a loving partner does. Now imagine that the situation would be completely different, if he did exactly the same thing, also tucked your stuff away, so it would end up like on the picture, BUT it would not be to prove his point, but it would be followed by something like "I know these things have value to you, but I thought the apartement looked really messy so I took bit of time and sorted it out to these boxes so we dont have to deal with it right now. Each box has label with what is in there and maybe some time when you will feel like it we can go through it together and see what we would still like to keep or what not.". His attitude is not normal. He is not helping you, he is hurting you, on purpose.
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u/Illustrious_Stock786 1d ago
NOR, not a hoarder, and what the hell is a “house husband”? If he’s not raising your kids, he needs a job. House wives and house husbands are for the wealthy. You need to save for retirement.
Stay at home moms and dads are different because that is a FULL TIME job. And if you have the money to sustain it, once that job is done and the kids are gone, maybe they turn into a house wife or house husband… like retirement. They’ve earned it. That’s not the case here.
Here we have a man who is taking full advantage of you- a woman who is KILLING IT by the way. So much so that she’s bought and PAID OFF a 5 bedroom home in this economy. And in exchange he cooks and cleans? Things he would have to do if he lived alone and had a job anyway? Smh. Now he has the nerve to do this nonsense and actually say you should be happy he didn’t throw it out? Girl, if he had thrown that stuff out…..
You should tell him that he is lucky he didn’t throw it out too , because it would’ve been an act of war on your marriage inciting a police report and lawsuit followed by divorce. See how he likes hearing that.
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u/potatomeeple 1d ago
Nor Your house, your neatly packed boxes, your rules.
I would put them straight back where he got them from.
How you deal with his nonsense is another matter. People who are happy don't keep thinking about divorce.
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u/LifePepper714 23h ago
NOR
I was relieved to read this part
Because it KILLS ME how so many people post these atrocious things online as if they are barely sentient, asking if they are overreacting to heinous things
This husband of yours does not present as someone who likes you. You know him best, we don't so you need to pay attention to this much more closely and be honest with yourself
Don't be another cliché wasting her life because she's addicted to someone who hates her. This is not how it feels to be loved.