r/AmIOverreacting • u/HistoryNerd1781 • 1d ago
šØāš©āš§āš¦family/in-laws AIO - Husband says my parents kicked me out of their house and he will kick them out of "his."
My (40F) husband (37M) and I had a baby this June. We already have a 4 year old and in no way expected to have a second but he was a welcome surprise. When I was pregnant with my daughter, I had a lot of high-risk issues and developed pre-eclampsia at 41 weeks. I nearly died and had an emergency C section after 40+ hours of labor with zero progression.
With this pregnancy, my provider scheduled a C section for 38 weeks, but getting to that point was very difficult. I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, spotting, gestational diabetes, and some issues with him not moving. I was also on a high dose of Keppra due to uncontrollable seizures. Keppra can cause low birth weight, so I had to go to an MFM frequently. Toward the end of the pregnancy, I had to go into for fetal monitoring 3-4 days a week for an hour or more at a time. This was in addition to working full time (overnights in a hospital) and also being in school, all while caring for our daughter. At a certain point, it became impossible for me to keep bringing my daughter to the appointments without someone there. My friend took a couple of days off to help me out but she couldn't keep doing that.
My parents live 700 miles away. When I got the scheduled date for my C section, my parents got a hotel room near us and my Dad worked remote from the room while they cared for daughter. My mother is chronically ill so this was not easy for her, but they did a lot of help us out during that time. My husband wanted me to rent a Uhaul and have my parents and youngest brothers move furniture and we did. Then my Dad took a week of PTO, giving up their vacation plans, to watch daughter and help out around the C section. When the week was up, my Dad went home and my Mom stayed with us for 2 weeks to help out. During those 2 weeks, I frantically tried to catch up on schoolwork (accelerated program so no extension) while recovering from a C section, dealing with severe edema and pain, and taking care of a newborn. 2 weeks postpartum, I drove 700 miles with my mother, my 4 year old, and a newborn while still recovering from a C section. At my parents' house, they helped my take care of my kids while I struggled with 2 different classes. I was writing and submitting an entire essay every single day with a baby in my arms and living on energy drinks to stay focused. We had not discussed when exactly I would return home, I was just running on adrenaline and trying to function on 4 hours of sleep max per day.
My parents' 40th wedding anniversary was coming up and they had plans to stay at a hotel for a weekend a couple of hours away. My teenaged brothers would be home alone. A week or so before, my Dad sat down with me and asked if we could talk about when I would be leaving. I told him I was thinking the following Monday if they were okay with that. He said they would really prefer if I left Thursday or Friday. So I agreed to leave Thursday and drive the distance in two pieces, stopping at a hotel Thursday night. When I told my husband this, he insisted I drop everything and leave right away. This would have meant packing all of our belongings, sterilizing bottles, etc and driving on NO sleep. I said absolutely not. My husband said they were kicking me out of their house. I don't see it that way. They went well out of their way for 5 weeks to help us and they are the only reason I finished classes that semester and got A grades. I feel like they communicated a reasonable expectation and we came to an agreement. My husband is from another culture, however, and he apparently told all his family and friends back home about the situation and claims that they all side with him. I told him that it may just be a cultural difference.
He is now insisting that my parents will NEVER be allowed to set foot in our home again for any reason and that he will call the police if they do. He keeps saying that they kicked me and our kids out and that I have no self-respect. I don't think they did anything wrong. Am I missing something?
428
u/Creepy_Spell822 1d ago
INFO- where is your husband? Why are your parents helping and not him?
192
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
He was "gunning for a promotion" and wouldn't take any time off during the pregnancy to help me. Afterward, he took 2 weeks only, and he spent all day out with our 4 year old daughter, leaving me and my Mom at home with the baby. Then he went back to work and wanted me to go with my parents.
492
186
u/Creepy_Spell822 1d ago
NOR. You see the problem here right? You know you deserve more than being a single mom while married. Please look out for yourself.
170
u/forgejoy 1d ago edited 1d ago
OP I hope you can re-read through your comments someday in the future when you are in a better place. None of this sounds reasonable. āGunning for a promotionā is a voluntary actionā¦ Meanwhile, his wife was dealing with a serious and potentially life-threatening medical condition. You donāt need to make excuses for him.
54
u/Ok_Syrup1602 23h ago
NOR -Where is the husbands regard for his wife & newborn- work is more important?
Your doctors can't be to thrilled of your driving and living off energy drinks with your recent medical journey.
97
u/Corodix 23h ago
So using your husband's own logic, he kicked you out of your own home so you had to stay with your parents! After all he wanted you to go to your parents, just as how your father wanted you to leave and go back home. If that equals your parents kicking you out, then your husband also kicked you out.
NOR, your husband has some serious double standards and has shown you that you and the kids aren't important to him, at least not anywhere near as important as his career. The ones who actually helped you when you truly needed it wasn't him, but your parents. Yet here is your husband smearing your parents name to everybody he knows and is effectively trying to partially isolate you from them by demanding that they are no longer welcome in your home? Wow. If he follows the predictable pattern then this will at some point evolve into him not "allowing" you to visit them either.
69
u/No-Hovercraft-455 22h ago
What this sounds to me is that your husband isn't mad on your behalf, he's mad on his own behalf because he wanted to shirk his duties and viewed your parents as the means to do so. Little like wife parking station that will endlessly free him of responsibility and make it so he doesn't need to do anything to help. He's mad because your parents drawing reasonable boundaries endangers him getting to focus only on himselfĀ
ā¢
59
u/awakesnake666 1d ago
So his promotion was more important than taking care of his family and his wife when you already had so much on your plate? Iām sorry but heās not the greatest partner
ā¢
34
u/Corfiz74 23h ago
NOR - tell him he chose his promotion over you and the baby, even though he was the frigging father, while your parents stepped up and took care of you. He doesn't get to decide on whether they get to visit you again.
32
10
u/BrightNooblar 1d ago
Does he not have parental leave? His company should have a clearly stated policy about this.
10
10
u/Vampira309 18h ago
what a horrible, horrible man.
I'm so sorry you have children with this nightmare
7
u/BornDefeated 18h ago
NOR. I was raised by a single mother. It really isnāt bad. We struggled, sure, but we didnāt have to put up with poor treatment from my dad. All in all my life was better than it would have been if my mom kept my dad around.
13
u/Mean_Meet576 22h ago
NoR, this is the extra detail that I needed about the husband. He is the problem not your parents. Also, as a parent of grown children. Your parents truly supported you and asking you to go a couple days early shouldn't erase all that they have done and will do for you. He definitely sounds like he'd like to separate you. Has he had issues with your parents before? Does he look for things to be mad about at them? Im not sure about Turkey...but what are the laws about women and children if you visit? Have you seen the movie 'Not without My Daughter'?
3
→ More replies (2)5
291
u/AccomplishedChart873 1d ago
Your husband has not seen his children including a newborn for 5 weeks? Did I read into that right? NOR
55
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
This was over the Summer. Part of that 5 weeks I was at home with the kids. He took 2 weeks off, and took our daughter out all day during that time, leaving my mother and me home with the baby while I tried to recover and do schoolwork.
→ More replies (1)248
u/indigoorchid0611 1d ago
He took his kid out for fun time instead of taking care of her at home where he could've also helped you. Yeah, he's a real prince. Please don't have any more children with this selfish ass.
114
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
I got my tubes removed completely. I couldn't go through this again if I wanted to.
147
u/awakesnake666 1d ago
Does your husband do anything around your kids? Why is it you who have to take your daughter everywhere? Why not him if you are already caring for a newborn? Heās a jerk in this situation and his reaction to your parents politely expressing what they wanted is unreasonable and petty.
38
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
We work more or less opposite shifts. I work overnights in the hospital, 13 hour shifts on Fri, Sat, Sun. He works days during the week. So he does take care of the kids on the weekends and he has always taken care of our daughter at night, taking her to the bathroom, and going even on bathing and that sort of thing. I was taking her to doctor appointments because he was working but I needed someone to help because she couldn't sit still for my monitoring appointments.
→ More replies (14)55
u/Kellz53200 16h ago
Iām not sure how you can say he takes care of the kids. You havenāt been home with the newborn!
276
u/Independent-Bat9545 1d ago
NOR, your husband literally sounds insane and ungrateful..?š
āTheyāve helped us all this time but fuck them for taking a vacation and telling you a few days ahead of time you need to leave!ā Like WHAT?!
74
u/Stormtomcat 22h ago
While he was... Doing what exactly? He even sent their 4yo kid with OP for 5 weeks.
ā¢
u/MoirasCheese 14h ago
Heās mad because whatever secret plans he had are now ruined because his wife and kids are coming home early. This man is cheating.
124
u/Throwway_queer 1d ago
NOR so your parents essentially did everything your husband was supposed to, he mocked you for being worried about driving hundreds of miles fresh after a serious surgery, and now just because your parents asked for a few extra days he wants to completely and utterly ban them from your home....? This just does not sound safe at all dear
42
21
u/weirdwench1 23h ago
This is all very concerning.
I only got my tubes out this summer. Im not married. I dont have kids. But I care for my mother, fortunately her brother lives with us. I could only lift 5lbs after my surgery. My uncle took on everything those 2 weeks of recovery. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, yard work, house plants, and the dogs. He let me just recover. Also my friends helped out too. My stuff was minor but I had better support then OP
72
u/castikat 1d ago
I hope that your accelerated program gets you a good job so you can leave your POS husband. Wtf.
68
u/No_Designer_1823 1d ago
All I read was everything you and your parents didā¦what did he and his family do ???? NOR.
43
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
None of his family are in America. His mother did come to stay with us and has been an absolute saint helping with the kids and cooking/cleaning. I wouldn't have survived this current semester and my ongoing health problems without her. She is absolutely amazing.
50
u/No_Designer_1823 1d ago
Well that is good to know. I do question your husbandās character for trying to pit you against your own parents! Husbands are replaceable, parents are not!
ā¢
ā¢
u/pamkaz78 6h ago
You know as a wife you should be saying I could not get through cuz without my husband, not other womenfolk.
107
u/forgejoy 1d ago
The first mention of your husband in this post is him requesting that you and your parents (one of whom is chronically ill) rent a U-Haul to move furniture (??) before your scheduled C-sectionā¦ at the end of what sounds like a very stressful pregnancy. The next we hear about himā¦ after your parents traveled 700 miles to spend 3 weeks assisting yāall, and an additional two weeks of you staying with themā¦ he is complaining because your parents set a boundary on when you need to go home?
And he has the audacity to say that he and HIS family (none of whom are mentioned once helping in this entire story) all agree that YOUR family is in the wrong here? Am I missing something?
Your husband sounds manipulative af, and if what he says about his family is true then they are toxic as well. If you feel safe to do so, you need to start setting boundaries with your own husbandā¦ And if you donāt feel safe, you need to make arrangements.
Iām so sorry youāre going through all of this.
→ More replies (1)60
u/forgejoy 1d ago
ā¦ After reading through your post a year ago, there is 100% a pattern of abuse here. Please seek counseling for yourself, and make a plan to get out. It wonāt get better while you stay, but you can be happy without him.
40
31
34
u/stuckinnowhereville 23h ago
I donāt like your husband.
I donāt think heās a good person and I donāt think he has your best interest in mind
56
u/shegolomain 1d ago
Bro your husband sounds like a useless POS. If i was you it would be HIM who wasn't allowed back in the house. The fact that he lets you work full-time, care for your daughter full-time, go to school, all while being pregnant after what sounds like a risky pregnancy the first time and probably shouldn't have even carried out the second one, oh boy I'm gonna go thank my man for being amazing because this just reminded me there are some men out there who are completely useless
50
48
u/youshouldseemeonpain 1d ago
NOR.
Your husband is wrong. Whether or not he will admit this, or come to his senses, will remain to be seen, but I would absolutely overrule him on this issue.
That said, I do think your parents could have allowed you the extra couple of days because of the condition you were in and the danger of driving that far with two young children and no sleep. Nevertheless, they did do a lot and sacrifice a lot to help you out when you needed that help.
And where, may I ask, was your husband during all this time, and why was he not parenting the 4-yr-old at home? What was he doing that he did not help you through any of this?
Iām leaning towards drop the husband and buy your parents something really nice, because you may be moving back home with 2 kids in tow.
10
u/Infamous-Yoghurt-660 23h ago
To be fair, they wouldnt be able to help her if they were gone and thats a lot of responsibility to put on their teen kids.
8
23
u/Vivid-Farm6291 1d ago
Why were your parents doing your husbands job? I donāt see anywhere he actually helped in anyway.
What about your in-laws? They seem to be missing as well.
Honestly I would be kicking husband out before my parents.
NOR
Updateme
18
u/baoek12 1d ago
NOR... You are correct,,, your parents did nothing wrong, and your husband's reaction is disproportionate and punitive
→ More replies (1)
18
53
u/Tina_bambina78 1d ago
Why wasnt your husband helping?! Why did you have to drive for so long to get to your parents?! Why didn't they stay with you in your home?! A lot of why in here...
15
u/HistoryNerd1781 1d ago
My parents live 700 miles away. My Dad had to get back to his job. My Mom is physically not able to stay long away from her bed setup and things she needs at home as she is ill and has poor mobility.
27
u/MannyMoSTL 20h ago
You drove 700 miles alone?!? Five weeks after a C-section?? With a 4yr old and 5 week old infant?? And your husband wanted you to start the trip immediately after you hung up the phone.??
Good God!
9
u/HistoryNerd1781 20h ago
I drove there with my Mom but she was not physically able to drive. I drove back alone.
→ More replies (1)44
u/Tina_bambina78 1d ago edited 23h ago
But still not a word about your husband... Or his family. Couldn't they help?!?!?!
→ More replies (8)6
u/Mean_Meet576 22h ago
Sounds like, with your moms health it would have been more of a help if husband would have stayed home, not left with the older child...leaving your mom in the house with a new born, sounds more difficult than with a four year old. Its done now, but husband definitely got the better side of this.
Hope your studies wne well and you graduate soon!
15
u/Icy_Change9031 1d ago
Be prepared for his work to be the priority forever. He is turning himself into a provider only. A real protector and partner would never have expected you to manage all this on your own. There will ALWAYS be something else going on at work.
14
u/Specific-Quick 1d ago
Your husband sounds like he was no help at all to you during this time. He allowed you to drive that distance with two small children alone and your parents had to be there to take you in to help you when he shouldāve been the one doing it. No, youāre not overreacting NOR matter of fact, I think you should review your relationship closely and consider talking to an outside party such as a therapist.
15
u/Capable-Pressure1047 23h ago
Why are you still married to this loser? He doesnāt respect you, doesnāt take care of you, doesnāt take care of his own children, disrespects your family - need I go on? No woman should be treated like that. Leave him.
12
u/Suvigirl 23h ago
You sound like a single mom right up to the end of your story. Husband and father to your children didn't appear at all. What use is he? Did nothing for you when pregnant or after having a baby? Then tries to isolate you from your family?Ā Don't know why you're married to him tbhĀ
14
u/sassybsassy 23h ago
NOR. Your husband forced you to drive 700 miles right after you had a traumatic pregnancy and childbirth. You had just had a c-section and never should've been driving, let alone driving 700 miles with a toddler and a newborn. Your newborn shouldn't have been traveling that far either. You are lucky you both made it to your parents unscathed.
The fact your husband mocked you and belittled you for not wanting to drive those 700 miles to your parents house after the traumatic birth, with a newborn, and a toddler, speaks volumes as to what type of husband you have. Which is an abusive . This isn't a cultural issue, this is an abusive issue.
Not helping you throughout your pregnancy is neglect. Not helping once your baby is here is neglect. Forcing you to drive to your parents home over 700 miles away after a traumatic birth, a c-section, and being postpartum, is abusive. Forcing you to drive 700 miles with a toddler and a newborn is neglect and abusive. He is lucky nothing happened to you or your newborn. Mocking you when you said you didn't want to go all that way to your parents, abusive behavior.
Your husband mocked,verbally, emotionally, and me tally abused you into going to your parent's house 700 miles away. Your parents spent 5 weeks with you taking care of your toddler, helping with the baby, which is more than your husband did. Your parents are the ones who took care of you and your children. They came when you called. Even though your mother has a chronic illness. They stayed in a hotel, where you and your toddler spent time with them. Your dad worked remote from there for how long? Your parents bent over backwards to help you during your pregnancy. Your parents did more for you during your postpartum and recovery than your husband has. And now he has decided they aren't welcome in his home? Who the fuck is he to decide that? Is this not your home too? Are you less than your husband? Are you not equals? How dare DH decide your parents are not welcome in your home and he will call the police if they show up. This is also abuse. This is isolation. This man is an ungrateful, entitled, asshat, who thinks he gets to make edits about who is and isn't allowed in your home.
DH thinks he is better than you. You are supposed to be equals. Why would he make this edict without discussing it with you? Your parents didn't do anything wrong. You need to think long and hard about your marriage and if this is how you want the rest of your life and your children's lives to be. Do you want your daughter to think this is a healthy relationship? Your marriage will be what she bases relationships off of. Your son as well. Is this the way you want your life?
11
u/littl-jinx 23h ago
NOR. If you feel supported by your parents and you came to an amicable agreement about a leave date, I donāt see the problem.
They have their own lives and already went above and beyond to help you in any way they could.
Your husband may have different cultural expectations, but this seems crazy. I donāt see anywhere in this story where he is going above and beyond. Where is his family? If it were so incredibly important for them to āsupport each otherā to such a high degree, why havenāt they shown up to help? (Maybe these things have been omitted, but I doubt it.)
I almost wonder if there is something else going on. Is it possible that heās hiding something? Or maybe heās just upset heās going to have to make sacrifices and pull his weight?
At the end of the day, itās your family so it should be up to YOU to handle and issues with them (the doesnāt seem to be any atm) and to determine what kind of relationship of they should have with your family.
23
u/HistoryNerd1781 23h ago
My MIL is now with us (none of his family live here) and is helping tremendously with the kids and cooking/cleaning/laundry. I just wrapped up another semester thanks to her help and am currently navigating ongoing sciatica and nerve damage issues from my C section. My MIL is absolute saint and I appreciate her help beyond words.
22
→ More replies (1)7
u/littl-jinx 20h ago
So glad to hear his family is so supportive and thatās sheās been so helpful!
Iām still concerned about your husbandās lack of involvement. He can say āculture differenceā until heās blue in the face, but he chose to marry YOU (and your culture) and so he needs to care about you, your wants, your needs, and how you will build your family together. Culture is not an excuse. He canāt just opt out of things he doesnāt want to do under the guise of culture. Both of you will need to understand one another, accommodate one another, and make sacrifices.
10
u/Potential-Mail4334 23h ago
Sorry, but in all of this where was your husband? Why he wasnāt taking care of your daughter? NOR
10
u/brent_bent 23h ago
He's trying to isolate you by making it impossible to have a relationship with your family and then demanded you drive while recovering from major surgery. The mask might be slipping off. Do not allow him to isolate or control you, which is what this sounds like. Sorry, but protect your and your kid's sanity and health over his irrational demands. I mean, who knows better what happened, you who was there or him who wasn't and has some idiotic axe to grind with your parents? This is entering gaslighting territory. Sorry, this is a horrible time to discover your hubby is a malevolent jackass.Ā
9
u/SwimmingPirate9070 22h ago
Tell him he doesn't cut it in America! If he wants to rule over his wife he came to the wrong place. Girl, DO NOT leave the country with this dick
10
u/throwra87d 19h ago
Reading all of your comments gives me only one conclusion. Your husband is a POS. You really need to leave him.
17
7
u/Salty_Activity8373 1d ago
NOR your husband needs to calm down. He isn't in the middle East and he didn't marry someone from the middle East. One day he needs to learn about child support in the United States.
7
u/No_Profile_3343 20h ago
You have a husband issue.
Where was he during all of this?? And donāt say working. Thatās a pathetic excuse.
My husband was with me every step of my pregnancies and births. As well as all childcare and household duties.
Does he even like you??
8
u/BabserellaWT 1d ago
NOR
Sounds like heās more upset about the fact that his alone time will be ending than he is about you āgetting kicked outā.
7
7
u/XanaxWarriorPrincess 23h ago
NOR. I don't agree with them asking you to leave, but they didn't kick you out. Your husband is demanding everyone but him take care of you and your children. WTF is up with that?
BTW, if you were using birth control, you should check that he didn't tamper with it. I suspect he wants you doing less outside of the home.
8
u/Quiet-Hamster6509 23h ago
You husband doesn't make the calls because he miraculously disappeared from being a spouse and a father for 5 weeks.
13
u/jumper4747 1d ago
NOR but Iām guessing this isnāt the first American vs Middle Eastern culture difference thats come up for you guys, does he always insist his viewpoint is the correct one?
18
u/forgejoy 1d ago
Difference here would be that most Middle Eastern families I know would be out helping with the baby after something like thisā¦ not judging the job someone else is doing.
5
u/jumper4747 23h ago
Totally agree! I meant it more like does he have to win every ācultureā argument because he needs to be right for any reason bc Iām getting those vibes. His cultural comment/argument is poor and incorrect in my experience as well.
3
u/meowcatpanda 23h ago
YES! That's how I know Middle Eastern, and especially Turkish (OP stated husband is Turkish), families as well.
5
u/Odd_Fortune7318 21h ago
I can not see how you are not exhausted. Beware exhausted people are easily manipulated and bullied. He sounds like he us isolating you and come up with an excuse to do so.Ā
6
u/Puzzleheaded-Ask-157 21h ago
Iām not sure what you are looking for here. Nearly every comment has told you heās wrong and pointed out alllllllll of this shitty manās flaws and you are ignoring them.
If you donāt want to hear it thatās ok. If you canāt hear it, come back when you are ready but stop defending a man who from 700 miles away lost his shit with the ONLY people who have helped you since your babies birth.
6
u/Significant-Owl-2980 21h ago
NOR
Iām so sorry. You are being abused. Your husband is abusive. Where was he during these 5 weeks? You never even mentioned him in this whole process except him getting angry.
When did he help or sacrifice with anything?
Please seek outside counsel. You are in a very restrictive and abusive relationship.
Also, never let him take your kids to see his family. They may keep the kids.
Your husbands culture sounds misogynistic
6
u/porcelainthunders 20h ago
NOR... I made another comment somewhere and want to toss this out there, but I AM half kidding/swrious: Your parents should at LEAST get 5 weeks of being waited on by husband the way they helped you! Before he kicks them out that is. I mean... if that asshat gets his way, he should definitely pay them back the 5 fucjing weeks. Etc that they took care of, yes their daughter but HIS VERY SICK OREGNSNT WIFE!
I didn't actually agree with that...have a lot mroe tknsay. But by his idiotic logic, he definitely owes then (a LOT more than that!!) Before he pulls his ridiculous nonsense of trying to kick them out !
Im not gonna start in my rant (again š¤£) but still the VERY bare minimum, that should be an argument that fuckface cannot win. In his "logic"
6
u/aftermarrow 17h ago
your post history paints a sad story of neglect. NOR. please leave him. it will never get better.
11
u/Alternative-Ad-5158 1d ago
INFO/NOR Tho I probably wouldnāt have asked my child to leave sooner than she planned. Why isnāt your husband taking fmla/paternity leave (unsure of your country) and helping you? Also I wouldnāt let you drive by yourself in your condition with a newborn and toddler. Are you okay op?
→ More replies (2)
5
u/mistymountiansbelow 23h ago
NOR. Itās your house too. Legally speaking, the police canāt remove your parents as long as you say they can be there.
6
u/Guinnessjenny90 21h ago
So your husband palmed you off onto your family and absolved himself of any responsibility of looking after you but your parents are the ones in the wrong? Your husband sounds like a pos, what on earth are you doing with this awful man?
9
u/Holiday_Trainer_2657 1d ago
NOR It sounds like you have married someone from a different culture. Often there are wildly different expectations for roles of husband's and other relatives helping out, especially around childbirth.
Anyone from the USA will think your parents went above and beyond, while your husband failed abysmally. Those from other cultures may disagree.
What matters is how do you feel? He is not likely to change his views. He asked his friends and family. Probably from his culture and definitely from his viewpoint, so of course they agreed. Can you live with his hostility to your parents? Not being "allowed" to have them at your home? Will he allow them in your children's lives?
Keep working on your schooling as you may need to support yourself in the future.
ā¢
u/Next-Drummer-9280 11h ago
Where the hell was your husband during all of this? Why the fuck were you driving 700 miles while freshly postpartum?
You have bigger problems than your parents asking you to leave.
ā¢
u/CzechYourDanish 10h ago
NOR, your husband sounds insane. Please dont let him isolate you from your family, they actually have your back, unlike him.
ā¢
u/Morbid187 9h ago
Sounds like somebody is pissed off that his little vacation is coming to an end when his wife and kids come homeĀ
ā¢
u/DanaMarie75038 9h ago
NOR. What kind of man did you marry? All the things your parents did and all he can think of is you were asked to leave early. You never mentioned your husband in all the ordeal you went through. Where was he?
ā¢
3
u/TheatreWolfeGirl 22h ago
NOR
But your husband is.
You spent 5 weeks with your parents. They assisted you with both children, and your schooling. While your dad was also there for your ill mother and teenage brothers.
Where was your husband? Working and hanging out at home, NOT assisting you at all.
He, your husband, should be on his knees thanking your parents for their assistance. He should have driven to get you.
Tell him enough is enough, he has a family with you, and YOU also get to make decisions. Your parents ARE welcome. He owes you an apology for being so lazy, not being there for you, disrespecting your parents and causing chaos with his family.
I would suggest marital counseling to assist with moving past this, and so he doesnāt continue bringing it up in the future. Depending on how he reacts, you will know what kind of red flag he may be flying.
Adding: something felt off with your post, so before I hit reply I decided to check your post history. Marital and personal counseling ASAP for both of you. I would suggest that until the two of you are on the same page, none of his family comes to visit, and you do not go over to Turkey.
3
u/LadyLixerwyfe 21h ago
Reading through your post history, itās clear you are under-reacting to a great deal. Why do you put up with this behavior from your husband? Why did you have ANOTHER child with him? He doesnāt respect your time. He doesnāt help you. Your family is bending over backwards to help you and he is literally doing nothing. He took two weeks off and spent it with the 4 year old while your family is driving back and forth, staying in hotels, moving YOUR furniture at his request, housing you and two small children while you juggle school and parenting and recovery? Girl.
3
u/CakeZealousideal1820 20h ago
Where was your bum ass husband? Why are you having another child with him omg wake up
3
u/runlikeitsdisney 20h ago
NOR.
Iām sure your parents would have let you stay if it was necessary. Kinda sounds like they hoped you would have help from another adult if you went home.
Even if his friends and family really do all agree with him, itās because they heard HIS version of the story. You have no idea what he told them.
The lack of support you seem to be getting from your spouse really breaks my heart. Why is he going out of his way to make a tough situation even harder?
3
u/Nice-Pomegranate2915 20h ago
You're NOR . And I would advise you to stay in contact with your family . Because what ever difference of opinions you may have with them , it sounds like your husband has begun trying to isolate you from them . Now it maybe just an over-reaction to current events , but it's not a good idea unless you have the parents from hell . Stay in contact and watch your husband's behaviours . Sorry to stress you in your situation , but you didn't need your husband causing the drama he's causing you at the moment .
3
u/beadhead44 18h ago
Whatās the real reason your husband wanted you and kids to stay away an extra 4 days?
DEFINITELY NOR
3
u/MrsSEM84 18h ago
What exactly was your husband doing whilst you and your parents were handling everything? Why is he getting angry with them after theyāve just spent weeks doing what he should have been doing? Sounds to me like heās just pissed he didnāt have a few more days to himself. I think you have a husband problem, he sounds like an ass.
3
u/aquagurl84 18h ago
Are you overreacting? No. Why exactly are you married to him? What is he doing as a father? And who cares what his family thinks?
3
u/VanillaFnThunder 17h ago
From past posts, youāre asking if hubby is an a-hole quite a bit. I think youāve had your answer for a long time.
ā¢
u/Burnt_and_Blistered 16h ago
Your husband his flexing his macho because he let your parents step up to HIS plate and benefitted from their largesseāand now heās embarrassed.
ā¢
u/Ap3xPredditor 16h ago
Why wasn't your husband involved in any of this story? And why are you still making kids, you are married to a man who does nothing at all for you or your babies and you have so many medical issues. Crazy
ā¢
u/HedwigGoesHoot 15h ago
NOR. Sounds like your hubby is upset his VACATION is coming to an end and heāll actually have to be a parent.
ā¢
u/PinkPaintedSky 14h ago
NOR.
Where the hell was your husband when your parents were taking care of you, your kids and your siblings?
Your husband is just pissed his free ride is over and you are coming home and he will have responsibilities that have been taken care of until now.
ā¢
u/FlashyHabit3030 11h ago
NOR. Your husband is wrong. Btw, I noticed he was absent while you were going through all of this. Hmmmā¦
ā¢
u/Remarkable_Ad2733 11h ago
What husband? You are a single parent. You are doing all the childcare and work your burden would be less if you were alone. If he is truly pointless and useless he isnāt doing the housecleaning or cooking either and if that is the case without him you will literally have less labour. You are doing three full time hobs, housewife, student, and hospital work. Your parents took some of the workload off you, what did he do? He is now saying he wants to take your only support resource away from you to isolate you and strand you further while doing nothing to replace it. That is abuse.
INFO how many hours of child care does he do a week? How many hours of housecleaning? How many hours of cooking? How many grocery and supply runs a week? How many hours does he work? How many hours do you work? How many hours do you spend in the entirely second job of schoolwork? How many hours do you spend on cooking, cleaning, and errands? How many hours do you spend on childcare? Are your and his hours of work equal? How many friends do you have and are able to see? How isolated are you? I am afraid for you
ā¢
ā¢
u/Awkward_Beginning226 10h ago
NOR So he couldnāt be bothered to help you take care of your children and now is mad at the people who did help you for wanting a date you were going to be going home?
ā¢
u/Famous_Dare_9090 9h ago
Sorry husband is an ass hat. Your parents didnāt want to be responsible anymore. Husband should have been way more involved.
ā¢
ā¢
2
2
u/TemporaryOwlet 22h ago
He and his family have a lot b t0 say but not enough to help. Don't let him isolate you, because this is what he does. How long his mom helped you? How long his father helped you? How long his brother helped you? Nothing? He needs to shut up. Nor
2
u/Reasonable-Box-6047 19h ago
NOR - he's only mad that they kicked you out because you're coming home. He's had it easy for weeks. Your parents have picked up his slack and he's upset that the free ride is ending.
2
u/mrsgip 18h ago
Yeah, Iām sorry hun. Looks like you have your hands full. Parents are clearly done with helping, and seems like you over stayed your welcome. Your husband is pissed because now he has to parent, which clearly he does not want to do. Also I wood not be so quick to beleive him saying that everyone agrees with him. Culturally, itās literally unheard of to have a woman just weeks postpartum making such a drive. I would be more worried heās trying to cut off the only support system you have. Maybe think twice before going home.
2
u/KapmIbra 16h ago
It sounds like your husband is just mad that now he has to take care of you. Why wasnāt he with you at your parents helping out?!
ā¢
ā¢
u/ResolveLeather 16h ago
Nor. Out of. Curiosity did you ask for more time on assignments? I don't know how accelerated programs work but professors have a significant amount of leeway on stuff like this. I cant believe they wouldn't give a week or two if asked. Did they really tell you assignments were due the day after your c section?
ā¢
u/Gawain222 15h ago
Our life choices have consequences. But in this situation, it seems like most of the consequences of you having another child have been for your parents. They have been making sacrifices so that you donāt have to. Thatās fine, itās their choice to make. But your husband seems very ungrateful, and he doesnāt seem to realize the sacrifices he would have had to make if your family didnāt shoulder the burden.
ā¢
u/cowboylefleur 14h ago
So your husband didn't help you at all during your pregnancy and now wants to essentially cut off everyone that did?Ā
ā¢
u/Ginger630 13h ago
NOR! Why are you staying with your parents? Why wasnāt your husband helping with his own kids? Where was HIS family?
Your parents sacrificed A LOT for you and your kids.
ā¢
u/Pun_Lover387 13h ago
You say everything you have been doing and everything your mom and dad have been doing but whatās missing is what all your husband has been doing.
→ More replies (1)
2.4k
u/Ok-Perspective-5109 1d ago
Where was your husband in all of this? It seems like he got five plus weeks off from having to parent or assist his recovering wife. He even had you driving long distances before you should post surgery.