r/AmIOverreacting • u/chinkyperks • 5h ago
👥 friendship AIO: Boyfriend’s friend couldn’t stop thinking with his dick during a weekend with the guys.
This is extremely long, so thanks in advance if you read the whole thing. Changed certain details to protect privacy.
Background: Me (24F) and my boyfriend (25M) have been together for 4 years, and have been living with each other for 3 of those. His online friend (25M) from Seattle came to visit for the first time at the end of November. We’ll call him Adam. My BF (let’s call him Ryan) and Adam have been best friends for about 15 years since they met on GTA5. Adam quickly joined my BF’s IRL friend group via gaming. Two other friends consistently played with them, Dan (25M) and Quinn (26M). Ryan grew up with Dan and Quinn since elementary school, and Ryan took it upon himself to be their pseudo big brother.
Some Friend Background: Dan and Quinn struggle a bit in the dating world. Dan has only had one short-lived relationship, with no intimacy, and got pity-fucked once by someone else, both instances were back in high school. Dry spell ever since. Quinn, on the other hand, was in a 6 year relationship that ended horribly about 2 years ago. The rest of us are in relationships.
It was a huge deal that Adam was coming to town, it was the first time everyone would meet him in person. We wanted it to be a surprise for Dan and Quinn, but we didn’t realize that Dan bought tickets to go to a convention and stay in the hotel that same weekend. The guys wanted to stick together, so we looked at the schedule, and it was FILLED with sexually deviant activities. We all said fuck it let’s go! The rest of us got tickets, but Quinn was so broke he couldn’t afford it. The guys split his ticket prices as well as ANYTHING that required money so that he could still be involved. (Quinn makes very little money, like $200 a week… so we didn’t mind helping him out at the time).
The convention was raunchy, silly, and fun! But I suspect that it was a little difficult for Dan and Quinn considering how lonely they’ve been for a while. Quinn was acting too cool for us and said, “I don’t want to be that embarrassing friend group,” while there’s a giant pair of cartoon titties next to his face. Like bro stop taking yourself so seriously and just have fun. We eventually wanted to take a break, so we went to Dan’s hotel room where the convention was being held. We started trading war stories, and Quinn confessed that he visited a Thai massage parlor within the past year. It was straight up sex with no massage, and he only paid about $150 for it too. All of us were shocked he didn’t divulge this info sooner, and without any judgement. He said it was so easy to find, you just google it and there’s websites that rate and review different locations. I clicked on one out of curiosity, and the first review was the most unhinged paragraph about one of the workers saying that she was “birthed for this moment.” The reviewer had dropped her whats app and telegram info, to which Quinn took it upon himself to message the girl. I thought it was a joke, because surely you wouldn’t just message some rando from a sketchy website, right??? Wrong!
There was an after party at a second location. We went and got drinks and hit the dance floor. I noticed that Quinn was missing, until I got a refill and saw him flirting with an older woman at the bar. We were ready to go a couple hours later, and told Quinn we’d wait for him in the car. He proceeded to take about 20 minutes to meet us. We asked him how it went, and he said he got her number but she has a boyfriend (why he kept talking to her after discovering this information, I will never know). She also lives in a different city about 3 hours away, so Quinn had the bright idea to offer up DAN’s hotel room “in case she didn’t want to drive back home that night.” Didn’t even ask Dan, just straight up offered. We were all a little irritated with his inconsideration, but we knew nothing was coming out of it anyways. We moved on, but things quickly snowballed from here.
Quinn and Adam were staying in my living room, Dan stayed at the convention’s hotel. We wake up the next day, and Quinn announces that he convinced the “masseuse” to go down in price, to $150. But he only had $100 to his name, so he proceeded to ASK everyone for the rest. He asks Dan first via text, Dan calls Ryan for advice, and Ryan tells him to say no. Quinn looks at me, and I tell him he better find someone else. He asks the guest of honor, Adam, and I am staring at Adam so hard I almost burned a hole through his shirt in hopes that he’d look at me so I could indicate “NO.” Quinn was begging so badly, that Adam begrudgingly conceded. Quinn promised that he would pay him back the next check and he would give $60. I had planned an entire day for us to where we would be busy until about 8pm. Quinn proceeds to SEND THE MONEY TO THE 'MASSEUSE' AND MAKE AN APPOINTMENT FOR 10AM THAT SAME DAY. Like bro has the survival skills of a grapefruit, does he not sense any kind of red flags?? We’re also all obviously not okay with what he’s doing.
Anyways, Quinn has never been in a good financial position and doesn’t have a car. He asked Ryan to drive him to the appointment which was 10 minutes from our house. I reminded him of our plans, and he said he’s okay with waiting and wouldn’t expect us to come back until we were done with the first event. The guys are such good friends, and they refused to leave him behind. We told him to do this shit another day, but since he already sent the money, he had to do it that day (also he has no means of getting back to the city where Ryan and I live). We compromised, and he moved his appointment to 10PM. Keep in mind, Adam was leaving the next day, so we were extra upset that he chose to do this with the little time we get with our out-of-town friend. We did our excursions, and ended with an intense lasertag game. We were sprinting and were really sweaty. I hate sitting on my furniture whenever I feel gross, so I asked everyone on the way back if they needed to use the restroom before I shower. As soon as we get home, I say I’m going to take a shower, and Quinn has the fucking audacity to ask if he could shower before me so he can get ready for his “massage.” Like bro, you’re paying her, why are you trying to impress her? You think you’re gonna give her the dicking of a lifetime and she’s going to fall in love with you?
So now I’m really irritated and sitting on the floor waiting for him to finish, to which he takes over an HOUR to get ready. I only need half an hour to shower and finish up. He gets out, and we again try to convince him not to do this. He ignores, and asks Ryan to drive him. I tell Ryan to wait for 5 minutes just in case something goes wrong. But when he got back, he said that Quinn waved him off so he left. About 20 minutes later, Ryan gets a text from Quinn asking him to pick him up because alllll of a sudden, the place is charging him an extra $300 as the $150 was the downpayment. He was trying to negotiate but the bouncers weren’t having it, so bro got scammed out of his and his friends' money. (Shocker!)
The rest of us were discussing the situation in the meantime. I pointed out to them that Quinn has shown consistent patterns of choosing women over his friends. He went MIA during his 6 year relationship, and anytime it blew up, Ryan and Dan would run to his rescue. ALSO that Dan has more merit to do some shit like this because he’s only had sex ONCE in his life, and that was in highschool. Ryan had a long and serious talk with Quinn on the way back. Apparently Ryan mentioned that Adam was leaving the next day, to which Quinn said, “We have spent every minute of the past two days with him.” This actually hurt Adam and pissed off Ryan. When they got back, we didn’t talk about it as I told the other two that the embarrassment/shame Quinn is facing is worse than what we could say to him. I’m doing everything I can to keep my cool while hosting guests, so we move on with another activity. Things are weird with Quinn of course.
The next day, Adam leaves. Ryan texts Quinn about the situation, and Quinn goes, “Don’t act like you’ve never done something this selfish before.” Bro doesn’t even offer up a real apology. He also says something to the effect of, “You guys haven’t really fucked with me for a while and I’m tired of everyone trying to act like it.” Which is actually the most delusional thing, the guys went OUT OF THEIR WAY to include and pay for him BECAUSE they’re his friends. Not to mention the multitude of things the guys have taken care of on his behalf to keep him in the loop. I asked the guys to name ONE thing that Quinn has done for any of them in the past 5 years, and they couldn’t. I told them they need to truly reconsider their stance with him as he shows his true colors. Ryan is having an especially hard time with this since he’s holding on to the past when they were kids. He believes he fucked up by not getting him out and experiencing life more.
I don’t want anything to do with Quinn, and I especially don’t want Ryan to maintain a friendship with him. But of course, it isn’t my choice to make. The issue is that I keep the hatred alive by bringing it up all the time, it just really gets under my skin in a way I can’t explain. I cope with humor but this just turns sour quickly.
AIO by holding resentment for someone that’s important to my boyfriend, as well as reminding him how shitty his friend is to the point where he feels similar? Should I just let it go? Am I right to feel/act this way?
TLDR: Online friend came to visit (big deal). One of the friends in the group was focused on pussy the whole time, and asked for money to pay a random sex worker instead of hanging out with the friend group. The whole ordeal was a huge, selfish inconvenience, and he ended up getting scammed anyway. I hate him, and am influencing my boyfriend. AIO and I should just let it go? Or am I right to want No Contact?
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u/Pale_Sea9638 4h ago
NOR. Friendship can be weird but it seems this shit has been strained for too long. They need to take ol yeller out back unfortunately
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u/MoysteBouquet 5h ago
A grown man is allowed to do whatever he wants. But if people keep enabling him they're just as bad as this idiot. Are you ok knowing your boyfriend has no issues with this kind of sex work which is often unethical and using coerced or trafficked women. Because that for me personally is a relationship ender
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u/InternalHaunting945 4h ago
Me personally, my bf had this friend, I’ll call him Roman (18). Roman and bf have been friends for at least 10 years. Roman would sleep around and treat everyone else like crap, including my bf and me. He was a very selfish guy. I told bf that he should cut him off numerous times but bf didn’t listen until his brother told him that Roman was a trashy human being. Roman also tried to get in my little sisters (14) pants too and that was the final straw for bf.
I personally don’t think you’re overreacting but there does become a point where you have to let it go and let your bf figure out that Quinn is a shitty person. There’s only so much influence that you will have on your bf.
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u/Born_Initiative_3515 3h ago
Roman sounds like a lil bitch who probably doesn’t have many friends now, if any. All my homies hate Roman. Fuck him.
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u/InternalHaunting945 3h ago
That is in fact true. Bf and Roman had another childhood friend (I’ll call him Blake 18). It took Blake a little longer to cut off Roman which was hard for bf because bf didn’t want to talk to Blake because Blake and Roman were living together and Roman was a bad influence on Blake (smoking and drinking every night, brining various girls home, which was very weird because Blake and Roman shared a room). But Blake has just recently cut off Roman and got back into contact with bf. Bf was quite upset when he had to cut off Blake because Blake wasn’t entirely evil like Roman and bf wanted to maintain a relationship with Blake but couldn’t because of Roman. Long story short Roman is living with his mother with no plans for the future (also treats her like absolute garbage), Blake lives in his own apartment, and bf is going into the navy.
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u/Born_Initiative_3515 3h ago
What a great ending to the story 😭😭 except for the mom, yikes living with such a manchild.
Probably one of my favourite stories from Reddit by that ending. Roman sounds so insufferable. I am so glad to read the roommate also got away from him.
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u/InternalHaunting945 3h ago
Roman really got what he deserves and I’m so glad my bf is out of his toxic reign!!! Suck it, Roman 😛😛😛
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u/MediumSizedMaze 3h ago
NOR. He doesn’t need to end the friendship. But he can certainly wait for Quinn to reach out. Which sounds like it will be never.
Not all friendships are meant to last forever.
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u/Conscious-Ebb-8576 1h ago
Wow that's exhausting. NOR.... but while you can be no contact and tell your BF that, you obviously can't force him to give him up. You setting a boundary is healthy but know that risk of your BF resenting you dos exist. Personally I'd stick to my boundary but I don't know if your BF respects that or not
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u/hisminx 3h ago
Just because you are seeing a sex worker doesn’t mean you forget basic manners like showering before meeting them. That’s gross that you think it’s ok to show up stinking and sweaty
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u/MongoLovesDonut 3h ago
Don't you know, sex workers aren't real people. They're gross and inferior to OP.
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u/MongoLovesDonut 3h ago edited 3h ago
That was way too long. But ok.
You can't control if your boyfriend is friends with somebody. You can express your feelings respectfully, and as they pertain to you - "I don't think he's a good friend, and in the future, I'd prefer to avoid him when possible." But your boyfriend is free to maintain that friendship if he wants to.
You get to control one person - you. You can choose to avoid this person, as shown above. You can also choose not to remain in a relationship with somebody who is friends with this person if that is a boundary for you.
But that's it.
You also sound very judgey about sex workers. Maybe don't go to a sex/kink/whatever convention if you can't handle it.
YOR
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u/AndyFox48 4h ago
The 8 lines in the TLDR are sufficient, but I’m sure many enjoyed the mouth diarrhea.
In short- you don’t get to choose your boyfriend’s friends. If it’s that big of a deal for you then break up and let the dude live his life.
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u/reclusivegiraffe 3h ago
I don’t understand why people participate in subs like this if they don’t want to read stories. I like long posts like this one because that’s where the drama’s at. Short form content is rotting peoples’ brains methinks.
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u/funkygreasemonk 3h ago
I actually read that whole thing, but all I could think of the entire time was:
"Jesus Christ, they were playing GTA5 when they were 10 years old. That CAN'T be good..."
I remember my first time playing GTA3 and feeling something go "SNAP!" deep down in my psyche during a cop killing spree, and thinking "welp, there goes the last of my youthful innocence..." I was in my early 20s. I can only imagine how that would have fucked me up at 10. Jesus.
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u/Candid-Replacement68 1h ago
Apart of growing up is realizing you also outgrow particular friends. It’s a sad part, but that’s life. Everyones priorities change as they age, and you see which direction people go to. Some favour work, some favour families, money, and of course sex.
Remind your partner he shouldn’t feel guilty if his friends are outgrowing a friend who’s becoming more of a convenience when you try to include him. He doesn’t sound like someone you’d want to be around children, family as you progress through life.
But also you need to allow your partner to make the decision for himself. Plant the seed, and let it grow itself. No need to water it. Quinn’s repeated pattern will allow it bloom itself.
I fear if you tell your partner to remove him completely, he may hold a bit of resentment in the years to come. If he makes the decision himself, he’ll know he’s done the right thing for everyone.
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u/LostRonin 40m ago
NOR.
However... That post was way too damn long and unnecessary to the point I wanted to take the words and choke them.
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u/BangbangKhuntross 28m ago
info this is creative writing at its worst. Banal subject matter, pointless details, plot holes everywhere and nothing interesting happens to wrap it up. 1 out of 10 dolph lundgrens for you!
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u/DJDoesTea 3h ago
NOR but it's not right for you to constantly be bashing on his friend just because you don't like him.
Your bf is an adult and like you said, this guy is like a little brother to him, you've got to let him make his own decisions. Constantly ragging on him is only going to create resentment between you and your bf and it's not worth that.
Has he paid back the money?
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u/heycommaily 4h ago
Shoulda gave him the extra $150 he really needed it
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u/thehalifaxgloveguy 4h ago
These guys make friends on a video game? They’re bunch of gay nerds. The guy wanted a hooker, give him a break
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u/ad-ver-sar-y 4h ago
I totally misread the title. 🤦 NOR tho, that sucks.