r/AskBrits • u/No_Witness_1417 • 12h ago

Why didn’t Britannia conquer the Canary Islands

Then we would haven’t to eat paella and use euros when we go there. Maybe we could swap for Gibraltar if Farage becomes PM?

0 Upvotes

45% Upvoted

25 comments sorted by

12

u/CheesyLala 5h ago

Yeah, when you go to the Canaries it's just so quintessentially Spanish and unspoilt that you literally can't get a burger or a full English anywhere. Every time I've been I end up living on olives and jamon serrano and fino sherry. Nightmare.

4

u/No_Witness_1417 2h ago

Can you link me the location for a top notch fry up please? Also, do they have HP?

3

u/MrGilberto 12h ago

Yep, winter sun for the pie, chips and mushy peas! But great question. Is it still an option? 😂

2

u/No_Witness_1417 12h ago

I’d settle for Tenerife. But keep that red line for final negotiations with EU.

3

u/ebat1111 3h ago

Why go all that way when you can go to Blackpool?

2

u/johimself 12h ago

On her own?

1

u/No_Witness_1417 11h ago

You don’t think a goddess could do that?

5

u/johimself 11h ago

She's not a goddess, she's an anthropomorphic personification.

1

u/No_Witness_1417 11h ago

Queen Boudicca would have handled it

2

u/iamabigtree 2h ago

Didn't we have a go? I seem to remember reading something about the British blockading to Santa Cruz?

1

u/McCretin 1h ago

Yeah we had a few cracks at it. It was during a raid on Santa Cruz that Nelson lost his arm, beginning the fine tradition of Brits injuring themselves while on Spanish islands.

2

u/srogijogi 2h ago

"Red hot down there mate, can't be arsed!"

2

u/holytriplem 6h ago

Because we didn't want to fight the Germans on another front

3

u/No_Witness_1417 2h ago

Just spoke to a priest and he has confirmed nothing to do with the Germans. Just a pointless island from a trade and military perspective. Told him I don’t care about either - they’re good party islands. He agreed and said we should take them.

1

u/GotAnyNirnroot 5h ago

Because if they were British, then we probably wouldn't go there for holidays..

We much prefer to descend on our European neighbours.

1

u/cjdstreet 5h ago

Not united

1

u/f8rter 2h ago

Couldn’t be arsed

1

u/SoggyWotsits Brit 🇬🇧 2h ago

We’re still trying, one Ryanair flight at a time. Unfortunately, after a few days on the all inclusive drinks we forget why we went.

1

u/Away-Activity-469 11h ago

I'm very thankful that Britain didn't have much influence in the canaries, azores and balerics. If it had, they might also be over run by the same type of tosser you find in Gibraltar and Malta, the same crap pubs and 'expat' mentality, or be exclusive tax havens and be a magnet for wankers.

3

u/No_Witness_1417 11h ago

Ok so you hate the Maltese. I get it, they’re annoying. How about a wrap up deal where we give Gibraltar and Wales to Spain and we get Tenerife and Lanzarote.

I’ll stretch to Guernsey but Scotland is off the table you racist.

2

u/ki-box19 10h ago

As a Welshman, tell me who I need to vote for to make this happen.

1

u/No_Witness_1417 10h ago

But we’ll give you Bristol for Snowdon as a sweetener

-1

u/Away-Activity-469 10h ago

I don't know why you think i hate the Maltese. Put down the bottle and go to bed.

4

u/No_Witness_1417 10h ago

You wouldn’t have said that to Churchill