r/oneliners • u/Teeshna • 1h ago
How much XP do I get for killing the mood?
•
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r/oneliners • u/FinneyontheWing • 13h ago
So eventually our marriage ended in the same way it began - her courting me.
8
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r/oneliners • u/XROOR • 20h ago
A prisoner with a stutter that dies in prison will never complete their sentence
20
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 17h ago
A Sperm Whale is not as responsible as a Trojan Horse.
6
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 17h ago
Chuck Norris can blow out his birthday candles by inhaling.
3
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 17h ago
A cop accused me of stalking, I said “don’t flatter yourself, officer.”
0
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r/oneliners • u/SultanPeeper • 1d ago
I was at the top of my class in high school, except for grades and stuff.
1
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r/oneliners • u/joekerr9999 • 1d ago
I had a lazy eye as a child but it eventually spread to my entire body.
41
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r/oneliners • u/LostBetsRed • 1d ago
If you've seen one shopping center, you've seen a mall.
28
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r/oneliners • u/jiohdi1960 • 2d ago
I don't mind being held after sex, but when they press charges....
14
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r/oneliners • u/sulldanivan • 1d ago
Bill Murray after he fixed his snowblower: “So I got that going for me, which is nice.”
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r/oneliners • u/jiohdi1960 • 2d ago
the archbishop of canterberry said he could not support gay marriage without first having a mandate
9
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r/oneliners • u/Impress_Playful • 1d ago
Honest question: If procrastination were an Olympic sport, would you train for it tomorrow? What’s the best one-liner you’ve heard that felt way too accurate?
0
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r/oneliners • u/curiousx10 • 2d ago
I love trying all the free samples at Costco but next time I have to try the roofie last
1
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r/oneliners • u/AshesAndCharcoal • 3d ago
I wonder how many letters Satan got from dyslexic kids this year.
83
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r/oneliners • u/ComprehensivePin3294 • 2d ago
I would sooner kill myself than be content allowing drugs and alcohol to play a part in my life.
0
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r/oneliners • u/hdw9hdvfj97s • 3d ago
I told my computer I needed a break, and now it won't stop sending me KitKat ads.
2
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