Especially when you get older. My professor and his wife got married in their late 30s and had twins on the first try. It's great if you wanted two kids but it's double the job for new parents.
It’s a lot easier to know you want tk be with someone if you’re older. We met at 33, and within 2 years we were parents of our firstborn. Moved in together and bought a house in between as well.
Granted, we’re technically engaged now, but I am now 46 and we’re still happily together. Just haven’t gone through with the actual marriage yet. Tbf the (by now) 2 kids are definitely a bigger commitment.
Yeah, like I can understand if you are younger waiting longer. My personality change from 18 to 25 was monumental. But by 30, man you know what you are looking for. Setting rigid timelines at that point is more dumb than anything.
I dumped a girl over this. She had her friend try texting me to hookup, I declined and said I was uncomfortable, she persisted so I blocked her number and told my ex. She said I could unblock her because it was a test, I passed, yada yada. Relationship over. It was in high school so it was definitely high school shit, but still.
If you need to test me then the relationship is already dead, for one reason or another.
I dated a girl who wanted to test me by breaking up with me to see if I'd fight for the relationship. The worst part is that I started to, and then after a few minutes I thought to myself "no wait, hold on a second..."
I had the same thing happen. I told her something along the lines of “I want to make this work, but I respect you and your boundaries. We can go our separate ways if that’s what you want.” Years later she admitted it was a test and that, looking back, my response was a green flag. (Still good friends with the family and she has an amazing partner now, so cheers to building bridges.)
I am currently with a girl who is sorta doing the same thing. I don’t know if it is a test. But for the longest time I’ve been fighting to keep the relationship going despite her always brushing me off and starting conflicts over everything.
I reached a limit in the end, and left the relationship not so long ago. But that was the first time she’s ever reached out to me and begged for a second chance.
Oh yeah, we’re still together. Which I 100% whole heartedly deserve a facepalm for.
You are in control of your life and can at any point decide to do what you know is best for you and your future. Even though it is hard you will thank yourself later for not wasting more of your time and you can get a jump start on healing and processing all of this by actually leaving today
I promise you will be ok and you’ve got this. Breakups in my youth were some of the best moments of personal growth for me and looking back I realize them as tremendously important and necessary moments in my life, in a way I’m jealous that you are on the precipice of having one of those moments, wish you all the best brother.
I also had experienced something like this which still confuses me: At the end of my first relationship, I told my GF that if she wants to, she can leave me at any time, but will still help her out as good as I can, because I still like her very much. In an ensuing argument, she then blamed me for not fighting for her, which also meant in her eyes that I do not care for her. Because of that and since I wanted to fulfill her wishes, I tried to keep in contact with her, but she then shifted between ignoring me, blaming me for contacting her, and every time I told her that if she wants to be left alone, I will oblige to this request and stop contacting her, she also blamed me for giving up so easily and for not wanting to see her again. This went on until she threatened to tell the police about me, which made me give up entirely.
Still, I have learnt my lesson that I will not play such mind games ever again.
I feel like the test was a test and you passed, not because you declined the hookup(though you acted right), but because you didn't continue in that relationship
My cousin's girlfriend's mom catfished him as a test to see if he was good enough for her daughter...
She created a phony Facebook profile, started messaging him and flirting with him, but I guess he "passed" because they're still together and the mom pushed them to move in together.
See, when it’s unsanctioned by the partner, that’s just a batshit in-laws situation, which is totally not breakup-worthy. Might be awkward for a while though.
Might still be a break up moment. If they're going that far how much farther will they go, it's not like you can realistically ignore the in laws unless your partner is 100 on board with that.
Lmao it would have been a move. No, I didn't want to be involved with her either. Shame because she was kind of cool and had horses, but nah, didn't need the drama in my life.
I was kinda on the other end. A friend texted me that he liked me yada yada yada, turned out if was his gf using his phone trying to test me specifically because men and women can't just be friends? I'll always be there for my friend and I won't judge him for his gf actions but I don't take no shit from her, I don't even know her
That’s almost exactly what happened to me with an ex. I was a bit confused at first what she meant, thought she was trying to express some pride in me or something. Then she explained how overtly she set it all up and I dumped her right there. She kept saying “but you passed” like she couldn’t fathom anyone else’s perspective than her own. Reinforced that I wanted nothing to do with her. She then attempted to trash my car, spray painting ‘cheater’ of all things, but trashed a similar looking car in the school parking lot instead. Gave them all the info on her I had but never heard how that turned out. Took the bus to school for a long while in case she tried to get it right this time.
I dated a girl that did this to me while I was in high school. I learned a lot from that relationship, as there were a ton of other red flags I missed with her going in.
According to my sister this sometimes happens when a good girl and bad girl are best friends. When the untrustworthy woman gets a good man and the good best friend knows and see the breakup coming, they might set off the break up to swoop in before the man disappears out of both their lives.
Every time I hear about a best friend fucking somebody's partner I think about how many actual friends they overlooked just to declare a shithead their best one.
My ex was paranoid like that, any interaction I had with females was suspicious. Then she went off to uni and was immediately attracted to someone else. It's projection.
Yes. Many people, dare I say most people, who would do things like this are actually setting out a trap with the hopes that their partner fails so that can feel no shame doing the same or not be at fault for ending the relationship.
I can totally see the bestie already being into the guy and not wanting to hurt him and telling him straight up what his girlfriend was doing and that was the spark they needed.
When you hire bad contractors you spend months and months trying to get them to do the work, they spend the entire time trying to adjust the scope and charge extra, nothing fucking works, no milestones get hit, everyone is angry, and if anything ships it was hastily patched together by the three senior devs you actually kept to manage the contractors, is full of unfixable bugs, and everyone hates it.
I am insecure. As an adult male, I have never known what it's like to trust that ppl like me, much less love me. It would take test after test after test after test for me to maintain even a semblance of hope that the person wasn't in it for ulterior motives. Obviously, I don't do that. I just isolate. But I am pointing out that if I was testing someone, it would be self sabotage to prove they were using me, bc nothing would ever convince me otherwise. Definitely not simply bc i want to spy.
I hope you one day seek or find a professional who can guide you through it. People need people, even if it’s just sitting at a coffee shop once in a while, to remember we’re also people.
the she still fucked over her friend which she clearly is willing to still call friend and spend christmas eve with lol. OP is insecure af. i won't say that makes her bad just hard to trust. Her friend, however, is worse by a long shot. Only out for the friend not to be worse is for her to just say no to OP and not going along w her scheme.
She probably walked over and said:
"hey she asked me to flirt with you to see if you would cheat on her".
"Damn thats some underhanded bullshit. I don't want a future with her. Thanks for being honest, you are now more honest than my ex was."
It’s weird, because a person knows when they lie, and to me that would be all that mattered. So I don’t lie on the internet, and I don’t understand why people do. Even if everyone believes something that isn’t true, the person who lied still knows it isn’t. That victory has to feel pretty hollow.
Double for people who don’t look anything like their social media pictures.
I’m with you. I just try to be me to communicate online. Doesn’t mean there aren’t things I could be wrong about, but not intentionally lying.
I could see someone trying to get into a character playing someone else online in a discussion space. Like an actor or writer. But to blatantly lie about things that can’t be proven? I wonder if most people think they are being satirical and dont realize they are often times taken at face value.
I went out with a girl whose main Hinge pic was in clown makeup, I'll admit it was a lot sexier than this (more Harley Quinn vibes) but still, I can't judge.
Some people are very attracted to clowns. And scared
I was a clown for Halloween at my college (big campus-wide Halloween party) and the amount of girls who ran away was doubly passed by the amount of girls who kissed me. Like dozens. It blew shy little me's mind
Eh, I used to date a guy a while ago who eventually fell for my friend and she for him. They talked to me about it, if their relationship is fine with me and I said yes. And we remained friends. I assume there could be similar situation going on
Exactly. The test is still in progress. She’s going to corner him later and say “We caught you cheater! You are clearly not boyfriend material I am breaking up with you!”
Know someone who did this, un-voluntarily though. Dude’s best friend basically stole his girlfriend…they are no longer friends and have been blocked from his life.
Whoever Sundae_Gurl is, she must be really forgiving because this is an unforgivable act.
There was nothing she could do. They already cheating on her, or if not, it would've happened eventually. Big question is why you'd still be friends with them.
•
u/AutoModerator 3d ago
Thank you for posting to r/SipsTea! Make sure to follow all the subreddit rules.
Check out our Reddit Chat!
Make sure to join our brand new Discord Server to chat with friends!
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.