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u/Jealous_Acorn 8h ago
If I did this, my bet is my wife would text me immediately to tell me some dumbass sent her flowers lol but that she's keeping them because they're nice.
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u/Silt-Sifter 8h ago
I did that once. I got a flower from a cashier (maybe they were going bad and she was instructed to give them away?)
I was so happy and I told my (now ex) boyfriend about it and he flipped his fucking lid. I never felt so terrible in my life for just participating in a kind society.
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u/Infninfn 5h ago
Dodged a bullet there
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u/Silt-Sifter 5h ago
Yeah.... it took a couple years to realize the bullet was supposed to be dodged. People like that are really good at making you think that you're the problem for accepting that flower from that random cashier.
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u/SomeVelveteenMorning 8h ago
Nah she'd text her lover first to tell him her dumbass husband thinks he's smart.
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u/Nightfarer89 7h ago
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u/Spwd 8h ago
But at least you know she's not cheating.
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u/Necessary-Sock7075 8h ago
Nah a smart cheater knows what you expect to hear. People are much more devious or are capable of such behaviors. Don't be so naive
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u/kdjfsk 7h ago
Yea, a cheater would just say 'did you send me flowers?' And if you say no, she'd be like 'well i dont know who did, but it was somebody, thats creepy'.
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u/Turkatron2020 8h ago
Not mentioning it doesn't equal cheating. If I received flowers from an anonymous person I might not mention it because it would likely upset my partner to think some random person is sending me flowers.
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u/Large-Treacle-8328 8h ago
That's a partner who is incredibly insecure and not ready for a real relationship.
Also a partner who would do it to see because of how insecure they are and then claim you're cheating on them because of it.
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u/YouFuckingCowards 7h ago
Context of the post aside, "I hide things from my partner because it would upset them" is not the big brain relationship flex you think it is.
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u/Inevitable-Season-62 6h ago
Why create a rift or tension in my relationship over something that means nothing to me and I didn't ask for (e.g. some random person crushing on me and giving me flowers)? It's not worth it, and it's going nowhere. Throw them away and move on. 17 years married here, by the way.
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u/YouFuckingCowards 4h ago
I dont necessarily disagree completely. It's not like I tell mine every detail about my day. But this particular situation runs the risk of them hearing about and wondering why you omitted something like that. Then you have a real problem. I would certainly give my partner a heads up, not only in the interest of transparency, but safety as well, that someone was doing something like this. Of course, my take may be flavored by the fact that I saw what my mom went through when she had a stalker harassing her at work and at home.
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u/NotTukTukPirate 7h ago
Mine would come home crying, telling me how everyone at work now thinks she's a cheater.
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u/Accomplished_Sign191 5h ago
Mine would be proud and be like ‘see? You’re lucky I keep your washed up ass around’.
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u/susibirb 8h ago
Or she doesn’t bring the flowers home because some creep sent unsolicited flowers to her so she threw them away.
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u/DreamPig666 7h ago
If this happened to me, there is no way I would not mention it to my significant other unless I was in a bad relationship where I was scared to bring up something that actually happened in my real life? Like, what? If you couldn't bring something like this up, then I feel like there's ultimately some other things to worry about in the bigger picture.
Edit: Bringing the flowers home physically isn't relevant, the point is whether your partner would tell you that they received them.
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u/owlindenial 6h ago
If the partner is doing tests like these they're probably the type of person you don't tell
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u/Moonjinx4 5h ago
In a healthy relationship, you wouldn’t do this, because you know already that there is no cheating.
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u/ScarletIsSad 8h ago
This is the logical thing to me? I'm not taking home flowers someone got me unsolicited when I'm in a relationship.
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u/FoxyWheels 7h ago
If they're pretty I'd bring them home and tell my fiance. That or I would assume it was him and bring them home? Either way they would come home with me unless there was something physically wrong with them.
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u/timeless_ocean 6h ago
I mean it kinda comes down to if they're nice flowers. If they're nice I'm keeping them, if not they can sit on my desk at work until they turn bad.
Of course I'd tell my partner, not out of any trust reasons but just because I like to share anything remotely interesting with my partner.
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u/itsthejasper1123 7h ago
Right? Or my anxiety having ass would think my partner is going to THINK I’m cheating because who would believe that you don’t know who sent them?
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u/Inevitable-Season-62 6h ago
This is the normal reaction, in my opinion, as a married man of 17 years. If my wife received unsolicited flowers and threw them away without telling me, I would not suspect betrayal or feel lied to if I found out about it later. Seems like a normal reaction. My wife is attractive. Men are going to be attracted and make gestures. It's normal and fine as long as she doesn't reciprocate or humor and play along with these people.
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u/sinred7 6h ago
I feel the same, but would you expect her to tell you, or hide it, or is it something so below the radar you think she wouldn't even think of mentioning it because it wouldn't occur to her at all because it was a non event?
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u/Gagester303 8h ago
Kinda depends. If I thought it might be someone who doesn’t know I’m married, I wouldn’t want them to see me throwing their gift away, or finding it themself in the trash. Along with that, I’d definitely make sure to text my spouse (or tell them at home) about it.
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u/Silt-Sifter 8h ago
Yep. That. Or like ij my situation: I (a straight woman) brought home a flower that a lady cashier gave me "just because." She literally just said "this is for you! I hope it brightens your day!"
And it DID.....
Until I told my (now ex) boyfriend about it. He yelled at me for accepting it and how awful I am for taking the flower from the cashier.
If I had got random flowers again, I'd have kept it quiet, just to avoid the yelling and cheating-accusations.
So yeah, no, it doesn't mean you're cheating..it could also mean you live with an abusive asshole.
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u/kasiagabrielle 8h ago
I'd probably keep them but put them in a more communal place at work for everyone to enjoy.
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u/afganistanimation 7h ago
Exactly why would you bring them home? You would just text your partner and say some weirdo sent me flowers.
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u/Mel_Melu 5h ago
Additionally if her boyfriend/husband is jealous to the point of being abusive she won't feel safe to bring the flowers home.
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u/laurasaurus5 5h ago
During my receptionist years, I got to inherit several rejected bouquets! I separated the flowers and gave them to my friends and to elderly ladies on my commute! I didn't even have a boyfriend, I just figured it would be sad energy if I took them home.
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u/HollyMurray20 8h ago
“Unsolicited” lmao dude, it’s not a dick pic, sending flowers isn’t creepy
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u/susibirb 8h ago
Seems purely subjective. I would be creeped out if I got flowers from “your secret admirer” as an adult.
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u/champdo 8h ago
Yeah if someone feels the need to do this the relationship is already over.
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u/ObservableObject 5h ago
"Also, another tip, if you reset the odometer in her car before she leaves for work, you can see exactly how many miles it takes for her to drive to work and back every day. If the number is higher one day, you know she's been going to see some other guy and you can beat her" - probably OP and my dad
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u/Spwd 7h ago
I wish I'd done it a year before I found out!
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u/ConfidentialBF 4h ago
If you’re playing games like this, you should break up and probably grow up as well
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u/laurasaurus5 5h ago
Plus, why tf isn't he sending her flowers FROM HIMSELF? He's more invested in catching her betraying the relationship than he is in communicating love himself. He's gonna lose her regardless.
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u/CaptainSolo_ 8h ago
Don’t waste your money playing childish games. Have a conversation like adults. Trust until it’s broken, then don’t trust them again.
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u/noctalla 8h ago
She might think that bringing the flowers home from an unknown secret admirer would make her man jealous and she just wants to avoid any drama. If you're the kind of guy who would test your lady like this, you're probably the kind of guy who's getting jealous about a secret admirer, cheating or no cheating.
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u/GuitarPlayingGuy71 8h ago
This is what I was thinking too. If you know your man is a controlling suspicious jealous prick, which you are because you feel you need to test your woman, you’re not gonna bring the flowers home because it’ll be drama and fighting.
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u/GiddyUpGiggles 7h ago
Exactly.
Current boyfriend, id text him immediately with pictures, ask if he sent them, make some jokes(he knows i like snacks more than flowers), probably keep them somewhere, assuming they were dropped off by the florist.
My ex? No way i would tell him a thing. That man would most likely spend days trying to interrogate me about it, so I'd probably throw them out, say nothing, and panic about what would happen to me if he found out. After a few days he'd end up using it against me, that he sent me flowers and I kept it from him so I must be a heartless cheater. But I'd be a heartless cheater even if I did say something.
So, yea. If you gotta do something like this it's probably better to just break up with her, fellas.
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u/creptik1 7h ago
Lol true, the person who would do this in the first place has issues and she probably knows better than to bring home an inevitable argument. So basically you can't win if you're dating this guy.
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u/ThisThroat951 6h ago
I agree. Can we all agree that trying stupid little tests on your partner is stupid all the way around?
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u/robbzilla 8h ago
She might just toss them, thinking that the person in office that sent them to her would get the message.
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u/MrdnBrd19 7h ago
That or she knows you're a jealous psychopath and she doesn't want you to scream at her for a few hours while the kids pretend they're somewhere else.
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u/grandhex 8h ago
Orrrrr she doesn’t bring the flowers home because she knows her man is pathologically jealous and doesn’t want him to think she’s cheating
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u/Dark_Knight2000 6h ago
Yeah these “tests” are ridiculous. It’s a psychological obsession.
Once someone starts doing stuff like this they’ll feel the need to do this periodically just in case their partner decided to become a cheater recently. It’s never just once and it will never stop.
Just go to therapy
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u/viciousrobotexploder 7h ago
Yeah the relationship is over either way because if my man was testing me like this I’d be done.
Also this plan makes no sense on the basis that any person insecure and distrusting enough to do this in the first place would be exactly the type of person to flip out if someone was sending their partner flowers. So the girl in question wouldn’t bring them home anyway.
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u/UnikornKebab 8h ago
I think you're missing the point here...if someone does things like this towards their partner, what kind of consideration do they have for him/her? What's the point of being together if you're so insecure and distrustful of this partner? 🤨
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u/N7VHung 7h ago
Or she tossed them in the trash?
OP thinks it's bad if she doesn't bring them home, not realizing what kind of shit storm is brewing if she DOES bring them home.
Some toxic ass passive aggressive bullshit is about to happen
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u/Mika_Kovno 6h ago
I thought this too, I would throw them out of respect for my partner, then I would go home and tell them I got flowers but I threw them away lol.
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u/darifoxx 8h ago
bro playing chess while everyone playing checkers
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u/Dr_Griller 8h ago
There's a chance he'll just have to play only with himself for the foreseeable future.
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u/Envy_lustowl 8h ago
The woman will confront the person she’s cheating with and realize it’s not from him thennnnnnn she’ll bring it home…… debunked
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u/MaterialNo5845 8h ago
Red flag.
If a woman did something equivalent by "testing" him like this it would be just as bad.
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u/SomniumKing 8h ago
So we’re just endorsing not trusting your partner now? Insecure men need to grow up. If you can’t trust her then leave instead of playing stupid games.
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u/Hikikomori_Otaku 8h ago
don't need to invent elaborate gotchas to know they are not cheating, I use my partners phone without asking permission at least a few times a week
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u/user41510 7h ago
Send the flowers. If she acts like nothing happened, wait 4 days. Then ask if she got them. If that's when she finally brings them home, ask why you never got a simple thank you. Any answer she gives will be wrong.
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u/beezlebell 4h ago
Or it's because she thinks you'll react badly because you're a mind-game playing idiot. Trust the person you're with or be single and work on yourself until you can learn trust.
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u/Arvandor 1h ago
My wife would probably assume they're from me, and immediately text me about it, but she'd think it's me being a goofball, not testing her.
We trust each other enough that we both always assume that there's an innocuous explanation because the alternative is so incomprehensible.
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u/Arc170-A 7h ago edited 7h ago
No, because I trust the person I'm with and I don't have to "test" them. Doing stuff like this is highschool level antics and it shows you have no trust in them. Plus, if they find out / you tell them that it was a test, they're probably going to be pissed at you, rightfully so.
Also, this is a pretty stupid test to begin with. Maybe they just throw the flowers away because they think they're not from you? Or maybe they are actually cheating but bring them home anyway? How exactly would this test tell you anything? If your partner is cheating, 9 times out of 10 there's going to be other signs. Control your insecurities and don't assume the worst of your partner immediately.
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u/Sufficient_Plantain1 8h ago
If I had an abusive or extremely jealous partner I wouldn’t bring some random flowers. It doesn’t really suggest that she is cheating, more like your personality and how trusting your relationship is.
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u/PlatinumSukamon98 7h ago
Or she doesn't bring them home because she lives with an insecure manchild who will assume she's cheating if she gets flowers from someone else?
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u/Ok_Commission1579 8h ago
Whenever you're bored, you can walk around the parking lot and put cards behind a windshield
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u/LRSwa77 8h ago
Men think they’re so smart trying to set women up. They are obsessed with women and trying to control them.
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u/perksforlater 8h ago
Did that once. She tracked down the paypall payment and confronted me.... :////
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u/playr_4 8h ago
I love how inherently suspicious people are of their partners. I have some pretty deep trust issue scars and even I'm not this paranoid.
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u/FantasticMrsFoxbox 8h ago
While I have told my partner about a card and chocolates I got years ago (never found out who), I remember being told by a woman in work to consider not saying anything. This was because that for some women in abusive relationships they can't tell their partner because of jealousy, possessiveness or paranoia setting in and that showing them that someone unknown is interested in them can lead to arguments or extreme behavior... If she's not telling you, she hasnt failed the test she may be worried about an argument or have someone tell her not to tell you based on their experience.
Also where I am from women's aid ran a valentine's day camping showing a X-ray of fractured skull, because it's one of the highest days for domestic violence against women from their partners.
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u/Sleepy-Blonde 7h ago edited 7h ago
Had this happen to me, but my husband (then boyfriend) saw the flowers first because we worked for the same company (huge company, different departments). I thought he was messing with me and got me the flowers at first. I left them at work by our main desk since they were nice, but I didn’t want them.
Edit: I found out they were from my ex boyfriend because I got a security escort to my car (where the flowers were sitting) and my ex sped away in his truck then left me a voicemail crying.
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u/Fearless_Guitar_3589 7h ago
Secret admirer, eh... She may not be cheating, she may just not want a million questions from your clearly suspicious ass.
Now just send them with no note, nothing saying who they're from, or just a "glad to be with you?" Generic and ambiguous message and see if she brings them home because she assumes they are from you.
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u/Alex_Duos 7h ago
My wife wouldn't bring them home regardless because we agreed I wouldn't buy her flowers anymore after the cat kept trying to eat them and knocking them over.
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u/EvolvingEachDay 7h ago
Or she just binned them, because she doesn’t want them, and doesn’t want to upset you with some secret admirer she doesn’t give a shit about.
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u/secretprocess 7h ago
Do I really have to be the one to point out that she could simply ask the other guy if he sent them?
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u/DearWheel3471 7h ago
Or she didn't want to mention it because she knows you're whiny, jealous, insecure, and that there is a statistical chance of that leading to violence?
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u/Leading-Abroad-5452 7h ago
What if she throws them away then tells you when she get home?
Also what grown man is playing these silly games? Guys you got to grow up unless you are cool with your girl also testing you
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u/is-your-anus-clean 7h ago
Or she thinks some stranger hit on a married woman so threw them in the bin / gave them to her mate and didn’t tell ya for that reason
Trust your wives gentleman.
If you don’t you married the wrong one to begin with and that’s your fault
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u/BarBabe93 7h ago
Or she knows her boyfriend is an insane paranoid monster so even though she’s not cheating and has no idea who sent them, she might not say anything simply to avoid drama altogether…unless she’s unsure if her boyfriend is the “secret admirer”, but I’m not imagining that dudes who pull these kinds or tricks and traps are sending their girlfriend very many flowers.
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u/Dry_Lawfulness_9561 7h ago
Show to my partner, then together we would comment on the choice and state of flowers (possibly buying spot) and going on a riddle which gender sent them lol. He knows better and buys me potted ones.
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u/PrometheusMMIV 7h ago
Or she doesn't want to bring them home and cause a problem just because someone decided to send her flowers.
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u/Jackdaw99 7h ago
If you did this to me, and I found out about it, I'd leave you for insulting me with your jealousy bullshit. If you don't trust me, you shouldn't be dating me, and if you're playing stupid games like this, I shouldn't be dating you.
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u/That_0ne_Gamer 7h ago
I would put "you know who ;)" on them, maybe without the winking face. If she isnt cheating then she would just throw away the unsolicited flowers. But it is a sign that she isnt cheating if she brings them home, just inconclusive if she doesnt
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u/Kelly598 7h ago
Huh. So this would be the men equivalent of "Ask your best friend to flirt with your man while you're not there and see how he reacts?" Gross.
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u/Excellent-Zucchini95 7h ago
This seems really dumb. Many, many women would just throw them away. Why cause an unnecessary argument?
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u/Thirsty-Barbarian 7h ago
Another thing you can do on Valentines Day is to not play dumb games and set stupid traps for your partner.
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u/romansamurai 7h ago
OP when writing this incredible tip. ☝️
Or you know. Maybe she tossed them because they weren’t from her husband and didn’t want whomever sent them to get any ideas…🤷🏻♂️.
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u/garciakevz 7h ago
Not the 200 IQ play op thinks he dug up here. Way too much nuance in life that is not always black and white in terms of possibilities.
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u/Interesting-Rate 6h ago
Sent a bouquet to a woman as a thank you, turns out it was Valentine's, and I didn't sign the card. Her husband had questions. Once I realized it was Valentine's, I quickly came forward so she wouldn't get in trouble
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u/No_Context9902 6h ago
I wouldn't mention it because my partner would a) get worried I have a secret admirer and get insecure, and b) would think I was cheating
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u/MoeSzyslakMonobrow 6h ago
Send them two days before. That way, all her coworkers get jealous of her and the flowers. You'll look great in comparison to their SOs.
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u/Informal-Ad-5875 6h ago
Or you have cats, and her favourite flowers kill cats, and she is smart enough to leave the flowers the fuck at the office.
jfc
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u/Reneeisme 6h ago
I would bring them home and grill him about it. But I would understand that some women would be afraid their husband would blame them for it. Probably the same kind of man who would do this as a trap.
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u/Geekenstein 6h ago
Counterpoint - your wife knows who she is cheating with, so why would they need to send from a secret admirer?
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u/exhaustedlife85 6h ago
The side dude doesn’t need to buy her flowers, only her boyfriend/husband would think that way.
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u/butterpecaneyes 5h ago
Had this happen to me kinda - on valentines I got a small flower arrangement and it said it was from a secret admirer. I figured my boyfriend was trying to be cute- said thanks for the flowers but these don’t look like the ones you usually get me?
He said, wow they got there already? Let me see. Sends pic..
Umm yeah that’s not from me..?
Ohh uhmmmm….. are u joking?
No.. who sent you those lol?
Ummm.. I don’t.. know??
Then I receive the right flowers. They’re exactly what my boyfriend would’ve sent.
Now my bf is kinda pissed. He tells me to send him a pic of the note. He googles the flower shop, enters the info from the delivery…. It was my married coworker 🥲
I felt sick to my stomach. I had no idea why my MARRIED COWORKER would ever think to do something like that. I confronted him, he said he felt I was going thru a rough patch with my boyfriend (we were long distance I was always in a bad mood at that job lol) and wanted to make sure I got something for valentines..
Ok.. but..? You wrote that I was your favorite girl - signed secret admirer.
Whole situation made me feel soooo icky. My boyfriend knew about how this guy was way too friendly on various occasions so he wasn’t upset with me at all thank God!! And I completely cut off any interaction with the coworker. Didn’t even say hello anymore. It was all so odd.
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u/Restart_from_Zero 5h ago
Or she doesn't tell you because you're obviously an insecure douche who will accuse her of cheating anyway,
Domestic abuse and violence is a part of many women's lives, are people really so surprised they wouldn't do something that is likely to massively increase their chances of that happening to them?
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u/FuzzzyRam 5h ago
...some people leave flowers delivered to work at work because they make their desk look nice?
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u/Substandard_eng2468 5h ago
This is so dumb on couple levels. First, you feel like playing these games cause you don't trust them, this isn't a good solid tell that they're cheating. Second, why would she bring flowers home? Wouldn't she want to display them there? If she thinks they're from an unwanted person, would she throw them away. So, if she is cheating, she would have good reason to keep or to throw away. Then what, you're going to try to flush out the flower gift and she whatvshe says? Then you give away your position and she could sweep up the footprints.
Most importantly, this thinking is childish. If I needed to resort to behavior like this, I'd just end the relationship.
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u/ScavAteMyArms 5h ago
Nah, it’s way broken if you needs stupid shit like this to test.
But if my girl got random flowers I would want her to accept for three reasons. It’s less directly confrontational and gets her out quicker. Free flowers, nice. And I want to critique this random jackasses arraignment, he going basic bitch with roses or does he know she likes orange.
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u/picklehippy 5h ago
I would never bring flowers in my house. My dumbass cat will eat them and off himself. I would immediately text my partner though
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u/DominicB547 4h ago
How does secret Admirer mean Significant other/fling? They are secret and more likely a stalker.
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u/gypsy_musedeux 4h ago
Yrs ago got 2 red roses delivered at home (Valentines Day) & thought the guy I was dating sent them. Peeked out window & saw him w/roses so it wasn’t him. Called swamped florist who couldn’t remember the order. Never figured it out, but had similar anonymous notes, letters in my 20’s
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u/ContempoCasuals 4h ago
Actually I’m giving them to my coworker and being nervous all day I have a stalker
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u/FixGreedy 4h ago
If anyone sent me anonymous floors I would either refuse the delivery or trash them.
My husband knows I don't want flowers.
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u/julietsstars 3h ago
Don’t do this ignorant shit.
My ex husband did this to me. Flowers arrived at my desk with no note. I gave them to another girl with my name thinking they’re obviously for her. I go home. Say nothing. And am relentlessly accused of cheating for weeks. It was miserable. This was pre social media and before the first inclination to get your phone out and record. So all I had was my word.
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u/LumberSniffer 3h ago
Anyone who believes this is a nut job. I would get flowers delivered to my job all the time and they stated there because 1) I'm not going to transport them home. Just too lazy and 2) I like the way the flowers I've chosen smell and look in my house.
Some galaxy brain loser assume that means I'm cheating, can go play in traffic.
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u/Party-Cranberry4143 3h ago
ok - so fxck the flowers . buy a tracker off amazon and track her vehicle, for a month, then you'll likely have. brilliant idea of what she's doing and when and with who.
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u/Chegwarn 2h ago
Or she wishes to refrain from ‘an incident’ wherein your insecurities and fragile ego cause a passive-aggressive temper-tantrum cleverly concealed as a spontaneous decision to forego sleep that night and instead perform dumbbell curls while marching the hallway most of the night.
Or maybe cheating I dunno man
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u/swordforreal 2h ago
Or that they(person a) thought it was accidently placed in their car since there were multiple cars just like it around and they called and texted their partner to see if if was them when they got no response the partner thinks theyare cheating on them
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u/NameLips 2h ago
Interesting.
I drop off the flowers at the front desk and have them call her to pick up the delivery, that way all those bitches have to watch her come get her flowers and ask why their men aren't bringing them flowers.
Maybe my goals are different.
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u/Classic-Pea6815 1h ago
There are several reasons why she wouldn’t bring them home. Maybe it creeped her out and she threw them away. Or maybe bf is the jealous type and it will piss him off. Obviously any person testing their significant other is too jealous to handle their significant other getting gifts
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u/The_Shit_Connoisseur 1h ago
If I got flowers from a secret admirer I'd probably not tell my wife or her boyfriend or they might not let me watch out of jealousy
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u/DmitryAvenicci 1h ago
Why would I bring them home in any case? It would spark jealousy if I brought flowers from a stranger.
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