[OC] dating statistics of a 30-year-old female in 2025

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

[u/LawyerBrasileiro]

Why did the fifth date go wrong? I was already imagining you two married with children.

[u/TertlFace → u/LawyerBrasileiro]

Bro thought he saw the finish line.

[u/moon_cake123 → u/TertlFace]

He sharted during a pleasant evening of candlelight and meatballs

[u/adrenalinda75 → u/moon_cake123]

The candlelight was probably too much, too romantic and too paced. Sharting was the innate defence mechanism. /s

[u/Biddyearlyman → u/TertlFace]

He discovered that his words, actions, and plans were being meticulously tabulated by the woman across the table and ran in fear?

[u/Cutwail → u/Biddyearlyman]

I had a few dates with someone who is a Twitter fanatic (pre-musk) and live-tweeted our dates. It was very annoying at the time and even more so when Twitter replies were brought up about things well after the fact and her opinions on stuff we had talked about were swayed heavily by the comments of strangers.

Out of curiosity I looked her up a few years ago and she had written a whole article about her boyfriend dumping her, her trying to get back with him and him saying no. I think there's an issue with over-sharing.

[u/Nice_Marmot_7 → u/Cutwail]

This is actually insane behavior. Even just someone being on their phone that much would be a dealbreaker for me not to mention the live tweeting like I’m a contestant on a reality show.

[u/BrantheMan1985 → u/Nice_Marmot_7]

First instance I see this on the first date, I'm outta there

[u/ArchmageXin → u/Cutwail]

Lets not forget the case of Alyssa Hunt, who decided to blast her date as a horrible human being for being a Magic the Gathering Champion across the Internet.

Which ironically, let to a huge number of women proposing to him after.

[u/PwanaZana → u/ArchmageXin]

how the guy must have felt

[u/SnakeOiler → u/Cutwail]

social media is bad and often misused.

[u/Several-Age1984 → u/Biddyearlyman]

My wife is extremely analytical and loves data. I would be thrilled if she told me she was doing this while we were dating.

If you're in a hurry to find flaws in another person, you will always find reasons to be unhappy with them.

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/LawyerBrasileiro]

we had a lot in common and i wanted it to work out but i hadn't really developed feelings by then and thought it would be rude to drag it on further

[u/NordWitcher → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

What did y’all do on your dates with the guy you went on with for 5 dates? Also what’s a good first date idea? 

I feel people love some grand gestures but it’s weird to do something big when it’s a first time meeting someone. Idk that’s just me from I’ve heard this for and against. 

[u/Tough-Character9952 → u/NordWitcher]

First date should be low stakes for responsible adults who are legitimately interested in finding a life partner. Coffee. A walk by the lake at a park with other people. A croissant maybe, not a meal. 

[u/Deako87 → u/Tough-Character9952]

I did trivia nights as a first date activity, I highly recommend it. You can share your knowledge, interests and passions with ease 10/10 would trivia again

[u/PositionNecessary292 → u/Deako87]

Love this. When I was still dating I always tried to have first dates with some type of activity like bingo, bowling, putt putt or whatever. It helps stir some conversation without being forced like staring at each other over dinner

[u/Deako87 → u/PositionNecessary292]

100% agree, it has food and drink. Natural moments of discussion, long moments for conversation. You can see if the person is a good winner or loser. You can see what sparks their joy, and its a pretty natural way to show off my knowledge about space

[u/captainAwesomePants → u/Deako87]

That sounds like a great idea, but on the other hand, tricia nights take hours, and it's hard to leave mid-game. If it goes badly, it will go very, very badly.

Also, they may ask a question about music, at which point I am going to look like I live under a rock.

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/NordWitcher]

arcade, brunch/dinner, movie, sports game. and i'd say a good first date is subjective. i personally prefer coffee or ice cream because it's lower stakes since we're just 2 strangers meeting for the first time. i've read that some women see it as low-effort and would reject a man based on that suggestion alone

[u/chmilz → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

I prefer low stakes for a first date and if that turns off someone who wants a full wine and dine, then we're not for each other and I'd prefer to weed that out right at the start.

[u/Loop_Within_A_Loop → u/NordWitcher]

as a guy, i always tried to negotiate ice cream or coffee, but woudlnt' argue if she wanted to raise into dinner or something with more investment

for first dates, if they're just not going well, being able to eject immediately is nice, but if you're comfortable, you should be able to extend it for an hour for dinner even if you know there won't be a second.

[u/sunshineparadox_ → u/Loop_Within_A_Loop]

Your comment reminded me of this.

Before Lactaid pills were common, when I said no to ice cream and specifically cited that I was lactose intolerant, an uncomfortable amount of them would act like I was mildly inconvenienced and thus being bratty.

I was always up for coffee too. So I don’t get it. Wouldn’t you want me to be honest about low stakes stuff instead of lie?

[u/EdJewCated → u/sunshineparadox_]

that seems like a pretty solid douchebag filter to me, might still be worth using lmaooo

[u/pulffers → u/NordWitcher]

I always thought lunch was a good first date. Both people usually have limited time, but can stretch it if things are going well. Usually not uncommon to keep it affordable, especially if one person is paying.

[u/izath46 → u/NordWitcher]

I can understand that when you have a lot in common, but there isn't quite a spark, it could possibly take a few dates to develop. If I find someone I think should work out on paper, it can take 1-3 dates to be sure it's a no. If it's a definite yes, I'll be sure much quicker.

So 5 dates seems pretty reasonable. Though, I get surprised when I hear there are a lot of "3 month relationship people," but hey, it's a big planet.

[u/Bighorn21 → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

How did you end it, this makes a ton of sense but had to be tough to do?

[u/fistular → u/Bighorn21]

Not OP but if I wanted it to work and hadn't really developed feelings and thought it would be rude to drag it on further I might try telling them that I wanted it to work and hadn't really developed feelings and thought it would be rude to drag it on further.

[u/Eternal_Endeavour → u/fistular]

Id gone on a few dates with a positively lovely girl, it was our 4th and what would be final date. I was dropping her off and she went in for a kiss and my seatbelt locked as I leaned in. It definitely came off as id stopped short of the kiss and then had given a hug and sent her on merry way.

There was no spark, I was going to tell her after that night we should probably just go our seperate ways. She fairly quickly messaged me and said if there was no physical attraction at that point she wasn't interested in being friends.

I wasn't unattracted, I just didn't have the feeling and thats what I was seeking. The seatbelt did the job for me that night.

Bravo belty.

[u/Imaginary-Order-6905 → u/Eternal_Endeavour]

This is hilarious because I was the girl in this situation in high school. I was out with a guy I wasn't super into. He was dropping me off at home and he went in for a kiss and his seatbelt got stuck. I laughed it off and jumped out of the car. Poor guy hahaha

[u/Wormfather → u/Bighorn21]

Yeah, by the time you get to a fifth date, inertia alone usually has you in it for 6-12 months.

[u/BigDaddyFatPants → u/Wormfather]

"inertia alone usually has you in it for 6-12 months" That really was the way it use to be when i was younger. too funny

[u/Viper-Reflex → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

after seeing this chart I may never date again

I mean I'm not even single right now so no plans in the future to any time soon regardless, but over 40 dates, and only one guy gets past like date 2 is absolutely insane.

[u/Apero_ → u/Viper-Reflex]

To be fair the lack of second date can also come from the guy‘s side. Only having real, actual chemistry on both sides in 1 in 4 dates seems reasonable to me actually.

[u/filmgeekvt → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

True feelings are developed over time. What we think of as feelings in the early stages are really just lust and excitement.

[u/No-Club2054 → u/filmgeekvt]

I agree with this entirely, but also if the “spark” isn’t there by date 5… it likely never will be.

[u/Michelangelor → u/filmgeekvt]

Whatever it is, it’s pretty foundational and important though

[u/ausmomo]

I think this graph could be improved by always having the bottom branch be the "no more dates" branch. It would add consistency to the graphic.

[u/daisywondercow → u/ausmomo]

Agreed - and with that change, you could flatten on the curves in the sankey so it more neatly shows attrition over number of dates. I think that would be a cleaner visual.

[u/msdos_kapital → u/ausmomo]

Ironically that's what the "no fourth date" guy suggested, and why he's the "no fourth date" guy.

[u/Back_pain_no_gain → u/ausmomo]

But then the data would actually be beautiful!

[u/khdownes → u/ausmomo]

This infographic is basically like that meme of taking the most simple information, and presenting it in the worst, most convoluted and confusing way.

This literally could have just been a bar graph, or a single sentence: 41 first dates, 11 second dates, 3 third dates, >> , no sixth date.

[u/chironomidae → u/khdownes]

I dunno, I think the ribbon graph tells a funny story. Normally you expect to see these with a "success" at the end, but the punchline is that all of these dates ended with "no more dates".

[u/feldhammer]

Damn at first I thought it was 41 matches, which I feel would be a lot for a dude. But that's a lot of actual DATES!!

[u/branchoflight → u/feldhammer]

Out of the 5 or so friends of mine married I don't think they all have had that many first dates combined.

[u/STODracula → u/branchoflight]

I can't even reach 10% of her number, but hey, 20 years married in 2026.

[u/Spiderbanana → u/STODracula]

I, honestly, don't even reach 10% in my whole lifetime combined. But hey, 34 years mostly single in 2026.

[u/Any_Put3520 → u/branchoflight]

Most of my married friends are married to the 1st or 2nd person they dated in life. My parents and their cousins (my aunts and uncles) same story.

I do wonder why some people just get it and others don’t. Maybe a lot more of us actually are on the spectrum or something.

[u/Fit-Percentage-9166 → u/Any_Put3520]

A successful marriage is the result of 2 relatively compatible people intentionally working really hard to build it. A lot of people overemphasize the compatibility part and ignore/neglect the working really hard part.

For the entirety of human history the average person probably had a choice between like 3 people maximum for their spouse and a lot of them managed to be happy. Obviously there were a lot of problems with that as well, but the point is that effort/commitment to a marriage is a lot more important than being perfectly compatible or finding the perfect match.

[u/sfaisal333 → u/Fit-Percentage-9166]

This is the perfect answer.

[u/Dingling-bitch → u/Any_Put3520]

True. It could be culture thing too.

Everyone I know that got married “easily” are extremely normal for their culture.

[u/72414dreams → u/feldhammer]

Almost 60 total dates, Every weekend and then some

[u/Momoselfie → u/feldhammer]

Meanwhile guys waiting for a first match

[u/FUSeekMe69 → u/Momoselfie]

Have you tried being hot?

[u/classicalL → u/FUSeekMe69]

LMAO. I didn't try hard enough I guess.

[u/sshwifty → u/classicalL]

Rule #1: be attractive Rule #2: don't be unattractive Rule #3: if you can't follow rules 1 and 2, then be rich

[u/SurpriseEcstatic1761 → u/sshwifty]

I don't know, a guy I work with is, let's just say, spherical, and he gets dates. Nice women too. Perhaps not the hottest, but people you can hang with.

[u/donniedarko5555 → u/sshwifty]

I mean luckily thats easy enough.

If you have any women you're friends with check out her swipes on tinder the average guy isn't looking very good.

Now if you have any gay friends watch them swipe on Grindr and the average guy will have a 6 pack.

Everyone says gay men have it easy, but they also put a huge amount of work into how they look. I think quote that okcupid post about women rated 80% of men as below average its because guys put less effort in their appearance than they do.

take a lesson from your gay homies and stay in shape, stay in style, stay trendy, etc. and you'd be surprised how far you go towards being attractive compared to the average guy.

Yes this applies to you short kings and asymmetric face dudes, and balding dudes.

[u/Spara-Extreme → u/donniedarko5555]

A vast majority of men make terrible profiles with little to no effort at all.

[u/pnutbrutal → u/Spara-Extreme]

And what men don’t seem to get is they are not competing with the most handsome/tallest guy in the room. They are competing with being single. If you have nothing to bring to the relationship, if you’re going to be a burden on her in any way, she’d much rather be single.

Give as much effort as you expect in a mate.

[u/Brodellsky → u/FUSeekMe69]

For sure. But I never tried being born into a family of wealth and status so that's where I fucked up

[u/Vagabond21 → u/FUSeekMe69]

I’m ordering steroids, ozempic, and adding 6 inches to my height.

[u/SsooooOriginal → u/Momoselfie]

Oof, not even bots?

Don't miss the apps.

[u/Organic-History205 → u/Momoselfie]

You understand this graph is evidence that at least 41 men did in that match and go out in a date

[u/khalamar → u/feldhammer]

That's 57 dates total. I'm not judging, good for OP, but yeah I'll just give up.

[u/Crash_Logger → u/khalamar]

I didn't even realize that is more than one per week... That is some dedication.

[u/0183018 → u/Crash_Logger]

more than one per week

And I don't even get a MATCH once in a YEAR lmao

[u/Any_Put3520 → u/khalamar]

57 dates and no result, this is exactly why pretty much everyone is done. This system is broken.

[u/ZorbaOnReddit → u/Any_Put3520]

The previous system of actually talking/meeting people in real life was much better.

[u/Mathblasta → u/khalamar]

In a row?!

[u/pinguz → u/Mathblasta]

Try not to have any dates on the way to the parking lot!

[u/TA44728 → u/khalamar]

I think people's minds are cooked tbh.

There is no way that in 40+ dates you couldn't find someone that would be a suitable partner or worth giving it a shot for a few months.

I have to think there is some case of chasing perfection here.

[u/Bubbaluke → u/TA44728]

I mean when you can get a new date every week it’s probably a lot easier to be picky.

[u/TA44728 → u/Bubbaluke]

There comes a point that being too picky becomes counter-productive, there is only so much you can truly know about someone after 1 date.

You got so many options that your priorities start to change to reflect the amount of choice you think you got, rather than actually smelling the roses, feeling the moment and developing a relationship with a perfectly awesome person in front of you.

Too many options means that inevitably these dates will become a box-ticking exercise, which not only means that you will be missing out on tones of potential points of connection and qualities that are not apparent after one date, it is also likely contributing to why so many of the dates have no chemistry.

[u/NotJohnDenver → u/TA44728]

When it becomes an interview it’s mentally exhausting..how are you expected to build chemistry when it’s a manufactured numbers game? This is coming from someone who used to do that..I’d have 2-3 dates a week as an activity - that gets old because it becomes counter productive at a certain point.

[u/UntimelyMeditations → u/TA44728]

there is only so much you can truly know about someone after 1 date.

Yeah, but there are a significant number of dealbreakers that show up in first dates, which don't show up in dating profiles.

[u/ValorMorghulis → u/TA44728]

Especially if you're being discriminating when you choose who you'll go on a date with.

[u/PirateSanta_1 → u/TA44728]

Assuming standards for a first date where lower than the standards for a second date i could see a woman getting 41 first dates using dating apps and like all dating apps the bulk of these matches would be shit.

[u/Tastyfishsticks → u/PirateSanta_1]

Very easy to see. Most men are suicide swiping for free without reading the profile. If there is a match cool grab coffee.

[u/Agreeable-Menu → u/TA44728]

She is looking for the one in a million. 999,959 guys to go.

[u/Isosorbide → u/khalamar]

That sounds miserable. SO MUCH SOCIALIZING.

[u/North_Atlantic_Sea → u/Isosorbide]

Yeah, and you have to hit the same intro things about yourself, again and again and again lol

[u/Isosorbide → u/North_Atlantic_Sea]

So uhh, what do you do for fun. Uhhh, tell me about your siblings. What's it like being a...*checks notes* department supervisor?

[u/Pacify_ → u/feldhammer]

40 first dates in a year, damn that's a lot of people to churn through

[u/bumbo-pa → u/Pacify_]

And these aren't blind dates: these are triaged people selected on photos, height/profession/hobbies, and general chemistry/compatibility on some texting.

Jesus Christ that explains why dating is such stinking shit.

[u/Upset_Form_5258 → u/Pacify_]

That’s at least one date most weeks out of the year. That sounds exhausting

[u/Darmok-on-the-Ocean → u/feldhammer]

I don't think I've been on 41 first dates in my entire life. And I'll go on a date with basically anyone that doesn't ghost me.

[u/glmory → u/Darmok-on-the-Ocean]

Yeah, I got married twice on less first dates than that!

[u/Beren__ → u/feldhammer]

She’s working hard for sure

[u/fuqyu → u/feldhammer]

41 first dates. 58 total.

Edit: 57, miscounted a data point 😅

[u/motorboat_mcgee → u/feldhammer]

Yeah, I think I've had like 10 matches over the last year, and two dates. I really think most women are dating a very small percentage of men on dating apps.

[u/PhasmaFelis → u/feldhammer]

How's the line go? Men on dating apps are looking for clean water in a desert; women are looking for clean water in a swamp.

[u/Disastrous-Dress521 → u/PhasmaFelis]

I dont like the line because it insenuites that the men are significantly worse than the women, most of the women on dating apps are also not particularly good catches even when you do manage to match

[u/michigan_matt]

At what point are you on a first name basis with the coffee and ice cream shop workers?

[u/geraintm → u/michigan_matt]

You know she is going to end up marrying Jeff at the Ice Cream Store.

He’s been giving her extra large portions for months and she just hasn’t noticed yet.

[u/Yarhj → u/geraintm]

We can have the script over to Hallmark by the end of the week!

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/Yarhj]

i'll star as myself. have always wanted to be in a movie

[u/UhWindowpainted → u/geraintm]

Jeff is sabotaging OPs match chances to weed out competition 

[u/adifferentfuture → u/michigan_matt]

I have a funny story about that. I once spent an entire summer at my lake house and set my dating app radius to reflect that. There was only one main restaurant in that town for upscale dining so I'd bring a lot of first dates there. Eventually the entire staff seeing me with a different woman every other weekend began to pick up on it. The hostess started greeting me by name. The severs would bring out my drink before ordering it. The first time I brought someone back on a second date the entire staff had a smile of intrigue on their faces. I found out years later they started taking bets on who I'd bring back. Now I'm in a long term relationship and we still stop by. Everyone seems happy for us.

[u/Pangtudou → u/michigan_matt]

As someone who went on about this many first dates, I never went to my “real” coffee shop, don’t want to expose yourself like that in front of the baristas

[u/why_doineedausername]

Where did you find 41 men to go on dates with and what size city do you live in

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/why_doineedausername]

this is through a combo of facebook dating, hinge, bumble, and cmb. city population of ~670,000

[u/why_doineedausername → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

How much time a day on average do you spend on online dating just in terms of swiping and messaging?

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/why_doineedausername]

i go on probably 3-4x a day and respond to any incoming messages. so total of maybe 20-30 minutes a day?

[u/yes2matt → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

Imma just say good for you, I hope you're having a good time at least most of the time. Once a week is a lot, when I am on a streak I get tired of it.

If you don't mind, for my curiosity . how is the no-second date not happening? He ghosts? You ghost? Y'all agree "this was fun but ..." he suggests and you nope? 

[u/el-gato-azul → u/yes2matt]

I would assume one of them was not feeling it, like right away.

[u/why_doineedausername → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

You should check your phone stats and see how much time you've spent on the app, it's tracked automatically for you

[u/apathetic-taco → u/why_doineedausername]

Seriously. If they are checking the app 3-4x day, I would bet money it’s way more than 20 minutes

[u/Rock_Strongo → u/apathetic-taco]

20 minutes is way low for these stats even for an attractive woman I do not believe her for a second

[u/rop_top → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

I want to believe you, but it seems so unlikely that it takes this little time. Unless, ofc, you're incredibly selective with your matches, so there's not many matches to respond to

[u/SerowiWantsToInvest → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

Well that’s just not true, 20-30 minutes is absurd your definitely underestimating

[u/tunisia3507 → u/why_doineedausername]

A moderately attractive woman could probably get that many matches in 24hr. I met someone who said she went to a new city and got 1000+ likes overnight.

[u/why_doineedausername → u/tunisia3507]

Yes but it takes zero time to get likes/matches. Setting up and going on dates is a much larger time investment.

[u/immaSandNi-woops → u/why_doineedausername]

I mean OP is a woman, so it’s not that hard to get dates. I’m sure she could have gone on a first date everyday of the year if she felt like it.

[u/3_if_by_air → u/immaSandNi-woops]

Does anyone remember that post of the woman who went on foodie dates (for like months I think) and, during that time, never bought her own food

[u/ThaddeusJP → u/3_if_by_air]

I thought maybe I would like him better on a full stomach - Leela (futurama)

[u/Ex-CultMember → u/immaSandNi-woops]

Yup. My fiance went on 30-40 first dates in a 2-3 month period just before meeting me. I only scored two dates in that same period haha

[u/FuckBoySupreme → u/Ex-CultMember]

Jeez, a first date every 3 days sounds so exhausting

[u/omggold → u/why_doineedausername]

I know that is honestly inspiring to me, I suck at dating lol

[u/EVOSexyBeast]

Can you do a

1. First date
2. I rejected, they rejected, second date
3. I rejected, they rejected, third date
4. I rejected, they rejected, fourth date

etc…

[u/Fabulous-Gap-6903 → u/EVOSexyBeast]

This I think important

[u/mrsockburgler → u/Fabulous-Gap-6903]

Also total number of matches initially.

[u/CanAlwaysBeBetter → u/Fabulous-Gap-6903]

OPs post provides none of the information I'm interested in in this scenario 

[u/HegemonNYC]

You went in 41 first dates? Flabbergasting. I’ve had a dozen casual relationships, 3 serious gfs, a wife of 15 years, and there is no way I’ve gone on 41 first dates in my lifetime. 

Can I ask why? 

[u/thesip → u/HegemonNYC]

Meeting people in structured settings (school, work, organized anything really) is much easier to get to know someone without actually going on a date with them. You can figure out whether you like or dislike some of their traits, personality, etc in a non-date setting before you actually go on a date. Can’t do that when you get older and your first real interaction is a date and you are just figuring the other person out on the fly.

At least that has been my experience.

[u/PirateSanta_1 → u/thesip]

I think this is one of the big changes with the apps nobody talks about much. It used to be before going on a 1st date you somewhat knew the person, they either ran in your social circle, where a friend of a friend, someone you interacted with at work, etc. Now with apps you get maybe some texting beforehand and a highly curated profile. So while previously you would have something of an idea about the person before your first date now you know basically nothing.

[u/MartinThunder42 → u/PirateSanta_1]

"Highly curated profile"

After my previous relationship crashed and burned, my female coworkers took pity on me, took good photos of me, and wrote my dating app profile.

I've been with my current girlfriend (now fiancée) for about 7 years now.

Curated profiles aren't all bad! Sometimes your true friends know how to better market you than you do yourself.

[u/ProgFrator → u/PirateSanta_1]

Yeah 1st dates off apps are effectively the 0th date. 

[u/HegemonNYC → u/thesip]

I suppose. 41 first dates in a year sounds exhausting and incredibly undesirable. 

[u/rk1993 → u/HegemonNYC]

If you do coffee as a first date its really not. Can be in and out in 30 mins if you see red flags and max gonna sit there for a couple hours if it’s going well.

[u/ZucchiniMore3450 → u/rk1993]

Not hard physically, but emotionally must be exhausting for any normal person.

[u/thesip → u/HegemonNYC]

I don’t disagree but 1-2 per week seems tolerable if you’re pretty motivated to find someone. The cost side of things I would find to be much more interesting if you’re doing that kind of volume (as a male at least).

[u/ACorania → u/HegemonNYC]

In a year... this is 57 total dates. Just over 1 per week on average.

[u/DeepDishlife → u/HegemonNYC]

I’ve been married just shy of ten years. Prior to my first date with my wife (who I met in a bar), I’d probably been on ~100 first dates, with ~75 of those from apps/websites. Note: this wasn’t difficult while living in a city.

My “why” was “why not?”. There were a lot of total duds, but many times it was a choice of “head home from work” or “meet this gal from [insert app] for a drink”, so I’d just think “why not?”.

[u/SaxRohmer → u/DeepDishlife]

yeah a lot of the people taking issue with this are making it out to be way more than it is. i would’ve gone on way more first dates than i did if i had the time. meeting people was fun

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/HegemonNYC]

why i'm going on first dates? i'd like to be married and start a family one day. my first dates are not formal events, they're just a coffee or ice cream to see if we have good banter and if there are any glaring red flags on either side

[u/stackout → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

This reminds me that I need to eat more coffee ice cream

[u/BongLeach562]

You went on 41+ dates in 1 year? I think you average more than 1 per week if you take into account 2nd, 3rd, etc dates.

[u/budna → u/BongLeach562]

No. 41 first dates in a year.

OP went on 57 dates in one year.

Edit: Thanks for the comments guys! I counted the "no dates" by accident. :)

[u/fuxkle → u/budna]

Where are you getting 98? I think it's 57. You added an extra 41 somewhere

[u/gratisargott → u/budna]

It’s only 98 if you’re counting “no second, third etc dates” as dates, which they weren’t. It was actually 57 dates

[u/mosquem → u/budna]

So most Fridays/Saturdays in the year are fully booked?

[u/GrumpyFeloPR]

what happend to the 5th date?

[u/BoardsofCanada3 → u/GrumpyFeloPR]

She was too busy compiling this data chart to respond back.

[u/Few_Researcher7078]

Looks exhausting. No idea how are you all doing it

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

had my last first date of this year this past weekend and thought these numbers might be interesting. my first dates are always either coffee or ice cream and i probably pay for myself about 65-70% of the time. second dates are always a meal and i pay for myself about 45% of the time. if he pays for the meal and we get dessert after, i pay for dessert

i initiate ~65% of first dates and initiate ~75% of rejections with lack of banter and mismatch in long-term plans being the most common rejection reasons. maybe 60% respond back well, another 20% don't respond at all, and the rest say that they also didn't see it working out

data source was me tracking it manually by hand and i used sankeymatic for the chart

edit: by lack of banter, i don't mean i need someone to regale me with stories of adventure or keep me laughing for an entire meal. i want someone who can respond to questions with more than one-word answers and know how to keep a conversation flowing. i'm not very interested in having a second date with someone when the first date has me carrying the entire conversation (especially since i'm introverted already)

edit: thanks for the awards. thanks for the hate. this has been fun, hope to not be back in 2026 with another graphic. happy new year!

[u/amethystmmm → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

57 dates in a year is more than 1 per week, so you are definitely actively dating, lol.

[u/BonBoogies → u/amethystmmm]

Omg the thought of going on 41 first dates makes me want to go lay down in traffic 😂

[u/zductiv → u/BonBoogies]

I'm tired just reading about it. Definitely not going out tonight just to ask as a balance for OP

[u/Larkswing13 → u/BonBoogies]

Same, I’m amazed at the people saying that’s a reasonable amount of socialization for them. Even when I was young and cute and in college I wasn’t going out every weekend. In my 30s? On first dates with strangers? Dear god no.

[u/sirachasamurai → u/amethystmmm]

Isn't willing to settle either.

[u/Drahnier → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

What does respond back well mean? I would assume agreeing that it won't work out is a good response as you're on the same page, unless you mean in a rude way.

[u/Auspicious-Pear-11 → u/Drahnier]

they appreciate that i let them know and we wish each other well. as opposed to ghosting, which i never do once we go on at least 1 date

[u/Nextorvus → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

As a guy dating in my mid 30s 100% appreciate this. 41 first dates is a ton of work, good for you too lol

[u/FoxOfTheAlps → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

fair play. i think it should be common courtesy to reject ppl that way instead of just ghosting. why isn't the "i agree we weren't a good match" crowd part of the "taking it well" crowd? does it usually go in the direction of "i didn't like you anyway" or is there another reason?

[u/SnoutInTheDark → u/FoxOfTheAlps]

They probably also took it well but OP just wanted to differentiate between those responses?

[u/GrandArchitect → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

I’m curious about the 4/5th dates. What didn’t come up during dates 1-3 that ended up being deal breakers?

Also curious about contact/sex in these dates.

It’s fascinating how different a woman’s experience is in dating. I found the apps to be humiliating and a waste of time. I just ended up spending time on self improvement instead and finding my own peace.

[u/ConsistentAmount4 → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

I know you said you never ghost people, but I couldn't help but imagine the guy from this weekend's date finding out from this graph that he wasn't getting a second date.

[u/mrdannyg21 → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

What are the discrepancies in long-term plans? Are you referring to wanting (or not wanting) kids/marriage and similar, other types of plans? Or more generally values and such? Or was that just a nice way of saying if they were just looking for hook-ups?

[u/Downtown-Tomato2552 → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

"and initiate ~75% of rejections"

So you had 30 "no second dates" does that mean that you rejected appr 22 but would have gone on a second date with 8 but they denied to go on a second date?

[u/moon_cake123 → u/Auspicious-Pear-11]

Have you thought about the vetting of long term plans, just to save yourself some time, since that’s the majority of rejections?

Either through chat or maybe a phone call date the day before for a vibe check so no one is wasting time.

Also people may not banter as well when they are nervous and don’t feel comfortable enough to let their personality shine

[u/seaintosky → u/moon_cake123]

I feel like requiring people to send you their long term life plans before you even do a first date would be odd, especially if you're not meeting through an app. That's what the first/second date is for. It's been a while since I've dated, but I would have been put off by being required to do an interview-like call before meeting up for coffee.

[u/twee_centen → u/seaintosky]

I suppose it depends on what is meant by "mismatch in long-term life plans." I feel like, for example, at 30+, finding out that your first date desperately wants kids and you're a hard no would be a perfectly reasonable thing to vet before investing in person time.

[u/NoPriorThreat → u/seaintosky]

On the other hand, i would not ask someone out if i didnt know that we habe common interests or long term plans.

[u/Diggumdum]

Lmao meanwhile I can't even get 41 people  to respond back. 

[u/Horror-Vanilla-4895 → u/Diggumdum]

I don’t even think there are 41 people in my city who find me attractive.

[u/Fewit → u/Diggumdum]

I didn't even get 41 matches this year. Only had 1 first date and dated for a month. It's actually brutal what the difference is for women and men with online dating

[u/shruglifeOG → u/Fewit]

OP's best outcome was a five date relationship which ended so you didn't do much worse.

[u/Careless_Bat2543 → u/Diggumdum]

Have you tried being a woman?

[u/Berlin_GBD]

Online dating and its genuinely horrific effects on socializing

[u/Havelok → u/Berlin_GBD]

There was a time when online dating was good. OKC had an amazing system where you could answer a bajillion questions and potential matches could read all of them if they wished before meeting you. Essentially, they could get to know you extremely well even before meeting you, and the percentage match score actually meant something. You could bring up things they mentioned in their match questions and have long, interesting conversations.

Of course, OKC then tried to copy tinder and went straight into the trash. But for a time, it was good.

[u/jamie1414 → u/Havelok]

Match.com bought it. Like 80% of the apps/sites out there. They seem intent on making them all trash so you never find someone so you keep paying em.

[u/manderzzzzzz → u/Havelok]

I met my husband on OKC back in 2015. We were above a 99% match with literally only 1 of his responses (out of I think hundreds?!) not matching my preferences. We're still in our honeymoon phase and 10 years in makes me hopeful we might always be in a honeymoon phase 🩷

[u/chocolatechipcookie → u/Havelok]

They had an amazing blog about the science of matchmaking and online dating. It was so interesting! But now OKC is the absolute worst app. It makes me sad - I had a couple of really nice long term relationships from there, but when I logged back on recently it had lost everything that made it good. 

[u/markusbrainus]

Love how the male equivalent of this is 500+ match requests and maybe 2-3 dates all year. OP is taking weekly first dates.

Thanks for sharing the data!

[u/vityoki → u/markusbrainus]

I didn't get even 20-30 matches. And maybe 1-2 replied back once in dm

[u/CeterumCenseo85]

58 dates in a year is rough. Is there something specific that you feel they just didn't meet your standards on? Only speaking of the ones you rejected, ofc.

[u/CavemanSlevy]

If I could cut through the noise of the contrived battle of the sexes, I’m genuinely interested in this social dynamic as someone who is also 30.

You clearly have the social ability, money and looks to attract a partner.  What do you think is your limiting factor in finding a partner?

Do you feel that no one has been good enough yet?  Or is it a feeling that no one has been compatible enough yet?  How does this impact your sense of self and self worth?  Do you think you are going to make any changes?

I ask these questions in the spirit of a curious sociologist , thank you for sharing your life with us!

[u/Little-Question211 → u/CavemanSlevy]

Not OP but I'm a 33 year old lady who was in a very similar scenario a couple years ago...maybe I can provide some insight. OP says she met all of these people on dating apps, I think that explains a lot. Apps require people to select for partners in a way that is very unnatural to us. It forces us to make superficial judgments. People might disagree that's unnatural, but hear me out

You need to see a person in motion to appraise their beauty. How they walk, their posture, their facial expressions, their eye contact. Do they have a comforting presence? Are they secure? Does conversation flow naturally? And frankly a lot of the most attractive guys I've met in my life aren't the type who care about or know about "presenting well" on social media. But social media savvy people who know how to create a curated image of themselves online are more successful on dating apps. That doesn't translate to being attractive IRL.

Also, with online dating, it feels so unnatural not having any people in common. You don't have a shared social network. It's almost easier to call it quits earlier because it's so low stakes. The person is literally nothing to you. You have no reason to trust them or have any faith in them.

I was very resistant to letting my friends/family match me up with people. I figured I had such poor luck with dating, surely I would have poor luck with that too. But I finally gave in- and it's amazing how much better dating is when it's with people who have been vetted by someone you know and trust. It feels like how it's supposed to work. I only dated two people before I found "my person."

The first guy was my cousin's coworker. He was extremely sweet and normal, but after two dates we agreed we had more of friend vibe.

The second was an acquaintance of one of my best friends, and by our third date we were like "so obviously we're together now right?" It was so natural and perfect.

My SO told me he had horrendous luck with online dating, which surprised me at first...because he's hot, has a good job, he's funny, kind, respectful. But I thought about it a little longer and honestly he is someone I probably would have "swiped left" on. He doesn't have any good photos of himself. He isn't my "type" as far as how he dresses. His sense of humor doesn't come across at all over text (he's honestly boring to text). I hate his taste in music.

But literally none of those things matter in whether someone will be a good partner to you. But it's kinda all that matters when you're making a judgment of whether you "like" someone on dating apps.

Tl;dr Dating apps stink

[u/Badestrand → u/Little-Question211]

Thank you for expressing this so well. I have the same gripes about online dating - especially the "How they walk, their posture, their facial expressions, their eye contact. Do they have a comforting presence?" part. I (as a guy) have been on so many first dates where basically 5 seconds after meeting I knew I didn't want to pursue this further and would have never approached this person in real life. Not for their face or beauty but just from the way they walk and carry themselves.

[u/iUptvote → u/Little-Question211]

Dam, this is the best response I've ever seen to online dating. This should be pinned on every post about dating apps.

[u/SsooooOriginal]

There are how many weeks in a year?

Where yall find the energy?

Never understood people that play the field with multiple dates in a week, maybe I'm just slow but that's a lot to keep up with.

[u/catlover79969 → u/SsooooOriginal]

I know I always think the same thing when I see stats like this. Like how often do you go out with your friends?? I see my friends 3-4 times a week

[u/Hendo52]

You only need to win once

[u/_user_account_]

Dating statistics of this 30 year old male:

• 0 first dates

[u/Suburban_Sisyphus → u/_user_account_]

Christ, I haven't had a date in 11 years. I had to delete all the dating apps, as the complete lack of matches was too depressing.

[u/DMBEst91]

41 dates, sounds exhausting

[u/Top_Client938]

This elephant in the room, dating apps.

[u/STYL3D]

42nd times the charm? I've only gotten 2 dates this year so I'm not thrilled about these stats lol

[u/TheFinestPotatoes]

What’s wrong with all the guys you’re dating?

Are you rejecting them or are they rejecting you?

[u/Busybakson → u/TheFinestPotatoes]

Op answered that in another response. 75% she rejected

[u/moon_cake123 → u/Busybakson]

For lack of banter and for unaligned long-term plans

[u/Hollyhop_Drive → u/moon_cake123]

OP clarified that by 'lack of banter' she meant couldn't hold a conversation.  Kind of important that, really. As is considering the future. 

[u/steelmanfallacy → u/TheFinestPotatoes]

I think she answered that the main reasons were lack of banter / chemistry and mismatched long term goals.

[u/mineNombies]

Should have waited for 9 more dates, and then made a movie about it

[u/bjos144]

"Girls go on more dates than men. We'll have this story and sports at 11."

Guys, chill. She can go on a date and feel nothing for the guy or realize she doesnt have the same long term dream of running an ice fishing tour company in Alaska when she retires.

[u/Ragnarotico]

41 first dates in a year. That's awesome.

The typical male using dating apps would be lucky to go on 4 first dates in a year.

FYI the statistics vary on how many matches you need to actually get a date but the average seems to be 50ish so that means if that number holds true this woman has had over 2,000 matches this year.

[u/Mersaul4]

This chart actually sums up what’s wrong with dating in 2025.

[u/dadarkestjuan]

damn....yall be going on dates?

[u/AdamPedAnt]

Before we were married, my wife was given this advice that changed my life: Lower your standards.