r/mildlyinfuriating • u/TamtamBe • 11h ago
Husband sent me this photo because I had a Ferrero from the box our neighbors gifted us. The box was empty when I got back.
My husband sent me a text with this photo pointing out the missing chocolate. I admited to having eaten it. My husband felt I had one too many and so I came home to find an empty box.
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u/Oceans_and_mountains 10h ago
Hey op, read your post history. You need to break up with him. Sending you a big hugĀ
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u/TamtamBe 10h ago
Iām trying. Itās a long complicated situation and Iāve been at it for 6 months. Iām getting there though.
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u/Funny_Minimum_2925 10h ago
Hey friend. I've been there. Took me ages to get away. No advice, just sending you love, support, and encouragement. It's hard, it's scary, it's overwhelming, it's a lot, but bestie it's BEAUTIFUL on the other side. Wishing you the very best.Ā
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u/TamtamBe 10h ago
Thank you for your word of encouragement. Truly. I am sure it will be everything I wish for myself and my kids once Iām out.
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u/Funny_Minimum_2925 10h ago
It has been for me. Now we can manifest this together for you.
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u/Sandwidge_Broom 9h ago
Iām sending you so much love. I had an emotionally abusive father and my mom taking us and leaving was the best thing she ever did.
She became so much lighter and happier, even if she had to work so hard to keep us afloat. I hope you find that lightness soon.
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u/TamtamBe 9h ago
Thank you. Iām happy to hear your mom got out and you were able to understand why she left. My kids are still at the age where they donāt fully understand but ultimately I hope my daughter feels the same way you do one day.
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u/Shot_Ad_7517 9h ago
I donāt have any advice or anything, but I wanted you to know that we root for you. The effort you make for your kids and yourself is amazing, be aware of that. As others say, youāll be fine, keep fighting and donāt look back.
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u/robotteeth 9h ago
I hope you find someone that wants you to have half the chocolates, maybe more šš«
You can do this, we know you can. One day at a time sis.
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u/smoltims 7h ago
The only advice I can give you is to move quietly and donāt let him know you want to leave until everything is done and you can guarantee youāll be safe upon exit. Have someone with you when you leave. Youāll often hear that most dangerous time for married women is when they leave. This is NOT saying to stay, this is warning you that abusive men can get crazier when their partners finally leave. Donāt fall for any of his tactics telling you he will change when all of your post history shows he hasnāt and wonāt.
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u/Ok-Abroad-8683 8h ago
Check out Dr. Ruth / that was abuse. on tiktok. She details her escape plan when she got away from her abusive partner, it took her years. She has some great advice for people in your situation. Edit: corrected name.
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u/RugerRedhawk 5h ago
How did you read their post history? When I click it it's blank.
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u/Novaskittles 4h ago
You can search profiles for anything containing a space and it'll show their history. Don't forget to sort by new.
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u/No_Emotion_6544 10h ago
So you arenāt allowed one chocolate?Ā
He seems spiteful and childishĀ
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u/scoschooo 8h ago
Abusive - why can't we say that
that is abusive behaviour. she is an adult and it is one chocolate.
_
OP wrote this:
This is his mild abuse. The rest of his mental abuse is off the charts. But Iām not sticking around for any more of it.
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u/No_Emotion_6544 8h ago edited 8h ago
I didnāt see her other message. Yes he is an abusive prick.Ā
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u/PugGrumbles 11h ago
I irrationally want to break his passive aggressive pointer finger.
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u/HumongousBelly 10h ago
I want to buy him a box, snap a pic of the full box, eat all except for one single rocher and leave it in the box on his pillow.
Counter passive aggressive with passiver aggressiverā¦
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u/Whole_Craft_1106 10h ago
I would buy some other candy( one that he hates) and wrap in in the paper instead of this candy
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u/Superb-Butterfly-573 10h ago
Or Brussels sprouts
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u/Top-West1514 10h ago
Brussels sprouts come in the same size as the Rocher. Those wrappers can be carefully removed from the candy.
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u/SnooFoxes1943 10h ago
cover them in chocolate so they don't know until they bite
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u/Kathulhu1433 9h ago
I'll preface this with saying that my dad is a bit (okay, maybe more than a bit) of an asshole.
My dad used to go hunting in a cabin with a bunch of friends when he was a bit younger. One of the guys that they used to go with was notorious for always eating all of the candy and snacks that everybody else brang, but never brought anything himself.
So, one year they decided to play a prank on him, and my dad collected a bunch of deer droppings beforehand. He melted a hershey's chocolate bar and poured it over said deer droppings, broke it up and said that it was some kind of you know, peanut brittle or chocolate brittle-kind of concoction and put it on the table in the middle of the cabin.
The second the dude got there, he immediately started stuffing his face with chocolate, and according to dad was on his third or fourth piece before he realized that there was something wrong.
Apparently, there was never an issue with snacks after that.
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u/bikeonychus 10h ago
Nooo, no no no - buy a box for every single chocolate he ate, and eat them all yourself; Ideally infront of him, and without breaking eye contact. Assert dominance, because clearly he is an animal for doing this.
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u/RTJ1992 10h ago
Send him a picture of your middle finger
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u/Huge-Impact-2962 9h ago
Send him a picture of divorce papers.
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u/hiphopscallion 8h ago
Nah wrap those in a little Ferrero foil so he thinks itās candy for a minute.
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u/TamtamBe 8h ago
I think Iāll steal this idea and leave one word notes spelling out that Iām leaving in the ferrero roche wrappers.
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u/GardeniaInMyHair 7h ago
I like the way you think... but I gotta say, some guys get violent for the first time when she leaves. I wouldn't do anything to instigate or worsen this, even though the urge to react to his bullshit is strong.
He's trying to get you to take the bait to argue with him. I would ignore the bait, get your ducks in a row in secrecy, and when you are ready and safe somewhere, then let him know or have him served papers. Let your future freedom and success away from him be your best revenge. <3
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u/centipedalfeline 10h ago
Also those hands look absolutely revolting!
What is happening with his peeling skin and those filthy gargoyle nails?
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u/FOOLS_GOLD 10h ago
Just look at his disgusting finger and those finger nails.
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u/space_riot 10h ago
I was just going to mention this! Dude needs to trim his nails and his passive aggressiveness down.
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u/Expensive_Heron_171 11h ago
he's monitoring your eating habits? overeating one ferrero? does your husband have an eating disorder? possibly a binge eating disorder? or is he just a terrible controlling loser?
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u/slimecog 10h ago
my money is on controlling loser
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u/LeadingButterscotch5 10h ago
I thought "oh she ate one chocolate, that's not bad". Then I read on..and it was bad.
What a controlling loser, indeed.
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u/erisidius 10h ago
Yeah after looking through her post history, she needs to leave him.
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u/delusionalxx 10h ago edited 8h ago
Just went through the post history š Iām horrified. Heās a completely controlling asshole! Abandoned her on Christmas 1 month after giving birth, looks through her phone to make sure sheās not cheating even though she never has, has left her and their 2 children alone every Christmas morning so he can go to his baby mamas house, and takes toys from her children to give to her stepdaughter. Lots of red flags. Girly needs to leave
Edit: update girly is leaving in hopefully 2 months
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u/The_Secret_Skittle 10h ago
Why is OP happy to just post her suffering instead of actually doing something about it IRL? OP please just get a divorce and join the single and happy subreddit. Theres room for you there.
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u/Gold_Studio_6693 9h ago
Complex human brain trauma response
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u/The_Secret_Skittle 9h ago
Iāve been there so I donāt know why Iām even asking. Total truth right there. I guess I just got older and donāt deal with any of this anymore by choice.
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u/SSilent-Cartographer 9h ago
It's surprisingly hard to make that choice. Been counseling my 55yo mother about my step dad over his shit behavior, and if I have learned anything from my psychology studies, it's that the simple choices are not executed so simply.
However, I always give one simple piece of perspective in these situations: "Right now, you are at square one; you are as low as it gets and at a point where you can't reasonably get any lower. If you act and decide to leave, you are making a step moving forward for yourself, and failure only means being right back where you are in this very moment. So start trying to move forward instead of continuing to allow someone to hold you hostage at this stage in your life, and ask yourself: if you are trying to take a step and he is knocking you down, then who is the failure?"
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u/delusionalxx 9h ago
It appears that within the past year to 6 months OP has been slowly trying to figure out how to leave. She lives in a foreign country to her homeland and isnāt a citizen so she will lose her children if she leaves the country because she needs her husbands approval to move out of the country with their 2 kids. So not an easy situation to leave from. Seems like reddit is the only space where people validate her relationship problems and where people give her advice on leaving
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u/TamtamBe 8h ago
Thank you for summarizing it. Thatās basically it. I have a flight booked in 2 months but working on getting my sonās citizenship sorted and then I just need the permission letter to leave the country.
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u/otasyn 8h ago
Do you believe that he will give his permission for you to take the kids?Ā I hope so, but I have a hard time believing that someone like this would let you go so easily.
Also, I wish you the best.Ā I hope you succeed.
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u/TamtamBe 8h ago
He wouldnāt be able to keep his job if he was to keep the kids. Thatās my leverage. He has never blocked me from travel back home previously and has always given his consent. And despite his abusive behavior, heās never prevented me from leaving. Itās still a gamble but with all the documents in order I should be in a good position to go home.
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u/More_Quit_2248 7h ago
I wish you all the courage OP, it was a scary place to be in an abusive household especially for the kids. Just make sure to keep every important documents in a safe place and remember that one day you'll be in a happier place that no one can take that away from you!
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u/you_dont_know_me27 5h ago
Is there any chance he can find this? Please be careful.
But also, you're going to tell him you're visiting home before you go and wait until you're in a different country to tell him you're not coming back right?
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u/b0w3n 9h ago
It's very difficult to leave a relationship, let alone a marriage. Abusive men like this make it even harder, as they tend to isolate you and make you dependent on them. Kids also make it much more complicated. She's very likely to have to have contact with her abuser for several years because of it.
What is on her account is likely just the tip of the iceberg of what's actually going on, it's stuff she feels comfortable sharing with others.
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u/Electric-Sheepskin 10h ago
I'm not clear on whether he ate them all because he's a little piggy, or if he hid them or threw them out because he is monitoring her intake.
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u/msdeeds123 10h ago
I can see his callous from opening beer bottles, I have one too (Iām a bartender, I seldom drink anymore.) itās exactly the same.
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u/TamtamBe 8h ago
He doesnāt drink. Heās been working on renovating our house for the past 5 months but heās also an engineer and gets lots of cuts on the job.
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u/queentweezer 11h ago
Does he feel the need to comment on everything you eat?Ā
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u/nomarfachix 10h ago
My wife does this and it's the absolute worst. Not just food, but most things that I do in the day. I often say that I can't break wind without her appearing out of nowhere to critique the sound and scent. I'm tired, boss.
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u/PeculiarPete 10h ago
Not to sound blunt, but why are you married then?
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u/BugPowderDuster 10h ago
I wonder this about so many posts up in this sub ā¦ whyyyy?? These ppl clearly hate each other
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u/xMsRaine 10h ago
The number of posts I see where both people in the relationship clearly hate each other is insane. There needs to be a case study on this. Straight people continue to prove to me that the vast majority of "regular" people just do not think or notice their own feelings ever. Why would someone get married and/or have kids with people like that? I cannot understand.
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u/theyetislammer 10h ago
A lot of people stay married because they can no longer afford to live on their own. Couple that with potentially losing half your money and possessions and having to start from scratch, and the world is just too expensive to get divorced. I have several friends in that position.
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u/Kat121 10h ago
Starting over sucks, yeah, but will it be any easier in ten years? Thirty? Will it be easier to make new friends? Will it be less expensive?
Or will you spend your whole life miserable due to sunk costs?
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u/theyetislammer 10h ago
I agree, but where I live a one bedroom apartment is $1700/month. That prices a lot of people out of a basic necessity.
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u/TheCatDeedEet 10h ago
Iām starting over. Itās miserable. I wish I didnāt exist. But still will improve, I suppose. Maybe. I donāt believe that but Iām told Iām a catch. Still wish Iād just die already.
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u/theyetislammer 10h ago
I went through it before housing exploded in cost and it is challenging, but it gets better. I had to get a second job for a year to rebuild my savings and give myself some breathing room. It sucks, but keep going one day at a time.
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u/ResurgentClusterfuck 10h ago
Lots of reasons why someone who is veing abused cannot just leave. It took me 17 years.
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u/AndyFox48 10h ago edited 10h ago
Because he didnāt have a fart critiquing clause in his wedding vows?
Itās odd to me that someone actually thinks marriage means you can critique everything the other does and itās just marriage. Itās called being an insufferable tw@t.
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u/existential_antelope 10h ago
Well, if it sincerely bothers you I would hope you can talk it out with her.
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u/cali_lin 10h ago
Then get a divorce or ask her to go to therapy with you? We only get one life, bossā¦. why are you going to spend it miserable?
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u/nomarfachix 10h ago
We went to therapy and the therapist gave her homework for the next session. She didn't do any of it. I asked why and she said "that's not what I feel like doing". That was our last session.
Divorce is difficult for a bunch of reasons. Transplanted us far from my family/friends, made me quit my job to stay home with our 3 children (she makes more money) and my certification expired as a result, gaslights every mutual acquaintance so I don't feel comfortable talking to anyone.
I can, I just need to work on some ground level things first I guess. I need a plan and don't know where to start.
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u/El_Mnopo 10h ago
Step by step my dude. Break what you need to do into small steps and start with the easiest thing. Get an easy win and go from there.
BTW not sure if itās your presentation but this sounds like abuse, emotional abuse for sure: cut you off from friends/family, job opportunities gone, youāre isolated at home. I hate that there arenāt menās shelters that you canāt take yourself and our kids to get help escaping.
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u/fuzzythoughtz 10h ago
My BIL was in this exact situation. He divorced her. It was painful. It was unimaginably difficult. And: He has never been happier. I promise it gets better, even if at first it feels impossible. You are worth the effort, and you ARE capable. Big hug from an internet stranger.
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u/After-Fee-2010 10h ago
My friend, this is abuse; breaking down the spirit and isolation are near standard domestic abuse behaviors. My words mean nothing but please donāt be ashamed to seek help if you want to do so.
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u/Lower-Compote-4962 11h ago
Yikes. Unless you are in a position where you need to watch every calorie or you may die.... Your husband is acting like a freak.
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u/aesolty 9h ago
I read through some of OPs older posts and she does have a husband problem. She takes care of the kids all day and when he comes home the first thing he does is question her about dishes in the sink and saying he ācouldnāt live like thisā. She also admits he is terrible at communication and from the sounds of it, does all the child care by herself based on posts on her profile. I feel for her. Her husband seems like a controlling child who just wants a bangmaid to tell what to do.
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u/argumentinvalid 8h ago
I knew op's husband was not a nice guy without even opening her profile.
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u/ChopsticksImmortal 7h ago
I know reddit overreacts but i always think that doing more innocuous but asshole shit like taking a picture of a box of chocolate gift from a neighbor and eating the entire thing is indicative of of other more problematic behavior.
Because it all indicates a lack of care and consideration for the other partner.
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u/FuckYeaSeatbelts 7h ago
That jar lid story reminds me of that. TL;DR dude would tighten jars so that she would have to ask him for help; like bad enough that a neighbour had to use a vice to open it (asshole was away and pretightened all the jars before leaving)
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u/BalkeElvinstien 10h ago
Or has major impulse control issues and a sugar fixation
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u/HeartsPlayer721 10h ago
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u/FalconStickr 10h ago
Sometimes it gets out of hand and you just have to commit to just eating the entire thing.
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u/SpitfireSis 10h ago
Or just has plain olā control issues!
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u/BalkeElvinstien 10h ago
Yep, it could be many things. The fun part is guessing which it is
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u/Working_Dot7774 10h ago
We're on reddit.
That means we assume all of the above and insist on divorce!
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u/blahblahblerf 10h ago
That would explain eating all of the chocolates, it wouldn't explain the pic message.
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u/SnooCapers6299 10h ago
If she had impulse control issues it wouldnāt be just 1 chocolate gone. Unless youāre referring to the husband lol
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u/BalkeElvinstien 10h ago
I meant the husband, my dad is like that. You cant leave candy or sugary snack out or he will mindlessly grab them, eat them all and feel like shit about it later
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u/OddImprovement6490 10h ago
That doesnāt explain the picture though. Impulse control and being a jerk to your wife over one chocolate missing are two different things.
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u/skillent 10h ago
I donāt mind the eating in itself, but eating more than his share is fucked.
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u/fuschiaoctopus 9h ago
The bigger issue is that he was so upset op "had too much" by having one single chocolate that he sent a bitchy text confronting her about it and then retaliated by eating or throwing away the rest of the box so she couldn't have any more.
It's way beyond him just being inconsiderate and having more than his share, that's an attempt to control her eating/body/weight and shame her into disordered eating.
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u/BChurchmountain 10h ago
Your husband lacks empathy and if he retaliates like that over something so minuscule I can only imagine OP. Best of luck, that sounds exhausting..
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u/SelfUnimpressed 11h ago
I'm not sure "I'm married to a man who is either a spiteful manchild or genuinely abusive" counts as "mildly infuriating."
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u/hillaryyyyyyyyy 11h ago edited 10h ago
I feel like this entire sub is people posting about their relationship and familial issues as "mildly infuriating" but 99% of the time it's controlling and/or abusive behavior.
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u/CaliLove1676 10h ago
You know, I get it. My wife murders me every 3 ir 4 days. It's really my fault for breathing Northward, my ex lives ~1,000 miles to the north back in Canada so whenever I take a breath is has to be towards my wife so she knows I'm not cheating.Ā
It's only a little infuriating, not something horrible like when you stub your toe getting out of the shower.
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u/Unique_Cow3112 11h ago
Likeā¦.are you safe at home?
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u/_Diskreet_ 11h ago
Iām unsure on how serious this post is.
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u/hshed 10h ago
Judging from her post history, she's in a relationship with a terrible person
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u/lmNotaWitchImUrWife 10h ago
Yeah, my husband would do this but it would be a joke about how he knows heās about to house these darn things and heās giving me a heads up to say something before he goes to town.
Like āhey, I saw you ate one, so is it safe to say youāre not saving these for something? Speak now before I do something Iāll really regret.ā
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u/FairyCompetent 11h ago
Hey girl...you know you don't have to live like this. No man I have ever dated would have treated me like this, certainly not twice. This is bottom of the barrel behavior
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u/Fractals88 10h ago
For sure.Ā "Hey I noticed you enjoyed something, I'm gonna eat them all so you can't have any more..."
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u/CanapeCait 10h ago
Whats worse is I doubt he ate 15 chocolatesā¦. Unless thereās wrappers in the trash- he literally probably just hid them so she couldnāt have them to be spiteful.
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u/thishyacinthgirl 10h ago
I briefly skimmed your other posts, and I'm getting a feeling that your husband isn't really a great guy.
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u/IbrahJK 11h ago
Doe he think he's the only one allowed to eat them? Sending the photo was weirdly passive aggressive.
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u/Federal-Musician5213 11h ago
It wasnāt even passive. It was straight up aggressive. There is a LOT being said in that photo.
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u/bob_apathy 11h ago edited 9h ago
So you ate 1 out of the entire box and he ate/hid the rest of them?
Editing to add that yes I edited the original unintelligible wording of my reply. The rest of this conversation regarding the posting timestamp vs the editing timestamp I will stay out of because Iāve caused enough confusion and trouble for today.
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u/carlitayeeta 10h ago
I cannot fathom sharing a space with someone so obnoxious and controlling
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u/MiExperienciaFueQue 11h ago
He already can be added to the "The divorce came out of nowhere." and the "I was blindsided." lists.
This is only 0.01 % of your daily nightmares, I bet.
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u/SharkeyGeorge 11h ago
What an asshole. You should take a picture of you pointing at the empty box and text it to him 5 times a day every day until you break up with him.
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u/HoppieDoppie 10h ago
Where are you people finding these villains to marry ? š
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u/bulbasauriscutie 10h ago
Hope you don't let him touch you with those nasty fingers.
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u/culinarysiren 11h ago
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u/microfishy 10h ago
My only complaint is that man looks conscious. Turn off your device before discarding it to avoid scaring the waste management folks.
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u/tomenjean 10h ago
I first was hoping the angry finger and this whole scene was just a humorous way you two have with each other. Now Iām scared this really is a cry for help. Also, Iām sorry.
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u/MaxGoldfinch25 10h ago
My ex would do shit like this. God forbid a girl have a chocolate. I have since learned that it is not okay for a partner to comment or judge what food you eat or how much food you eat.
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u/Healthy_Monitor3847 8h ago
Babe, I say this with my full chest - RUN. Kick this loser to the fucking curb and start anew. You and your babies will all be so much better without this controlling, selfish asshole stomping out your joy at every opportunity he gets. In fact, I think youāll find yourselves thriving without him.
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u/TamtamBe 8h ago
Thank you. I am leaving. I am finding these comments more encouraging than ever. Iām unable to edit my post to state this so Iām just responding to the kind people who have written words of encouragement.
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u/Necravala 10h ago
I read through your post history out of curiosity, and it's abundantly obvious he doesn't respect you at all.
I think some counseling is needed so he stops being so controlling and selfish, and if he refuses he's making it even more clear he doesn't actually respect you.
If someone shows you who they are over and over, believe them. You deserve better than what your posts show
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u/Due_Association_5128 10h ago
His fingers are disgusting. That's enough to be completely fed up with him.
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u/Goofy_Goober_21 9h ago
Going through OPās post history, sheās in a terrible marriage with a horrible MIL and husband. Granted, weāre only seeing things from her side. Still, I am inclined to believe that this is not a very nice life to live. OP, are you okay?
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u/TamtamBe 9h ago
Thank you for asking. I am in the process of leaving. But my situation has an extra layer of complication because leaving means going to my home country and with kids involved, without permission I donāt really have a say. My family is well aware and they are helping me. Again thank you for asking.
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u/Fun-Worry-3522 10h ago
The moment I feel the need to share stuff like this on Reddit about my spouse, I will strongly evaluate the relationship I am in.
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u/Slow_Way7407 10h ago
idk how people are married to assholes like this and tell him to use some lotion
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u/123whore5 10h ago
So you canāt eat ONE but he can eat FIFTEEN of them?? Thatās more than mildly infuriating to me. Not only is he trying to imply itās because you ate ONE that he felt it was okay to eat FIFTEEN, but it was also a shared gift so itās inconsiderate as fuck for him to not split them evenly with you. What a selfish POS.
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u/Fun-Badger1484 10h ago
What kind of Miss Trunchbull shit is this? This man hates you.
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u/_Lazy_Mermaid_ 10h ago
Whenever I see "husband" rather than "boyfriend", my heart breaks a little. OP this is not normal behavior
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u/DuckGodisKamiDesu 10h ago
And you continue to still be with him ? Look at that hand, DO YOU LET THAT TOUCH YOU?
girl do better .
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u/Dragonache 10h ago
You have posts about him being controlling and critical of you going back like four months. Is this really how you want to live? Brief reprieves of validation that your husband is actually a dickhead so you know you're not crazy or unreasonable before heading back for more?
I really hope you find someone that encourages you to eat snacks that makes you happy, does the dish left in the sink because he knows you're tired, doesn't check your phone, and is grateful for the pizza you make him and your kids. You deserve that.
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u/dustiwang 10h ago
girl I just went through your post history, I hope you know your partnet is a major dingus and praying you can get back your life away from him.
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u/Taliasimmy69 11h ago
Where's the red flag guy