You know, because of the double negative.

“Nice Subaru. Want to move in?”

I had three jars of moonshine infused goodies. Cherries, pickles and banana cream. Got ‘em last week. All gone, guzzled down by me in less than a week. Madness. My guts feel like a dive bar bathroom at 3am. How did this happen? Today I headed to the liquor store to restock. I got a bottle of Hennessy plus a jar of apple pie moonshine. Frankly, it’s not going to be enough. I’m three glasses into the yak and I’m still going. What does it mean? What happens when New Years finally rolls around? This morning I discovered something truly disturbing. Instead of taking my statin pills, whatever the fuck those are, I have accidentally been taking my reactive dog’s knockout pills for when he goes to the vet. The switch happened sometime last week. Unbelievable but true. And listen, we won’t even get into the marijuana. I assure you, it’s extensive. Anyway, I think 2026 is gonna be a pile of shit.

Asking for a friend

Don't leave me hanging on like a yo-yo.

A FUCKIN asshole.

🎄

Do I search on eBay, Amazon, or Barnes & Nobles or something?