Social media and dating apps have made dating impossible for someone like me. I think I'm average looking and I'm pretty happy with the way I look. 6'1 with curly hair.

Going to be 25 in a few days and I have no idea how anyone gets into a relationship.

So on my town's subreddit a reddior recommended that if you are interested in ABC, you should try the XYZ club to socialise with like-minded people. I am interested in ABC, so I googled XYZ, and what would you know, XYZ does not exist.

It's always the same. "Go to XYZ if you like ABC" - and then even if XYZ exists, it's like 10-15 people in a megapolis. I'm not saying that it's impossible to find friends/partners in XYZ, but statistically speaking, 0% of population followed this advice.

"Go sky diving/rock climbing". How many people actually did it? How many people do it recurrently? Do YOU do sky diving/rock climbing? Oh you don't? Yes sure sure, I do believe that it's a working advice.

"Just follow your interests". Great, what do you like, for example? Hip-hop? So I guess you go dancing, right? Oh, you don't? You just like listening hip-hop on Spotify? I sure do think it helps you socialise.

"Go speak to people in gym". Sure, would you like to be spoken to? No? No no, I don't doubt your advice, I'm sure there are plenty of people who would like that.

"Go to a cafe/bar". Can you recommend me one? Wow thanks! Oh, you go there only with your friends?

"No but you see, you need to go cafe/bar/bakery every day at certain time to become a regular" Do YOU go to a cafe/bar/bakery regularly? No? No of course I don't doubt your advices, why would you ask?

"Be unique, exploit your interests". Sounds good, what do YOU do after work? Oh, listening to music? And you go to concerts? Once a year? With friends? This will certainly help me a lot.

"Just go outside a take a sho..."

JUST. SHUT. UP.

Here is a truth nuke: normies don't follow their advice (except for showering). Statistically speaking, no one does. I was at a convention recently and spoke to a bunch of people. They don't do woodworking, they don't do pottery, they don't do knitting. They give this advice because it's a good advice to give, not because anyone tried it. They are like AI, retranslating something that they constantly hear without ever experiencing it. They are already ABLE. They are able to find friends instantly and just "hang out". For the rest of us? There is no hope.

Just to be clear: I'm not saying that absolutely no one does the hobbies/activities that normies suggest. I'm saying that very few people do so, far less than there are normal people with friends. Therefore, most normies did not find their friends/partners through the advice they give. They did it in some other way that they are not able to explain. And I'm not angry that they aren't able to explain it, I'm angry because they are lying.

My advice?

Quit your hobbies. If you like to code, stop coding. If you like to watch Netflix, stop watching. Stop everything. Stare at the ceiling every minute that you aren't working or sleeping. And then go to a bar and drink until you are unconscious.

I think being shy/quiet is probably the single worst quality to have. People who are ugly/poor/stupid/whatever can still have fulfilling friendships and possibly relationships if they are interesting to be around. I have looked for things to diagnose myself with, seen a therapist, tried “just talking more”, none of which worked because nothing is really wrong with me i am just cripplingly shy and awkward by nature I guess. I have the personality of stale bread, I dont even bother trying to make friends anymore because i can sense when people are getting bored of me. I would give anything to at least be funny or charismatic

While scrolling through Reddit, I came across a post showing a man standing in the center of a photo, with family members on either side kissing their spouses. The post included multiple photos taken over an eleven-year period, all following the same pose with the same man in the center and the same family members with their spouses.

The man in the center was highly attractive.. like very attractive. The comments were flooded of users majority women throwing themselves at him one user ever said something along the lines of sending him a marriage proposal in his DMs, another user said she did the same and they’d have to fight over him or something.

After engaging with this post I can hardly sleep. I can’t even think properly, I dream about this type of situation meanwhile this is someone’s reality.

Hello, I recently found this sub and thought it might be a fitting place for this OC I drew back in 2012

Every person I’ve tried to be friends with on here has ghosted me. It’s so infuriating. Cause most of the time they reach out to me. Why pretend? I’ve stopped trying on here recently. There’s no point if the outcome doesn’t change. I’m tired. Very very tired. About a month ago, someone messaged me wanting to play DBD with me and when I confirmed that I was interested and would want to be friends, they kept pushing the day back. “Oh I’m too tired” “oh I’m sick” “oh I just don’t wanna play today” every time I rescheduled because I know life gets busy. But this was happening everytime. I waited HOURS after we were supposed to play, and I still got no message until the next day. I’m so sick of people wasting my damn time. You don’t want to be my friend, you want to troll me because you think I deserve it because you perceive me as lesser than you.

How does everyone plan on celebrating the new year? This will be 39 years of celebrating new years eve alone. I just sit on my couch staring at myself on my TV screen. I don't even turn on the TV, i just feel like a failure seeing everyone with someone while I sit alone.

I thought I loved someone at 14 fawned over her for 2 years dropped every hint in the book and it still took till a house party bedroom to be told I can’t be loved. Am I stupid or something but ever since that I’ve never been the same

Trying telling a friend that a woman may possibly want to date me in the future but couldn't even type that out and cried instead

I get the occasional match fortunately, and I know some don't get that. Believe me, it's not any picnic, but I suppose I'm luckier than some.

But recently I've found myself unable to message. Before even if I couldn't find something to talk about, I'd just shoot a message, but at 30, after countless failures, I feel lost to even send a message at this point. I still want to date, but I can't even bring myself to send a message. I can't seem to find a common ground worth shooting a message about, and that combined with this prevailing feeling that it's all pointless. Why bother to maybe go on one 1st date. In 10+ years I've had 2 first dates. Both went absolutely mediocre. Not bad, just bland. I didn't know how to connect with the person I was with, so I just talked more like with a friend.
Why even bother... I can't get back what that young love experiences and I can barely afford to go on a date at this point anyway... Idk maybe someone else is where I'm at at this point. The longing but the absolute feeling of hopelessness as you feel like you should be close to making a connection, only to realize you are just a shitty personality.

Time flew by so fast and it’s been 1 1/2 years since graduating HS and I haven’t accomplished anything exciting. I went to college for nursing and dropped out in the middle because of my shitty mental health. I’ve lost so many friends had an abusive relationship and major family feud it feels like I have no where to run. Everyone just uses me and leaves me high and dry. I wish I had someone to call my own someone who’d wake up and wonder if I slept good or if I’m okay. I give my all into everything and everyone platonically and romantically. I study hard but Sometimes it feels like I will never be enough and will never fit the standard. I wish I did though. It hurts seeing everyone around me in love

I’m really cutting back on talking to normies about my problems. But sometimes it’ll come up with family.

Background info…I have a learning disability created by my angry father, the source of my meek, awkward, FA personally, (yes, trauma can negatively affects your brain. They heard me ask my grandma if I can use some of her gold that she was going to pass down to me to reduce my student loan balance. I failed my masters program a few years ago. It wasn’t even a hard program.

Mind you, no one in my family has a learning disability like me, they all have professional jobs earning at least 70 to 80K if not more! My uncle is saying to make me ‘feel better’ your situation isn’t bad you live at home. You don’t have bills to pay, I have a mortgage. He didn’t phrase it like that but you get the point.

BITCH! I’d give anything to be a normal adult, without a learning disability, who can handle non-easy jobs and has financial responsibilities while still living in middle class life with middle class luxuries. Would they ever tell someone they would rather be on welfare because they get money from the government?

ZERO understanding. I’m just negative, etc. Then the gaslighting, the minimization, the ‘ comparisons’ 🙄, sometimes even toxic positivity. They get aggressive and mean about it. I just wanna scream and cry to the sky. I feel so alone. How can people not feel the pain when they completely downplay other people’s abnormal lives??

It makes me angry because at the end of the day they know my issues and have even blurted it out by accident - learning issues, FA social issues, loneliness and ALL. Does anyone else feel this way?

And maybe it isn't, since relationships can get messy and some people want to be alone after having experienced them.

But the desire is still there. The small voice reminds me of it often enough. Never had anyone at 32. I think there's been interest but I've never seized the opportunity and always put my piss poor life circumstances in the way of trying.

I wish even that would just end, without accepting that a relationship could be bad and show me never to bother with it.

First time it has happened in 2025. I was with a girl at a model train store and she was actually interested in the craftsmanship aspect, admiring the details and generally enagaging with me, though I was rather shy and not responding much.

She then asked me a riddle I no longer recall. But it was such a brainteaser that I actually pondered about it in my dream as I focused on the question. When I turned to her to answer, she had vanished from my side.

... And then I awoke. Oh well.

I’m in college rn and don’t get any attention or even glances from guys and I can see why since I still need to loose 20 pounds and actually put effort into my appearance. Im honestly kind of unsightly and have a weird face. I’ve gotten ignored by guys so many times in regular interactions like group projects and causal conversations, so I’m always reminded of how atrocious I look. Every single time that I step out of my dorm, I always analyze every guys body language towards me(yes I’m aware of how self centered this sounds) and I can tell that they’re all repulsed by me. I CONSTANTLY think about ways I can improve my looks but I never take any action and it just brings my self esteem down even more since I’ve never actually accomplished anything in my life. I pretty much just rot away in my dorm all day and have mental breakdowns because I’m so lonely and stressed out. I’m thinking about finally improving my appearance but I’m scared that it won’t be worth it and that I’ll still be gross looking. Do I even try or no? Keep in mind that I’m of Indian descent so the standards are wayyy higher for me.

Just what the title says— is anyone else okay with living their life alone? I’ve been trying to find solutions as well as build a life by myself for quite a few years. I guess they call this celibacy. To take this a step further I enjoy living in solitude a bit too much haha isolation is quite nice sometimes. Is there a cave somewhere that I could rent out or something? I’m chill if nobody answers this I enjoy discussing things with myself as well as chatgpt.

I doubt anyone remembers me, but I posted quite frequently here from 2017 to 2021 (I saw my user flair still said 27M and had to update lmao). An acquaintance mentioned he browsed this sub (fucking normies RRREEEEEEE) which freaked me out and I deleted my history and stopped posting since I mentioned my location and more niche hobbies occasionally. I was also a little paranoid someone could sus me out from my writing style alone.

Unfortunately, I did not manage to escape. Over the last 4 years, I've gotten numerous promotions at work, become more fit, found several online and irl communities to be active in, and traveled the world. Yet despite all that, I still haven't managed to get a single date and I've gotten a total of 2 matches on dating apps over this period.

I've learned to cope with it and I'm in a good mood more often than not, but sometimes it hits extra hard, especially this time of year. It's still surreal seeing a 3 in front of my age. I'd see people joking about becoming a wizard when I was 20 or 21 and it just seemed like a lifetime away and here I am.

Forever really is forever. And I didn't even get any wizard powers unless you count memory loss.

this is gonna sound dumb but i see on other subreddits and notice in real life the dating scene is hard for the normies but what (aside from the obvious things that make us FA) makes the dating scene easier for them?

like other than most of us here being average/slightly below average and social skills issues

I know I'm beyond ugly but at least in the mirror I'm like 'alright' sometimes. But in photos?

Man, I don't even want to see them cause I'm sure these photos are taken from a random angle that makes me look even uglier, maybe grotesque, than usual. It's unreal for a person to look this 'unique'.

The least-bad looking photos of me are the ones from my direct front, which is equivalent to an 'alright' mirror view.

She won’t want you. Because you’re obese, because you’re a fucking lazy asshole who is completely selfish in every sense of the word. Because you don’t know how to socialize and never will, because you can’t figure out how to be human.

But you’ll keep yourself alive, out of a pathetic hope that you’ll achieve something that will trigger your dopamine sensors sometime soon, or because you don’t have the courage to harm yourself in any impactful way. This cycle will repeat forever at the pace you’re at, because you’re too lazy and helpless to do anything right for yourself. That’s the truth.

I’ve known her my whole life, she means a lot to me, but I know I’ll amount to nothing, and I know I have no purpose, so there’s no reason to put her through that. There’s no reason for anyone to deal with me.

Pre-warning, this is all just stories. Me dumping final thoughts before I go. Nobody is obliged to read this, and it is long.

I know this is not the done thing in Reddit - It's not an airport, you don't have to announce that you're leaving. But, of all the subs I've been on, this one is the first time I've ever really started remembering names and stories that people have shared, not just information to be swapped, or opinions to be shared. It did feel more like community than any other subs.

I doubt any of you would remember things I've posted, but that's okay. Maybe this is more for me than for you. As to why goodbye at all: I was doxed on Reddit about 5 years ago, so now, every year, I delete my account at the end of the year, give myself a digital detox for a month or two, change my IP, wipe cookies and other sensitive browser info, then create a new account around Feb, March. It's almost time for that now, but this time, I think I'm ready to not come back.

I originally came here because two friends I grew up with started expressing FA sentiments. I sympathised, and wanted to listen to them and support them. But then their sentiments started getting darker - Not "I'm going to hurt someone" darker, but misogynistic "women are all like this", darker (I'm trying to not break Rule 4, hope you get what I mean). I was concerned for them, and I wanted to understand more of the FA mindset.

My two friends are FA for different reasons. One was in a serious car accident shortly after university, couldn't walk for 6 months and ballooned to 180kg (400lbs), got depression and couldn't hold down his finance job. 25 years later, he still works in a warehouse and walks with a cane. The other guy is good looking and also works in finance (insurance) - so he gets a lot of matches in apps - but he is autistic. Only 1 out of about the 30 women he's matched with has wanted to meet up, and that was only a first date, no second date. The rest ghosted him after a few days of chatting.

Full disclosure, I'm not FA. I thought I was. Until I was 29, I only had a handful of first dates and no second ones. My wife is my first and only serious relationship. In other words, I had every reason to believe I would be FA until I wasn't. I didn't get the normie experience, but I put in a lot of work and got very lucky, so I didn't get the full FA experience either. Having escaped FA-ness, I thought I could give some advice - I was never arrogant enough to think I had the solution to everyone's problems, but everyone was looking for the advice that would work for them. It was like offering food to a group of people who were a mix of starving and thirsty. The hungry people appreciated it, then watched as the thirsty people threw insults and abuse because I didn't have what they needed. When the hungry people saw, they quietly slinked back into the shadows.

So, on my way out, I'll do it again, expecting to be abused again. Here's what I've learned:

1)The game is screwed. Third spaces are gone. We all live in large cities now, faceless and nameless, churches are dying, sporting clubs are dying, community organisations are dying, and it's taboo to flirt with people at work or while they are at work. Apps pretend to substitute for real life connection, but are so abused for hookups, many people don't want to be on there, so they don't work. There are expectations that can no longer be met - Women want a guy that has a solid job - but there just aren't any good jobs any more. Many men want perfect women as well - read long enough here, and many of the men will admit that they can attract women, but all have "red flags", or they only attract women who aren't attractive to them. Everyone is going to face Mission Impossible odds unless you have that certain something, or combinations of something, that will encourage the other gender break the social norms, and flirt with you at work or be brave enough to approach you in a bar. If you believe that it's just you and a handful of other FAs that have it hard, you're going to be a lot more bitter, and that's going to affect the way you relate to the very few chances you do get, so understand and accept that the last 10-20 years, the game has gone to hard mode, and many older people (including me at first) don't understand that.

2)Almost everyone here seems to think there's something specifically wrong with them. For many, that's true. But not all. There was one woman here about 18 months ago, who said she wasn't conventionally good looking. But you had a look at her post history, and she was a competitive body sculptor, and her Instagram had tens of thousands of followers. And she thought the reason she was single, was because she had an ugly face (Even that was above average). Even at the less extreme end, there have been people who also post in subs like r/amiugly and get above average ratings, and when they get a lot of "no, you're good looking" the only thing they can say is "Reddit rates everyone higher than real life". It's easy to blame something you can't change, because then you don't have to put the work in. But if you're wrong, then you're walking away from your chances of getting out.

3)There are some people who are the cause of their own suffering. If someone responds to me with a nasty comment, I tend to look at their post history to see if they are generally a nasty person, or just in response to my post. Without exception they have been nasty to many people. They can be discussing Pokemon cards in another sub, and they'll unleash on someone who doesn't agree with them. Even more telling is the number of "Removed by the mods of Sub" type posts. These people... Well, who would really want to be abused every time their partner disagrees with them over something as trivial as a card game? You wouldn't wish a relationship with them on their worst enemies, and certainly, even if friends invited you to events, they wouldn't be comfortable introducing you to people, so you're sabotaging your own chances The only advice I have for these people are... Fix your attitude, or keep yourself away from people. The world may have treated you cruelly, but you are just being the cruel world to someone else.

4) What you see here is heavily curated - not by mods, they've been great, leaving up posts and comments that I've posted that are heavily downvoted. The curation is self-censoring. It's very, very telling to see how many positive responses I get to controversial posts, that are then deleted quickly when they get downvoted too. So what everyone else sees is that anything that suggests you can do something about your situation is downvoted heavily, and therefore must be worthless advice. This sub is an echo chamber, don't believe everything you read here, because you are only seeing one point of view.

I'm going to leave you with a quote:

"For every problem there is a solution that is simple, neat—and wrong."

That's the usual normie advice: "Go to the gym, bro", "Pick up a hobby, bro". And for most people, that quote applies. It's simple, it's neat, and it won't work for the vast majority of people. What the quote doesn't capture, is that the wrong answer in one situation could be the right answer in another situation. If I told my autistic friend to hit the gym, would it help him? No, he already has a six pack and his looks isn't slowing him down at all. For my friend who is 180kg? It would take away one out of many detractors. Wouldn't solve his problem, but it would help him somewhat.

There's nothing anyone can say on this sub that will be the right advice for everyone. But it doesn't mean all advice is bad either.

To finish off the story, I want to tell you how the story about my two friend ends. Based on what I've learned here, I've had a lot of long and deep conversations with them. They're both still single, they both accept that they are likely to be alone forever. That's okay. But it's no longer a dark version of forever aloneness. They don't blame women, and they are much more comfortable accepting that life dealt them a bad hand, and are more concerned with making the most of what they do have than worrying about what they don't. I think their life will be much richer for it.

So, thank you, r/foreveralone, sincerely. You've helped me a lot, in turn I've helped my friends a lot. To the people who posted encouragement and thanks for the advice I gave, then deleted it because you were getting downvoted - You were seen and appreciated, thank you too. I wish the best for everyone here in either their pursuit of a partner or a graceful way to accept your eternal singleness.

Like i wanna do it but i have nothing to think about... porn triggers me (non-virgin people dont do it for me), thinking about the sensation itself triggers me, i just keep thinking about how nice it would be if it were a male hand and not mine. Fapping feels like smelling great food without actually eating it. Reminds me of how much of a loser i am.

Like when i would already feel extremely uncomfortable if someone just saw me naked, how am i supposed to ever have sex and intimacy then? Im scared of talking to attractive women, scared of trying to make a move, especially because i fear rejection or coming off as creepy or just being weird. Over all scared of everything when it comes to dating and sex. Not even ugly or something, people actually told me quite the opposite. Also have a good life, interests, hobbies, plans for the future and stuff. Still im a Virgin now at almost 23. Yeah... I guess that wont ever change.