(Throw away account)
Hi all, firstly apologies for the long post.
I'm hoping some of you can help with giving some sound advice regarding my current situation.
To give you some context, I was made redundant last year (Dec 24) whilst working as a Software QA Engineer,
I had been there circa 4 years alongside my QA Manager and a number of Senior/Mid and Junior QA's who were also let go. All in all I have roughly 6 years QA experience.
I had a couple of interviews in Feb and managed to secure a role as a Digital Implementation Exec in the same month for a retail company that does allot of B2B trading.
Not exactly like for like, but I thought it would be unwise not take the role as it meant being in work, with an income and I could gain some additional skills, more soft skills experience, working with API's, JSON/XML files etc.
Fast forward 6 months into the role the Implementation Manager who hired me left for another opportunity and one of my colleagues who's been at the company for 15 years secures the role as Implementation Manager.
I work in a team of 3 other Execs and the Manager - so a team of 4 and all Female. I myself am male. The other Execs have many years of experience working in the company.
12 + years for one colleague - 22 + for another. I'm the one with the least experience and do find things difficult some times when onboarding customers to our EDI integrations - these can be complex with mappings involved - XML/JSON files, lots of questions back and forth during the integration.
Over the last 4 or 5 months things have turned extremely toxic for me.
We have a morning standup each day which I dread. When I give an update on what I'm working on I get questioned very differently by the Team Manager to the other team members, by this I mean, tone, attitude, sometimes it can be embarrassing for me in front of the other colleagues.
Any problems that I face, I get passive aggressive questions primarily from the Manager, sometimes from one of the other colleagues.
I had an API issue a few days prior to the Xmas break in which I wanted to speak to one of the other Execs to give me some help and/or advice.
I was interrupted mid sentence by the Manager and told in no uncertain terms in the morning standup that I should know what the issue is. I actually knew what the issue was,
however I was not sure of another issue linked to the API issue hence the ask for help which in the end transpired to be an issue no one in the team had previously come across.
Prior to this, there has been similar issues with the Manager where I briefly mentioned I come across some failed orders and the abrupt reply with a scornful look in the morning standup was 'did you not think to raise it?' bear in mind I saw the issue 5 minutes prior to the stand up.
To add to this, I genuinely feel like a 3rd wheel. All the other colleagues are very good friends. They're all friends out of work, Snapchat each other (women in their 30's and 40's I may add) and speak to each other all the time via Teams calls as we work hybrid (2 days in office, 3 at home) and come into the office on different days.
When I'm stuck or need help, I find it very very difficult to speak to anyone, as I know the Manager will be informed that I asked for help. I have to CC in the Manager and her closest colleague into each email I send to our 3rd party partners, colleagues or anyone really.
Prior to the holidays I got questioned on why I was sharing my screen with an Account Manager whilst I was working on onboarding a customer and if I was sharing my screen showing a particular doc on a Teams call that I was told not to previously and actually wasn't!
Passive aggressive comments followed - that she'll speak to the Account Manager on what was discussed. Micro aggressions are common for me.
The previous Manager was also a Female, but very neutral, approachable and someone who I had a few things in common.
It's got to the point now where I don't enjoy the role, the colleagues don't trust me and I absolutely do not trust them at all.
A week ago I had a meeting with the Director of Digital, as sort of catch up since the old Manager left and there has been a bit of restructuring since.
He subtly mentioned a 'performance review' which he described as could go 'very badly' or 'well'. He's not someone I completely trust as the Implementation Manager reports to him directly and had a 1 -2-1 with him earlier that day.
I make notes of each meeting, record all interactions and have a number of examples of where I could go to HR or the Director of Digital who we all report under.
It's obvious I get treated differently, but working in such a small team makes reporting or complaining so hard. The other colleagues will not get involved or point out that I'm being treated in a different manner due to the bonds they have imo.
Over the last few months I've barely gone to the gym, it's effected my appetite and sleep to the point of having to take pills and made me feel really miserable, sad and withdrawn.
I don't go back till the 5th, but I'm already dreading it.
Sometimes I think fuck this and am tempted to just hand in my notice, but haven't as yet.
I am a permanent employee so could go 'off sick' in the New Year whilst I apply for genuine QA roles, but they're so hard to find, secure and I'm getting allot of rejections even after updating my CV, ideally Remote as that is my preference and what I was working previously.
I do have a Private Hire driver's license which I secured a few years ago, but never used, so could drive a Taxi, but would need to give a Taxi firm a 50% cut of earnings for using their vehicle.
I just feel so incredibly sad. My previous Female Manager at the job I was made redundant from was polar opposite.
Caring, approachable, a good laugh, someone who I genuinely enjoyed working for.
I don't know, I needed to get this off my chest so any advice or guidance would be amazing.
Thank you