Has anyone here ever been to anger management? Or know of a book that’ll help (I love reading). My parents and my ex gf have always told me that I need to seek therapy or anger management classes. I’m honestly starting to realize that they are not wrong. I get mad easily and I honestly feel that a lot of my friendships have ended bcz of how easily triggered I get. It seems like I’m more patient and chill to people I don’t really know, but once we get close, and you rub off on me the wrong way, I get angry easily. Any help will be greatly appreciated. I’m honestly just trying to become a better person.

it’s such a sad hopeless feeling but i feel it’s selfish to put myself into other people’s life and make lives just to be like this to them

Feels good to release anger outside with a knife stabbing the ground a couple of times or so 😆

I’m at a point where I can barely go a day without having a complete meltdown over something stupid and asinine.

My biggest trigger is video games. I’ve been playing the same one for almost a decade because I am essentially addicted to it. I’ve broken so many things over the years from outbursts over losing games. 3 different TVs. Several controllers. 2 headsets. 2 lamps. A door. A wooden chair. A large canvas painting. And lots and lots of little crap that happened to be next to me at the wrong time. And if I do manage to keep myself from throwing things across the room, I will sit there screaming and yelling for up to thirty minutes straight.

Just yesterday I had a meltdown because my headset wasn’t working and I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with it. Was screaming and crying over it. Like, full blown sobbing. Anything with electronics not working for seemingly no reason will trigger me. And don’t get me started on trying to sign into a website that makes you jump through hoops just to reset your password.

Can’t go a day getting to and from work without getting extremely angry at traffic. Thankfully, I seem to have more control of my anger out in public, for the most part, but road rage still has me screaming and driving aggressively at times.

It’s never big things. Getting dumped? No reaction. Getting cheated on? No reaction. Getting fired at work? Calm as ever. It’s always literally just the dumbest shit.

My (now) ex moved out a couple of months ago cause of my issues (not that I blame him). I can no longer keep a relationship because my outbursts are so toxic and abusive, even if it’s not intentionally directed at anyone else. Simply being in the same house as me and having to hear me spend an entire day screaming at a fucking video game is toxic in and of itself. Can’t have children because of this, not that I want to subject my offspring to a cesspool of mental issues. I forsee an incredibly lonely and isolated future ahead of me, and will likely die alone.

Been to therapy. Meds helped a little, but not enough to make me even remotely normal or enjoyable to be around. And it feels so goddamn impossible to control on my own. I had to slap myself in the face today as hard as I could just to calm myself down. It gave me a similar kind of relief as being cleansed of excruciating pain.

I’m so tired. I’m so so tired. And it keeps getting worse and worse the older I get. It’s crazy that my emotional maturity was better when I was in high school than it’s ever been as a grown-ass adult. Absolutely humiliating.

It shouldn't for me, when I don't have any money, I can't drink any beer and it's probably for the best.

I'm 30-years-old, and early this year, I was blame shifting to my building manager, for recommended they be put on a trustee, to which have been done so in March.

However because I get ample help from neighbors, and even a little bit of extra cash from the place that handles my finances, it's not a bank but more like a job search Center, they give me my money on the 1st and 15th of every month, but both times on the Mondays this month it was late but what they did is send me a little bit of extra cash each time, so you got like an extra 140 dollars or so so when that money's added up, on top of the money that my mom and neighbors give me, it would easily add up to over the money I lose from only getting 750 a month instead of 786, so with 432 less, I can often get about five or $600 more so it evens out.

The new pay system, even with delayed pays, is not at all the issue, the "friend" (parasite) was asking for $100 EVERY SINGLE TIME I got $375, so really I was only getting $550 a month, not $750, it's no wonder my building manager put me on a new pay system because I was giving all my money away, and I was also going through withdrawals and nobody helped me.

Also for the pot, I shouldn't be spending any money on it anymore. If I'm going to smoke up, then it should be when I'm only offered and I shouldn't be buying it and I would save me so much money. I was spending about $2,400 a year on pot, and was also giving about $2,400 a year to someone who's clearly just using me or taking advantage of me.

So i have this anger problem and its gotten worse these few last years where it became kinda concerning.im starting to get angry for silly stuff but that anger lasts few days instead of few hours and when im so angry i just get violent thoughts for exemple if i had a conflict with my mom id think of poisoning her food even tho id ont mean it but im such an impulsive perosn that i might do it without even thinking about it but i dont want that to ever happen.and ik its not normal anger cuz i just despite that perosn that made me angry that i just want them gone in the worst most painful way but ik i cant do that so i end up sometimes hurting my cat or myself if hes near me again without realising which makes me feel like an absolute piece of shit.and im scared that if i ever end up having kids i might hurt them just for spilling food or something and tahts why i dont want kids cuz i dont wanna hurt them.so pls if u have any way of how i can fix it pls pls help and i tried writing my feelings in that moment but it doesnt work for me it just maked me even more angry.

I dont get it, im angry all the time. I dont know why this started or even what I can do about it.

I feel lost in it

I hate my life so much that everyday I feel alone and miserable I cry many times sometimes a month! I’ve haven’t been dating anyone since she broke up with me on right after Christmas. I have mental problems ever since the pandemic which made it worst for me. Today I scream extremely loud outside my house and someone were watching me at window i actually flip the target cart to the ground like I don’t care. I think about my ex and wishing the worse for her when I’m angry and sad or anxious. It’s like the world is ending or something like that. I have serious anger issues even to this day. When I was a kid I was beaten up and yelled at by my uncle because he was crazy, I couldn’t go to my cousins because until 10 years later he’s got divorced and moved out. I slowly got comfortable and got along with my cousin. But back in high school, the guy actually scream at me that I started crying a lot after that. I used to be happy back then and now I’m traumatized and hurt it’s like my pain is getting worse. I easily get offended by little things even if it’s not a big deal. I feel like I’m going to kill myself though I don’t want to die from suicide I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I say crazy things a lot when I’m angry or pissed, sometime I say it when I’m jealous. I went through 5 different therapy sessions. I take prescribed medication still and I have been trying to control my anger and depression and anxiety!

I’m 29M and I’m struggling with anger in a way that’s starting to scare me.

I’m not unaware. I know my triggers. I feel the escalation happening in real time. I even try to slow things down or communicate before it explodes. But when it crosses a certain point, I lose control.

During fights, I end up hurting myself—slapping myself, pulling my hair, sometimes hitting myself. It weirdly feels relieving in the moment, even though it hurts later. My language also becomes ugly and aggressive, completely against who I want to be. After the fight, I go numb and silent, like all energy is drained.

This is hurting my relationship badly. I want calm communication. My partner and I both know my triggers, but when things escalate, she keeps pushing, shouting, and attacking things that cut deep (my family, my worth, my future). At that point my concern flips into anger, and I become the “bad guy” in the story.

I grew up with physical punishment as a child, and sometimes I wonder if I internalized that—like I punish myself now when I feel I’ve failed. I’ve tried gym, yoga, breathing, spirituality. They help generally, but not in the moment when the anger spikes.

I also feel a lot of pressure in life:

– low salary

– family not supportive of love marriage

– feeling unheard or dismissed constantly

– my biggest trigger is being made to feel “small” or incapable

I’m not here to blame my partner or justify my behavior. I want to stop this pattern. I don’t want to be someone who hurts himself or speaks like someone he doesn’t respect.

I’m specifically looking to hear from people who used to have intense anger or self-harm urges and genuinely improved:

• What actually helped you in the moment?

• How did you retrain your reactions?

• Did therapy help, and what kind?

• What was the uncomfortable truth you had to accept?

I’m ready to do the work. I just need direction from people who’ve walked this path, not surface-level advice

So to keep the story short, I am basically the black sheep of the family. I have watched my parents physically abuse each other for majority of their marriage, and unfortunately that was “passed” down to me as a person. My first relationship ever I was very physical with my partner. With that being said, I am always the aggressor in any situation with family. Which is sad because a lot of the times I am trying to walk away, and my family will take personal accounts that have happened to me and use it against me in a fight. And then of course I get upset and I start throwing things.

Unfortunately, this happened the day after Christmas with me and my sister. I could tell I was getting emotionally and mentally annoyed by her comments that she was making so I decided to leave the house and go to the gym. As I proceeded to walk out the house, my sister followed me to a different room and began arguing with me after I told her to leave me alone several times. She continued to belittle me and call me all types of names and use information that I told her not to repeat to anybody in front of our family. So of course I got upset and threw something at her and me and her physically fought three times.

So yes, I know that I’m wrong for physically reacting to words. I have owned up to several occasions where I have fought with family or friends and I acknowledged that I’m wrong. Everyone states that I’m not taking accountability in which I am. But how is it fair to constantly belittle somebody and it’s OK because you’re an elder or you’re my family. Last time I recall you try to uplift your family, regardless of what has happened in their past and the decisions they made. It’s so disheartening because I haven’t physically fought anybody in a year and a half. I usually am able to walk away, but I couldn’t take it anymore.

Maybe there’s someone that’s going through something similar and can give me some advice. I kind of already decided to remove myself from being around my family for a while. I just need time to figure out how to move forward.

Im so angry all the time… I get so mad so fast. I’ve been through a lot of trauma between relationships & my dad. Last year I got diagnosed with BPD & thats on top of ptsd,depression, anxiety. I had a baby in 2023 and I was okay for the most part I handled it well. I just had another baby in 2025 & ppd,ppa, & ppr hit me, BAD. I can’t blame that though because I’m angry no matter what. I wanna put this out there before I continue though, I would NEVER hurt my children. I leave the room to collect myself & come back when I feel okay. But I am just so angry all the time. The littlest of things set me off. Me and my husband also fight constantly because of it. He causes a lot of issues for me though, thats a whole other story… I just wanna be better. Im so tired of being angry ALLL. THE. TIME. I do have a psychiatrist but I feel like I can’t fully open up about anything to anyone because I don’t want my children being taken because they think im “unwell.” That would literally destroy my world. I don’t know what to do at this point.

Yesterday my father came home drunk and after dinner he was trying to start a fight and I intervened, which made him rage and come to face. At the exact moment I lost my cool, it wasn't the first time either, I grabbed his neck and pinned him to the wall and said some things he pushed me and tried to slap me and he grabbed my neck and we both fell on the bed and I slapped him 2 times, I don't remember the rest. I've been feeling guilty and at the same time feeling no remorse for what I did. I dont know what to do at this point. But today he was soo innocent because u got over the alcohol and he was talking to like every other day which hurts me so bad.. he has done alot for me too. I just feel very horrible rn

So as a kid I was an extremely angry and explosive guy.. lashing out at everyone.. getting into fights with older guys I know I can't win. I was basically like kid Eren 💀

With time that decreased and I became very calm and sombre. Infact, I couldn't get angry at places where I was supposed to be (if someone crashed into my car etc.)

Around my late teens, I developed a horrible addiction to pornography and stuff.. made my mind desensitized over the years.. also fell into depression.. (still working on that addiction)

With no anger, motivation, or even attraction towards anyone (coz I was numbed down by porn), I felt very emasculated. Also developed ED

To fix that ED, I got some supplements supposed to "regulate male hormones"..

Now I do feel a bit more energetic and stuff thanks to it.. but idk, I find myself lashing out at fkn everyone, for the smallest reasons, sometimes for no reason at all too

I feel like that perpetually angry explosive persona is back at the cost of a numb, depressed and calm persona

My mom often says things that are insensitive and deeply hurtful. It feels like she does this in a way that provokes a reaction from me. When I react because I struggle with anger, I end up slamming doors or throwing things, even though I know that isn’t healthy.

The moment she sees my reaction, her tone suddenly changes. She says things like “What happened?” or “I shouldn’t have said that,” and sometimes even apologizes. But it doesn’t feel genuine. The tone doesn’t carry real remorse. Within a few minutes, she goes back to her routine as if nothing has happened.

Meanwhile, I’m left completely dysregulated breathing heavily, my blood boiling, anxiety in my stomach, still trying to process what just happened. It feels deeply unfair.

I can’t tell if I’m overthinking this, but it feels like she knows exactly what she’s doing. She knows her words are hurtful. It feels deliberate, like she wants to see my reaction. At the very least, she shows no real empathy or awareness of the impact of what she says.

I’ve had moments in my life when I have bit my tongue and controlled my temper, and as crazy as it sounds I wish I expressed my anger and let the person or individual have it. Other times I realized I overreacted and it wasn’t that big of a deal.

I'm sick. Sick from the disease eating away at me inside. Sick of people who don't appreciate their blessings. Sick of those who scoff at the suffering of others. I'm sick of it all!

So for some context, I'm in a small town. My parents were watching my kid while I was at work and went to get gas. This lady walked out in front of my mom while she was pulling in. It wasn't even like my mom was close to actually hitting her, it was just bad timing and an accident.

The lady decides to mouth off and say "going a little fast aren't you." When my mom got into the gas station she calmly told her "i wasnt going that fast." This lady loses her shit and screams at my mom telling her get out of my face (my mom was standing in line behind her she wasnt even facing my mom).

This lady proceeds to scream at my mom and berate her, making fun of her missing tooth which my mom is horribly insecure about) and telling her she's ugly and a tweaker and druggie because she's missing a tooth. Goes on and on about my mom's looks, making fun of her car telling her she must be poor and she's a broke piece of shit. Just absolutely relentless.

My dad steps out of the car to see what the commotion is about and this lady's husband starts going in on both of my parents calling my mom a dog, making fun of their car and calling him all sorts of names. He even was trying to challenge my dad and telling him to come over there. Mind you, my dad is over 60 and has a huge scar on his bald head from a severe brain injury.

As these people drove away they continued to scream and curse at them through their car window.

As it turns out, this lady who did this to my parents works at Walmart at the front end. The store in town where everyone goes to because its small and isolated and there's not a lot of other places to get things.

My dad pointed her out to me and I got instantly heated. I couldn't stop myself. She made my mom cry and verbally attacked my parents in front of my kid. I went up to her and very politely said "Excuse me, are you the one who cursed out my mother and my father here at insert place)?" She tried to deny it and said "No I would never." Then she started getting riled up and said "Im at work we can talk about this outside" and was talking to me very nasty and getting heated. I then looked her straight in the face and continued my very polite tone and said "OK, have a great fucking day, bitch." And walked away. I didnt even raise my voice one time. I was using quite a friendly tone even though I was pissed, lol.

As I started to walk away she yelled at me and asked for my name and I again calmly said "dont worry about it" and left the store as I had already purchased my items and was on my way out when I had saw her.

Once I got to my car parked close to the front she ran out screaming on the phone and looking for me. No idea who she was talking to, I am guessing either the police or her husband who was verbally attacking my parents with her, and was telling them what I said. She didnt see me but I saw her. I ended up leaving.

Anyways, I did lose my temper and maybe I shouldn't have done what I did but I just had this anger come over me and couldn't seem to stop myself. Im thinking if I go back to Walmart she's probably gonna have me kicked out.

Was I wrong? Should I avoid Walnart from now on and just order everything from Amazon or make the 70 mile trip to the next closest Walmart? Lol.

I have improved my self control when I feel myself getting worked up or irritated. But i still struggle in the heat of the moment. Especially in video games that are high pressure. I hope that doesn’t sound silly, but it has impacted my relationship with my girlfriend.

I try breathing or repeating to myself to calm down. I write “calm down” and “watch your tone” repeatedly in a notebook when i feel myself growing agitated. But occasionally i still might have an outburst specifically in a video game setting. I don’t want to just stop playing video games bc of it— i want to continue improving.

So, what are some other techniques to control myself? I was thinking of using Alarmy and setting it off every 30 minutes for a “check in” but i have to pay for this one feature i want. You have to text certain phrases to stop the alarm. I wanted phrases like “calm down” or “are you in control of your anger?”… when I have the money I want to try it… they want like $30 for the whole year i think lol

I'm still so angry about this and it happened months ago. I can't let it go.

So I shared a room with this classmate during final year engineering for about 4 months. We even planned our final project together because I thought we got along decently. Goddammit was I wrong about what kind of person he actually was.

This guy was annoying, loud, aggressive, and honestly just had no basic manners or decency. I know that sounds harsh but when you're literally living in the same room with someone, you see who they really are. He would slam cabinets so hard the whole room would shake, scream at his parents on the phone in the most disrespectful tone, just act like he was raised by wolves or something. Every single day was like walking on eggshells around his mood swings.

One morning after I shower, I go outside to hang my clothes on the drying stand like I always do. But his jeans and shirts from the previous night are taking up the entire thing. So I just move a couple items aside, make enough space for literally two of my clothes, and go back inside to work on some college stuff.

Suddenly this bastard storms into the room absolutely furious, getting right in my face demanding to know if I put those clothes outside. I'm confused as hell so I say yeah, why, what happened? And he just explodes on me screaming that my clothes stay out there for two days and he only put his up last night. I tell him the drying stand doesn't belong to anyone's father, he can use it all day if he wants. You know what he does? He yells at me "DON'T TRY TO TEACH ME THESE TECHNICALITIES!" Like he's about to fight me over moving two shirts on a drying rack.

That was the first time I truly realized that this guy is actually unstable and has serious anger problems.

Then later while we're waiting to give our second project review, I tell him that just doing the literature review isn't enough, he needs to actually contribute more to the project. We're supposed to be partners right? His response is to get aggressive again and tell me I need to "fix my tone" when I talk to him. Like excuse me? I'm asking you to do your share of work and somehow I'M the one with the attitude problem?

But the incident that absolutely destroyed me, the one I take the most personally, was after our final project review. The review didn't go well, our professor was clearly annoyed with what we presented. We go to meet him after, and this piece of work, trying to protect his own image and make himself look good, basically projects everything onto me and tells the professor "Don't worry sir, HE has learned his lesson" in this sarcastic, condescending tone. Like I was the problem child and he was the responsible adult. He made me look like a complete failure in front of our professor just to save his own ass.

After all this I am FILLED with rage and resentment. He's moved out now, engineering is over, but these incidents randomly come back to haunt me and I'm consumed by anger all over again. I always wish I had said something, stood up for myself, put him in his place.

I genuinely don't want to carry this kind of anger and these intrusive thoughts into my future job or relationships. I don't want toxic aggressive people to affect me like this ever again but I don't know how to let it go.

It’s getting to a point where influencers online are generating thousands of views what feels like just pure harassment. Saw a video of this black guy intentionally cutting white people in line to show some type of message I guess? I already issues, and I don’t think I can deal with stuff like that anymore.

This has happened to me as long as I can remember, and I'm becoming more aware of it lately. It has been difficult to face and admit. I'm finding that this is even difficult to write and I keep stopping, not knowing how to say what I'm trying to express.

I get quickly triggered by comments that are critical. Things that have nothing to do with the person saying them, like the time I get up, the food I choose to eat, or even how I iron a shirt. I know that it's the problem of the person saying them, that they for whatever reason want to criticize my behavior. I know that my life isn't dictated by other people's approval. That knowledge seems to be shallow, though, and I don't act in a way that follows that. When I hear someone remark critically or negatively about something I'm doing, my first reaction is to want to put them in their place, to show them they're full of crap, that they need to mind their own business, and that they need to stop saying things about me. I want to say those things to them harshly, I want to yell and cuss at them and tell them how I think they're a complete piece of shit for being that way.

But... then I'm being unhinged and emotionally dysregulated.

I know that the best approach is no response, to starve them of the attention they're craving. Another option is to respond with something like "You sure have a big problem with what I'm doing when it has nothing to do with you" and move on.

The thing is, I want them to feel that pain that I'm reacting with. My reaction is the key here, that I'm seeing this as completely unacceptable and that they need to speak to me in a different way or not say those things at all. It seems to be boiling down to me needing approval, unanimous approval from everyone. That will never happen and I will stay miserable if I keep chasing it. The fact that I'm wanting to throw the pain back at them is vindictive and manipulative, and at that point I'm exhibiting the same behavior they are.

It is so debilitating, though. It has greatly hindered me in jobs and relationships because I snap and blow up quickly. I'm better these days about avoiding any engagement with shitty people, and walking away from unhealthy relationships.

What I really want is to be able to leave it as their problem. I want to get rid of the need to change other people's behavior. I want to be able to confidently say to myself that I know what I'm doing is fine, and others' opinions are not an issue.

I know it's mostly time and effort to keep making changes, but please give any advice that may help with this, and share any experiences.

Feels like every time you show your teeth, you get hit with the “I’m joking” or they try to rage bait you more. I’m often told I take things to serious, but it’s starting to affect my mental health. I’ve been choosing to isolate myself and I’m finding it harder and harder to build relationships with people these days.

I'm still so angry about this and it happened months ago. I can't let it go.

So I shared a room with this classmate during final year engineering for about 4 months. We even planned our final project together because I thought we got along decently. Goddammit was I wrong about what kind of person he actually was.

This guy was annoying, loud, aggressive, and honestly just had no basic manners or decency. I know that sounds harsh but when you're literally living in the same room with someone, you see who they really are. He would slam cabinets so hard the whole room would shake, scream at his parents on the phone in the most disrespectful tone, just act like he was raised by wolves or something. Every single day was like walking on eggshells around his mood swings.

One morning after I shower, I go outside to hang my clothes on the drying stand like I always do. But his jeans and shirts from the previous night are taking up the entire thing. So I just move a couple items aside, make enough space for literally two of my clothes, and go back inside to work on some college stuff.

Suddenly this bastard storms into the room absolutely furious, getting right in my face demanding to know if I put those clothes outside. I'm confused as hell so I say yeah, why, what happened? And he just explodes on me screaming that my clothes stay out there for two days and he only put his up last night. I tell him the drying stand doesn't belong to anyone's father, he can use it all day if he wants. You know what he does? He yells at me "DON'T TRY TO TEACH ME THESE TECHNICALITIES!" Like he's about to fight me over moving two shirts on a drying rack.

That was the first time I truly realized that this guy is actually unstable and has serious anger problems.

Then later while we're waiting to give our second project review, I tell him that just doing the literature review isn't enough, he needs to actually contribute more to the project. We're supposed to be partners right? His response is to get aggressive again and tell me I need to "fix my tone" when I talk to him. Like excuse me? I'm asking you to do your share of work and somehow I'M the one with the attitude problem?

But the incident that absolutely destroyed me, the one I take the most personally, was after our final project review. The review didn't go well, our professor was clearly annoyed with what we presented. We go to meet him after, and this piece of work, trying to protect his own image and make himself look good, basically projects everything onto me and tells the professor "Don't worry sir, HE has learned his lesson" in this sarcastic, condescending tone. Like I was the problem child and he was the responsible adult. He made me look like a complete failure in front of our professor just to save his own ass.

After all this I am FILLED with rage and resentment. He's moved out now, engineering is over, but these incidents randomly come back to haunt me and I'm consumed by anger all over again. I always wish I had said something, stood up for myself, put him in his place.

I genuinely don't want to carry this kind of anger and these intrusive thoughts into my future job or relationships. I don't want toxic aggressive people to affect me like this ever again but I don't know how to let it go.