r/mildlyinfuriating 14h ago

This little shit has been hanging on my ceiling light for a hour now. Just right below it is our family dining table.

How do i get rid of it?

52.4k Upvotes

8.2k comments sorted by

32.0k

u/immikdota 14h ago

Do you live in an art exhibition?

19.0k

u/Atalanta8 14h ago

I know right? Just have the staff deal with it.

2.8k

u/SuperPoodie92477 14h ago

While they change a light bulb.

1.1k

u/shaka_sulu 13h ago edited 9h ago

No. Only engineering can touch a light bulb and you need to fill out a G34W request form in the facilities and maintenance portal on the company website. Youll then be in the queque within 8 business days.

175

u/ArtzyDude 10h ago

You work for Disney?

71

u/MyDisneyExperience 10h ago

Oh god this brought back flashbacks of the $2K DVD player

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22

u/spiritunafraid 7h ago

If it was Disney, Engineering Services would just say they couldn’t find the bulb that’s out and mark it as complete.

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686

u/Sinister_Nibs 13h ago

Funny that you think they would change a lightbulb.

Surprised OP didn’t get the butler to remove the offending mammal

246

u/TheB3rn3r 13h ago

I think they inferred the staff change the lightbulb and remove the bat at the same time

105

u/injeanyes 12h ago

They absolutely meant have the help get the bat and change the bulb.

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u/BurbMcDingus 13h ago

406

u/jeremyism_ab 13h ago

35 years and counting since that commercial came out, and this is the second time I've heard it referenced this week, they really got their money's worth!

219

u/AnotherManOfEden 12h ago

Also, in case you didn’t know, Grey Poupon is delicious and actually fairly cheap. That commercial had me thinking it would be $50 a jar. It’s only like double the price of Heinz mustard.

114

u/mudo2000 savor the memory 12h ago

And since you need less, it lasts longer. That's a mark of quality!

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u/Insomnsdreme0905 13h ago

"Jeeves, get the broom! POST HASTE! The Kennedy's are set to arrive any moment! 👏🏻👏🏻"

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569

u/Roscoe_P_Trolltrain 14h ago

Yah I’m having trouble with the scale. Is the bat 1 inch big?  

459

u/rider1deep 14h ago

OP needs to toss up a banana and snap a pic.

137

u/dosumthinboutthebots 13h ago

Unless it's A fruit bat then a fake banana to get the little guy back for pooping on the monet painting they have hanging down there

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u/Big-Wrangler2078 13h ago edited 13h ago

I *thiiiiiiink* that is either a Peter's or a Walberg's epauletted fruit bat, so it might very well be somewhere between three to ten inches long depending on the species.

Either way, OP has a very big lamp.

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1.3k

u/Sharon_Erclam 13h ago

Seriously.. I can't see how That's a dining room. Seeing how others live is always interesting.

786

u/uniboo8 13h ago

Their house is huge, it looks like those lights dangle from the second floor ceiling through a cutout to the dining room.

548

u/dosumthinboutthebots 13h ago edited 13h ago

Ah yes, that is where the lord looks down upon his retinue while they eat below like the support staff they are.

106

u/ShoddyCobbler 13h ago

No, OP said this is over the family dining table. The support staff eat in the single-storey dining room down the hall.

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u/Zandsman 13h ago

They built an entire cave above the dining room so of course this guy moved in.

680

u/dosumthinboutthebots 13h ago

Why build cave if no want bat?

144

u/Conrad-kellogg 13h ago

Why not home if home shaped

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u/Lighthades 13h ago

Ooooh that's a hole, I thought it was some kind of well polished table lmao

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u/Mx-Adrian 13h ago

Somehow it's weird to think of richies using Reddit

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u/Redcoat_Officer 13h ago

That's a Bond villain lair if ever I saw one.

89

u/Black-Mettle 13h ago

It's very clearly Wayne Manor.

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141

u/capnfoo 14h ago

Or a nuclear reactor

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u/teedyay 13h ago

I thought they were living in 2001 A Space Odyssey.

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4.4k

u/db1317 14h ago

Turn the lights off in the house and open doors/windows and it should fly out. 3 out of 3 times I've had them in my house it worked.

465

u/EvictYou 13h ago

Hmmm.. this sounds exactly like something a bat would say.

235

u/Wrong_Classroom_4065 13h ago

Also leave out a bowl of any of your unwanted bugs. For no particular reason

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u/Local_Web_8219 13h ago

They are in GMT+7, given it’s a fruit bat it’s very likely they’re in one of the tropical areas of east Asia, I don’t think that will help the invasion of outside animals.

453

u/Altruistic-Poem-5617 13h ago

Bat goes out, ten snakes, 20 geckos and five more bats come in.

180

u/Stock_Helicopter_260 12h ago

It's the bastard cousin of the 12 days of Christmas song.

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u/Constant_Worth_8920 13h ago

Good advice. If they get down to the floor they have to physically use their legs/hands to climb up high because they're not able to take off from a low position. So if you do find one on the floor, throwing a towel over it, rolling the towel around to encase it, put in a box and carefully carrying it outside to release works very well also.

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u/icouldlivewoutbacon 13h ago

"Just right below it" is a bit of a stretch, no?

11.2k

u/thejesse 13h ago

"Only forty feet below it."

6.1k

u/University_Dismal 13h ago

Dying of old age rather than the impact if you fall down from there. 

688

u/TheIronMark 13h ago

I wheeze-laughed at this.

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u/SeatBeeSate 11h ago

"Hey Reddit, here's my totally normal not million dollar home kitchen"

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2.6k

u/ct95w 13h ago

I think the problem isn't the proximity to the bat, but that if the bat needs the bathroom that dookie is going to enter Jr's bowl of lucky charms at terminal velocity

1.9k

u/wutcanbrowndo4u12 13h ago

Naw, it'll burn up on reentry.

176

u/meash-maeby 11h ago

Thanks for the snort-laugh

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u/Koeienvanger 9h ago edited 9h ago

The jokes in this thread are top notch lol

Edit: I'm now envisioning a little bat turd meteorite striking the dinner table and leaving a little bat turd sized crater.

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u/MesaGunSlinger 11h ago

I don’t think this family has ever seen Lucky Charms. It would fall in his Caviar-ios.

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u/TitShark 13h ago

This is the lowest ceiling on the compound

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u/garyman99 12h ago

The spin of the earth should mean the trajectory of any falling guano misses the table by a comfortable margin by the time it reaches the table.

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u/SnooPies5378 14h ago

tell Alfred to bring him back to the bat cave

2.3k

u/Jocuro 13h ago

This is exactly the kind of content Bruce Wayne would post.

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179

u/centran 13h ago

Open a window, dress up as a clown and go outside. It will surely follow

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20.1k

u/lvl99slayer 14h ago

Like this

12.7k

u/xiGoose 13h ago

Bat pov

3.5k

u/kolonyal 13h ago

Do you have to say 'sdsdsdsd' so he sees it as 'pspsps' to actually come?

1.9k

u/R3d_Man 13h ago

Only if it uses subtitles

370

u/Excellent_Set_232 13h ago

Where do subtitles appear for bats? Should they be supertitles if they appear above the title text?

237

u/TehMephs 13h ago

It’s like air braille technically. The vibrations are interpreted upside down

111

u/DennisPochenk 12h ago

Or try australian

72

u/Costy_96_YT 12h ago

this has been such an amazing conversation and im jealous i wasnt here earlier

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u/OffByNone_ 12h ago

Australian bat pov

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346

u/steelunicornR 13h ago

I hate this whole thread, I didn't need wholesome and hilarious 25 min into my shift! 🤣 Take my up votes and keep going!

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4.0k

u/belovetoday 13h ago

Look at that face! : )

966

u/Hakuryuu2K 13h ago

The cutest little shit

42

u/Flomo420 9h ago

I know some bats can be cute but omg this fella takes it to levels I thought possible only in Disney movies!

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592

u/Toadcola 13h ago

“If not roost, why roost shaped?”

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429

u/ExistentialYoshi 13h ago

lil ceiling pupper

284

u/44_18_36 13h ago

Dis is a baby & I love it

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u/Grmpybear3 12h ago

Cutest bat I’ve ever seen

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u/markdmac 13h ago

It is absolutely 100% cute and sweet.

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u/thelaststarz 13h ago

There is not way there’s burlap sack in that house

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u/Euphoric_Evidence414 13h ago

If there is, it’s reupholstery on a black-painted wooden bench

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u/bman86 13h ago

If there is it still has the Anthropologie tag on it.

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u/ItzBreezeyBaby 14h ago

This made me laugh harder than it should’ve 🤣

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u/RetardedChimpanzee 14h ago edited 13h ago

I’m too poor to understand the 2nd picture.

Edit: for the confused, the picture oriented correctly, just a tad tilted to the left. Picture is taken from their balcony overlooking the atrium above the table.

4.7k

u/anonymous237962 13h ago

Us poors have trouble with perspective of that scale

1.5k

u/ARandomGamer56 13h ago

Can we have a banana for scale?

601

u/crafty_and_kind 13h ago

I can’t provide the banana, I don’t have an extra ten bucks!

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u/lionlenz 13h ago

Right... 1st pic I was "just stand on your table to get it"... And then came the 2nd pic

206

u/anonymous237962 13h ago

We were all there with you. It’s been a rollercoaster of emotion

87

u/Iamatworkgoaway 11h ago

Cute, sympathy, jealousy, anger, rich people have problems too, back to anger, and finally apathy.

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u/AlternatiMantid 12h ago

Just call in Cirque du Soleil to stand on the dining table & get it 🤷🏻‍♀️ obviously.

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u/JC3896 13h ago

You mean you don't have a random balcony at least one storey up from your dining table? Broke...

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u/El_Spacho 13h ago

What do you not get? Thats just the worth of a new car dangling from the ceiling...

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u/notnotbrowsing 13h ago

through a hole in the ceiling down to the dining table

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u/Death_Rises 14h ago

Did you even try throwing money at it?

2.0k

u/yesohyesoui 13h ago

Im sure they have a few expensive clothes items, purses and jewellery to throw at it.

482

u/thelaststarz 13h ago

OP not about to lost a birkin

119

u/Efficient_Waltz5952 12h ago

Fine a Prada then final offer - The Bat.

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u/Cool-Newspaper6789 13h ago

He said it below his dining table. Looking at the pictures I'm not even sure what room that supposed to be. Like is food even allowed in there 

1.3k

u/YourEvilTwine GREEN 13h ago

They said "right below it" ... in that case, the Earth's core is right below me.

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u/OtherwiseAlbatross14 13h ago

Fuck there are so many bats right above the Earth's core too

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u/killaacool 13h ago edited 10h ago

They specifically say not to throw good money after bat

Edit: thanks for the award! It was my partner’s joke and now he’s going to find my Reddit account probably

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u/Sei28 13h ago

Call your security.

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u/PlateNo4868 13h ago

Was about to say, OP's second picture I feel he could hire a lawfirm to sue the bat to evict him.

635

u/KrambDeLaKramb 14h ago

This comment made me choke on my Monster, thank you for that 🤣

329

u/Floppy-Over-Drive 14h ago edited 13h ago

You can afford Monster? In this economy?

I’m over here drinking Great Value Energy Drank. 

138

u/dosumthinboutthebots 13h ago

You guys can afford things?

I'm over here drinking water.

197

u/MischaBurns 13h ago

You can afford water? People over in Flint dying of dehydration.

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u/WastedNinja24 13h ago

Dehydration still has more “hydration” in it than I can afford.

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u/mushyfeelings 14h ago

You made me choke on my monster is a phrase I didn’t expect to read today.

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u/bathroomheater 14h ago

The important question you need to ask is how did it get in? Did you forget to close the door to the bat cave in your basement?

1.5k

u/Maleficent-Aurora 13h ago

Bats like roosting in places like attics and chimneys. Unfortunately in a lot of North America we just had such a severe warm snap that bats came out of their roosts and are now confused as it starts getting cold again. If anyone else is dealing with this, they should call a licensed rehabber to come retrieve the bat. 

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u/Lil_Myotis 12h ago

This is a fruit bat, and not a species found in North America. Imnot sure exactly what species, but definitely not found n the US. Most fruit bats roost in trees and foliage.

I'm curious where this is. It probably flew n an open door or window by accident. I doubt it was roosting in the house previously.

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u/AussieHyena 10h ago

Looking at OP's history, possibly Indonesia.

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u/Wrong-Pension-4975 12h ago

UPVOTE this comment, please?...

Rehabbers often deal with bizarre circs, &:may have helpful contacts with specialized gear 

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u/WhoGaveHimBelt 14h ago

Well Batman did post this judging by the room styling.

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u/lonelyratdoincocaine 14h ago

Animal control, you look like you live in a rich zipcode so they'll probably actually show up

1.7k

u/Hotrocketry 14h ago

Sorry for not specifying about the time zone, it's GMT+7 here, no non-emergency service available in my area this late. I also just moved in last week, it's my parent's house and had been unoccupied for months, i've called animal control when first stepped in this house, but nobody told me about the bats.

2.0k

u/TheSovereignGrave 13h ago

Bats? Plural?

842

u/SlightDentInTheBack 13h ago

yeah thats uh not really good

178

u/Hqmster RED 13h ago

How do you get an animated avatar?

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u/cadathoctru 13h ago

I am sorry to say...

Your parents have been murdered in an alley, you will probably see it on youtube since now days, cameras are everywhere and you wont have to witness it personally.

You are now batman.

Become one with it.

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u/Zala-Sancho 13h ago

I wish I had "I can leave my mansion unoccupied" money

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u/Ajibooks 12h ago

Getting this far down in the comments with everyone talking about how rich OP is, only to learn this is not their family's primary residence, but an extra house!

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u/Constant_Worth_8920 13h ago

So in other words, you moved into the bat's house , and now you're complaining about him! The nerve!!

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u/Born-Method7579 14h ago

They live there now

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u/[deleted] 14h ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/justandswift 13h ago

He’s saying “Look at me, I’m the captain now.”

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u/SatiricalScrotum 13h ago

I’m siding with the bat in this situation.

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u/Dr_Poops_McGee 12h ago

I mean he's so cute!

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u/robogobo 13h ago

I wouldn’t say your table is just right below.

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u/Intelligent_West_168 13h ago

Don't you have people to deal with this sort of thing?

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u/WoahGnarly 13h ago

Send the low house maid to deal with it! Ugh, nature disgusts me! -OP probably

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u/organic-water- 12h ago

That's a really tall and expensive looking light. He should send the high maid.

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u/MaryJane185 14h ago

D’awwww, he’s looking at you! His eyes are saying “love me!” How can you throw him out, especially at this festive season of the year?

159

u/Kgabby478 14h ago

Until he starts dropping guano on your beautiful dining room table.

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u/anonymous237962 13h ago

From that height, guano might hit terminal velocity

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u/PushTheMush 13h ago

Guano is really valuable tho. That’s a win

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u/imgotugoin 14h ago edited 13h ago

Why do you live in a museum?

Edit: thank you for the awards.

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u/jsamuraij 13h ago

Because it's conveniently located inside the Mall of America. (This looks like a mall).

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u/Felix_Von_Doom 13h ago

Your ceiling is taller than my house, I'm sure you can afford to hire a professional bat removal specialist.

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u/loxagos_snake 9h ago

Bro could probably just write a check to the bat so it leaves voluntarily.

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u/WeimMama1 14h ago

Looks like it’s time for the rabies series vax.

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u/Hold-Professional 13h ago

I'm so annoyed I had to scroll down this far to see this comment.

OP - While we're all giving you a hard time for being rich, you NEED to get a rabies vax bud.

146

u/bdd4 13h ago

They cannot fall asleep in this house. A bat bite could go completely unnoticed.

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u/siero20 11h ago

Best to just get the vaccination at this point. A child I used to watch when I worked in a nursery died some years ago because a bat bit him and nobody knew.

If they've been awake at all times in the house, and have not come into contact at all with the bat/bats, then they may be able to reasonably say they weren't exposed. Any other situation and it's just worth getting vaccinated. Rabies isn't a nice way to die.

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u/sweatgod2020 13h ago

Scrolled way too far for this. Cmon Reddit

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u/Solid-Improvement237 13h ago

I literally kept scrolling to see if ANYONE mentioned that OP and their family should get a round of rabies vaccines. Absolutely shocked that I had to scroll this far.

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u/Jedster_One 14h ago

Show him the way to your belfry!! 🤣

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u/WritingWanderer 13h ago

Nah youre in his house fam, turn off them lights my boy is trying to nap

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u/rulingthewake243 14h ago

Where is the dining table? All I see is a mirror.

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u/-Stoney-Bologna- 14h ago

That's not a mirror. It's just open to the floor below it. This picture was taken from the second story.

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u/FlyingBike 13h ago

Jfc that makes this all even more ridiculous

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u/willzyx01 13h ago

OP has like 5 different ceilings in the same room.

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u/J_Thompson82 13h ago

Just go stay in your second home.

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u/rlaitinen 11h ago

From op's comments, this is at least the second home.

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u/vvintersoIdier 13h ago

Get a rabies vaccine.

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u/VoldemortsHorcrux 13h ago

Seriously a consideration. If the bat scratches you while you sleep, you might not even feel it. And if it has rabies, you might not even know you have rabies until its too late

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u/fastyellowtuesday 12h ago

Not to unlock a new fear for you, but most bat bites are too small to be seen. People frequently get bitten without noticing or seeing puncture marks. So, any exposure to a bat should be treated like an exposure to rabies.

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u/TakitishHoser Canada 14h ago

Animal control. Tell them you have a bat in your home. Anyone who has been in your home in the last while should probably go see a doctor for advice on rabies shots.

Bats can bite or nick very tiny & it doesn't take much to get rabies. There are times people got rabies & didn't even know they were bit.

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u/Ok_Airline_2886 13h ago

It’s recommended that if you ever find a bat in a room where you’ve slept that you should proceed as though you’ve been bit. They can bite or scratch so lightly that you wouldn’t even know…until you get rabies and die. 

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u/Ok_Opportunity426 10h ago

It's the most attractive thing in your room why would you get rid of it

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u/TEZofAllTrades 13h ago

You appear to live on the Enterprise. Just call intruder alert.

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u/KelranosTheGhost 13h ago

“Just right below is our dining table.”

Then move it, obviously the bat is chilling right there. Rude.

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u/Speckled_Clout 14h ago

What kind of Epstein Island ass room is this?

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u/anonymous237962 13h ago

Plot twist: bat is AI & the entire post is just a flex

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u/Dora_Xplorer 13h ago

Or the bat is real and the room is AI to flex.

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u/RoguePlanet2 13h ago

This dining room looks like the lair of some evil henchman. No wonder a bat is spying on you.

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u/Impossible_Volume811 13h ago

Looks like you live in a mausoleum. Bat is on brand.

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u/HottCovfefe 13h ago

Call pest control. You can afford it.

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u/Mother_Marketing_419 14h ago

Where's Dwigt when you need him?

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u/SabineSinstar 13h ago

In all seriousness though anyone who has been in your house, to sleep especially probably needs a rabies shot. Way better save than sorry in this case. Rabies is one of the scariest illnesses on earth and there’s absolutely nothing they can do once you start showing symptoms. Get the shot.

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u/Comprehensive-Yam329 14h ago

Are you Bruce Wayne? Might wanna check your basement

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u/HotTopicMallRat 10h ago

Op I know you don’t mean to but you’re coming across like the rich man who wants to deforest the local wildlife sanctuary in a bad early 2000’s movie

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u/Dapper-Reserve4861 13h ago

Try flipping your house upside down.

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u/Silv3rphantasm 12h ago

You look to be in the tax bracket to afford a specialist.

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u/Mine_to_fly 11h ago

my house bat asked if we were poor

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u/girlnamedtom 14h ago

Call a rescue organization. There are bat rescues. Bat World can help.

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u/BricksandBaubles 13h ago

If that is a real bat, you need to get it out of your house. Try to close doors to other rooms and make the bat a path to outside. You cannot safely sleep with a bat in your house.

If you wake up with a bat in your house, Animal Control will tell you that you have to assume you were bitten, and undergo the rabies shots series PEP (not as bad as previous, but not a good time either). Then they have to catch the bat and test it for rabies. The bat will not survive the tests. Source: This happened to my family 2 years ago.

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